A/N: Okay ladies, I have started the process of moving my stories to TWCS, AO3 and FWAR. I am bnjwl at all three places, you are welcome to look me up and follow me there.

Thanks to all the same peeps, my pre- readers, my beta's and my readers! I love writing this for you all and I can't say thanks enough that you stick this out with me!

Playlist: Never Think- Rob Pattinson, Why We Said Goodbye-Tim McGraw, Better Now-Rascal Flatts, She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5, The One That Got Away-Katy Perry, Ain't No Sunshine-Josh Hoge, Gravity-John Mayer, Underneath-Hanson

Now, this is the chapter you all have waited for so go on and read!

Chapter 11

Edward

Each and every day after I left Bella was progressively harder. Every few days I moved to somewhere new. I just couldn't find a place that brought relief from the pain of leaving her. Peace was now a foreign concept to me. Being without Bella was torture, absolute torture. I missed her with every fiber of my being. I craved her body, her touch, and her love. I longed for the times when I was able to be with her; to reach out and touch her hand, her face or any part of her. That was the one thing I longed for now…the freedom to touch her.

I spent so much time in pursuit of the right one, and it is safe to say that I found her without question. Now I see that, for as much of a build up as I put on it, well…I took the time with her for granted. It's almost funny really to look back at it.

Part of me wanted to scrap it all and run back to her immediately. I wanted to be honorable and just live out the rest of her life with her as a human, but I was so damned scared that my nature and my kind would hurt her, and end up taking her away from me.

I would sacrifice anything for her safety; to give her a normal life that she could enjoy free from pain and suffering. She deserved that. She deserved perfection, and I knew after the James incident and her birthday party, there was no way I could give her that. So, I had to let her go.

I went back three times. The first two times I didn't see her. I could smell her and knew she still lived there, but I never saw her. The last time I watched her for almost a week. I saw her several times, and she seemed to be okay. She had moved on. She was with Jacob Black. He was a Quileute but didn't seem to be one that had phased, so I walked away. I knew I had to find a way to occupy myself so that I wouldn't come back and tempt myself any more.

I decided that the best way to distract myself was to head back to Alaska with my family; to use them to occupy my time. They would all be happy to have me back, I was certainly sure of that. Each one had contacted me during the months I had been gone to ask when I would be back. I knew I would be welcomed in Denali at any time.

It took me several days to swallow my pride, but I walked back in and was welcomed back by Jasper and Emmett, immediately.

I showered, changed my clothes, and made my way back downstairs to face the entire group. I couldn't describe each spot that I'd stayed, that whole time frame seemed out of focus to me, I'm sure they understood the reason why behind it.

After a long conversation with my family, I decided to take a walk and get some air. I heard the smaller footsteps that followed me so I kept going until I heard Tanya call out to me.

"Edward, stop."

I wanted to sigh and blow her off, but for some reason I just couldn't find it in myself to push anyone away. I wanted to be with someone; to feel like I belonged to something or someone. To, hopefully, take away the ache and longing that I still felt from losing Bella.

Tanya's hand crept out and touched my arm. It wasn't warm like Bella's but somehow her touch wasn't as offensive as it used to be. I guess I finally realized that I had no choice but to move on as well. So, I turned and looked into Tanya's eyes. For the first time I really looked at her. She looked almost sad and scared, but ultimately she looked alone.

I placed my hand on hers and accepted her comfort. She sat close, and for the first time I wasn't repulsed by her presence. It was almost a comfort to have her there. She was someone that understood the loneliness. She would never be the love of my life, that spot was already taken, but she could be a partner, a companion to me.

"What is it about me that you've loved all of these years?" I asked. I wanted to know how she saw me.

"At first it was your looks, but then I realized that you are a kind soul. You care about people and want to be as good as you can be, given our circumstances, besides the fact that you're so funny without even trying to be." Her hand moved from my arm to my chest. "Then I have to admit, the more you resisted me, the more I wanted you. You became the one that got away. It made me want you all the more." She leaned in towards me. "Edward, we could be so good for each other. I could make you happy." I leaned back in shock. "I'm like you already. You won't have to worry about me and my life. You won't have to change who you are for me. I can be your perfect partner in all of this. I understand you; I've been where you are. I searched as well; I wanted…still want, someone who could stand beside me and be my mate." I turned my head away and tried to give myself some distance from her. "Edward, I know that you will never love me the way that you love her but we could be good together, I know we can."

I had a lot to think over, and I wanted some space to do that. "Give me some time; let me think for a little while. I appreciate your honesty with me." She leaned over, kissed me on my cheek and quietly walked away. I had a great deal to contemplate.

Bella was my soul mate, and I knew it. Could I move on and take what was being offered, or did I punish myself and spend my life alone?

Just as I settled down to think all of this through, Emmett walked up and sat down beside me. Out of all the people in the house to speak to about this particular topic, I thought Emmett would be the last one to be seated beside me right now. Emmett usually stuck to the funnier, lighter subjects. He didn't tend to add his two cents into one such as this, which probably meant that he was put up to it by someone else.

"So…" I slapped my thighs and exhaled a large unnecessary breath.

"So…" he repeated the action. I decided to wait him out to see his angle before I tried to debate with him, which in effect, meant that we sat silent for a few minutes, while I hoped that Emmett would gather his thoughts and decided what he wanted to say to me. "I know that you don't need my opinion, but I wanted to at least say it to you so years from now you don't say, 'why didn't you tell me that then,' you know?" I nodded and played with the minute strings that held the seams of my pants together. "I love Bella. She was a perfect addition to our family, and while I get why you did what you did, but Bro, it's making you miserable. Go and get her. She loved you, and I will tell you that real love is hard to come by. You should know; you waited over a hundred years for it. Don't blow it because of some antiquated theory of chivalry, okay?" His words rushed out, and I could see the expression of seriousness in his eyes. It touched me that he had put this much thought into the subject for me.

"Emmett, I appreciate your advice, but I couldn't live with myself no matter how it ended for her. I just couldn't. If I gave in to my love and stayed with her, she would be in danger. If I turn her, then she would lose her soul. So no matter what I'm screwed." He raised his eyebrows at me because that was much stronger language than I usually used.

"Edward, you took away her ability to decide the fate she was willing to live with. She is mature enough to decide. She knew the outcome of becoming one of us and didn't seem affected by it, so why should you have been?" His reasoning was logical enough, but I loved her too much to see her suffer through anything because of me. Her life should be perfect and wonderful, and the only way that could happen, was without me.

"I can't doom her to this life that we live. Every few years we have to move; we never get to make friends, we never get to fit in. What kind of a life is that for her?" I asked as I began to pace the forest.

"Again, that is for her to decide. I mean look at Rose and I. Do we look pissed off that every few years we have to move? Alice or Jasper, Carlisle or Esme? No, and you know why? Because we have the love of our lives with us, we are together, and that makes the difference. Love, Edward, pure and simple." He sat stone still and waited for me to respond. I was surprised that I even had to think about his words. Usually he went for a carefree, amusing outcome, so I couldn't recall a time when I had to actually stop and think about what he was thinking or saying.

"Why does this simple decision have you so worked up? She was my girlfriend, not yours. Why do you care?" I yelled, almost roared, directly in his face. I hated to think about it because it made me hope and wonder, 'what if?'

"Because," he stood and yelled right back at me, "you weren't the only one that loved her." He dropped back down onto the stump and lowered his voice. "We all love her, Edward, we did, in fact, we still do. She was the perfect completion to our family. She loved you and each of us with her whole heart. We were the family she never had, the siblings she always wanted. She made you more tolerable. She got you, and you and her were perfection together. That's why, man. You're miserable, and I don't need Alice's talent to know she is too without you. Make this right, man. Go get her before it's too late and you accept a weak substitute for the rest of your life." He turned his head back towards the cabin and called out, "No offense, Tanya."

She yelled back, "None, taken."

We sat quietly for a few minutes. I wanted to cry. This was the first time since nineteen-eighteen that I wanted a human experience. I missed the release of emotion that a good cry would bring. Maybe that was the problem; all my emotions were bottled up inside me and I needed a way to let them out.

I heard Tanya as she thought of ways to help me work out the decision. I wanted to cringe, but I saw the pure joy and adoration on her face. For the first time, I realized that she might really have had more of an interest in me, than just my body.

Carlisle walked up, and Emmett moved to leave. "Think about it long and hard before you choose." I nodded at him and he bumped my fist before he left.

Carlisle sat in Emmett's vacated spot, and I moved down beside him. "Emmett had some great points, Edward, but ultimately it is your decision to make; we can't tell you how to live your life. I understand your fear and hesitation, but without great risk, there is no great reward either. Keep that in mind." Carlisle patted my leg and ran off toward the woods to hunt. Esme moved into the woods from my left side and circled around to join him.

That was exactly what I wanted. I wanted a partner, a mate that was equal with me, which could join me and support me. Someone that I knew without a doubt could handle herself without my interference. Tanya was that person; she was already one of us; without my venom. I had no guilt over her change and never would. I could see us together and made the decision to ask her to be my wife.

I stood and made my way back to the house. Alice stepped out onto the deck and showed me a vision in her mind, it was me, I stood at the end of an aisle. I wore a tux and a smile, which could only be described as beaming. I stood with my hand outstretched toward someone. The hand that reached up and took mine caught the light and sparkled with the same intensity as mine did. It could only mean one thing; I was destined to marry Tanya Denali. I took a sharp turn and ran towards civilization. I had to buy her a ring.

My mother's ring sat in a safe deposit box in a Chicago bank, but I didn't want it. That ring in my mind had been given to Bella. I couldn't give it for Tanya. It would sit in storage until I decided what to do with it. For Tanya, I needed flashy, large and shiny. So, I made my way to the jeweler to find exactly that.

E/N: Okay so go ahead and give me the hell you want to give me, I know it's coming! Just remember we are only half way through so there is a lot left to go here! Remember that ;)

Till next time...