Chapter Eleven

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Bombay Nights

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'Bolls, don't be shy, I want to know.' Gene leaned over to Alex, groping for her in the darkness, 'bloody gear stick.'

'It's having sex.' Alex said, nestling down deeper in the passenger seat.

'Why's it called dogging though? What's so different about it?' Gene said.

'Well it's outdoors- with people watching.' Alex explained.

'Bloody perverts!' Gene said, thinking hard, 'Don't think I'm quite ready for that yet.' he watched the little group of people dissipate, 'You really think that's what they were doing?'

'Well they could be twitchers' Alex said, 'but late at night in the middle of winter I think it's highly unlikely don't you?'

Gene started up the Quattro and off they went, Alex was tired, they had been on the lookout for Warm Hand Luke for days, and had a tip off and gone to a piece of scrubby looking waste ground the other side of the river. 'Bloody wild goose chase.' he moaned, but instead of heading for home he pulled into a car park.

'What are you doing?' Alex had closed her eyes momentarily, she peered out, 'Why are we here?' something was glowing big and green. 'Asda?'

Gene leaned over again, 'Thought we might start a new craze.' he whispered, 'Asdaing'

'You know most couples have a hen and stag night before their wedding.' Alex said, 'I get lumbered with a quick fumble in a supermarket car park after a non-productive stake out. It's not even open. We're short of milk.'

'Come on' Gene breathed heavily in her ear, 'Pretend we're teenagers and have to get it anyway we can.'

'You'll need to grow a few zits then.' Alex giggled, 'Also you'll have to prematurely ejaculate, hopefully not all over my jeans.'

'You sound as though you have delightful memories of your teenage years.' Gene pulled her towards him and she winced as the gear stick dug into her ribs. 'No upstairs outside only for you then?'

'Crispin Applewood.' Alex whispered, 'His mother was a happy hippy, I think she breast fed him until he was about twelve.'

'Bloody hell!' Gene snorted. 'If you'd married him you would have been AA.'

'No chance!' Alex said, 'He believed in free love, in fact he believed in free everything, he was very light fingered…'

'So he was your first?' Gene asked.

Alex nodded, 'I'm not proud of it. At eighteen I was pretty clueless. What about you?'

Gene puffed up proudly, 'Cynthia Dawson, quite a catch she was, hard to pin down.'

'You pinned her down?' Alex tried not to get excited.

'No- she was hard to get- all the other lads said I had no chance- but guess the old Gene genie magic was working even then.' he slid a hand deftly under Alex's jacket.

'No doubt you were as modest then as you are now too.' Alex said.

'So' Gene asked with a green tinged glint in his eye, 'We gonna do this? Because this little chat has made me right horny'

'What a change' Alex giggled, 'We might get caught though- don't plod patrol around here sometimes?'

'They'll be waiting on a vindaloo at Bombay Nights around this time' Gene said, undoing his belt and unzipping himself, 'come on, saddle up.'

'It's not going to work' Alex puffed a few minutes later, 'I'm all squashed up and my bum will be going up and down in full view of everything. The stupid steering wheel's in the way.'

'We'll get in the back.' Gene decided. 'Get off me then!'

'You're such a gentleman.' she moaned as he cast her aside.

'Well I thought you were more bendy than that Bolls.' he told her, sounding disappointed.

'Ring up bloody fluffy Elaine and tell her you want to meet a contortionist.' Alex huffed.

'Why do you always prefix her name with bloody fluffy?' Gene smiled, 'Little bit jealous that she used her initiative while you dithered about?'

'This pre nuptial nooky is looking more and more unlikely.' Alex warned him.

'And premature ejaculation is looking more and more likely' Gene said, 'Just get in the back quick or I'll stick it in your ear.' he held his trousers together with one hand and groped her arse with the other as she climbed into the back of the car.

But when they had finally got in and he was propped up against the back seat side window with a huge erection waiting only for her Alex suddenly became altogether more enthusiastic, 'Ooo Mr Hunt' she breathed, 'what a large and very ..um… green member you have.'

Gene looked down in horror, the light from the Asda sign had turned his cock green.

'Not a little green man' Alex said, 'A big green man.' as she straddled him. 'Oh yes!' she cried as she slid onto him.

'I'm taking you out of this world.' Gene laughed, as she moved on top of him and he located her left breast, guiding it to his mouth.

oxxo

Liam had made himself a stir fry that evening, and jazzed it up with some wild rice and a bit of homemade lemon sauce. He had just finished eating when he heard someone at the door. He felt slightly alarmed, someone was definitely trying to get into the flat, there seemed to be two of them, as he could hear them talking to each other.

In the end he crept to the door and listened.

'Why would I have a hair grip? It's my bloody flat, and I'm not knocking the door down, twonk! Anymore bright suggestions?'

'We could go to mine.' a low male voice replied- cautiously .

'Who's there?' Liam tried to sound big and manly.

'Open up, you're bloody trespassing!' came the indignant reply.

'Ray?' Liam asked.

'Just open the fucking door.' the northern voice ordered.

Liam obeyed, and as soon as he had, the big blue eyed bear of a man who had haunted him pushed in, carrying a suit in a long bag, followed by a slighter dark haired man, also trailing a bagged suit over his shoulder and looking dumbfounded and slightly apologetic.

'What you doing in my flat?' Ray asked, 'hang on, I know you, you're the nancy streak of piss who kept snooping in my diary.'

'Sorry' Liam said hurriedly, 'I stopped as soon as you said. Um, aren't you a ghost?'

'Do I look like a bloody ghost?' Ray replied huffily.

'He's not a ghost- no sheet.' the younger man added- uncertainly.

'You still haven't said what you're doing in my flat.' Ray said to Liam, as Chris headed into the kitchen and began helping himself to the remains of Liam's supper.

'Didn't know you even kept a diary' he suddenly remarked to Ray through a mouthful of noodles.

'Yeah well, I don't tell you everything.' Ray looked embarrassed.

'DCI Hunt gave me the flat.' Liam said, 'Are you Chris Skelton?' he asked the man who was ravenously wolfing down anything he could find in the little kitchen.

'Roger that' Chris grinned, spitting green pepper.

'The Guv gave you my flat!' Ray pouted, 'Bloody hell, I'm starting to wonder why we bothered coming back at all. Didn't even ask me to be his Best Man and gives my flat to a bum bandit. It's lovely to feel so wanted.'

'I came back to see if I could find Shaz.' Chris said, putting the kettle on and getting mugs out of a cupboard, 'Got any biccies?'

'Sorry' Liam said.

'Cake?' asked Chris hopefully.

'Sorry- there are some rice cakes though I think, top cupboard.' Liam said helpfully.

'Bugger me, I'm only gone a week or two and I come back to find bloody Delia Smith's moved in.' Ray lit a cigarette, he looked around, 'It looks bigger somehow.'

'That's because I tidied up, you're quite messy really.' Liam said.

Chris was chewing disappointedly on a rice cake, 'don't taste much like rice pudding.'

Ray went to the cupboard looking for beer, looking disgusted as Chris handed him a mug of coffee, 'I need a drink.'

'Got a bottle of Absolut ' Liam offered.

'Absolute what?' Ray asked.

'It's vodka.' Liam said.

'Oh go on then, if you're twisting my arm.' Ray said ungraciously, going off into the bedroom and muttering about soft poncy southern drinks, 'What happened to my camouflage duvet cover?'

'Shaz was at the station today.' Liam told Chris, 'She was hoping you'd be back soon.'

'Fab!' Chris grinned, 'Who are you again?'

'DS Liam Bell.' Liam reached out a hand to shake and Chris passed him the remains of the rice cake.

Ray stood at the door to his bedroom, 'You're a DS? Well, I'm a DI, so I'm your superior'

'I'll try not to act in a disrespectful manner.' Liam said wryly, 'Come on, have a drink.'

Ray sat on the other end of the sofa, looking uncomfortable, 'You'll need to start looking for somewhere else to live.' he told Liam, 'I'm not sharing with you, I wouldn't dare bend over in my own home.'

'Sorry to disappoint.' Liam leaned towards him , 'but I'm a little more discerning than that, you're most definitely not my type.'

'What's wrong with me?' Ray asked, sounding rather hurt.

'Well you're not gay for a start.' Liam grinned, 'Or are you?'

'Course I'm bloody not.' Ray said spiritedly, 'Do I look like a raving woofter?'

'Well, yeah, a bit.' Liam told him.

Chris nodded.

'Jesus' Ray glared, 'Call yourself a mate?'

'It's the tache' Chris remarked, looking for confirmation from Liam.

'You look…. confused.' Liam suggested tentatively. 'kind of …lost.'

'No- I'm not confused.' Ray said, knocking back his vodka, 'You're the bloody confused one, I know exactly who I fancy and they haven't got dicks.'

'Jailbait mostly' Chris added.

'Not all the time.' Ray said, 'What is this - slap Ray day?'

Liam poured three more vodkas, 'Let's change the subject shall we? Live and let live? I'll be tidy and gay- you'll be messy and …undecided.'

'I am not undecided!' Ray said loudly, knocking back the vodka before Liam had a chance to add any tonic water. 'You bring a bird in this room now and ask her which one of us is the most masculine, she'd choose me, no messing.'

'It's not about who's most masculine, it's about being comfortable with your sexuality.' Liam told him gently, 'I have no problem with being a queer, gay, bender, woofter or whatever you like to call me, I am perfectly settled with who I am, and I don't think you are.'

'Well- you don't even know me.' Ray said, 'sod this, I'm hitting the sack- just as soon as I've found my duvet cover.'

Liam looked sheepish, 'I er….gave it to a charity shop. I've got some clean linen though, I'll get it for you. He stood up and rushed to the airing cupboard, pulling out a set of bed linen in a geometric design, 'Manly enough for you?'

Ray nodded bleakly, 'Next? You made of money? What's wrong with the stuff off the market?'

'Nothing' Liam said hastily, 'This is off the market- knock off Next I reckon.'

Ray nodded, but still looked suspicious.

Half an hour later he was in bed and Liam and Chris were still drinking vodka in the sitting room. Chris listened to Ray's gentle snoring and smiled warily at Liam.

'What was it like?' Liam asked. 'You know, where you were?'

Chris thought for a while, 'I can't really remember- it was safe- warm and safe- nothing to worry about- but I did worry because Shaz wasn't there with me. This is just weird now, being back…..' he tailed off and then said quite sadly, 'Don't feel safe anymore.'

Liam poured him more vodka, 'You'll be OK' was all he could think of to say.

An hour or two later Chris decided he'd better go in search of Shaz.

'You can't' Liam said, 'It's the middle of the night and you're pissed. Get your head down and wait 'til morning. Shaz is fine, she's got a bed-sit.'

'I went to her old place and it was boarded up-redevelopment.' Chris said as Liam handed him a blanket, 'Guess that made me more worried.'

Liam, on the uncomfortable chair, pulled a blanket over himself, 'Get some kip, big day tomorrow.'

'Can't believe Drake and the Guv are getting hitched.' Chris sounded more cheerful.

'Neither can I.' Liam said with grin, 'The lion has finally been tamed.'

oxxo

'No!' Alex pushed Gene away, 'For goodness sake we're getting married in a few hours, I need my sleep.'

Gene sighed heavily in the darkness, 'Can't believe you're turning me down.' his cock pressed insistently on her thigh. 'I'm your Guv- you're supposed to obey me without question.'

'Yeah right!' spluttered Alex, pulling him into her arms, 'I knew I should have stayed at Shaz's tonight.'

'I'm worrying about tomorrow. The top table.' Gene muttered into her neck, 'I need you to take my mind off it.'

'You're worrying over nothing.' Alex reassured him, 'They'll be there.'

'I keep seeing three empty seats.' he said quietly.

Alex opened her legs and guided him into her, kissing his neck gently, 'They'll be there.' she whispered.

oxxo