{Here's a little quickie for you guys, continuing from the previous chapter. (I re-uploaded Chapter 9, correcting a couple of typos that I could find, but it's still the same, save for a few extra words.) Anyway, enjoy!}

Chapter Ten

"Okay, I've got a few bones to pick with you," I said.

The Cheshire Cat began to groom himself as though I wasn't there. This didn't cause me to really fret, however, because what other reason did he have to sit there but to listen to me?

"First of all, I have no friggin money!" I said. "What am I supposed to do for income? How am I supposed to eat?"

The Cat shrugged and licked a paw. "Go get a job, you good-for-nothing vagabond. People like you are ruining this country."

"Oh yeah," I said, "which brings me to my next point. Where the hell are we, exactly?"

"Disney High School, of course. Duh."

"No, I mean, are we in a country or a kingdom or what? Are there states and counties and cities? I've heard the word 'province' thrown around." I frowned, a terrifying thought entering my mind. "Oh God…are we in Canada?"

The Cat arched an eyebrow. "What do you have against Canada?"

"ANSWER ME!" I screeched.

"Who are you yelling at, boy?" asked a familiar hissy voice.

I turned to see Jafar standing there, glaring at me with suspicious eyes.

I looked over at the Cat, who was grinning in what looked to be plain sight, but I knew better than to assume he would pass up this chance to make me look insane. Jafar clearly couldn't see him.

"I'm, uh, on the phone," I said.

"No you're not."

"…yes I am."

"No. You're not."

So we were doing this little dance again.

"It's called a Bluetooth, man!" I said in mock exasperation. "It's all the rage with kids these days; you should buy one. Really helps with hands-free talking, especially when you're driving."

"Don't you condescend to me, you little twit," he snapped. "I've heard some rumblings that you're already making unpleasant waves at our school."

"How could you know that?"

"I have my ways, boy, believe you me. If you have any semblance of a brain in that hollow little skull of yours, you'd do well to avoid Aladdin Ababwa and his crowd. He's a walking expulsion; it's only a matter of time. I assume you want to survive to graduation, do you not?"

"Well, yeah…"

"Then do as I say, boy. Or you'll be fast joining him on his path to destruction."

I watched him skulk off before resuming my conversation with the stupid Cat.

"Thanks for helping me out there," I said, "you know. At all. In any way, shape, or form. I appreciated that."

He was grooming his stomach. "Don't mention it."

"Yeah, screw you, Cat. So what godforsaken country am I in? America? Uzbekistan? Canada? Where?"

"Okay, seriously, what's your deal with Canada?"

"They just remind me of having this, like, polite, responsible, well-mannered cousin who always brings the best beer to the party, and who you could totally beat up on if you wanted to, but if you did, everybody would think you were a giant asshole and wouldn't talk to you anymore, and the stupid cousin would probably still just end up forgiving you anyway because he's so goddamn polite…and who do they think they are with their free healthcare and clean streets? I hear they don't even lock their doors. Also, they talk funny."

The Cat stared at me for a few awkward seconds.

"What?" I asked defensively, breathing heavy.

"Are you finished?" he asked.

"Yes…"

"No, really, if you want to continue going off on some bizarre anti-Canadian tangent, please, be my guest. Don't let little old me stand in the way of this sad display of mental imbalance. Go on."

"Okay, okay, I get it, I'm a moron. Just answer me."

"You're in the United States, of course. What's more Disney than America? That's basically the extent of what I can tell you, though."

"Are you kidding me? I'm like an alien who crash-landed onto Earth; I know nothing about this planet whatsoever. I'm more ignorant about the world's political climate and history than an autistic pre-schooler. You've gotta throw me a bone here."

"I've thrown you plenty of bones," said the Cheshire Cat huffily. "But you let them saunter away without so much as getting to second base. That's not my fault."

"Just give me a crash course on the basics! Who's the president? Is there a king, or something? What state are we in? WHAT YEAR IS IT?"

"Why don't you go crack open a book if you're so thirsty for knowledge?!" snapped the Cat. "The city library is only a few blocks away. Go dive right in."

"You bastard! Where am I supposed to go for shelter? Where am I supposed to find clothes to wear? How do I make enough money to buy anything?"

"Go sell your body on the street corner for bread money," he sneered. "I don't care. Maybe you'll inadvertently cross off a name on the list, if you don't get shanked in a back alley first."

"I don't even know who's on the stupid list!"

"Oh yeah. That reminds me. Look in your jacket pocket. It's in there."

I shoved my hand into the pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. Of course, nothing was written on it.

"This is blank."

"Of course it is. You haven't seduced anyone yet."

"…the fuck, man?"

"When you conquer someone on the list, their name will magically appear on the paper, crossed off. See how it works?"

I stared at him for a few moments.

"You're really, really annoying."

"I can take off my head!" the Cheshire Cat said suddenly. "Wanna see?" He promptly removed it from his shoulders and started to toss it up in the air like a beach ball. "Here, catch!"

He spiked it at me like it was a volleyball. I caught it and glared down at his dopey grinning face with an intensely burning contempt, knowing that I probably wasn't going to get anything else useful out of him for the time being.

"Why, hello there…" he said pleasantly. "How do you do, good sir?"

"Go choke on it," I said. Then I took his head and punted it up and away.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" he hollered as his head somersaulted through the air, landing out of sight in a faraway grove of bushes. I chuckled to myself as his body jumped off of the bench and then angrily flipped me off.

"Yeah, have fun."

His chubby body took off after its missing head. I would have liked to stay and watch him stumble around looking for it, but I decided I needed to find a friendly face I could latch onto who could maybe help me find a place to stay for the night.

My mind instantly went to Belle, for some reason. I trusted her the most out of everyone. But was she even on campus anymore? The Cat had mentioned the library being close by, and Belle had said that's where she worked. I figured it was as good a shot as any. But how could I find it?

She wasn't over by our lockers in the English building, and she wasn't walking around campus anywhere that I could see. Most of the students not in a sport had either left or were in the process of leaving, especially the seniors.

It wasn't long before I felt like a pinball without a pinball machine. I was bouncing and rolling around without making contact with anyone or anything. (I assumed Gaston and the other jocks who might want to pound me into the dirt were all at football practice already, so that gave me a little relief.)

Fortunately for me, I saw a tall shapely girl with tan skin and long black hair pulled back into a ponytail come jogging by. It was Pocahontas, and she was clad in pretty revealing workout attire. I could definitely appreciate that.

'Thank God for small miracles.'

I waved at her and she smiled and waved back but didn't slow down.

Damn it. That meant I had to actually run after this chick. I hated running. I might lift weights now and then, but you'll never find my lazy ass doing cardio. (The writing man's burden.)

I began to jog anyway and it didn't take long for Pocahontas to see me keeping pace next to her. She gave me one of those looks that girls love to give guys when they're doing something weird or stupid, and pulled out an ear bud of her iPod (or whatever music device she was hooked up to.)

"Still wanna know what a 'blue-corn moon' is or whatever?"

"No, I'm over that," I said. "I mean, unless you know the answer."

She made that 'you're an idiot' face again and started to put her ear bud back in as she picked up her already brisk pace.

"Wait!" I protested. "I was just-wondering-if you knew where the-library-was..." The running was already making me out of breath.

"You're already breathing hard?" Pocahontas asked disapprovingly. "You barely started running."

"I'm not in running clothes!"

"So?"

"Just answer my question before I get a heart attack!" I gasped.

"You really should get in better shape."

"Oh my God."

"Relax, buddy. It's right next to the English building over there."

"No," I puffed. "I mean the city library. I heard it was close by."

"Oh, that. Just take Main Street until you get to Town and turn right."

"Sweet," I gasped. "Thanks."

I stopped and doubled over, hands on my knees and breathing like an asthmatic hippo, while Pocahontas just laughed and bounded away. She hadn't even broken a sweat.

Girls like that were like marathons in the bedroom. Not that I knew or anything.

After finally catching my breath, I decided I might as well head for the library. If I was lucky, Belle would be there and I could ask for her advice on finding a place to crash for the night. If I was really lucky, she'd let me spend the night at her place. Maybe I'd even get to share her bed!

But of course, that would just be too easy.

{So, we're moving along, slowly but surely. Finally about to leave the school behind, at least temporarily. As always, all reviews are appreciated! (Since I kinda rushed uploading this one, feel free to point out any typos or errors that might have slipped past me. Hemingway was probably talking about me when he said, "Write drunk, edit sober," but I edit like a drunkard anyway sometimes. Oh well.) Thanks, everyone! :) }