Warning: This chapter contains spoilers for the anime Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion. Ye be warned.

Chapter Eleven: How to Gloat

Aizen was beginning to tick Ichigo off. He observed the smug jackass regenerate from a self destruct attack from Yamamoto. And a full power point blank Getsuga Tensho. With little explanation beyond 'the Hogyoku makes no sense whatsoever'.

"So you see Ichigo Kurosaki. Not only am I so powerful than any attempt to harm me would be futile, but even if you do somehow manage to hurt me I will regenerate from-"

"YES! I GET IT ALREADY!" said Ichigo. "You're invincible! You've fused with Deus Ex Machina machine! And your bankai is the ability to COMPLETELY ignore the rules of the universe! I understand! You don't need to keep hammering the same fucking point anymore! God you're terrible at this!"

"You say I am terrible at this, even as you admit to my overwhelming power-" said Aizen, raising an eyebrow.

"I wasn't saying that you weren't a threat." replied Ichigo. "I was saying that you are terrible at this whole gloating thing. There is a skill to making evil gloating cool, and you sure as hell don't have it!"

"What?" said Aizen, sounding actually surprised right there. "But I effortlessly defeated Yamamoto-"

"Which might have been cool, had you done so with style." replied Ichigo. "Word of advice, Aizen. Being completely unfazed by something which isn't a threat doesn't give you style points! Doing so when your effortless beating everyone through the power of just making shit up is not cool! It just makes you look like a smug jackass! If you want to say that you're more powerful than someone than say it! Don't spend three hours making the point! You have to be concise!"

Aizen sniffed with disdain. "Oh, and I suppose that you've seen someone far better at evil gloating than-"

It was at this point that reality itself seemed to warp to the left of them.

{Let's me just stop the narrative here and explain what comes next.

You see, the recent battle in the Fake Karakura town had involved a great deal of power. So much that it had weakened the walls of reality. The world in question was one where the American revolution failed. And the French had actually managed to win the battle of Trafalgar.

As a result of these changes, the United States of America never existed. In its place was formed by a genocidal Empire which proceeded to wage a lot of very bloody wars to take over the planet.

While the Empire was beaten back, there came a time a new Emperor came right the fuck out of nowhere. He proceeded to take over the entire planet in the course of about a week. Despite being an out of shape megolamaniac who couldn't lift a box of pillows.

It is a strange coincidence that the walls of the world would break down just in the right time and place. In this way both Ichigo and Aizen could see the speech he made up on the spot after taking over the world.

My own belief is that the universe has a sense of karma, and decided to give Aizen a heavy dose of it.}

They glanced over to see a massive castle-like structure. It was floating over a burning mountain. Great humanoid machines fought with chainsaw blades and energy shields. Then a burst of violet fire appeared in the midst of the battle. It wiped out hundreds of the machines in a single moment.

The machines stopped and gazed up as a voice clear and terrible range out.

"Attention entire world! I am Lelouch Vi Britannia, Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire and your only ruler!" Lelouch waited just a moment. The machines below realized what was happening before he continued. "Schneizel has surrendered to me! As a result of this, I am now in command of both the Damocles and the Fleija weapon! And even the Black Knights do not possess the strength to oppose me now! If anyone dares to resist my supreme authority, they shall know the devastating power of the FLEIJA's! Those who could challenge my military rule no longer exist! Yes… from this day! From this moment forward! The world belongs to me!"

There was one terrible silence. All those within the world looked upon the fortress Damocles and despaired. For what could any man do against such terrible power.

"Lelouch Vi Britannia commands you… OBEY ME SUBJECTS! OBEY ME WORLD!"

And all hope was lost.

Back in Karakura town, Ichigo smiled at Aizen, who stood there in absolute silence. "See, that's quality gloating right there. Short concise, and actually threatening. And from the sounds of things he's all that without having to pull any Deus Ex Machina's. Why can't you be more like him, Aizen?"

There were a few more moments of silence. Then Aizen committed seppuku out of shame for being such a blatant failure of a villain.

Authors note:

Well, I'm back. This technically speaking counts as a crossover, but I needed someone like Lelouch. I need to demonstrate the flaws in Aizen's characterization. Lelouch has a detailed backstory, complex motivations, and tons of style. He's also one of the few Anime Characters to ever successfully take over the world onscreen. This despite having arguably the worst luck of any anime character ever made. And being almost useless in a physical confrontation.

This puts him in sharp contrast to Aizen. Aizen is ludicrously overpowered, incredibly lucky, and yet utterly fails to accomplish anything. Hell, the only characters he's actually managed to kill are ones who were on his side to begin with.

If Lelouch had taken Aizens place in the Deicide Arc this is what would have happened.

Lelouch arrives, having killed Gin years ago. He has used someone who could actually be relied upon in his place. Leaving someone who you know wants you dead to watch your back is just stupid. He immediately initiates the creation of the Ouken. Meaning that when Ichigo gets there he goes into a borderline catatonic state. Lelouch uses this opportunity to blow Ichigo's head off, then goes on to kill god. And assuming Ichigo gets that far. In practice, Lelouch would have killed Ichigo years ago. Or recruited him.

But even if Ichigo grows a spine and goes into unstoppable rage Lelouch would simply retreat. He would use his instant teleportation. He would master his powers the old-fashioned way. Then curb stomp god, leaving Ichigo as little more than a speed bump.

The reason for this is that Lelouch is competent. There are all of three enemies he would not shoot dead on the spot if it became necessary. Even then he'd work up the will eventually.

So yeah, Aizen sucks at life.