This is the third installment of the Luigi series. The previous two are "The Mansion Pianist" and "Night of the Shrooboid". If you haven't read them yet, please do so!

Luigi and Melody were sitting in the mansion's master bedroom, watching a soap opera about two Bob-ombs.

"I can't go on living like this anymore! It's just not worth it!" said the Bob-omb wearing a pink bow.

"No! Please don't! There's always hope!" said the Bob-omb wearing a blue tie.

"I'm sorry, but it's time I ended it all," she said.

"No, please!" he cried.

"Goodbye, my love." She lit her fuse.

"NOOOOO!"

She exploded, much to the male Bob-omb's horror. "You're wrong! This isn't goodbye! I'm coming to see you!"

He lit his fuse and exploded too. Sad music played as the credits rolled.

"That was so stupid," said Melody.

"Stupid? Don't you like soap operas?" asked Luigi.

"Absolutely not!"

Luigi shrugged. "Whatever. I'll just watch the rest by myself."

"The rest?"

"Yeah. I have a whole box of them."

"...You're not planning on spending the whole evening watching these things, are you?" Melody asked, wincing.

"I am, actually."

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Well..."

"Oh, don't answer that!"

Melody got up and left the room. "I swear, someone needs to get that ragamuffin a life! she thought. Just then, her foot hit something hard. She looked down and saw that it was a cell phone.

"A cell phone? This must be Luigi's. Looks like he dropped it by accident."

She picked it up and went through the contacts. One of them had a heart next to her name.

"Hey! What're you doing with my phone?" Luigi shouted. Melody hadn't noticed he had come out into the hallway.

"Who is this Daisy person?" Melody asked.

"She's a princess, and a friend of mine."

"Why don't go out with her instead of watching your operas?"

"Go out?"

"Yes, out. As in a date. And don't act coy with me, because I saw the heart."

There was a pause before Luigi spoke. "Okay, look. The reason I'm not dating her is that I'm insecure. I'm afraid I'll screw everything up and that she'll think I'm a joke."

"You are a joke. But a likeable one."

"Uh... Thanks?"

"Do you get along with her, at the very least?"

"Well, yeah. Pretty well, actually. She even has a statue of me on one of her racetracks."

Melody's pupils shrank. "She has a STATUE of you? You should've MARRIED this woman by now, you buffoon!"

"But I've never been on a date before! I have no experience!"

Melody scratched her chin. "Tell you what. How about I show you a bad date? Once you see a real loser in action, you'll feel better about yourself."

"How's that going to happen?" Luigi asked.

"It's easy. I'll just go out with the most obnoxious person you know."

"You'd do that?"

"If it'll get you out of this mansion, then yes."

"Well, I have someone in mind, but what makes you so sure he'll go out with you?"

"Oh, please. There's not a man alive that can resist my beauty," Melody said with a devilish grin.

"Eh, if you say so. But Melody?"

"Hmm?"

"If you want me to go out so bad, then how come you never go out yourself?" Luigi asked.

"...Because I have no friends other than you. I was dead for decades, remember?"

"But I can get you friends."

"Look, we can walk about this later," said Melody. "First, the date."

Luigi sat alone at a table in a fancy restaurant. Sitting at the table across from him was Melody. She was wearing a sapphire dress, blush, and a tiny azure bow. As they gave each other a thumbs up, a man walked in through the front door.

"He's coming! Better put on my disguise!" Luigi thought. He took out a fake mustache and...

...Wait.

"Drat, I forgot I already have a mustache! Time for Plan B!"

He took out a rubber clown nose and...

...Um...

"This won't fit on my big nose! Come on, Luigi, think of something quick!"

Luigi shoved his nose into his mouth and put his hat on backwards. Despite how ridiculous the sight was, the mystery man didn't recognize or even notice him as he walked by. "Hello. Are you Melody?" he asked.

"Yes, that's me. You must be Wario."

"I would've picked Waluigi, but I think Wario can do worse," Luigi thought.

Once Wario was seated, Melody took note of his overalls. "Your outfit is rather janky for such a fancy restaurant..."

"Oh, whoops. I forgot." Wario dug through his pocket and put on a purple bow tie.

"So... What do you do for a living?" Melody asked.

"I run a minigame company."

"That sounds fun. How much money do you make?"

"I'm actually going bankrupt because all my employees quit! They got mad because I never payed them or something like that."

"Um... What?"

A Toad waiter arrived. "Are you two ready to order?" he asked.

"I'll have a mushroom pie," said Melody.

"I'll have twenty pounds of fresh garlic," said Wario.

"Would you like anything to drink?"

"A glass of cabernet," said Melody.

"Bacon grease," said Wario.

"I feel bad for you," the waiter whispered in Melody's ear before leaving. She winced before speaking again. "So, what do you think about-"

A ringtone went off. "Hold on a sec," said Wario as he answered his cell phone. "What is it, Ma? I'm on a date. What do you mean 'yeah right'? Bah, just tell me what you called for. No, I'm not the one who keeps sending pizzas to your house. I don't know who else it could be, maybe it's one of your friends. Okay, bye."

Wario hung up. "I was lying about the pizzas," he snickered. Melody was speechless until the waiter returned. "Here's your food," he said, putting the meals and drinks down.

Wario wolfed down his garlic, much to Melody's disgust. "Well, I can tell you like garli-"

Wario burped so loud that it blasted all the dinnerware off the table.

"That's disgusting!" Melody cried.

"Eh, it happens to the best of us," said Warioa as he leaned back in his chair. Four seconds later the chair collapsed under his weight.

"That's it! I've had enough!" Melody left in a huff and Luigi snuck after her.

"Wait! You gonna eat that pie on the floor?" Wario called.

At the Mansion's Foyer...

"There! Do you feel more confident now?!" Melody snarled.

"I sure do!" said Luigi, laughing.

"Good. I've met some real zeros before, but that guy..."

"It was nice of you either way. I'll hook up with Daisy tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes, good!"

E. Gadd walked in and sniffed the air. "Melody, why do you smell like garlic?"

"Don't ask..." she said.

E. Gadd shrugged and left.

"...What did he even come inside for?" asked Melody.

"Beats me," said Luigi.

The Next Evening...

Melody sat alone at a table in the same restaurant, wearing a trench coat and fedora disguise. Across from her was Luigi, who was wearing a black suit. They gave each other a thumbs up as Daisy walked in.

"Luigi!"

"Daisy!"

Luigi's eyes glittered as Daisy sat down. He found her quite stunning in her little black dress and matching eye shadow.

"So how've you been?" she asked.

"I've been good. How about you?"

"Good."

"Nice to hear. I like your dress. It looks very good on you."

"Why thank you~," Daisy purred, blushing a little.

"He's got this," Melody thought, reclining in her chair.

Just when everyone was getting comfortable, a slender man entered the restaurant. Luigi's mustache twitched, as if it were reacting to his presence.

"Daisy, do you suddenly get the feeling something bad is about to happen?" Luigi asked.

"No, why?"

"A-HA!" went an obnoxious voice.

"Oh, no!" Luigi and Daisy cried in unison.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the green loser and the flower girl! And how cute, they're on a date!" said Waluigi.

"Who is this gangly freak? That fat guy's brother?" Melody thought.

"What're you doing here?" Luigi asked, flustered.

"Wario thinks he dropped his bow tie here, so he sent me to fetch it. I wasn't expecting this, though!"

"Just find your bow tie and go away," Daisy growled.

"Why date this wimp when you could be going out with a real man?" Waluigi asked, taking her by the arm.

"Get your hands off me!" Daisy yelled, pulling her arm away.

"Yeah, don't touch her!" Luigi barked.

"Or else what?" Waluigi asked.

"Uh... I'll... Uh..."

"Yeah, that's what I thought!"

Melody was shaking in her seat. "This guy's ruining everything! I've got to do something!"

She took her glass of water and threw it at Waluigi, but missed and hit Daisy instead. The pianist cursed under her breath.

"What the hell?" Daisy exclaimed, looking at the water on her dress.

"Ha-ha, good thing that's not a white dress!" said Waluigi.

"Melody!" Luigi scolded.

"Melody? Who's Melody?" Daisy asked.

"Um..."

"Enough games!" said Waluigi. "Daisy, how about you and me go downtown and-"

Someone poked Waluigi's shoulder. He turned around and saw Melody, sans her disguise. "I think it's time for you to go," she said, her words dripping with venom. Waluigi had other ideas, though.

"How about I take you downtown, good looking?" Waluigi asked, handing her a sapphire that was most likely Wario's.

"Honestly, now? If you want to impress me, at least bring a ruby!" she scoffed, tossing the sapphire over her shoulder. This was followed by a loud "thunk", somebody screaming "ow", and an angry Wiggler approaching the group. "WHO THREW THAT?!" he roared.

Everybody pointed at Waluigi.

"What? No I didn't-"

The Wiggler grabbed Waluigi by the neck and threw him across the restaurant. He crashed into a Pianta family's table, knocking it over in the process.

"What's the big idea?!" yelled the father.

"It was him, daddy!" said the son, pointing at the Wiggler.

The father Pianta grabbed Waluigi and chucked him back at the Wiggler, knocking him to the ground. Seconds later, the Wiggler violently stood up, sending Waluigi into the ceiling.

"YOU LOOKIN' FOR TROUBLE, BANZAI BOY?!"

"I'LL SHOW YOU TROUBLE YOU OVERSIZED FISHBAIT!"

The Pianta and the Wiggler started grabbing and throwing any object they could find at each other, including other people's tables. The whole restaurant had spiraled into chaos. As Luigi quivered in his shoes pondering what to do, Daisy clutched his hand.

"Come on, Luigi! Time to get going!"

"I second that notion!" said Melody. The three of them fled the restaurant, and as they did, a chair crashed through a window.

"That was terrible..." Luigi moaned.

Melody put her hand on his shoulder. "It's not your fault. Everything was fine up until that creep showed up. Too bad the restaurant is destroyed," she said as a table crashed through another window.

"Luigi, would you mind introducing me to your friend?" Daisy asked.

"Oh, right..." Luigi told her the whole story of how Melody was a ghost he captured during the mansion incident, was resurrected by E. Gadd, and had been living with him since. Melody herself pitched in a few details about how long she had been dead and how she was somewhat out of place in their time period as a result. Daisy found the resurrection part a bit suspicious, but gave him the benefit of the doubt since E. Gadd was involved.

"Alright, so long as she's not your girlfriend or anything," said Daisy.

"What do you mean so long?" Luigi asked.

"Oh, nothing..."

Melody nudged Luigi, bouncing her eyebrows.

"Still, the evening feels incomplete to me. Is there something else you'd like to do, Luigi?" Daisy asked.

Luigi scratched his cheek. "Well..."

At the Mansion...

"We're perfect for each other," said the Water Elemental Ghost.

"You're right. We're both floating element creatures with no features other than eyes. It's a match made in heaven," said the Podoboo.

"I love you," said the Water Ghost.

"I love you too," said the Podoboo.

They kissed. The Podoboo immediately extinguished to nothing.

"NOOOOOOO!"

Luigi and Daisy stared at the TV in fascination.

"Who would've thought we both like soap operas?" said Daisy.

"It's a match made in heaven!" said Luigi.

They gazed into each others eyes for a moment before giggling and looking back at the TV. Elsewhere in the mansion, Melody was banging her head against her piano.

Thank you all for reading what I'm pretty sure is my longest chapter yet! I hope everyone had a good E3 this year and is looking forward to this summer!

I graduated from high school on Saturday, so I should be able to update more frequently now. The next chapter will be about Shy Guy losing his mask.