Chapter 10 – Only Hope

Title based on the Switchfoot song of the same name

I waited until early morning to begin my journey and put my plan into action.

It was a rather long walk towards town and about three miles in, my feet began to ache and blister to the point where each step became torturous. The wind was bitterly cold, the sky a menacing deep gray. Recently, my mood seemed to match the weather.

I knew I would have stopped and turned back if it hadn't been for Luke on the other end. Luke suffering, Luke in pain. I couldn't allow that. He needed me, and so I continued on.

As I finally passed through the streets of Suffolk's square, I was greeted by unashamed stares and not-so-discrete glares from the townsfolk. I felt like I was under a spotlight, and all of town had turned to look at me. Self-consciously, I hurried towards the eastern end of town, where the shabby jail sat, safely hidden away from Suffolk's precious citizens.

Sitting just outside the jail was a man who certainly wasn't considered to be one of Suffolk's precious. He was slumped against the decaying wall in only a poor excuse for a shirt and trousers – thin and worn. His icy eyes were bloodshot, and he stared up at me without seeing. It seemed as though he had no control over his eyes, as they moved madly in different directions – probably the result of the nearly emptied liquor bottle he held securely in his paw. It seemed as though he was begging to be let inside the jail as a prisoner. I had to remember Luke in order to keep going through with my plan.

I practically ran into the prison, where I was met with the most unpleasant of smells – the delightful combination of manure and unwashed bodies.

"Miss, may I help you?" I turned to see a polished officer standing behind a depilated desk. His words were strained and tense, and I noticed the nervous movements of his body as he surveyed the jail.

"No thank you. I'm just delivering my mother's corn bread to the prisoners," I told him, reciting the story I had conjured up on the long trek here, "Even the lowliest of Suffolk deserves a proper meal for the upcoming holiday, don't you agree, Sir?" I smiled up at him with false sweetness, gesturing towards the basket I held safely on the crook of my elbow.

"I s'pose," He muttered under his breath, seemingly suspicious of me. I could feel his eyes watching me as I retreated towards the cells.

What I saw left me shocked.

Men and women, young and old, the sane and crazy, murderers and petty thieves alike were crowded into cages, huddling together in a way that could only be described as animalistic and savage. Their famished and dirty bodies trembled with the cold. Randomly, someone would cry out in agony or scream profanities at no one in particular, but other than the occasional outburst, all was silent. There were countless of these cells, and each illustrated the same picture of filth and injustice. As I walked down the aisle of identical cages, I suddenly felt like the odd one out, as if I were the only human present in the room. The animal, the inner beast, was brought in everyone here. It was easy to see that survival was all anyone cared about at this point. It was also easy to see that many wouldn't.

I knew it would be impossible to find him here, if I looked with only my eyes. Quietly at first, I spoke his name.

"Luke?" I asked in barely a whisper, "Luke, where are you?" No one turned around as I walked, perhaps too cold, hungry, and depressed to care.

"Luke?" I called louder, knowing no one would turn to see me, "Luke?"

"Janie?"

"Luke?" I felt my heart rise, my voice grow confident, "Luke, where are you?"

"Janie, is that you?" His voice was unbelieving.

"Yes, Luke, I'm here. Where are you?" I took off at a careless run down the aisle, hunting desperately for his voice and familiar face, "Luke?" I almost screamed, stopping as I reached the very last two cells, so that I was facing the back wall of the prison. I felt dizzy and weak.

"Jane," A gentle voice said, and I immediately spun on my heels and searched for him.

When I finally did see him, I felt as though I was going to explode. But as I took him in, I could feel a part of me wilt.

He wasn't the Luke I had known. His hair hung in grimy strands around his face and in his eyes. A thick layer of filth covered his face. He wore a smile, but it wasn't the one I had enjoyed so many times before. It seemed to shatter the muscles in his face, as though he hadn't smiled in all of his seventeen years– this grin was painful to look at. His clothes, the same he had been wearing that fateful night in the forest and during his arrest, were tattered and his trousers had been cut into jagged, knee-length shorts.

But more importantly, his unimaginably beautiful, teal eyes were vacant and empty. It was as though he couldn't believe what he was seeing – as if he couldn't believe I was here in the flesh. He looked like a zombie, his soul and heart somewhere else.

Yet he was here. I was here. And that was all that mattered.

I stood still for a moment, unable to move my feet. I watched him as he reached his hands through the bars, outstretched for me. I ran towards him with tears spilling down my cheeks.

His frozen hands caught mine, holding them tightly in an arctic grip. And for a moment, I swear I could see a glimmer of life in those eyes. I clung to that tiny bit of life.
"Oh Luke," I whispered, resting my forehead on one cell bar, my breathing raspy. I felt his lips lightly, yet still eagerly, kiss my forehead and then work their way to my temple. He released just one of my hands and used his index finger to trace my features, before resting themselves on my own lips.

"How are you?" He murmured; face mere centimeters from mine as we spoke in hushed whispers.

"Terrible," I said through my tears, clutching the cell bars tightly so as to be closer to him.

"Don't say that," He said gravely, dabbing up my tears with his thumb.

"It's true."

He sighed, "But it's not true, you know. I'm not what they say I am."

I looked at him, suddenly bewildered he could ever think that, "Of course it's not true. I'm only so terrible because you're gone, held up here for no reason."

"I won't be here much longer," He said, his eternal optimism shining even at such a dark place.

"How do you know?" I whispered, hoping so desperately that was he was right.

He paused, "I guess I don't know, not for sure anyway."

My eyes dropped to the floor as tears streamed down my cheeks. His wintry fingers found my chin and pulled it up softly so that I had to meet his concerned gaze.

"Please don't worry, Janie. I'll be out in no time, I promise you."

"How do you know?" I asked again, this time in almost a scream. I felt my face grow hot as I realized we weren't actually alone, though we did seem to be in our little bubble.

"Don't you see, Janie? Two people like us; we just have to be together. Just look at me. Here without you, I'm a complete mess. I know that I need you. And without you, there isn't any hope. Things just have to turn out all right. They will turn out all right. Okay?" His voice was encouraging, yet I could see he was trying to convince himself, too.

But he had me convinced – at least momentarily. I stretched to my tip-toes and leaned into kiss him, a difficult feat considering the iron bars between us. However, we both knew that nothing could stop us. As his hands seized my face and my lips parted, I felt all my fears and worries melt away, even on such a cold day.

Air seemed less important now as we kissed. Despite his hope-filled words, I was still uncertain about what the future held for him, for me – for us.

"I love you," I whispered against his lips. I didn't give him a chance to respond as I kissed him again.

Author's Note: This is my favorite chapter thus far! I tried to depict jail as accurately as I could, considering the time period, and I did my research. I would love it if you all let me know how I did. As always, thanks for reading and taking the time to review! It means so much to me!

-LoveWillFindYou