Surrender

On her last day in retreat, Natalia learns that she's much braver than she thought she could be and finds the right way to say what she needs to say without regrets.

I'm officially pulling things out of hat at this point because well, I'm in withdrawl. More speculation about what, where, how and when those two will get together and as usual, I'm ignoring the baby thing because well, it's stupid.

Let me know how these music theme titles are working for you, have you checked out the songs to see how they sync up? Got any that you think would be interesting? Shoot me a line. Thanks for caring.

As usual, the girls (except for the obvious add on) are the property of CBS, Proctor and Gamble and Telenext, I'll be nice.

Title: Blake Lewis-Surrender

*******************************************

Natalia scratched at the underside of her elbow, straining to see if she had a mosquito bite or poison ivy or some other horrible skin affliction. She made a face and pouted, her dimples embedding themselves in her cheeks as she sucked her teeth. She was standing outside of the administrative office waiting for Sydney, who was stocking her backpack with first aid supplies. When Sydney emerged, Natalia looked up from her elbow, the frown still on her face.

"What're we doing that you need a first aid kit?" Natalia asked, watching as Sydney zipped up the bag and slung it over her shoulder.

"We're gonna go bear wrestling." Sydney replied with a smirk.

Natalia gaped at Sydney in disbelief.

"Relax, it was a joke. You didn't know what we were doing yesterday and you liked it just fine." Sydney gave her a sideways smile and it caught her off guard. It unnerved her just how similar she was to Olivia. "Besides, I wouldn't put you in a situation you couldn't handle."

"Mhm." Natalia replied, her right hand immediately coming up to scratch her left elbow again. "I think I was bitten by something…"

"Lemme see…" Sydney peered at Natalia's elbow. It was an angry red, the small bug bite swelling with each passing of Natalia's nails. "Good job on releasing the histamine." Sydney quipped, reopening her bag and pulling out a small squeeze tube of anti histamine. She put a small dab of the white cream on her right index finger and rubbed it over Natalia's sore elbow. "Bet you're glad I have this now aren't you…there, that'll stop the itching."

Natalia watched Sydney as she applied the cream, the medicated cool radiation through her elbow. "Thanks…"

"Yep. Now, c'mon. Got a lot to do before you go home…" Sydney tossed the tube into her bag, zipped it and slung it back over her left shoulder. "I'm going to the mess hall to get some lunch and water. Do you need anything?"

Natalia thought for a moment. My cell phone…my life. "I'm gonna take a look. Where should I meet you…?"

"I'll go to your room." Sydney replied, heading off towards the mess hall.

***************************

She stared at the landline as if it were a live snake in her bedroom. Her right hand burned to reach out and dial Olivia's number but she was afraid that her jaw would lock up and the line would be silent, sending Olivia into a fit of hysteria and she would hang up. Or she would call and Olivia would answer and proceed to use every colorful word in her vocabulary.

Natalia hated those scenarios.

She dialed her own number, hoping to retrieve any other messages Olivia might have left only to find that she only had the ones she'd saved from the day she left. Her messages had stopped coming in. Natalia felt her confidence slipping; all that work towards finding her strength falling apart around her as she realized that maybe leaving was a bigger mistake than she thought it would be. She listened to Olivia's messages, the love that was in them, even when she was frustrated…She does care. She cares more than I thought she could.

Natalia hung up the phone and bit her bottom lip, debating whether or not she wanted to call anyone in Springfield besides Olivia. She had Blake. Rafe.

Rafe.

Would he even care? Has he even noticed? She reached for the phone again, her hand resting on the handset's spine. She pulled away and rooted under her bed for the dirty sneakers she'd worn yesterday. She pulled them on, laced them and reached for her cell phone. She slid it into the pocket of her jeans and made the sign of the cross before opening her door and meeting Sydney outside.

*******************************

"Did you mean what you said about it being romantic that Olivia was looking for me?" Natalia blurted out as they made their way up a winding uphill trail towards a project site. She managed to keep up with Sydney and she was secretly excited about the idea.

"No. I made it up." Sydney deadpanned, stepping over a large chunk of fallen branch. "I have no soul and find things like that trivial." She turned and extended her right hand to Natalia to help her over the partially rotten hunk of wood.

Natalia stopped mid-step, her arm in mid-air as she stared at Sydney.

"I was kidding. Yes. I meant it, now c'mon before termites and other adorable things burrow into your legs and eat your flesh." Natalia let out a squeak, took Sydney's outstretched hand braced her foot on the topmost part of the branch and hopped over. "You're really not outdoorsy at all…"

"I told you I wasn't!" Natalia replied, lengthening her strides to keep up with Sydney. She smiled and the muscles in her face felt tight; she hadn't genuinely smiled in a long time. Not since Olivia… "Why would she go through all the trouble to find me…?" Natalia whispered her breathing heavily as the trail took an incline.

"She loves you. We went through this already." Sydney replied, a hint of exasperation in her voice. "The better question is why you would go through all the trouble to hide."

Natalia swallowed hard. "I told you…"

"It's complicated. I remember." Sydney answered curtly.

"Well. I don't hear your theories getting any better than mine." Natalia shot back, an edge to her voice.

Sydney stopped mid stride and turned to face Natalia who was a few paces behind her. "My theory? My theory is you got overwhelmed when Olivia said she wanted more than you were ready to give at that moment. That with Rafe and your faith got in the way and you took the easy way out. How's that working for you?"

"You sound just like Olivia."

"Then we're both wicked logical aren't we?" Sydney asked, her head cocked to the side as she watched Natalia search for words. "Natalia. I didn't bring you up here to hound you on your decisions, but if you're going to hide behind I don't knows, it's complicated and running then you can't expect to be happy with Olivia can you?"

Natalia dug the toe of her sneaker into the dirt, burrowing as far as possible with it. She watched her foot with interest, chewing her bottom lip. "It's not as easy as running to her and saying I'm sorry."

"It is if you say it right."

Natalia looked up to the canopy in exasperation. "Olivia. Means everything to me. I want to give her everything she deserves but…I don't know what that is. I don't know if it's sex, I don't know if it's love I don't know if its…" she searched the canopy for the right word.

"Enough?" Sydney offered, watching as Natalia stared up into the tree line, the shafts of light that made it through the leaves casting shadows a light on her face.

"Yes…"

"Obviously just having you in the same zip code is enough for her."

Natalia made a face and lowered her gaze from the canopy to Sydney. "I ran because I can't handle it."

"BREAKTHROUGH!" Sydney crowed, clapping animatedly, the sound echoing through the forest. "How do you feel now that you said it out loud?"

"Stupid." Natalia admitted with a shrug. "I already knew that's why I ran…"

"Yeah but you didn't say it out loud. Which means…you have something to say to Olivia when you get home."

"Yeah because she's going to be real understanding to that. 'I left because I'm scared and can't handle this.'" Natalia scoffed, folding her arms across her chest, kicking at a rock and sending it skittering across the dirt.

"It's a start." Sydney replied. "C'mon, we're not too far from your first big project. I promise you'll find a better way to say what you need to say."

*****************************

When they reached the clearing, Natalia was rubbing her side as she took deep gulps of air. She took the water bottle Sydney held out to her appreciatively and waited for the pain to ebb before twisting off the cap and chugging. Thirst quenched, she looked up and noticed that Sydney was suspected three feet in the air, bouncing on a long rope, and her hands above her head holding another rope for balance.

"What the hell is that?" Natalia asked, her eyes wide.

"Rope bridge." Sydney answered, hopping from the single braided rope to the ground. She jogged over to Natalia, a grin on her face.

"Where's the bridge part?"

"Where I was standing. C'mon, I just tested the weight on it so you'll be fine…not that you're heavy or anything…"

"That's not comforting at all." Natalia replied, still staring at the structure that was suspended between two trees, the support reinforced by two steel rods that were embedded deep into the earth at the root of the tree. There was a platform on both sides. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Well." Sydney replied, taking Natalia's wrist and leading her towards the platform on the right. "You put one foot in front of the other, balance yourself and you go from point a to point b without falling."

"And if I fall."

"Well it's not lava, so you won't die." Sydney replied, hoisting herself up onto the platform.

Natalia glared at Sydney as she stood on the ground, looking up. "Okaaayy…you just start over again. It's simple."

Natalia stepped onto the platform and stared down the ropes. She chewed on her bottom lip.

"I'll go first if you want." Sydney replied, watching Natalia shift nervously.

"Yeah…" Natalia replied absently, watching Sydney as she braced her left foot on the bottom rope, her left grasping the overhanging rope. She put her full weight on her left as she brought her right hand and foot onto the rope, which sagged slightly under the weight.

"Okay. So the trick is to move your hand when you move your foot. I can get fancy and cross my ankles over each other when I go across but I won't do that…" She stood with her legs shoulder length apart, her arms over head and grinned at Natalia. "See. It's easy." She bounced on the rope, sending rippling waves down the line.

Natalia swallowed. It was a considerable distance between where she stood and where Sydney was heading.

"You just have to slide your hand with your leg." Sydney demonstrated, her left leg sliding along with her left hand, wobbling along as she went.

"What am I supposed to learn from this exactly?" Natalia asked, trying to build up the courage to take hold of the rope.

"You're supposed to learn…" Sydney replied through an exerted breath, "Balance." She turned her head to see if Natalia was joining her on the line; she was in the middle of the line and moving quickly towards the other platform.

"Couldn't we just do that on a straight line on the ground?"

"Nope. That's the easy way out." Sydney grinned. "C'mon, just put one foot on the line, one hand up top and guide yourself across."

Natalia took a deep breath and braced her foot on the rope. Sydney stayed still, watching as Natalia repeated her example. She stood on the rope, her legs splayed and arms wobbly as she took a half inch step towards Sydney.

"There you go." Sydney encouraged, watching as Natalia slowly inched along the ropes, eyes narrowed in concentration. After fifteen minutes of navigating, wobbling and nearly tumbling from the line, Natalia joined Sydney in the center of the rope line, the ropes bowing under their combined weight. "How you feeling?"

"My hands hurt." Natalia blushed, looking up at her red aching palms.

"Least of your problems." Sydney replied with a smile before resuming her trek across. "Feeling braver?"

"Not really…" Natalia replied, looking down and groaning. "Shouldn't there be a net or something down there?"

"It's not that high up, I jumped it before." Sydney replied, pivoting and balancing one foot behind the other, her hands above her head, back towards Natalia.

"Is that you showing off?" Natalia asked, watching as Sydney continued ahead of her, effortlessly crossing the line like a gymnast on a balance beam.

"No, just giving you room to move." Sydney called over her shoulder as she opened up the gap between them, practically sprinting the last few feet towards the far platform.

Natalia wobbled in the middle of the ropes, her arms aching from the awkward position above her head, her knees shaking from the near constant movement of the rope beneath her feet. She tried to steady herself, her heart rate picking up as she slid her left foot along, right foot following suit.

"There you go…" Sydney urged. She was seated on the platform, her legs dangling with her shades perched on top of her head.

Natalia's jaw clenched as she negotiated the ropes, wobbling and nearly falling backwards off of the ropes. She kept her eyes focused on the rope overhead, watching her left hand move slowly, grasp and moving herself sideways along the line. She let out her breaths in short bursts as she cleared the center of the line and was at the home stretch, her eyes cast down at her left foot as it led her along. She hazarded an extension of her legs, stretching as far as she could and dragged her right leg along the length of the rope, her sneaker bobbing along the fibers. She wobbled violently between the two ropes, her muscles aching as she braced herself for the inevitable fall. She closed her eyes as she felt her body lurch forward, her hands clasped tight around the rope as it dug into her skin. She balanced awkwardly between the ropes, her heart hammering against her ribs.

Sydney was standing hopped off the platform and stood directly below Natalia, arms held out at the ready to catch her. Natalia's eyes popped open and she looked down to see Sydney standing beneath her.

She's right. It's not that far down. She thought as she took a deep breath and adjusted her weight, shifting her left foot closer to her right. She was practically standing bolt upright. "Now what?" she asked, looking down at Sydney who hadn't moved. "I'm stuck."

"No you're not. You're fine." Sydney replied, watching her. "You're right there Natalia."

Natalia glanced to her right, where she began, then to the left where she was going. It was only a six paces away. She pivoted her right foot so that it ran parallel to the ropes. Turning sideways, she held her arms above her head, mimicking Sydney's maneuver and walking like she was on a straight line. She let out a sigh of relief as her left foot made contact with the platform and couldn't suppress the smile that spread across her face. A hearty laugh escaped her throat and she clutched her sides, laughing hysterically.

"What'd I tell you?" Sydney hollered from the ground, a goofy smile on her face.

Natalia turned and sat on the platform, rubbing her sore palms together. Sydney cocked her head to the right, arms folded across her chest, a smug look on her face. "Shut up."

"What? I didn't say anything…" Sydney replied tossing Natalia her water bottle. She caught it gingerly in her hands, the cool plastic soothing to her raw palms. "Don't tell Olivia I knocked you around…I don't want her coming after me."

"Funny." Natalia replied, unscrewing the cap and downing the water. She let out an appreciative 'ahh' as she capped it off again. "So. How was that?"

"I should be asking you that. How was it?"

Natalia looked at the ropes, it seemed innocuous now. "Scary. But. I'm glad I did it."

"What'd you learn?" Sydney leaned against the tree, looking up at Natalia as she stared at the ropes intently.

"I can do anything if I just do it."

"A Nike Ad if I ever heard one." Sydney quipped. "And how can you apply that skill to your life?"

Natalia rolled her eyes. "I know what you're trying to do."

"What? What am I trying to do?"

"You're trying to get me to be brave and face my problems."

"Noooooooooooooo…not at alllllllllll." Sydney replied sarcastically.

Natalia chuckled and slid from the platform, landing on her feet solidly. "I appreciate it. Really. I do. But uh, can it be something that doesn't leave me banged up and scarred?" she held up her raw hands, they were pink and red with dirt and scrapes from the rope.

"I thought chicks dig scars." said Sydney. She reached for her backpack and unzipped it, pulling out a packet of Handy-Wipes and tossing it to Natalia. "Does Olivia know you're this prissy?"

"I am not prissy. I worked four jobs at once and one of them was as a maid. What I had to do there would give you nightmares." Natalia replied, rubbing her palms together, the dirt and grit making the white wipe a dull brown.

"Nightmares you say?" Sydney replied. "You can't live your life without a few scars at least."

"I have."

"Mhm. Lucky you." Sydney held up her left forearm, a long thin scar ran along the outer part heading towards the elbow. "Plate glass window."

Natalia stared at the scar intently for a moment. "Impressive. How old were you?"

"19."

"How old are you now?"

"20."

Natalia's eyes went wide. "You're 20." she repeated in disbelief.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You…you just seem older."

"Wiser and more mature. I get that a lot. Comes from being raised in an old school home." Sydney zipped up the bag again and slipped it onto her back, adjusting it and giving Natalia a smile. She slid on her shades, shielding her eyes. "Now, we move on to phase two of the new you. How good are you at swimming…?"

"Wait." Natalia replied, grabbing Sydney's shoulder as she turned to head back down the trail.

"Lemme guess, you're made of sugar and can't be exposed to water lest you melt…"

"No." Natalia replied. She studied her reflection in Sydney's shades and frowned. She wasn't sure what she wanted to say. "Can we skip the lake at least?"

"Wuss." Sydney said. "Let's roll."

"Where are we going now?"

"Does it matter?"

Natalia fretted for a moment and nodded. "Ok. You're right. I'm following you."

******************

Clouds gathered overhead and Sydney frowned as they wound their way back down the trail towards the lake. "I think it's gonna rain…" she said, stopping and looking up through a clearing in the canopy.

A thick raindrop plopped on her forehead.

"Take it back. It's gonna rain."

"What's that mean?" Natalia asked, watching Sydney wipe the drop off her forehead, her nose scrunched up in distaste.

"It means we're gonna have to go indoors, unless you fancy trying your luck with lightening…"

"No I think I'm okay…" Natalia replied.

They returned to Natalia's cabin and Sydney gave a small shrug. "Guess we'll have to use what you did today as a stepping stone for what you have to do later right? I'll see you…" As she turned to leave, the sky opened up and rain came down in sheets. She stood in place, watching the rain turn the parched earth into mud from the front of Natalia's doorstep.

"Are you made of sugar?" Natalia joked, leaning against the doorframe, her arms folded across her chest.

"Y'know it's really only funny when I say it." Sydney replied, turning to make a face at Natalia.

"Well, if you'd like, you can come in here. Til it clears up…"

Thunder rumbled overhead.

"Yeah I'm gonna do that." Sydney turned on her heels and entered Natalia's cabin just as loud clap erupted from the sky.

******************

The rain battered down on the camp grounds, beating into the roof of the cabin and tapping against the windows. Sydney stood at the large window in Natalia's room and watched as the rain ran down the glass in rivulets.

"Kinda rainy out." Sydney mused, her hands in her pockets as she turned to see Natalia sit on her bed, cell phone in her lap, sneakers kicked off and her legs tucked under her. "You could use the land line if you wanted to…"

Natalia looked from her phone startled. "I…"

"Wouldn't know what to say, I get it." Sydney replied turning from the window and dragging a chair towards Natalia. She slid her feet out of her sneakers as she sat down and leaned on her knees with her elbows. "You can't fixate on what you have to say, just that you want to say something. Words don't matter as long as you have an idea of what they sound like."

"And if they sound like crap?"

"Better than nothing."

Natalia leaned back in the bed, the springs squeaking under the shift. "Have you ever tried to say something near impossible to someone?"

"What? Like 'hey sorry I disappeared from your life for almost a month have a cookie it'll make you feel better'? No."

Natalia grabbed a pillow and heaved it at Sydney as hard as she could. Sydney caught it with her left hand effortlessly and balled it up against her into a bear hug. "Can't you be serious for a second?!"

"I've gone for a minute, personal best was two minutes."

"You sound just like her."

"Oh I'm pretty sure she could go longer…"

Natalia chuckled and stared at her cell phone again, frowning at the NO SERVICE message as it stared back at her. "I want to talk to her and just tell her that I'm scared because it's all so new…and I don't want to lose anything that we have…or anyone that we have."

"Should I write this down? In case you forget?" Sydney offered, looking around for the courtesy notepad and pen.

"I'm being serious."

"So am I. Natalia, you're speaking from the heart. Don't you think that's the only place to speak from, given your situation?"

"I get weak around her." Natalia mumbled, her hands cradling the cell phone.

Sydney didn't have an answer for that. She bit her bottom lip and leaned back in her chair. They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the rain beat a tattoo on the roof of the cabin and the thunder roll and rumble outside. She studied the way Natalia stared at her cell phone in her hands as if praying for answers. "Weak in what way?" Sydney asked, bracing her right foot on the bed frame, pushing back in the chair.

"Not in a bad way just…she…sees right through me…I can't hide from her. I feel exposed and like…I can tell her something and she'll already know what I'm thinking and I wonder, why tell her if she already knows?"

"She didn't know you were in love with her when you were engaged to Frank…she's intuitive, not a mind reader."

Natalia clutched the phone tightly in her right hand, staring down at the hardwood floor. "She's been hurt a lot…I think most of her life has been filled with it…" she whispered, her right thumb running up and down the dial pad of the phone. "I don't know how many good things have happened to her, besides Ava and Emma…"

"And you…"

The right corner of Natalia's lips quirked into a smile. "I wouldn't count that now…"

"I would." Sydney dropped her leg and sent the front legs of the chair clattering to the floor, her body moving forward with the momentum, the sound drawing Natalia's gaze from the floor to Sydney's face. "Natalia, you keep missing the fact that she went ballistic in the courtyard of what was more than likely a convent. You're the good thing that happened in her life and if you're gonna sit there and complain about how her life is full of hurt, imagine what you're doing to her now. I can understand if her life sucked before you but imagine it now. It doesn't help that you're not in the picture when from what you're telling me, your lives weren't as bad as they could've been, complications or not."

Natalia made a face. "You don't know her."

"You're right. I don't. You do. You know her. I just remind you of her."

"You do. You fight like she does."

"I'm not fighting with you because to be honest, I don't know you either…I'm only going with what you've told me…I don't like fighting either I won't fight with you but I will push you to fight for what you want."

The sky grumbled overhead, the rain coming down harder.

Natalia stared out of the window, watching the rain coming down in sheets. She watched the river forming on the window pane, the way the water ran down in rivulets; like tears. She felt her eyes watering and with her left hand, went to wipe away a stray tear drop. Her eyes fluttered as she felt a fresh wave of emotion crash over her, accentuated by the roll of thunder from the sky far above their heads. "She stopped being just my friend and I don't know when that was I just know that it happened and even when I stuffed it down, I just couldn't deny that. When the light hit her just right, or she looked at me the way she does or she said my name or she said she needed me, I ran to her…I just…melted and I've never felt so loved than when I'm around her. I've never felt braver…"

"Then use it and go home." Sydney encouraged, ducking her head to catch Natalia's distant gaze. Natalia shivered as her eyes focused on Sydney's clear blue eyes. "You're wasting time here. Time you could waste with her." She nodded towards the phone on the nightstand, holding Natalia's gaze. "Call your boss."

Natalia averted her eyes to glance at the phone before glancing back at Sydney. She means it. "Trying to get rid of me?" she muttered.

"Yep. You've got no business here, Rivera." Sydney replied, chucking the pillow she had been clutching back into Natalia's face as she stood up and walked towards the door towards her backpack. "Not saying I won't miss you, but I'll sleep better if you're not around." She crouched next to the bag and opened it, pulling out the water bottles and sandwiches she'd packed for their outdoor trek.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Natalia asked, moving towards the center of the bed and watching Sydney root around in her backpack.

"It means, that when you already know what you want, it's stupid to go on a journey to determine that's what you want. Never bet against your instinct." She tossed the Ziplock enclosed sandwich towards Natalia, it landed with a plastic plop onto the bed sheet by her knees. "I'm serious, never go against the gut. That's your base instinct leading you. Works in case of emergencies and love." She patted her stomach for emphasis. "Saw it on Oprah." She walked back towards her seat and offered Natalia a bottle of water.

"Olivia told me once that we could be friends because I laugh at her jokes and she saw it on Doctor Phil that if someone does that, it makes you friends."

"That's not a flawed logic."

Natalia chuckled and opened her Ziplock bag. "What's for lunch today…?"

"Same as yesterday, turkey and Swiss…" Sydney replied with a smirk. "Should I call Blake for you…?"

Natalia made a face. "I think you're kicking me out."

"I think you're avoiding the obvious thing."

"What's that?"

"You're still not sure what to say to her. Don't say anything, just do. Don't try and over think. Just feel. You've been feeling the whole thing this far, haven't you? You crossed a hanging rope bridge because you felt you needed to and you can do anything you want to. Think it. Feel it. Do it. That simple." Sydney replied. "I got THAT from Star Wars."

Natalia nodded her approval, her mouth working a particularly large bite from her sandwich. They chewed in silence, the roll of thunder that had been almost constant quieting down as the rain fell gently. "I'll call Blake…"

Sydney looked up from her sandwich, a small smile on her face. "Thata girl."

**************************

"Blake will be here as soon as she can…" said Natalia, tossing her empty sandwich bag into the garbage. She'd dialed Blake and was surprised when she picked up on the 3rd ring.

"That's good." Sydney replied, watching Natalia as she sat on the edge of the bed, still clutching the phone. "Glad you came here?"

Natalia nodded. "Yes…"

"Good. Like I said, just feel it…"

"Thank you."

"For?"

"Listening."

Sydney sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. "That's a ridiculous thing to thank someone for, especially if I told you from the get that I wasn't here to judge or start problems with you."

"I still appreciate it."

"Well in that case, thank you for the compliment, but it's what I do."

Natalia flicked her bangs back. It was true, she felt better, more inspired and more invigorated, despite the still gnawing little fear monster that roamed around, nipping at her ankles. She fidgeted with the elastic of her sock, watching as Sydney untied and re-laced her left sneaker.

"Do me a favor, Natalia." Sydney said, measuring the length of the laces against each other. "Don't focus too much what you did here, just focus on making your life better."

"Is that your way of saying forget about having been here?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Sydney grinned.

*****************************

"Don't say anything. Don't say anything. It's their issue, they'll be the ones to deal with it…don't say anything…" Blake repeated over and over again as she drove along the highway, her right hand itching to dial up Olivia and finally break the news to her. "You don't have to sit and eat and drink your weight in things that are going to kill you…"

She hoped that Natalia was rested, ready and knew what she was doing.

**************************
*************************

Natalia sat Indian style in the center of the bed, her brows knit together as she folded a t shirt in her lap. Sydney watched as she folded, a smirk playing across her features as Natalia hummed and placed the folded shirt on her left, before picking up another t-shirt to fold. Natalia looked up and caught Sydney watching her. "What's so funny?"

"You like folding laundry. That's weird." Sydney replied, nodding towards the meticulously folded tops that were piled next to Natalia's left thigh.

"It's therapeutic for me…" Natalia replied. "Reminds me of home…" she gave a slight shrug with her left shoulder as she lay another top on the folded pile. "When I moved into the farmhouse…I just walked around for hours and thought about how insane it was that I lived there. It's my home. Olivia and I used it for an important business dinner and there was hardly anything in it but we made it work…It was around the first few days of my being her assistant and I was so nervous but she was so…patient with me." A small smile danced across Natalia's lips.

"I remember our first Christmas together. She and Emma were staying for awhile and she was so insistent about going back to the Beacon because their staying at the farmhouse was only temporary. I was upset because I had gotten so used to having them with me…but she was set on going back to her apartment.

We were there, building a Christmas and a real stable family life for the three of us and all she could think about was moving back to the Beacon.

When I got home from visiting Rafe in prison, she was running around looking for Emma and I guessed that maybe she heard our conversation about their moving out on New Years Day. She was upset about Emma being gone and was questioning why I cared and I told her that…that I'd die for that kid. I love her like she's mine. Then Emma called and we went to get her from the precinct because she was with Frank…"

"Of all people…" Sydney quipped.

Natalia chuckled. "We spoke to her and explained that just because we didn't agree on some things it didn't mean we didn't care about each other or her. When we got back home, we just opened presents and all I kept thinking was how perfect it was, how good it was just having a roof over our heads, food and…love. We were a family right then and there. Then Emma got upset because Olivia was trying to remind Emma that they had the Beacon and I told her that she was welcome to stay whenever she wanted. That kid…she said it wasn't enough and sulked in the kitchen. I followed her and we were talking and the next thing I know, Olivia comes in with this long rod or something in her hands…

When I asked her what it was she just said it's a present, for me. I was embarrassed that I hadn't gotten her anything for Christmas but she didn't care. She was so…eager to see me open it. So I picked it up and took off the wrapping paper…"

"What was it?" Sydney asked. She sat on the edge of her seat in anticipation.

"She surprised me with the doorframe I used to measure his height when we lived in Chicago. She'd gotten someone to go into my old apartment, yank it out and ship it home…for me. I couldn't think of anything for her so I took a spare key, put it in a box and I asked her to move in with me and…she wanted to say no but…she couldn't. So we lived together until, well, you know when…"

"She wanted to give you everything then…" said Sydney. She watched Natalia lean back in the bed, lost in thought.

"I guess that's why I'm scared. I don't have a lot to offer."

"It's not about door frames, keys or the joy of folding laundry; it's about just being there." Sydney replied. "She wanted you then and she wants you now. Nobody goes through the trouble of pulling out door frames for a friend they don't care about."

Natalia nodded absently, the muscles in her jaw flexing as she let out a gust of air through her nostrils. "I realize that now…" I just hope this wasn't a mistake.

The rain had subsided to a gentle sun shower, the drizzle casting little rainbows in the rays of sunlight. Natalia packed her back meticulously, putting her cell phone charger in the bag last. She looked up from her progress, surveying the room was she waited for Blake to arrive.

Her life was packed into the bag but she still felt so uncertain about her decision to go back when she wasn't sure if she could justifiably explain it to Olivia. To be honest, I didn't exactly leave with a good enough reason either. She zipped up her bag and tossed it at the foot of the bed. She sat at center of the bed again Indian style and stared at her cell phone as it stared back at her again from the bedspread.
Sydney emerged from the bathroom, a wet towel on the back of her neck. Natalia looked up from the phone towards Sydney. "What's up?" Sydney asked, "Blake call yet?"

"Why're you so eager to get rid of me…?" Natalia asked, pocketing her cell phone.

"I'm not." Sydney replied with a shrug.

"Then why are you so eager to see me gone?"

Sydney thought for a moment, avoiding Natalia's gaze. "I told you, you shouldn't be here. You ran away for silly reasons, understandable but when you say them out loud, don't they sound silly?"

Natalia nodded.

"So, the faster you get back to Springfield, the better it's going to be for you. For her. For Emma. For everyone because you'll have your word, your faith and your hope behind you."

They jumped at the knock on the door. Natalia clamored off the bed and was at the door in two long strides. She tugged it open and was attacked by a hyper active Blake.

"HIIII!!" Blake exclaimed, her arms grabbing Natalia into a bear hug. "I'm sooo glad you're doing better!" She let go of Natalia breathlessly, taking a step back to take in the new look. "Huh…you…look the same…"

"Thanks Blake…" Natalia mustered, a smile on her face.

Blake's eyes raked over Natalia's body before noticing the girl standing by the bed. "Whose this?" she asked, nodding towards Sydney with her chin before crossing towards her and taking Sydney's hand. "Blake Marler…"

"Sydney Torres…nice to meet you."

"Torres? You didn't tell me your last name was Torres…" Natalia interjected, her head cocked to the right.

"My last name is Torres." Sydney retorted. She returned her attention to Blake who was gaping at her. "Natalia here is ready to get on out of here and start her new life…"

"You look so much like Olivia…" said Blake, tilting her head to check out all of Sydney's bone structure. "That's so weird…" she shot Natalia a glance. "I'm guessing you noticed this…?"

"We've talked about it once or twice…" Sydney replied, passing Blake to pick up Natalia's bag before heading towards the door to get her backpack. "Where are you parked?" She headed out without waiting for an answer.

Blake waited until she was sure Sydney was out of earshot. "She's a dead ringer, except for the eyes…Natalia…"

"Nothing happened if that's what you're thinking. All she did was help me…figure out what I'm going to say." Natalia replied, raking her hands through her hair.

"What are you going to say?" Blake asked.

"What I need to."

**********************

Sydney was standing outside of the main gate, waiting for Natalia and Blake as they sloshed along the muddy path towards the parking area. She'd pulled her shades down and held Natalia's bag on her shoulder as she watched them approach. Blake reached Sydney first and nodded towards her car, which was parked right alongside the gate. She popped the back door open and Sydney took that as the sign to put Natalia's bag in the backseat. She stepped back from the car and bumped into Natalia. She turned and gave her a small smile. "Welp, Rivera, looks like you're all set."

"Thank you…" Natalia whispered, pulling Sydney in for a tight hug. "I think I would've hidden in that room for the rest of my life…"

"No you wouldn't have. Hunger would've driven you out eventually…" Sydney quipped, breaking the hug.

Natalia blushed. She caught Blake's expression in the corner of her eye; she wasn't exactly enthused. "Maybe. I'm resilient."

"Now you are. You're a tough cookie. Take care of yourself okay?"

"I will…You too."

"Thanks…" Sydney stepped away from the door and allowed Natalia to enter. "Remember. Do or do not…"

Blake started the car. "Good to meet you Sydney." she called through the open passenger window.

Sydney gave a tight lipped smile and wave, stepping away as she put the car in drive and they rolled off.

**************************
**************************

"Are you gonna tell me what the deal was with her?" Blake asked, eyeing Natalia in the rear view mirror.

"What?" Natalia asked, moving her gaze from the rear window toward the back of Blake's head.

"You and Sydney…what was the deal with her?"

"Nothing. I swear. She just showed up yesterday…asked me about my life…and…that was it."

Blake nodded. "That's nice…did you enjoy your time up there."

"I spent most of it in the cabin until Sydney showed up."

"Ah. Well I'm glad you're out now." Blake replied. "So I have to fill you in on some things…"

***************

Blake reviewed in depth the entire goings on in Springfield since Natalia left. She went over the mystery surrounding Company and the Cooper family's good fortune, to the good luck's streak ending, the memorial for Jeffery and finally, the state she'd found Olivia in.

By the time Blake finished her yarn, she was pulling into the farmhouse with a picture perfect sunset. "So, I don't know if you want me to take you to the Beacon or…" She turned in her seat to peek over at Natalia, who was chewing on her right thumbnail anxiously. "Oh honey, don't get so upset…she's okay…she was okay during Jeffery's memorial…"

"Did Ava come?" Natalia asked, the question mottled by her thumb being in her mouth.

"Yes she did…"

I wonder if she told her… "Thank you Blake…" said Natalia, opening the back door and sliding out. She reached for her bag and dragged it across the backseat towards her. She closed the door and rounded the front of the car, stopping at the driver's side where Blake stood. "I owe you so much…"

"No you don't, I told you that you don't." Blake replied, pulling her into a hug. "You just get inside, get some rest and deal with the world tomorrow."

"I'm done thinking of how to deal with the world…I'm just gonna deal with it." Natalia replied, a confident tone in her voice. She straightened up and took in a deep breath.

"That sounds like a plan…" Blake replied. "There's a pile of books that need promoting so…I need you fresh and relaxed!" She climbed back into the car, put it in gear and drove off, leaving Natalia alone in the driveway next to her car.

Natalia let herself into the house and dropped her bag just inside the front door. She locked up again and stopped in her tracks at the sound of a shard of glass crushing under her sneaker. She looked down at the mess. Olivia…

She checked her purse for her magnetic pass key and car keys. She was tired of running. She was going to surrender.

*************************
*************************

Olivia was so prone to crying at the drop of a hat, she certain that she was going to cry liquor. She'd taken Ava to the airport and cried in the car as she watched the plane take off; her daughter's words echoing in her head "I'm sure she'll come back soon. If you're this happy with her, I can't imagine that she'd leave you, especially after everything you've been through together." Olivia hated her weakness and envied her daughter's strength for a moment.

The news only got better when Rick told her that her blood levels were unstable due to her new liquid diet and she decided to celebrate everything by having a Cosmo at Towers. She saluted her fatty acids, downed drink after drink and somehow managed to make it home. She suspected that a cab had been called and she reminded herself that she had to get her car from Towers' lot before rumors started that Olivia Spencer was back to her drunken ways.

She was glad when Josh showed up, the attention he had been showering on her only making her want to drown the rest of her sorrows in meaningless sex with her handsome ex husband but she resisted, despite his charming offers of coffee and a foot rub.

Instead, she let herself into her room, tossed purse and keys on the table, shucked her jacket and scrounged up a bottle of white wine.

Natalia was grateful that it was getting dark out and her gratitude only increased as she found the service entrance deserted. She parked the car adjacent to the building and went up in the service elevator, her heart fluttering in her chest like a caged bird. Her right hand clutched the keycard, knuckles white.

God, if you're listening, please, let this work.

*******************

Olivia hiccupped and groaned as the hiccup brought up the after taste of her dinner for one. She laughed to herself. "Dinner for one." She hadn't had the strength to finish it but she knew that if she drank on an empty stomach, it would only make Rick get angrier with her and the last thing she wanted was yet another person angry with her. "Something about you, Spencer, that just pisses everyone off." She said aloud as she sat on the edge of her bed, tugging at her heels with one hand. When she finally managed to pull them off she immediately crawled into the middle of bed, tucking a pillow into her arms and staring at the New Years Eve photo, eyes brimming with fresh tears. She rocked herself slowly her eyes growing heavy as let a drunk sleep take over her.

******************

Natalia stood outside of Olivia's door, tapping the keycard against her left palm. She took a deep breath and slid the keycard into the slot. The lock clicked back softly, granting her entry. Slowly, Natalia pushed in the door, peering around the edge eyes scanning for evidence of the occupants inside. Her heart stopped its frantic pace at the sight of Olivia curled in the middle of the bed, laying on her left side facing the door, a pillow clutched to her chest. Natalia entered the room silently, closing the door behind her and sliding the lock into place. She braced her back against the closed door, eyeing Olivia as she slept. The only light on in the apartment was the lamp on the right night stand.

Olivia's cheeks were streaked with tears, her skin blotchy. She's been crying. Natalia mentally chastised herself for being the cause of those tears. She looked around the room, taking it all in. It feels like forever. She noticed the half drunk glass of wine next to the nearly full bottle of wine. Blake wasn't making it up; Olivia was drinking excessively. What're you doing to your heart? Next to the incriminating evidence was the framed New Years photo. She crossed soundlessly and sat sidesaddle on the edge of the bed, studying Olivia as she slept on. She extended her right hand, fingers brushing across Olivia's cheeks, the tips slick with Olivia's tears. She bit her lip to keep from waking her.

Natalia's fingertips brushed along Olivia's jaw line, her index finger tracing the outline of Olivia's lips. She unconsciously licked her own. She brushed back a lock of hair behind Olivia's ear, her fingertips brushing against her neck, caressing her skin softly. She delicately combed her fingers through Olivia's hair, watching as the strands sifted through her fingers.

***

Olivia was dreaming. She felt soft feather light touches against her skin, along her lips, skimming through her hair. She shivered as those fingers trailed along her cheek again, along her jaw line and outlining her lips.

***
Olivia let out a throaty sigh, burying her face into the pillow she was hugging. Natalia's fingertips traced the worry lines that mapped Olivia's forehead; they seemed to embed themselves into her normally exuberant features. She felt her heart break as she realized that she was the cause of so much worry. Jeffery is gone…and she had no one here to help her through it. She wanted to wake her, but she couldn't and she a still afraid of what she should say.

***

Olivia felt those fingers trailing along her forehead, gently trying to rub out the creases in her skin. She tried to move her head to get a better look at whoever was touching her…

***

Natalia's hand snapped back as Olivia moved suddenly, shifting from her right side to lay on her back, her right arm hitching up above her head, her left arm laying across her stomach. She sleeps like a rock. Natalia thought as she reached for Olivia's wine glass and took a sip. The buzz hit her almost immediately, the liquid sloshing around in her stomach. It had been hours since she had eaten lunch with Sydney…She returned the glass to the table and inched closer, careful not to disturb Olivia, her deep brown eyes never leaving Olivia's slumbering features.

Olivia issued another throaty sigh. She felt herself waking up from liquor fueled nap. She grunted and brought her palms to her face, yawning into them, ignoring the sour air that flooded her nostrils. She rubbed her face and dropped her arms above her head, eyes still closed unaware that Natalia was frozen next to her, her heart pounding in her chest.

She rolled onto her left side, her back to Natalia and slumbered on. Natalia sat still, watching as Olivia snuggled into her pillow, her legs pulled into her chest. She slid off her sneakers and carefully moved up in the bed, her movements barely disturbing Olivia. She leaned against the headboard, her legs crossed at the ankles hands in her lap as she watched Olivia sleep off her drunken stupor.

Natalia's mind ticked off the list of things she needed to do. She needed to say exactly what she was feeling and what she wanted for them. What I want for us. She glanced over at Olivia, she was snoring. I didn't know you snored. She ran her fingers through her hair, shaking out the tangles. She watched Olivia sleep like the dead. She reached over and played with the ends of her hair, listening to the sound of her breathing, the warmth radiating from her body. Sighing, Natalia scooted closer to Olivia, still braced against the headboard, waiting for Olivia to wake up.

Olivia groaned in her sleep, rolling onto her stomach, her face buried into her pillow. She cradled her aching head in her arms, feeling a dull throb begin just behind her eyes. She lay still, listening to the silence around her. It was depressing. She kept her eyes closed, hoping that the pain would go away. It's a hangover, they don't just go away. She sighed. Her body felt stiff and sore. She wanted to get up but found that impossible to do because that meant she'd be waking up to more questions about Natalia and she was tired of asking questions, not getting answers and always remembering that she was going to be alone. Defeated, she fell asleep again.

********

Natalia had fallen asleep waiting for Olivia to wake up. She was slouched against the headboard, head lulled to the right against her shoulder, arms folded across her torso. Olivia lay on her stomach quiet and still before she made a grunting sound at the back of her throat, her face still buried in the pillow. She pushed herself up on her elbows her eyes still closed and felt her stomach lurch with the movement. Yeah, I'm gonna have a hangover. She sniffed and rubbed her eyes with backs of her knuckles while rolling on to her back. She pushed herself into sitting position, clearing her throat. She finally allowed her eyes to open, vision still sleep blurred as she groggily looked around the room.

Natalia was awakened by the sudden shift in the bed, her eyes opening just in time to see Olivia sit up and look around the room.

Natalia's heart thudded in her ears, she was certain that Olivia could hear it too. She mentally berated herself for being so impulsive in showing up without notice. To be fair, I did leave just as abruptly…She was sitting stock still, watching as a drowsy Olivia glanced at her, towards the armoire, then back at her in shock.

"I'm dead aren't I." Olivia blurted out, her bloodshot eyes staring at Natalia, boring holes into her.

"No…" Natalia replied, pushing away from the headboard and leaning towards Olivia.

"Rick was right…he said if I kept drinking I would be in deep trouble and here I am. Dead. Or hallucinating."

"What did Rick say about your heart?!" Natalia replied, all romantic pretenses completely drained from her mind.

"I'm not hallucinating…"

"Olivia…what did Rick say about your heart?!" Natalia pressed, almost hysterical with worry.

Olivia wanted to slap her. She felt a surge of anger start in her chest and radiate out through her pores. She wanted to shake her violently. She wanted to kick her out and this time, make sure she took her keycard. Her right hand shot out and grasped Natalia's own hand, automatically entwining their fingers. "You're real…" she breathed, in one fluid motion pulling Natalia towards her as she knelt in bed. Her arms wound around Natalia's waist as Natalia's arms wrapped around Olivia's neck.
"Olivia…what did Rick say about your heart??" Natalia pressed, shivering as Olivia immediately buried her face into her neck. Fresh tears plopped onto Natalia's t-shirt. Olivia stayed still, breathing in deeply and filling her lungs with Natalia's scent. "Olivia…" Natalia cooed, her fingers curled into Olivia's hair. "What happened to you…?"

Olivia sighed, sniffled and pulled out of Natalia's grasp, her cheeks wet with fresh tears. "You left me."

Natalia's hands slid away from Olivia's body, sitting uselessly in her lap. She looked down at her palms, ashamed that she had completely forgotten what it was she wanted to say and that she had caused Olivia that much pain. "I'm sorry that I did. I just. I just…needed to breathe…There was so much going on, I was under so much pressure to…to do the right thing…"

"You could've just spoken to me. You could've just said that you needed time…"

"I didn't want to. I. We lost so much time together and I was tired of waiting but…Rafe and…Frank and…"

"Me."

"I left because I needed to make sure this was right. I needed to think. I needed to make sure this wasn't something that was a matter of circumstance…that I loved you because I loved you and not because of how you treat me…"

Olivia sat silently, watching Natalia as she spoke. Natalia avoided her gaze, speaking to her hands or the spot on the wall just behind Olivia's head. "How do I treat you…?" she whispered, bringing her knees to her chest and hugging them.

"Like I'm the most important thing in the world." Natalia admitted.

"Because you are. Natalia…I went crazy looking for you…I drove the mileage up the car driving up and down from here to Chicago and back again. I lost my cool in the middle of a courtyard in front of a nun…"

I know… "You did what?"

"I was arrested in Jonesy's bar for trespassing because I thought he was lying about seeing you…I went through the Beacon wine cellar every night because I just wanted it to stop. The pain, knowing that I had lost you…then…Jeffery…You are the most important thing in my world and as soon as you left it, I had no world to care about. Christina took Emma for the day because I was drunk and I wound up drinking some more with Josh…He's downstairs offering to give me a massage because I'm so wound up…"

"Arrested…?"

"Josh bailed me out." Olivia replied, staring at Natalia, forcing her to hold her gaze. "I went through hell because you left."

Natalia nodded absently. "I'm sorry…"

"I know you are. But it doesn't make it better, doesn't make it go away. It doesn't make it right."

Natalia let the words sink in. She sat silently, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes. She brought her right hand up to her eyes, brushing away tears. She shivered as Olivia's own hand brushed away her hand cupped her chin. She held Olivia's gaze, her heart skipping as she felt the pad of Olivia's thumb brush her bottom lip. "Why did you come here…?" Olivia asked, her body humming with the contact. Her hand moved to caress Natalia's cheek, savoring the contact.

"Because I missed you…I…I wanted to see you again…You're the one I wanted to come back to." said Natalia. "I did a lot of thinking while I was away. A lot of crying and a lot of thinking and what I came to realize is that no matter what, I love you. I knew it when I said I knew it was something I couldn't ever take back and I shouldn't have run away from something as good, as real as this…" Her cheek pressed against Olivia's palm "I can't run away from it…"

"Where did you go?"

"A retreat upstate…"

"You were right under my nose…" Olivia replied, moving closer to Natalia, their knees brushing against each other. "I looked everywhere but…"

"I didn't want to be found…to be honest. I didn't know what I wanted to say…what I needed to say to you…"

"What did you need to tell me…?" Olivia asked, her touch sending shivers down Natalia's spine.

She can be so gentle…Natalia swallowed hard. Do or do not. There is no try. "That I give up. I can't be without you and I can't help it if Rafe doesn't want to be a part of that right now. I can't help it if Father Ray thinks this is wrong and I know that God just wants me to be happy…I deserve to be happy…and you make me happy. I wasn't sure what to say and…the time I took to think about it…I knew I had to come here and tell you right away, before fear or doubt or anything kept me from telling you what you needed to hear."

Olivia let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. She stared at Natalia, studying the way she held her head up confidently, her lips drawn into a small hopeful smile. She shivered as she Natalia reached between them, her left hand brushing back Olivia's tousled hair. I can't be mad at her…I could be but I can't…

"And now you know…" said Natalia with a simple shrug.

"Now I know…" Olivia whispered, her hand still cupping Natalia's cheek. "Just don't do it again."

"I won't…" Natalia vowed, a smile lightening up her features.

"Good." Olivia replied, leaning forward and pulling Natalia into her arms, holding her close to her chest. She kissed the top of Natalia's head softly, her fingers threading through her hair.

"What did Rick say about your heart…?" Natalia asked, her voice muffled against Olivia's shoulder.

"Uh…" Olivia groaned, her lips close to Natalia's ear. "He said that I needed to stop drinking because it was taxing my heart…I didn't tell him exactly why I was drinking so much…"

Natalia felt goose bumps spot across the back of her arms as Olivia whispered in her ear. "Are you planning on stopping?"

Olivia nodded. "Yes. You're here and that's what matters…"

"You fell apart…"

"Totally and completely unhinged…"

"I didn't think you cared that much…"

"You did too…" Olivia replied, nudging Natalia with her shoulder. "You always knew…I charged off like Don Quixote in my little white car trying to slay the windmills because I wanted to find you…"

"You yelling at nuns…"

"I told you, hell and back…you're worth it…" Olivia blushed, "I told Ava about us at Jeffery's memorial…she…she was happy for me…for us…"

Natalia's cheeks colored at Olivia's words. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to tell her with you…"

"You're here now, that's what counts. And you and I have to tell Emma…"

Natalia nodded. "First thing in the morning…"

"She's going to be so excited to see you…" Olivia caressed Natalia's cheek softly, memorizing her features.

"I'm excited to see her. All I thought about, all I talked about was you…" Natalia admitted, her eyes flickering from Olivia's eyes to her lips. Do. Or do not. There is no try. "I want to try something…" Natalia whispered, inching closer toward Olivia in the center of the bed. She moved herself into Olivia's space, her eyes holding Olivia's gaze intently as her hands moved to cup Olivia's face.

Olivia's heart began to race as she felt the warmth radiating from Natalia's soft palms. Her eyelids fluttered as Natalia placed a feather light kiss on her left cheek, her lips impossibly soft against her skin. She tilted Olivia's face towards her, kissing her right cheek softly, her lips pressing against her skin, causing a rush of heat to flood from the center of Olivia's chest. Natalia held Olivia's face in her hands, holding her sea green eyes with her chocolate brown orbs, a mixture of fear and determination mingling in them. "Was that it…?" Olivia asked breathlessly.

"Hold still…" Natalia whispered, brushing back a lock of Olivia's hair behind her left ear. She tilted Olivia's face in her hands, moving herself closer, her eyes locked on Olivia's mouth.

Their lips brushed, tentatively, Natalia hesitant about the way to initiate a proper kiss considering all her experience was with men, involved ambushes and weren't always desirable. Except for Gus. And now Olivia. She pressed her lips against Olivia's marveling at the softness of her lips. She took hold of Olivia's top lip, nipping it, pushing herself against Olivia as she reciprocated the action. Natalia's left hand slid from Olivia's face to the back of her neck, deepening the kiss as Olivia's mouth lapsed into Natalia's. Olivia's hands wound the length of her back, fingers trailing along Natalia's spine. Natalia let out a gasp as the tip of Olivia's tongue flicked against her top lip. Their breaths mingled between lips and Natalia was certain that she was getting drunk by the second. She gently bit Olivia's bottom lip, relishing the groan that escaped from her throat. She felt her heart flutter faster in her chest as Olivia's left hand trailed along her throat, along her collarbone before winding around her waist to the small of her back, pulling her into her as she lay down in bed.

"Olivia…" Natalia whispered, her mouth inches from Olivia's. She was panting heavily, stroking Olivia's cheek with knuckles of her right hand. "Your heart…"

"If I'm gonna die…" Olivia replied, her voice husky "I can't think of a better way to do it…"

Natalia shivered and kissed Olivia's forehead softly. "I'd rather not be held responsible for your untimely death…" She rolled off of Olivia and lay on her left side, Olivia's arm automatically wrapping around her at the waist. She rested her head on Olivia's shoulder, listening to the sound of her heartbeat as it reverberated in her chest. "I'm sorry…" she whispered, delighting in the feeling of Olivia's fingers as they trailed along in her hair. "I didn't mean to…hurt you…"

"I told you, it's forgiven. It's not forgotten but…I can't stay mad at you…stupid I know…"

Natalia nodded against Olivia's shoulder. "Promise me you won't drink like that again…Blake told me she found you sitting in the bathroom eating potato chips…"

"Promise to talk to me about the things that bother you and I won't do it again."

"Ok."

Olivia hooked her hand under Natalia's chin and kissed her softly. "See how talking gets you whatever you want?"

"I'm kinda hungry…"

"I told you that everything we do involves food…" Olivia replied, her own stomach growling in agreement. She shifted her weight to reach for the phone.

"Don't move…" Natalia begged, "I'm comfortable."

Olivia smirked. "It's all about you now is it?"

"No…but…I missed you and you missed me and…"

Olivia thought for a moment. "You have a point…" She lay still, letting Natalia snuggle closer to her in the middle of the bed. "Why didn't you call me…? I left you dozens of messages…I stopped leaving them because I was worried that I'd fill up your voicemail and I wouldn't hear your recorded voice again…"

Natalia's heart skipped. "I had no reception where I was…"

"Was there a land line?"

"Yes…" Natalia replied, pausing to gather her thoughts. "I didn't know what to tell you…"

"You being okay would've been a good start." Olivia offered, staring up at the ceiling.

"I wanted to explain everything at once…"

"Rafe blamed me for your leaving. I blamed him for your leaving…He had no idea you were gone…"

Natalia bit her lip. "I owe a lot of people explanations…"

"You do."

Natalia bristled at the sudden change in Olivia's tone. She seemed to be made of stone now when moments before she was so delicate with her. "I should go…" she sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, her feet feeling around for her sneakers.

"Don't go…" Olivia breathed, sitting up. "You've left me once…don't do it again…"

Natalia stopped her search and stared at the floor. Her shoulders slumped at the accusation. "Are you asking me to stay?"

"Begging you if it'll work." Olivia answered, scooting over to sit next to Natalia on the edge of the bed. "My trust in you is shaken, badly shaken but…that doesn't mean I love you any less. For God's sake I told my daughter about us and you weren't there to see it…I wasn't even sure we were even…together to be telling her something like that."

Natalia nodded.

"I love you, okay? Let's just…get through tonight." Olivia reached for Natalia's right hand and held it tightly in her own. "What do you want from the kitchen?"

"Whatever you want…No wine though. You need to drink water, it's not just for plants and fish you know."

Olivia smiled. "You're so witty."

Olivia clutched Natalia's hand in hers as they walked to the car. She held a water bottle in her left hand as she leaned against the hood of Natalia's car. The stars twinkled overhead and the oppressive summer heat had graciously given way to a comfortable evening. Olivia looked up at the sky, counting the stars before looking back towards Natalia who was standing just inside her open car door.

"Making a wish?" Natalia asked, her hands braced on top of the car door.

"Saying thank you." Olivia replied, a small smile on her face.

"For…?"

"You." Olivia stepped towards Natalia, brushing her fingers against her cheek. "Call me when you get home?"

"Don't I always…?"

"Not in the last few weeks…" Olivia reminded her.

"I wasn't home then. I am now." She leaned over and kissed Olivia solidly on the lips. "Good night, Olivia…"

"Good night, Natalia."

Olivia stepped back and watched as Natalia started the car, giving her a wave as she drove off into the night.

******************

Natalia crawled under the covers of her bed, feeling refresh from her shower. She reached for her cell phone and saw she had one missed text message. Pressing to retrieve it, her heart skipped at the message.

FROM: Olivia I understand why you left and I understand that you needed time but if you ever leave me like that again, I'm more than certain I'll die without you.

She swallowed hard. She wasn't planning on running.

She wrote back: You're stuck with me. I told you, I surrender.