MayDecember11
A/N: A bit angsty but with good reason. Hold your water and it'll be fine…I think.
Walker has to overcome her training to be real and Chuck has to overcome the strictures of his self-imposed systems and Beckman needs to get laid. I wonder, does the truth, in its purest form, really set you free?
APR
FT Huachuca, AZ
Chuck thanked the enlisted driver for the ride and then went through the rigorous security checkpoints to access the intersect lab offices. His 'secretary' greeted him with a smile and then verified his ID and retina scan before allowing him into his 'office'. Security was probably looser in a nuke bunker than here.
He opened his safe and removed the disks containing the 2.0 program and data and a manila envelope addressed to John Casey. Chuck walked back to the Room of Doom as the staff called it. It was gallows humor. A similar room at FT Meade had been the scene of the deaths of 6 intersect volunteers. No one called it by its nickname in earshot of either the Major or Colonel Casey.
He grinned at his assistant and handed her the case of disks. "Load 'em up and then we'll see if we can't make some history, Lindy. Better page the colonel. He won't want to miss being able to give an eye witness accounting to Colonel Beckman." He placed the envelope in a prominent place where Casey couldn't miss it.
Lindy strapped him in the chair and adjusted the mouth guard so he wouldn't swallow his tongue just as Casey walked into the control booth and spotted the envelope with his name on it. He opened the microphone. "Bartowski, why now, why today? It's not scheduled until Thursday."
"There's nothing else to be done on it and I'm ready now. Maybe this time it'll work, Casey. Give Beckman a thrill and a reason for a budget increase. Everyone wins, right?" He could hardly be understood with the guard in his mouth.
Lindy walked back into the control booth and they both put on their polarized glasses. A few flicks of switches and a click of a mouse and the 2.0 version of the intersect began downloading and hundreds of images began appearing on the bank of screens in front of him.
It ended as quietly and abruptly as it had begun. The screens darkened and the normal room lighting reengaged automatically. Casey and Lindy hurried in and removed the restraints from a sleeping Chuck Bartowski and Casey called for a gurney to take him to the dispensary until he awoke normally.
Sarah was pacing a path in the deep pile carpeting in the living room.
Ellie sat quietly, both of them waiting for the phone call from Casey telling them when they could pick up Chuck. She knew what he did was dangerous and that it was super top secret but that didn't make her feel any better. Her father was risking brain damage or worse to prove his theories. Some times she wished her father were just an ordinary college professor like Dr. Sarah Walker.
10pm came and went and Sarah finally ran out of patience. She was feeling guilty and remorseful, two emotions she wasn't all that familiar with and hated feeling, especially since it was her own damned fault.
"Casey, it's Sarah Walker. When can Ellie and I come and pick him up? It's been 5 hours now and we're getting anxious. Can you at least tell me if he's awake yet?"
"Um, Sarah, he's awake but seems disoriented, more than he normally is after a download. We've run the perception tests and the usual physical tests and it looks fine but the medics are still uncomfortable with releasing him. We'll keep him overnight just to be safe and you can pick him up when he calls you in the morning."
"What are you keeping from me, John? I'm cleared for it. It's one of the things I do here, remember?"
"You're not cleared for what's happening now. I'm not being difficult. The unit's on lockdown until things level out. Beckman's orders. She's really pissed that he ran the test ahead of schedule and I have no idea what prompted him to forego the usual pre-tests."
"Call me if anything changes. I won't sleep until I know he's all right."
"I'll call, especially if he wants to talk. It'll be fine, Walker. It's what he does. At least this time he didn't scream."
'Scream?' She was talking to dead air.
Ellie went to bed after being reassured that Casey would call them should anything happen but that he also told them to 'pick him up in the morning'.
OK, so she stretched the truth but Ellie didn't need to carry this burden. It was enough that she did. She knew why he'd advanced the tests. Her stupid jealousy and how she treated him.
She couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned and finally realized she missed his warm arms around her. Knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep until he was safe in her arms again, she got up and picked the lock on his office again and brought up his computer. She wanted to look at his personal files.
It was a blatant invasion of his privacy but she needed to know as much about him as possible if she was going to avoid screwing up their relationship with stupid moves like today.
His desktop was well organized and she quickly found some files in folders marked 'personal stuff'. She found his diary. He'd kept one since before going to Iraq the second time.
She scanned the entries and what she found was unsettling. Chuck knew all about his wife's extracurricular activities. He'd planned on filing for divorce (and he had) and he was aware of Ellie's paternity issues. He wrote that he "had a daughter and biology be damned". He knew who the father was!
Newer entries mostly dealt with school, Ellie and Army issues. His entries were brief and informative but lacked the emotion of the earlier ones. It was almost like he lost interest and just reported the facts without his usual opinions.
She got to an entry that dealt with their meeting at the faculty mixer in January. One passage caught her attention. He wrote that he'd met 'Bryce's Black Widow' and his impressions. 'She is so beautiful that I probably won't even notice when she kills me. I don't care at this point as long as my arrangements for Ellie are carried out and I finish the damned project.'
Later entries dealt with their relationship and his initial fear that it was 'all for her cover' but later he talked about the future, their future, and how promising life looked at long last. That was his final entry made a few days earlier.
She closed down his computer and put everything back exactly the way she'd found it.
She wanted to do the same thing to their shattered relationship. He'd hit the nail on the head with his assertion of 'trust issues' and she had to find a way to repair what she'd broken. It was her responsibility, not his.
The only thing he'd done wrong was fall in love with someone who seemed incapable of trusting anyone, who looked for deceit and found it where it didn't exist. Thank you, CIA.
He woke up and sensed he was alone. Where was she?
The memories of this afternoon's (or was it yesterday's?) argument came rushing back together with an analysis of what happened and why.
Subject Walker discovered host in intimate embrace with younger subordinate. Given Subject Walker's previous assignments and accomplishments, analysis suggests Subject Walker's response was extreme jealousy seasoned liberally with a sense of betrayal. Subject Walker's comments are indicative of 'staking a claim'. Actions immediately after leaving auditorium inconsistent with Subject Walker's training or mission history. Subject Walker should have initiated immediate seduction steps to better secure the host's feelings.
'Where the hell did that come from?' Suddenly it dawned on him and his grin tore muscles long unused.
Version 2.0 was a success, although it was incredibly verbose. He glanced at his watch and figured Beckman was awake and probably guzzling that disgusting witches' brew she called 'coffee'. He looked for his cell phone but apparently it had been secured. Frustrated, he got out of bed to go find a phone.
'Maybe I should call Sarah first. Try and make sense out of what happened and see what I can do to fix things.'
Analysis follows.
Probability of successful reconciliation: 22.7%
Probability of situation deteriorating: 70.8%
Probability of situation improving: 06.5%
Probability of error +/- 2.7%
Recommendation: Do nothing. Subject Walker must make any commitments voluntarily.
'This is freaking ridiculous. I don't need a recommendation from a program on my freaking love life. Hold any analysis presentations unless requested.'
'Jesus, now I'm talking with a computer program.'
"Beckman, secure. Major, that was a foolish thing to do. You might have suffered irreparable harm. I assume the download failed to produce the desired results?"
"On the contrary, results were better than expected although the rendered analysis can be distracting and the damn thing is too wordy and opinionated. But it worked as designed."
"That's good news. And how are you, Major? I'd like you to please reconsider counseling. We have people here who have shared similar experiences and are trained counselors. Don't suffer needless mental anguish unnecessarily."
"I'll make arrangements immediately after Ellie's graduation. Agent Walker is in residence and can provide supervision in loco parentis. I'll let you know a date range before we commit, Colonel."
"Excellent, Major. Oh, and it's 'General'. Got the star yesterday."
"Well, congratulations, General Beckman, ma'am. You can't see me but I'm saluting." Waving his middle finger in the air.
"A single-digit salute, probably. Thank you anyway, Major. I'll be expecting your call regarding scheduling. Congratulations to your team for a job well done." She disconnected the call.
"How the hell does she do that?"
He walked back to his room but passed an empty nurses' station. This was not normal. The situation with the host required deep security and the dispensary was open to anyone who accessed the post. He also needed to find an aspirin or 12.
He found a phone and called Casey. Carina answered sleepily and then he heard her mumble 'It's for you, Johnny. Chuck.'
"Casey, the dispensary is deserted. There are no nurses and no security. What the hell is going on?"
"Go back to your room. There's a service pistol and extra magazines in your nightstand drawer. Lock the door. I'll be there with security in 15 minutes."
Chuck made his way back to his room and found the 9mm and magazines. He locked the door and sat down to wait. He fell asleep and was awakened by a nurse with a breakfast tray.
Had he dreamed the whole thing?
Casey came in and grinned at him. "So, did it work? Are you upgraded? Or has your brain turned to mush?"
"Is Beckman a general, Casey?" The look on his face told him his answer.
"Someday but not today. Why? What's wrong? Are you – are you OK?"
"I must have been dreaming. Did I call you last night?"
"No." Now he was getting a little concerned.
Chuck leaned over and opened the nightstand and found a 9mm service pistol and two magazines. He showed them to Casey.
"Those are totally unauthorized. How did you get them in here? Where did you get them in the first place?"
"I dreamed that you told me they were there, last night. Weird dream. Anyhow, let's get the testing done and call Beckman."
"Colonel Casey, is there anything wrong? I spoke with Major Bartowski earlier this morning. Has anything happened?"
Casey stammered. There were stars on Beckman's shoulders. Just like Chuck had said. He hadn't been dreaming all of it.
"No, ma'am. The intersect has been upgraded to 2.0 with only small issues. Bartowski has trouble distinguishing between what's real and imagined. Only two instances, so far. We'll conduct a through test and then release him."
Beckman leaned in toward the camera and glared. "Nothing better happen to him, Colonel. We're so close to reaching the ultimate goal of the project. Be very careful with him." She terminated the conference.
Chuck flashed on numerous cues with full analysis available but not always pertinent to the question asked. This was frustrating to Chuck since it meant that there were still filtering issues with the 2.0 version. He told Casey as much and was surprised by his reaction.
"Be damned glad you're not sitting in your own piss wearing a diaper. I just found out you loaded all the data discs for the program, not just the initial tests. Why?"
"I wanted it done. I want out. I'll mission until retirement or reassignment but no more experiments. It worked. How I did it and the risks were my decisions to make, Colonel, not yours. I run the project. You're just the talking head with the birds on your shoulders. Don't push it. You'll lose."
Casey's eyes narrowed and he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand to attention. The voice, syntax and tone were all Bartowski but the eyes, the eyes were someone else's or so it seemed. Cold and distant, judging and weighing. What he said was true but rendered in a way to convey insult. That was not something he'd do.
"Fine. File your reports. Walker's waiting for you."
"She can wait. This is more important."
Casey turned and walked quickly away before he knocked Chuck on his ass. Talking head? She can wait? Something was wrong but he couldn't do a damned thing about it.
Chuck finished up his paper work and then closed out his system and locked his office, waving goodbye to Lindy without his usual 'goodbye'. He went by the pharmacy and got some Tylenol3 and then walked out to deal with the Black Widow. He hated spiders.
He walked out of the dispensary and was attacked by 5'9" of sobbing blonde dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
"Chuck, I'm sorry. I was jealous and I didn't know how to handle it. Please forgive me, honey. I was stupid and I…I love you, Chuck and now I'm afraid I've ruined it." She was holding him so tightly he wondered if there'd be bruises. He wondered if she was lying.
Analysis follows.
Probability subject is lying: 15.8%
Probability subject is truthful: 75.1%
Unknown factors (atypical emotional display): 9.1%
Probability of error: +/-12.8%
"Sarah, we need to talk. About us. But not here. Let's go home."
Chuck watched intently as the familiar landscape rolled by. It was as if it were the first time he'd seen it.
"Chuck, please talk to me. I'm so sorry for my behavior yesterday. I just wanted to get you in the car and talk to you. I know I was cold and distant but I was trying to figure out why I reacted the way I did. And then you disappeared and wouldn't take my calls. I'm scared, Chuck. I've never been in love before, not like this. It's all new to me. My training gets in the way and I don't know how I should respond or react."
He looked over at her. He hated it when she cried. Jill used to do that and it made him feel weak and that he was a disappointment to her. Now he knew better. Jill had just played him, followed her training, manipulated him and got her way. It was as if everything with her was a mission. Was this part of Walker's mission?
Analysis follows.
Probability of behavior being mission-related: 17.0%
Probability of behavior being non-mission related: 82.8%
Unknown factors (emotional display): 0.2%
Probability of error: +/- 1.8%
"I've agreed to go to FT Meade for counseling. General Beckman will make arrangements. You'll need to stay here and keep Ellie in line. I know we talked about taking the trip together but I'd feel better if you were at home with Ellie. I don't want her around Carina and her whorish ways. She's far too impressionable."
"Chuck! That's a terrible thing to say about her. She's your partner and your friend!" They were pulling into the roundabout. Ellie was off with Devon and would be back in a few hours.
"No, she's no longer my partner. And my 'friend' has been intent on getting me into the sack even after she married my best friend." He looked at her coldly. "I'm not Bryce Larkin. I don't screw my best friend's wife. And I don't cheat. I take my vows seriously. I don't break my word. I would never cheat on you, Sarah, not even to save my own life."
His head ached and all he wanted to do was curl up with his lover and sleep until it quit hurting. It felt like someone had filled his head with sand.
He unlocked the door and almost ran to the kitchen. He fumbled with his pills and took 3 with a glass of water. He knew it was his imagination but he felt slightly better. He needed to immerse himself in the ordinary, the mundane, so he made coffee.
She took Casey's call in the foyer. She could hear Chuck in the kitchen, probably making coffee.
"Walker, secure. We're home, Casey. I think he's sick. He rushed into the kitchen for a glass of water and took some pills."
"Sarah, watch him closely. There's something off. I can't put my finger on it and I'm rerunning the discs looking for something to take to Beckman. He was hallucinating this morning and then he was fine but then he went all squirrelly again. And then he was fine. He was insulting and then normal. I don't know. He's not…Chuck. I can't explain it but it's true."
"I know. I just got a sample of his rage. He seems almost paranoid and then he's fine. He's mad at Carina for some reason and doesn't want Ellie around her. It makes no sense."
"Well, keep in contact. He skipped some pre-tests even though he told Beckman he had done them all and we don't know if he got corrupted data or what."
"Why would he do that? It's dangerous enough as it is."
"Pressure to complete it. You wouldn't believe the pressure we're all under here. And he wants out. Says he'll run missions but no more intersect development. I think your appearance in his life has made him reevaluate things and he wants a regular life with a future, not lose himself to some program. And I think he's right for the first time in a long time, Sarah, so don't rush him."
A/N: Chuck doesn't lie. How will the unfiltered truth affect the charactersand their relationship? Read on.
APR