Day three didn't so much dawn as begin. Light stirred next to him, an innocent before he truly awoke and his true nature took hold. L hadn't slept. He had spent the night conceiving a plan to save Light. There was a way, he had regret, he was just too proud. L was no so naive to think he'd completely renounce Kira. He wasn't even so naive to think he'd regret killing him entirely for his own sake. But he'd been bored without him. L was fairly certain that was as close as Light could get to love. And Takada. There had been the slightest pause when he'd read her name. It was enough for him to hook his fingers into and worry into something more.
"Is it morning?" Light asked, burrowing into his side, suddenly awake, suddenly there.
"As much as it can be," L replied, attentively running a hand through his hair.
"You wasted two of our days. That was stupid," Light said into his ribcage.
"I see that now."
Light lifted his head with a knife of a smile and kissed him. It felt like victory and pain. It felt like his death.
They spent the day in bed. Light never stopped holding him. It was sign enough that he was scared. It was a thin ray of hope that he, somewhere in that brilliant, dangerous, unstable mind of his, felt regret.
When Light finally slept, he got to work. Exhaustion dragged at him, but he had stayed up for a week straight once, when he was sixteen. He'd been hallucinating by the end but he'd gotten the job done. This was nothing.
He shut his eyes and concentrated, pulling exactly what he needed from thin air.
Light woke with a start. The day before had been good and, he was willing to admit, bittersweet. But if he only had three days left, he wanted to spent each one wrapped up in L. He was like a drug, or maybe more like L's sweets, dangerous and entirely unworthy of so much reverence but needed beyond all else.
The first thing he realized upon waking was that he was sitting up. The second was that he was dressed. The third was that he was bound. The fourth was L was sitting across from him, clinical and calculating. It set his soul on edge.
"Misa was right. You're a pervert," Light said, calling up his old, familiar nonchalance and smirk.
"We have two days left. Yesterday was a break, I shouldn't have let it go on so long-"
Light shifted and gave L a look worthy of a siren. He let a small victory flicker through him as L completely lost his train of thought for a full second.
"Don't. We don't have time. I'm going to save you. Perhaps I should have saved you long ago, before, during the case," L said.
"I'd still be here. And I will find it in my heart to feel remorse or whatever. Let me go," Light said.
"No. You're too distracting when you're free. Tell me about my death," L said.
"You were there."
"If you won't tell me, I'll have no choice but to feed you something. You look quite hungry Light-kun."
L held an apple in his hand. Light bit back his panic. Now that he was not so laser focused on L, he could see what sat next to him. Food was piled to his knees. It made Light's stomach ache and his mouth water. He looked away.
"Well?" L said. He had turned back into the machine Light had first met.
"You were too close to figuring out the truth. Rem knew it would kill Misa, so she killed you and Watari. You both had heart attacks. They, um, they tried to revive you. For a long time. It didn't work. You were, you are, dead. That's it," Light said.
He didn't like talking about it. L was brilliant and perfect and would have been his in life if he hadn't been so stubbornly wrong headed. His death was a waste, but a necessary one.
"Do you regre-"
"No."
L stared at him as if it hadn't just admitted he didn't regret killing him. As if he were just another case. It was like before they were chained. Light was his favorite toy then too.
"And after?"
"I already told you everything."
"How did you feel? Without me?"
Light stared at him with honeyed eyes. There were cracks in his facade of annoyance already. He wouldn't give in easily, he hated being wrong, but.
"Bored." Light said.
L nodded. He knew that meant lonely as well.
"Did you miss me?"
"L, that doesn't-"
L began to cut the apple. Light's eyes went wide.
"You know the answer. You're clever. You can figure it out," Light said. There was a thin note of panic in his voice.
"I want to hear you say it. I can give you some time, Light-kun. Not much, though, so be quick about it."
It was fun to watch him think. Maybe if he pulled this off he'd ask for the ability to read Light's mind as well. He felt it was his last great mystery. Finally, Light looked at him. His eyes were wide and scared.
"Yes. Every fucking day. Constantly. Like an ache. Misa was less than you in every way and I had to act like she was the love of my life. Takada was better but still nothing and I had to pretend to have been pining after her for years. I only ever thought of you when I was with them. Even though we'd just kissed once and you tried to stop me and you imprisoned me and had my father pretend to kill me, which I had nightmares about for years by the way, and were the most annoying person I'd ever met. So yes. I missed you. It was constant, it was painful, I don't regret it. I needed to fix the world-"
"You needed to be a god," L said quietly.
Light's eyes flashed red at him. His outburst had been taxing on him. L thought he might be inching close to regret and then they could finally move on.
"I was a god," Light said. His face changed. A smile L had only seen as he lay dying split it. This was Light as he truly was. It was great and terrible.
"No. You were a mass murderer. You will go down in history books, but for your crimes. Nothing else."
"And you?"
"A footnote compared to you, I'm sure," L replied. From Light's glare it was clear he didn't miss the sarcasm.
"You had to die, L. I'm sorry it was you, I'm sorry we didn't get more time, but it had to be done. You were the only one who could stop me and I had a world to save," Light said after a pause. The earnestness in his voice, for once, rang true.
"Near stopped you."
"Near is, quite literally, a pale imitation of you. He got lucky."
L sighed. He had crushed the apple in his hand at some point. His head ached, which seemed unfair.
"We will take a break. Chess?"
Light nodded. They played in silence, save for Light telling him where to move the pieces.
They spent the rest of the day rehashing the initial argument with no new revelations or progress and playing chess. By the time it was done, L could barely look at him and Light seemed fragile and cracked.
"The last day is starting soon. Would you like to rest?" L asked. It was a kindness.
"There's no point. It would just be a waste of time. But I guess the whole thing is a waste of time, isn't it?" Light said. His voice dripped with venom.
L didn't answer. Light was becoming a petulant child. Well, he had always been a petulant child, but it was becoming far more obvious. He wished they could eat.
"It isn't a waste of time. I do agree that we should keep going if you feel up to it. Tell me about Takada's death," L said.
Light let out a harsh laugh. If he didn't regret L, he certainly didn't regret Takada. He hated L for doing this. They should be enjoying each other. They should be saying goodbye in a way that they'd both remember for all eternity, if he'd still remember. He'd made his peace about the while shinigami thing. He'd become chief among them and he'd have a whole army to make the world righteous. It wasn't so bad as far as fates goes. L was just clinging to him, as if his world would be destroyed without Light. Quite frankly, the feeling was a bit mutual, but he had decided to ignore it. He had lived without L for the vast majority of his life. His death shouldn't be any different.
"Light?" L asked. His eyes were black mirrors.
"She killed herself."
"You made her, though."
Light shrugged. He had. It was a relief to be honest. Some of the game was gone, of course. But he felt better, being able to finally talk to L about everything. It was like when he'd been memoryless, except he knew the truth now.
"Why?"
"I was done with her."
It sounded harsher than he'd meant. L turned away and his heart ached. Maybe he had gone too far. Maybe this whole thing would make their separation easier.
"And you don't regret it?"
"No," Light said before he could consider. There was something dark and dangerous in that question.
"You paused."
"So?"
"Why?"
Light didn't answer. He had tired of her. He didn't need another person who could compromise his identity before he was done remaking his world. He...
He hadn't thought it through.
He still didn't feel sorry.
"She was a liability. I'm not sorry."
L closed his eyes for a moment. The dark circles were more pronounced than ever in his increasingly giant face. He looked like a skeletal crow. Light wanted to remember him like this forever. A stab of regret, not for the deaths, never for his work, tore through him. It was completely unfair.
"Maybe you should eat something," Light said.
L gave him a confused look. It was a triumph to catch him off guard.
"We could still be together. We could turn this place into something magnificent. We could fix the world," Light said. He could feel the fire in his eyes.
"No. I'm going to save you."
They were both stripped bare in a way that was painful but not uncomfortable. He wanted to touch him. He wanted to never let him go.
"You can't. I don't want it, I don't need it. Let me go."
It was too loaded a statement. L shook his head. His mask snapped into place. Light missed his true face.
"Don't be an idiot."
"L."
It was a warning. It was not heeded.
"I am, we are, by far the most intelligent people of an age. We will figure this out. We will stay together. Tell me you feel regret."
"It wouldn't be the truth. And you said I couldn't lie."
L hit the table. An orange rolled onto the ground with a dull thud. Light smiled. He liked this version of L quite a bit.
"Eat something. Then we'll stay together."
"Unacceptable. I will not become a monster."
"You said you were one."
"It was a metaphor."
"It wouldn't be so bad. The shinigami are dumb. We could rule together easily. We could make it interesting and you could solve cases for all of eternity. I think...I think it wouldn't be so bad."
L didn't speak. He brushed a hand across Light's cheek and left. Light screamed after him. It was too soon. He wasn't ready.
L stood outside in the biting sand. He was so tired. Light's scream echoed around him. He felt it wrapping around his neck. He would go back. He just needed to breathe. He just needed to be human for a moment.
He turned back. They had half a day. He was wasting time. He didn't want to exist without Light more than he needed to. He shut his eyes, concentrated, and the food was gone and Light was free. It took Light approximately eight seconds to reach him. He looked like a hunted animal. L wondered if he had looked like this at the end.
"You-"
"Let's go inside. It's unpleasant out here," L said.
"Do you give up?"
"Never. I just want a break."
They went inside. They lay on the bed and talked. L told Light about the fake Light. Light laughed and glowed with pride at being better than what was supposed to be his perfect self. L questioned him about Takada and Kira and regrets. Light didn't budge. But there were cracks. L hoped it would be enough.
They ended curled into each other, quiet, unable to speak. Nothing seemed big enough or correct enough or final enough.
"I'm sorry," Light finally said. L's heart leapt.
"No. Not about that. About not feeling regret."
L didn't answer. He just held him closer. Maybe if he held him tight enough, they wouldn't be able to take Light from him.
When the knock came, he was ready. L wasn't but he would never be. He untangled himself. L followed him, grasping his sleeve like a lost child.
The thing that looked like his father and a shinigami that was clearly a king stood in the doorway.
"Well?" the King asked.
Light looked at L. It was worth a shot, to stay with him.
"I regret his death. He...he was, he is, the only person who understands me. The world would have been better if he were still in it. I would have been better if he were in it. Please, please forgive me."
It was masterful. Tears stung his eyes, he curled in on himself. He stared at the ground. He grasped L's hand on his sleeve. He was truly pathetic. It was a mask he'd used before.
"Liar," the thing sighed.
"No, I-"
"Well, I suppose we win. Turn him."
"No!"
It was a banshee wail. It came from two throats. L's hand was a vice he felt as if he couldn't stand. In an instant, L flipped them. He stood at his full height for once. There was barely a centimeter between their heights. Light couldn't believe he didn't realize that before. He blocked Light entirely.
"This really is stupid. You have a perfectly good copy waiting for you," the thing said.
L and Light laughed. It was desperate and choked and so perfectly them.
"Pull them apart," the King said.
There must have been more shinigami. Strong hands yanked them apart. Light didn't see who was holding him. He did see who was holding L. Tall and pale with veiny wings and dark feathers cascading down her back. She had a wide, laughing red mouth. She was hideous.
"Takada," Light breathed.
She stopped. She stared at him.
"You talking to me?"
Her voice was a harsh, vulgar croak. All her elegance and intelligence had gone. He tried to speak, but it was hard when faced with such a creature. She cocked her head. Something shifted.
"I know you?" she asked again. Her voice was softer.
"Yes." Light said.
It was gone. She let out a high pitched laugh and pulled a face at him. Takada was gone. The monster was all that's left. And that would be all that was left of him.
Panic swelled and he forced himself to concentrate. L was yelling something stupid and sentimental. Takada was laughing. The thing was grumbling in an annoyed fashion. The King was reaching for him.
He looked at Takada and concentrated on the her that had existed in college. And what she was now. And what he had made her become. He didn't like her anymore, but he didn't know why he had killed her anymore too.
"Takada. I'm sorry!" he screeched. The King's hand was a hair's breadth from him.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Next chapter is the last chapter! I hope you r all enjoyed the angst. It will also be up early as I'm leaving to go commune with the wilderness for two weeks and won't have the Internet. I'm ridiculously excited. Also I wrote this on my phone. I think I caught all the weird typos, but if not let me know!