Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
Reading: Dead Inc.
"With a title like that, I can only wonder who he belongs to." Poseidon stroked his beard.
"He could be Thanatos'." Hades sharply replied.
"Yes but Thanatos is boring."
Hades just grumbled at this and gave Nico a look.
"Fine, I'll read." The son of Hades said and the book appeared on his lap. "Freaky book…" He mumbled as he started the story.
Soft rock played from the speakers of a small tattoo parlor on the beach. The sound of a needle marking skin overplayed the soft rock. Blue eyes snapped open and a hiss escaped the owner's mouth.
"Ah. Geez, Keebs, can't you be a little more gentle?"
The tattooing artist leaned back, the overhead light reflecting off of two red triangles tattooed on either cheek. His eyes were brown and looked very amused. "Gentle? You want me to be gentle as I permanently carve an image into your skin?"
"Well, I find this disappointing already." Hestia frowned, glancing at Hades.
"I don't make his choices, Sister."
"It just reflects on your parenting skills."
Hades ignored the slight from Demeter, knowing she'd just jump at anything to rag on him.
"...Point taken." The client readjusted himself and let his head tilt back. "Hit me with your best shot."
The stroke of a guitar made everyone look at Apollo.
"What? Pat's song is awesome!"
"You got it." The artist leaned in and pressed a hand down on the exposed pectoral as he got back to work. The client hissed as the needle broke his skin, feeling the image being carefully drawn out was painful.
Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around. Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around. Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around.
The artist leaned back, visibly upset, and turned his needle off. "Goddammit, Naruto! I told you, turn your phone off when I'm inking you!"
"You better have a limited minute plan." Hades frowned, like Tartarus he was paying that bill.
"Should he even have a cellphone?" Percy asked, glancing at Annabeth who glared at his look.
"Depends on what type of phone it is." Hermes shrugged. "It might have some protection on it."
"Wait, we have those?!" Leo gaped.
"Hey, this is a call I can't ever miss," Naruto said as he sat up and grabbed his phone from the table, only to wince and lie back down. "Oh! Gods, that hurts!"
"And this is why we don't let children 'ink' themselves." Hestia said with distaste.
Ares laughed as he picked his ear, "Says you."
"I'm carving eight letters into your rectus abdominis, of course it's going to hurt stupid." The artist snorted. He set the needle aside and peeled off his gloves. "Lay back, answer your phone, and I'll get something to cover that up so it doesn't get ruined or infected."
"Thanks Kiba," Naruto said with a grunt as he grabbed his phone and answered it. "Sup?"
There was a frustrated sigh. "Do I want to know where you are?"
"I'm just hanging out with Kiba, Dad," Naruto said. He muffled a yelp when Kiba came back in and slapped something on his abs. A glare was sent at the amused dog fanatic.
"The Roman legacy of Apollo?"
"For the last time, he ain't my ancestor. It's Aesculapius," Kiba grumbled as he placed another patch on Naruto's stomach.
"My Ace? Nice." Apollo grinned widely.
Naruto rolled his eyes and answered the question. "Yes, the legacy."
"Ah, yes. Anyway. I've got another duty for you."
Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Details."
"You need to come here for that, Naruto. You know that."
Naruto took a deep breath. "Is di Angelo still there?"
Nico paused and looked at his dad, "I don't even know about him?"
Hades shrugged.
"No. Nico has gone out again in an attempt to...find his sister."
Nico frowned at this. Well, at least we know when this story takes place.
"I'll be there in five." Naruto pulled the phone away and hung up. He looked at the amused legacy. "Have I ever told you that I am so jealous you are a Roman and don't have contact with the gods?"
"We have some contact…just, very little." Jason stated.
"Lucky you." Percy whispered with envy.
"Yeah, but being the younger sibling is tough. I'd rather work directly for a god than have to deal with my sister, but that's life." Kiba shrugged.
"Oh I so understand you little dude." Apollo touched his heart. "Right here."
Artemis raised an eyebrow to this. "Finally admitting that I'm the eldest?"
"Nah, just saying sisters can be a pain."
The Big Three inwardly agreed to that one.
"I still got some more ink to do, so come back when you're done."
Naruto poked at his covered abdominals and grimaced. "Yeah. Can't go running around with T-A-R-T-A-R carved into my abs. It doesn't look as good as Tartarus."
"That is a waste of a tatt." Thalia said with a big thumbs down.
"Oh" Annabeth smirked, "and what would you get?"
"…Lady Artemis doesn't allow us to get tattoos."
Artemis nodded to this, ignoring her second-in-command's sullen look.
"You do like tartar sauce though," Kiba pointed out with a smirk.
Naruto dryly laughed at him and grabbed his shirt from the table. "Funny. I'll be back in an hour to finish up."
"Whatever, dude. I'm going to take Akamaru for a walk." Kiba tossed a ring of keys to the blond. "I'll have it locked, so..."
"Yeah, I got it," Naruto said as he caught the keys. He went over to a shadowed portion of the room and twirled the keys around his finger. "Later Keebs."
He vanished into the shadows like he was never there in the first place.
Naruto walked out of the shadows into the hallway that led to Hades' throne room in the underworld. Naruto waved at one of the skeletal US soldiers wielding a rocket launcher as he approached the door. "Hey, Connors. Working hard?"
The dead man didn't react.
"Well, keep a stiff upper lip, chum. I'm sure something exciting will happen sooner or later. I'm here on request, so..." Naruto gave the skeleton a look. The skeletal soldier continued to stare blankly into the distance. The blond rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "You guys are seriously no fun anymore. Master Sergeant John Connor, I am the son of Hades and you will open this door."
"I think it's their own little joke to mess with us." Nico told Hazel dryly as that had happened to him a number of times.
Or it could be their dad messing with him, but he was too much a stiff for that.
Hades allowed himself to crack a small smile.
The skeleton turned and grabbed a handle, pulling it open and making Naruto shake his head as he walked into the throne room. He grimaced when he saw that the queen's throne was unoccupied. Great, Hades was going to be moody.
Again.
"I am not moody." Hades glared pointedly at Naruto. "That's my brothers."
"Hey!" Said brothers glared at him.
"Naruto." The Lord of the Underworld greeted with a nod. He was dressed in his usual robes that seemed to have souls wishing to escape from them. The opal wedding ring on his finger gleamed sadly, as though reflecting the god's emotions concerning the absence of his wife. Another observation made Naruto's eyebrow shoot up.
"Your ring is gone."
Hades' dark eyes looked down to where the silver skull ring once rested. "Yes. I gave it to Nico di Angelo."
"Wow, and all I got was a free trip to California's finest schools when my mother died at the claws of the Chimera. Remind me why I couldn't go kill that thing when Zeus stupidly let it out to live after it failed to kill my little cousin?" Naruto asked tightly.
"Way to go Zeus." Poseidon remarked.
"Yes, you fail to comprehend others feelings." Hades added with a wag of his finger.
Zeus brushed off the remarks. "And how am I supposed to know about your secret love child's problems?"
"He's got you there, Hades."
"Be silent, Poseidon."
"Grudge, Naruto. Your grudge." Hades chided. He sat back and watched Naruto shift uncomfortably where he stood. "And on that note, why are you dressed like you just came from the beach? I thought you were with the Roman."
"We take time for leisure." Reyna frowned.
"You have beach days?" Percy asked a hopeful smile.
"Of course we do. The Second still holds the annual Beach Volleyball tournament trophy."
Percy just grinned while Annabeth groaned.
There better not be a surfing class in New Rome.
"On the beach. Not every Roman is at the boot camp," Naruto said. He looked down at his black tank top, orange board shorts and dark Nike flip-flops. Then he looked back up at Hades. "Is something wrong with my look?"
"It's much...looser than what you usually wear." Hades pursed his lips. "You're not doing drugs again are you?"
"This is like that time you got me a zombie driver."
Hades gave Nico a dry look, "Well pardon me for failing to read modern age children. You're a lot more complicated than you used to be."
"I blame the rap music." Dionysus agreed.
"...There's a reason you rule the dead and not the living," Naruto said dryly. He crossed his arms over his chest and Hades continued to stare at him. Naruto groaned. "Oh, for the love of – it was one time in college! One time!"
"Many of my current underlings have abused substances one time, Naruto. Look at where they are now," Hades said pointedly.
"Would you just tell me about the death I have to cover up that the Mist can't?" Naruto asked. He hated talking about drugs with Hades, ever since the first accidental overdose by one of his children, any sign of drug use made the god into a mother hen, so Naruto learned from his deceased half-siblings when he spoke with them. The Lord of the Underworld loved way too hard for someone that was supposed to be cold and merciless.
"They do say when Hades has a child, his heart grows three sizes that day." Poseidon stage whispered. "Until they die of course."
Hades breathed in, then out, refusing to retort to that one.
Hades sighed and waved his hand, making a shadow rise up into a screen. An image appeared on it, one of a little boy with grey eyes. "A son of Athena. He, his father and stepmother were killed in Forks, Washington. It was rather gruesome."
"Forks, it's always Forks." Leo said with resentment.
"Twilight?" Piper asked.
Leo just grumbled about trying to kill the Vampire Genre.
"Yeah, I'll bet." Naruto grimaced. He hated working on some of these cases. "They pass through all right?"
"Harmlessly. Clean slates, the three of them. A rare thing, but they hadn't done enough good to get to Elysium. The Fields of Asphodel is where they wound up," Hades said, a bit depressed at his new underlings' unfortunate story. "I certainly didn't send anything after them, but things are getting...rowdy down here."
Hades rubbed his temples, "The noise at night could just keep you awake for hours!"
"And not the noise of the damned being tortured?" Hermes asked.
"No, those are rather soothing."
"Trouble at home?" Naruto asked. He couldn't help it, he knew that some shit was going down, and he knew it all started two years ago when Poseidon revealed he had a son. If only he wasn't on Spring Break at the time, he'd like to have been here when the kid came by. ...Then again, there were the twins he met...perhaps it's for the best he had gone down to Florida.
"Now that's a cousin I can admire." Apollo grinned at Hades.
"Wonderful," Hades said, rubbing his face, "He's going through a Zeus."
"You mean puberty." Hera corrected.
"I know what I said."
"There are many things causing Olympus grief. This does not need to be one of them." Hades looked at his son. "Find an animal to blame, then find the monster that did this. I want it back here to explain itself."
"Time limit?"
"You'll have a day to deal with the problem, that's all I could get out of Hecate." Hades grimaced.
Naruto arched a brow. "Still on the edge?"
"Yes, and she's teetering away," Hades said sourly. "If she turns against Olympus, it'll be likely that she'll side against me."
"So a little before the Labyrinth. Okay, let's see how he helps out." Percy said with interest.
"Wait," Thalia frowned, "He said he was in college…he's way above the Great Prophecy than."
Percy paused and his shoulders slumped, "So it was me all along. Figures. It probably wouldn't have happened to any other child of the Big Three then."
Why was his life so stupidly annoying?
Naruto frowned for his father. He knew what it was like for a friend, someone you trusted, to turn against you. And Hades didn't have a lot of friends or trustworthy people, which was why he was so protective of his children and Persephone.
"Well, if you socialized more." Hera tutted.
"The last time I went to one of your parties I ended up in the dunk tank."
Hera glared at Poseidon. "I told you to never bring that thing."
"We had a friendly little bet! He lost." The sea god shrugged.
"Well, try to be optimistic and understand why she's turning against Olympus. Maybe if you can talk her out of it or something...Without trying to trick her." Naruto added as an afterthought. Hades seemed to contemplate his advice and Naruto took that as his signal to leave. He was stopped when the Lord of the Underworld said his name.
"Naruto, after you conceal the crime I want you find the creature that caused this...and show them the same mercy any other man would."
"...So, no mercy whatsoever?" Naruto asked, a small smirk on his face.
"If that is what you perceive to be the mercy of other men," Hades said.
"Okay, starting to like the runt too." Ares smiled.
Naruto grimaced. This was another test. Hades was fond of giving small tests to his children, to see what they would do with his backing. Hitler passed a few, surprisingly, but failed more as his grudge took hold of him. Naruto turned and left Hades' throne room, his eyes hard and determined.
He had a murderer to frame.
"I'm getting a Dexter vib here." Hermes stroked his chin.
But first, he had to change.
The State of Washington was chilly this time of year.
"Are you serious!?" Kiba's angry voice rang through the device in Naruto's hand as the blond made his way down through the streets of Forks. Naruto now wore a black leather jacket with an orange band around the left arm and an orange stripe down the right over a Clockwork Orange poster-shirt.
"Ah, the appreciation of the classics." Ares smiled, making Apollo glare at him.
"That's my line."
"I know, but the violence makes me smile."
Hephaestus snorted, "A drowning cat amuses you."
"Hey, hey!" Ares pointed at him with a fat finger. "Polish metal gets you off, and violence gets me off. Don't judge."
Athena added, "We would never do that."
"You're mocking me again."
"Yes, yes I am."
"…Fuck you."
Boot cut blue jeans held up by a studded belt fell down to steel-tipped boots.
"Yeah, we'll have to finish the ink tomorrow," Naruto said into his cellphone as he walked through the woods of the small town. He, unlike other demigods, was not as at risk of being attacked by monsters for using technology. Mostly because his existence was not exactly shared with the rest of the Olympians, but that was a story for another time.
"That makes no sense." Annabeth frowned, "Unless it was a magic phone. Do we have those?"
"Do you think they have wand apps?" Percy asked. He could use an auto-clean app for his bedroom.
Naruto shifted his phone from one hand to the other and adjusted his leather jacket, all the while, looking around at the people with distrust on his face.
This town was full of rather chipper people despite the deaths that took place. And, for some reason, Naruto felt as though he were being watched constantly. Granted, he was a bit paranoid – it was in the blood, just ask his uncle, grandfather and great-grandfather – but the feeling he had was definitely not his paranoia acting up. It was legit.
Kiba tisked. "That sucks. Now I have to worry about you spreading bad rumors concerning my art."
"Oh, I promise I'll only show the cute girls," Naruto said nonchalantly while he adjusted his jacket and grimaced as it started to rain. He hated the rain. It was so gloomy, and he really got enough of that when he dealt with his father.
"I am not gloomy." Hades huffed, "I'm down to earth."
"Is that what they call it now?" Demeter looked amused.
"You're the biggest of assholes."
"Not true, I'm pretty sure that title belongs to the elephants of Africa." Naruto stepped out of the way of a pasty-skinned pretty boy and his girlfriend (who Naruto saw as an 'average' girl, maybe a six out of ten if she tried) as they walked down the street together. They didn't look at where they walked and just stared into each other's eyes. Naruto gagged. "That was disgusting."
"…So they do exist." Leo said with wide eyed terror.
"Faster, faster." Jason hissed to Nico.
He didn't want to hear about Valdez rant.
"What was?"
"This dude and his girlfriend. Arrows of Cupid hit them both hard or something...they were just staring at each other as they walked down the street." Naruto shuddered. It was like that time he visited his father for Christmas when he was ten and was still in the 'girls are gross' stage. Seeing the way Hades and Persephone looked at each other then made him gag.
Hades looked smug at his farmer sister. "It's so nice to have her during the season for family."
"Why you-!"
"Sister, calm down." Hestia chided and looked to her eldest brother. "And you stop provoking her."
"I promise nothing." The Lord of the Dead replied.
"Sounds like something out of my ro-My sister's romance novels."
Naruto blinked as he thought about what Kiba just said. He smirked. "Your sister's novels, huh? Should I ask Hana about her collection when I ask her out?"
"Stay. Away. From. Hana."
"You can't make me." Naruto smirked. "Hana's a big girl and I'm a big boy. Last I heard, she likes 'em big."
Apollo pursed his lips, unsure how to feel here.
"I will ink you in your sleep!"
"But wouldn't he hear it?" Hazel frowned in thought.
"It's the thought that counts?" Frank shrugged.
Naruto laughed. "Talk to you later, Kiba. Tell Hana to expect a call soon."
"YOU MOTHERFUC-!" Naruto hung the phone up and he could've sworn that he heard a faint howl of anguish come from the south.
No, wait, that was an actual howl. Naruto frowned, that wasn't a good sign. He looked up as rain began to fall and grimaced. He had to hurry and get to the crime scene so he could get a potential target to frame.
"Are we sure we should be supporting this?" Hera frowned at her husband.
As the god of justice, he did find this to be slightly unfair.
"We do have a balance to maintain." Hades pointed out.
And it was a very good point. "I support it." Zeus stated firmly.
There weren't a lot of options in the long run.
The first thing Naruto had done was find the nearest, sleaziest rich man in the state, plant a few 'trophies' he'd forged and/or stolen from the damned under his father's thumb, and then he had to, for lack of a better term, force a suicide. Call it murder, but there'd be no trial or jury after him. Naruto would be back in California faster than Apollo could get to Tibet, finishing off his body art and then – hopefully – getting to home base with Kiba's hot sister, all while police would just discover the corpse of his chosen scapegoat.
Judgmental eyes shifted to Zeus and Hades, both looking unmoved by their stares.
I wonder if asking about her favorite position during dinner would be considered in bad taste? Naruto absently thought
"It really is." Aphrodite nodded, "At least wait until dessert."
as he tightened the noose around the neck, and then tossed the other end of the rope over a banister. He pulled on the rope and lifted his target off of the ground by a good foot or so. He'd not even bothered to ask the man's name, having already forgotten it once he learned how filthy rich the man was. Really, it was almost a sin.
And Naruto didn't even believe in the Seven Sins!
Well, except for Greed.
And Lust.
And Gluttony.
And–
Hm, on second thought, I guess I do believe in them. Naruto thought as he pulled the rope tighter, a look of nonchalance on his face as he casually strangled a man to death.
Ares bellowed a laugh. "Got another winner here, Hades!"
Hades looked like he swallowed a lemon.
An Ares compliment was never a good thing after all.
Since his existence as Hades' son was considered 'secret', he was exempt from being tried as a murderer.
"In a mortal court." Hades muttered.
Like Apollo and Aphrodite don't already know I exist, please. I'm sure the Dove has already sorted out my love life.
Aphrodite was all smiles at this, "I try. Honest."
"And that's the truth." Apollo beamed.
Piper just buried her face into her palms. Why was her mom so embarrassing.
Naruto pushed his away the desk his target was struggling to get to with his foot. He scowled at the back of the middle-aged billionaire's head. Man, my arm is starting to get tired. Why the hell aren't you dead yet?
"Good question, you'd think he'd croak by now." Nico remarked.
"I think he's struggling to live." Percy commented.
Nico gave his cousin that one.
Naruto was more than aware how twisted it was that he was so blasé about killing someone. One must understand though, in his eyes, this was just another job. In a way, he was doing this for his thunder-pants of an uncle. The thought of the 'Bolt-Farter' as his father called the King of Olympus made Naruto snort. Talk about the definition of 'hypocrisy'.
Zeus sent his brother the dirtiest of looks, but he merely held up his hands.
"It's not my fault you're in the dictionary under hypocrisy, Zeus."
"I am not!"
"Bull!"
Zeus glared at his wethead brother.
Poseidon pointed, "Sorry, I thought I saw one going down the hallway. My mistake."
Zeus gripped the armrests of his throne as he scowled at his brothers messing with him.
Oh there'd be a reckoning soon, he could smell it.
Zeus was so sure he knew what was right for everyone. Yes, well, wisdom was good an all, but having wisdom doesn't automatically make you wise. After all, only fools call themselves wise. It is those who say they know nothing, but are willing to learn, that are truly wise. No wise god would let the Chimera, a creature that was insanely hard to kill, roam free after it failed to do the job it was contracted to do.
"Technically that was his mother's fault, not mine." Zeus rebuffed.
"And who contracted her?" Percy asked his uncle.
Zeus just glared at him.
Didn't stop Percy from making his point though.
Naruto was torn away from his grudge-focused thoughts when he felt his target go limp. The blond stared at the body for a moment, letting it hang for a moment, before he sighed. That took much longer than he'd thought it would. Naruto grabbed a stool and moved it to stand next to the body, tying off the rope and then cutting it to an appropriate length. He then looked around the room, ignoring the lightly rotating body as it hung from the rafter.
"Well, better clean this up." Naruto muttered to himself. He jumped down from the stool and set about staging the scene. Then, with careful practice and abusing his powers over the dead, Naruto forged a suicide note with the aide of the freshly deceased. Before the spirit could complain, Naruto banished him back to Charon's waiting room once the letter was done and read it over. "...Your name was A. L. Davis? Oh, dude, I just did you a friggin favor."
With the frame job done, only one thing kept Naruto from returning to the Golden State and that would be the monster that caused this whole mess. Easy enough. He was no Hunter of Artemis – the whole having a penis thing would've made that a bit difficult – but he wasn't a slouch. Hades was the Lord of the Underworld, and monsters resided within, so naturally, Hades had a very miniscule grasp over the beasts and nightmares that made demigods afraid of the dark. It was enough of a grasp that a little, not a voice, but almost a sixth sense or a radar was present within the back of the blond demigod's head.
"Monster radar, never leave home without one." Frank kissed Hazel atop her head.
Following it led Naruto deep into the woods of Washington, deep enough that if he fell against this monster, only his father or one of his father's servants would be able to claim his body. However, that wasn't going to happen for two reasons. The first, and most obvious reason, was that Naruto was a teenager. Almost twenty, a rarity among Greek demigods in this day and age.
"Note the Greek part." Percy said with mock awe, "If only we had a huge family community for demigods and their parents."
Reyna shook her head, "It's just how our society is, Percy."
"I know, but is it wrong to wish for it?"
"Not at all." Annabeth agreed with him.
Especially considering he was a son of Hades, which meant, for those unaware, that his scent was very potent, and not in a good way.
Apollo held up a cologne bottle, "Big Three. Because you're worth it."
"I demand a refund!" Percy shook his fist in the air.
The second reason was that Naruto was an expert, not a master though he may claim to be to instill wary into his foes, when it came to using Shadow Travel. He could venture to other continents on a whim, but generally chose not to because he usually forgot his passport and a luggage bag to throw off mortals.
"Can I ever do that?" Nico asked his dad since he still had a range on him if he didn't want to turn into shadows himself.
"As you mature, yes." Hades answered.
(Fun fact: The farthest Naruto had ventured was to Antarctica, and that was merely to settle a bet that: "Yes! Penguins are dangerous!" That Bitch-avian or whatever his name was learned that the hard way.)
"Please tell me he did what I think he did." Jason wished with his eyes closed.
"I think so, I approve." Reyna grinned.
To add to Naruto's repertoire, he had a magical pouch of throwing knives given to him by his second ex-girlfriend. (A daughter of Hermes who was felled by a cannibal giant that had found his scent on her to be intoxicating. A shame too, Naruto had truly liked her.)
"I don't know if I would approve at all." Hermes frowned at Hades.
"Not my fault nor my care."
"Heartwarming, aren't you Uncle?"
"As ice, Hermes. As ice."
"But he murders with a carefree disposition, Hermes!" Apollo pointed out, "I thought you'd like that?"
"That's old me! I don't want my kids getting into murder! Sure, gambling and robbery is cool, but murder is…" The messenger god trailed off.
"Probably the best she had." Ares grinned.
Hermes just gave him a scathing look.
The knives would return to the pouch seconds after being tossed, so it was an infinite ammunition and a close range weapon.
"You really like giving those out, huh?" Annabeth asked Hermes, remembering her other getting a pouch of them.
"It's one of my top three favorites."
Naruto trained hard, day and night, until he was able to pin the wings of a fly to the wall and disarm those armed with broadswords. What was once a trick in films was now something Naruto could do with his eyes closed or a hand tied behind his back.
"Meh, mildly impressed. My kids could do better." Apollo argued.
Artemis looked at Thalia.
"Archery first. Then knife play." Thalia stated at the pressure her matron liked to put on her at times.
Artemis nodded to that.
So, with his skillset, it could be said that Naruto had confidence that he'd not die that day. That did not mean he did not have his guard up. No, far from it. If anything, his guard was as firm as the walls of Troy against Greece's initial assault.
Prior to the use of the Trojan horse, that is.
That wariness only rose as Naruto felt his inner radar go off the charts, his heart beat steadily rose as a wet, muted rip and a hard snap echoed in the woods. The sound of flesh being torn and bone being broken was not new for the son of Hades, but it was unsettling to say the least to hear the noise so far from the Fields of Punishment. Naruto passed a tree and found the source of the noise.
Seated in the nude over the corpse of a modern-day hunter – the remains of camouflaged clothes under an orange vest and a rifle discarded off to the side made that deduction 'elementary'
"And that's what you get for using a gun." Artemis rolled her eyes.
"Nothing wrong with a good piece." Ares argued.
"A bow and arrow is a true challenge for a hunter! Not point, pull, bang!"
"You're biased!"
"Damn right I am." Artemis glared at the war god, who glared right back.
– was a humanoid figure. It was thin, like a skeleton, but the limbs were too long and the purple skin that was present was taut, almost as if the figure had been starved. Naruto narrowed his eyes, he'd heard of this creature from the folklore of the few spirits of Native Americans that still roamed the earth, seeking to defend their descendants and man from the evils of beyond.
The Wendigo. A creature that was once human who gave themselves over to cannibalism, sacrificing their soul and replacing it with an endless hunger.
"Ew, no skin cream would ever fix that." Aphrodite blanched.
"I've seen a few, truly heinous creatures." Artemis agreed with a frown.
Apollo leaned over to Hermes, "They're agreeing, get the bunker supplies."
Hermes snapped a salute.
Leo looked at Piper.
"What?"
"Well?"
"Oh, oh! Just because I'm Native American, I should know what it is?" Piper frowned at her friend.
"Kinda sorta, but I'm just gonna say I'm assuming and willing to make an ass out of myself here."
"…You're lucky I do." Piper crossed her arms. "He pretty much said what it was. Its stories are mainly associated with the Algonquian, which are really more east coast than west coast, but I guess they can just pop up anywhere." She listed off from memory. "It inspired a lot of horror fiction actually."
"…She pulled an Annabeth." Percy whistled, getting a glare from his girlfriend.
A part Naruto would've preferred it to be a werewolf, because then he would've felt at least a bit guilty for the punishment.
Now?
Naruto gently unsnapped the lid over his throwing knives' holster and slowly drew one knife. The sharp edge of the blade gently scraped against the side of the container in his haste to hurry the draw of his weapon, and Naruto bit back a curse. The Wendigo's ear twitched and its voracious feeding stopped as it looked up from its meal.
Naruto went still, his hand tight around his blade and his gaze focused on the tree beyond the creature, so it remained in his peripheral sight, but was not directly in his gaze. The Wendigo hunted by motion and sound. It could hear the sound of a pounding heart, so Naruto's priority was to keep calm. The lanky figure in the corner of his vision, that his brain registered as present but did not focus on, slowly turned and released a raspy roar, akin to a shriek. It rose, towering over him at a whopping nine feet, with the remains of a partially eaten human leg in its grasp. Naruto watched it move from the corner of his eye, quick and erratic, like it was jittery.
Must be part of the always being hungry thing, Naruto mused.
"I know the feeling." Nico confessed with a sour face. He really hated remembering that time he was imprisoned.
He waited patiently for it to settle back down and return to its meal. Once he was sure that its attention was off of him, Naruto resumed preparing for the quick kill. Skilled though he may be, Wendigo were notoriously hard to kill in a fight, even one-on-one, and the best way to kill them was to surprise them. The only reason they had remained so low in number was the taboo on cannibalism that had predated the gods' venture west.
"The one good thing Father ever helped with." Hestia nodded sternly.
The rest of the original six nodded to this in vigorous agreement.
It was one of the reasons Hades' admitted to approve of the Native Americans' spiritual beliefs. Naruto narrowed his eyes and focused on the visible spinal chord at the base of the monster's skull. That was arguably the weakest point any monster had.
After all, it can't eat you if it doesn't have a head.
Just before Naruto could throw his knife, his phone began to ring, a techno-pop beat muted slightly by his jeans and Eric Prydz' high pitch repeating: Call on me-e-e, call on me!
"And this is why we don't like you children to have cellphones." Athena sighed as Hades looked a touch embarrassed at this.
"Besides the whole airwaves out to kill us thing." Percy added.
Athena glared at him, "Yes. That."
Shit! Naruto thought as he quickly went through with his throw just as the Wendigo turned to snarl at him, flesh dangling from its many two-inch long, crooked and sharpened yellow teeth. The knife flew through the cannibalistic monster's gaping mouth and imbedded in the tree behind it with a thunk.
"You got a little something in your teeth dear." Aphrodite said.
"And in its mouth." Ares chuckled at the shot, taking a picture on his phone. "Sweet."
Naruto quickly pulled out another two knives, one for each hand and watched the Wendigo warily as it stayed in place, stuck mid-snarl. Then, it slowly dissolved into golden dust and Naruto relaxed. He let his shoulders fall and dropped his knives as he slumped against the nearest tree. His heart was racing. That damn phone...Naruto grit his teeth and angrily dug the device from his pocket. A check on the side and he saw that yes, he'd set it to silent and do not disturb.
"Okay, who set it off?" Hades said, glaring at his family, a strong look at Demeter and Zeus. And yes, in that order.
"It wasn't me." Demeter said defensively. "I don't go after your children."
Zeus looked at Hades dryly, "You think I would set off a phone on him?"
"Hm, true, you'd just fry him. Hades narrowed his eyes in thought.
"Exac-" Zeus paused at his near slip.
Poseidon clicked his tongue.
The only way it could've been overridden was by someone of the divine sort-
"A fine ass and fine aim! Can't believe you almost didn't even give the poor thing a chance. Still, at least you lived, not bad."
"What this I hear?" Leo held a hand to his ear, "A godly booty call in the works?"
"No way." Percy scoffed.
"Please, with that opening line? Whoever it is wants it!"
"It depends who it is." Aphrodite stated.
The source of the compliment was a young woman that looked like she was in her late teens or early twenties. She had skin that was so pale it was almost white, but with the same bluish tint that could be found on the lips of the dead. Her hair was jet black and fell to her shoulders. She wore tight black leather pants that were kept around her waist by a chain belt and a black long sleeve shirt with a smiling Boo from the game Super Mario Bros. 3 embellished and brought attention to her ample bust.
The features that stood out most to Naruto were her eyes. Sclerae that were black as the void itself with pupils that shined like gold stared at his undoubtedly annoyed deep ocean blues. Lips colored black were set in a coy smile that sent off all sorts of alarms in the back of Naruto's mind, both those for good and bad situations.
Hades let out a pained groan as he rubbed his eyes. "Oh no…"
"Melinoe." Naruto greeted the goddess curtly, his mouth set in a small frown.
"Stop!" Thalia said as Nico was gaping at the book, "She can turn off all that ugly?"
"She is a goddess Thalia." Artemis told her.
"I know, but, damn!"
"Wish she did that more often." Apollo whistled.
The ghost goddess' smile widened slightly and she slipped the phone in her hand back into her front pocket.
"Aw, don't be like that. I came all this way out here to watch you make some art!" Melinoe walked up to him and put a hand on his chest, a gleam in her eyes like those of a child's on Christmas morning. "And I always appreciate fine art."
"Well, if she does…" Apollo preened as Hades glared at him.
"Don't even think about it."
"Too late, ideas in my head. And they are sexy~"
"...Don't you have some hostels to haunt?" Naruto asked, slightly uncomfortable. Slightly because Melinoe was the daughter of Hades, which made her his half-sister. And though he was half-Greek, he had not been raised to follow the 'Incest is Wincest' bandwagon that she'd grown with. However, there was that damnable little voice nagging at him in the back of his head, whispering encouragement: "She may be undead, but dem tits doe!"
"I get that voice all the time." Apollo nodded, he felt his heart go out for the little dude.
...I really need to stop surfing through Urban Dictionary in my spare time. Naruto mused.
"You watch too many horror flicks," Melinoe said with a scoff. "Everyone knows that institutions are the places to haunt."
"Of course, how could I be so dumb?" Naruto asked dryly.
"I'll let it slide, but it'll cost you a favor for that cheek of yours." Melinoe smiled up at him and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.
"I believe they call this stranger danger." Artemis frowned.
"Not really, it's his sister." Apollo grinned.
"…What are you thinking?" The huntress accused.
Apollo blinked at her, "Uh, nothing. Why, what are you thinking?"
"Nothing."
"Good."
"W-what sort of favor?" He dared to ask. Naruto's eyes went wide when her hand trailed down to rest on his thigh. Melinoe licked her lips and leaned up against him, her smile resembling that of a jack-o-lantern's on Halloween night.
Hades let out a painful grunt as his siblings snickered at him.
Naruto's eyes cracked open and he sat up to yawn. As he stretched, he examined his surroundings, realizing quickly that he was once more in his room. The walls were covered by posters of cult horror films such as Evil Dead, The Thing, Dead-Alive, Return of the Living Dead, and of course, the two Dawn of the Dead posters. The 1978 variant hung over the window just as the 2004 was, both in frames and both signed by the mortal lord of the undead, George A. Romero. Knick-knacks and collectable horror toys litters shelves, and clothes were strewn throughout the room.
"Huh, nice place. Horror classic guy." Leo nodded in approval.
His orange and navy blue bedding was littered with sweat, a few bloodstains – those'd have to be cleaned up as soon as possible – and various toys that belonged to his 'after-hours' job.
"I hope he doesn't charge by the hour." Aphrodite pursed her lips.
"Mom!"
There was a light moan and Naruto turned to the source. He found Melinoe, resting like she were mortal, just as nude as he was, and with something wrapped around her neck. A second glance made Naruto realize it was his belt. The sight of the red line beneath it, as well as the used and discarded prophylactic that rest between them sobered Naruto up faster than any shower or pot of coffee ever could.
"Whoa, your kids are the kinky sort huh?" Ares smirked to his uncle, "They inherit that?"
Demeter gave Hades a furious look while the Lord of the Dead did his best to avoid eye contact.
Well, he thought as he rose the bed and went to the bathroom. This'll definitely be omitted from the report.The last thing I want is for Dad to marry me to my sister in unholy matrimony.
"I honestly feel it might do that girl some good." Hera smiled at Hades.
"No." Hades rubbed his eyes, "Not now. Give me a minute or decade to process this."
"I know this wonderful area near the beachfront for weddings." Poseidon pitched.
"Silence. Please." Hades begged.