Okay, here is Chapter 10. Like Chapter 9 it's not the best I've ever written and it took me a lot of time to finish it so don't expect too much! I have to thank my beta and all the wonderfull people who encouraged me (yes I mean you too Trish!) to go on with my work. You all mean a lot to me! I don't when I'm able to finish the story, I think it will last a little bit! So forgive me my slowness and have a little patience!
Chapter 10
It was beautiful here.
Warming sunrays were shining on him and warming his body. He could hear the splashing of water, the waves breaking against the cliff- face. He felt sand between his fingers, also something sharp, maybe small seashells or stones.
Where was he?
Maybe he was lying on a beach somewhere near his apartment. Probably he had a week-end off and now he was relaxing on the beach.
But he was alone.
Where was his partner?
Normally he would be sitting beside him and incessantly talked to him; about childhood memories or his last meeting with a woman. However, this time it was too quiet. He couldn't hear his friend's voice.
He felt a pleasant warmth building up in him, felt the sunrays on his skin. It was really wonderful here. There was no reason to leave but something wasn't right.
He felt lonely.
Why was he alone here?
Where was his partner? Where was his friend?
He decided to look after him but where should he begin? He wasn't on the beach, he couldn't see him.The waves became stronger, reached his shoulders and floated him out into the sea.
Maybe he should search there; the waves would carry him and float him out into the open sea.
He would find him, he was sure. He had to be out there, and he would find him.
Now he was swimming; the waves dragged him further out to the open sea. Suddenly the waves were higher and rougher, they broke over his head and saltwater splashed into his face.
He blinked and tried to fight against the waves, but they came higher and higher. His body was flung round in a swirl. He struggled back to the surface, but was immediately pressed under water again. He was fighting for oxygen and opened his eyes wide.
It was dark and he heard loud thunder, something flashed and he felt raindrops on his cheeks. He gasped for air, the waves towered up round him, whirled his body around like a doll. Suddenly he discovered another body floated in the waves. He didn't recognize the face but it seemed somehow familiar to him. Dark curly hair surround ed his face; he tried to touch the body and reached for the faceless head.
He saw a pale face; deep blue eyes looked at him.
Suddenly he remembered the face. It was his friend.
His stretched out his hand to seize the body, but when he tried to hold on to him and beg him to stay with him a wave rolled over both of them and his friend disappeared into the depths.
He cried out, tried to hold on to him, but he had disappeared. Once more he cried out.
His friend, his partner, he had lost him.
He had to go to him if he didn't save him he was lost, he would die. He yelled after him.
"Don't leave me alone, I'm scared, get me out here, don't let my stay alone!"
But the body had disappeared.
He had lost him.
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Starsky slowly woke up from the deep, black unconsciousness with the worst headache of his life. These things were relative and it was not the first one but it was the worse he ever had. He was lying in a soft, warm bed and because of the smell that hit his nose he was sure that he definitely was in a hospital.
He had the feeling that he had slept for an eternity. A pleasant feeling spread through his body, his aching and tense muscles relaxed.
Safety.
He was safe now, no kidnappers, and no menacing weapons. Somebody called his name as from a distance, the voice penetrated into his sub consciousness, but he was still too tired to open his eyes again. Starsky recognized the voice, it provided security and shelter, but he didn't understand what the voice told him. But it calmed him down and so he trusted it. The voice was very soft it was getting more and more insistent.
He heard 'help' and 'Get me out of here'. What did this voice want him to do, it was nice here, and he didn't want to go away.
But the voice insisted.
'Please don't leave me alone! I'm scared! Get me out of here.'
Now the voice had a body, he saw two sky-blue eyes staring at him, begging. He knew these eyes, as well as he also knew the voice. The imploring eyes closed and then the body disappeared. Starsky wanted to reach for the body, to hold on tight but the voice was quiet now.
Starsky murmured something incomprehensible his head hurt badly and when he tried to turn on his side a razor-sharp pain flashed through his left leg and with a loud groan he rolled back again. Again he heard a voice, it was something different, and louder this time. Somebody lifted his eyelid and a bright light beam assaulted his pupil. He turned his head aside and with his right hand he hit out at the troublemaker. Whoever it was, he didn't want to wake up now, he loved the security and warmth of the place; it was too tempting.
Unfortunately the throbbing pain in his left leg stopped him from returning. Again he groaned quietly, the dazzling light was there again and this time it was shining in his other eye too. He squeezed his eyes tight so that this uninvited guest couldn't disturb him in the dark
But the light didn't let up. This time it shone with full intensity in both his eyes, no matter how firmly he squeezed both eyelids, the light drilled its way through the darkness.
Now another, brighter voice was talking to him, it seemed familiar. His sub consciousness told him that maybe now would be the right time to listen to this voice, even if he didn't understand exactly what it wanted. Carefully and very, very slowly Starsky opened his eyes.
Confused he looked around; his gaze was wandering round the unfamiliar room. All of a sudden he became conscious of where he was.
The familiar smell of disinfectant returned and he could hear the steady, slow peep of a heart monitor. His veiled, blurred vision fixed two dark points above him. After a while he recognized Reeba's familiar brown eyes looking at him anxiously. The second person he couldn't remember stood beside his bed and wrote something on a card.
"David...Thank God you're awake! Welcome back! You really frightened us!" Reeba's nervous expression changed to a relieved smile. She bent down to him and softly touched with her fingers over his forehead. Surprised Starsky looked at the young woman.
"W- what?"
Starsky was frightened by his own croaking voice. Why he was so damn tired? His head felt like cotton and his eyelids were as heavy as lead. He cleared his throat
"I...Thirst...!"
"Oh ...yes, here!" Reeba passed a mug with a straw to him and Starsky greedily drank the cool water while Reeba supported his head. Relieved he fell back on his pillow and he closed his eyes.
"David...come on now, don't fall asleep again! Do you remember anything? Do you know where you are?"
Again he heard Reeba's worried voice directly beside his ear. Of course he remembered. The car accident, the hospital and soon she'd be asking him about the current president of the United States and wanting to know his age.
But what else?
His thoughts drifted off, he was too tired to think about such things now, but this time Reeba's voice became more insistent and she turned his head
"Hey, stay awake...you've slept long enough!" She tapped his face softly with her fingers. "Don't you dare, officer!"
Starsky blinked and this time forced himself to open his eyes and look at the two people beside his bed.
"That's it! David...you really had us frightened the last few days. It's time that you stayed amongst the living."
Starsky slowly nodded his head, confused he looked round and tried to turn on his side once more but he couldn't, new pain flashed through his leg and he cried out.
"Where...where...uugghh...God...my leg…it hurts…" His fingers fumbled for his thigh.
"Please, David, lay still...will you?"
"Reeba ...? What…what happened...?" Starsky looked round searching for something familiar. "Where ... where's Hutch?"
"Sshht...David...I'll tell you everything, but please relax and don't try to move." Starsky saw Reeba secretly wiped some tears away and clasped his right hand in her left.
"David, do you remember? The transporter crashed into the ledge and fell into a gulch. Your left leg is broken and you have a concussion, but everything is fine."
Starsky blinked and he could see more clearly now. His left leg hurt like hell; it was in a splint, bandaged from his toes up to his thigh and was propped up with several cushions. It felt twice as thick as his good leg and throbbed even worse than his skull. He clenched his teeth and suppressed a groan. Carefully he touched his aching forehead and got a better look at Reeba. He saw that she had been crying; her eyes were red-rimmed. Her face was bruised; her right arm was in a thick white cast and was lying on the armrest of the wheel chair. He could see that she was worried and it was obvious that she was trying to hide it.
"Reeba...what...what about you... you look as bad...as I-I feel. How long have I been here and where's Hutch? I-I know he's injured." He looked around wildly but the bed beside him was empty.
A nasty feeling crept up on him; Hutch wasn't with him in the same room. He knew his friend had been in very serious condition, but how bad was it?
"Hey calm down...nothing much happened to me..." Sh emanaged a forced smile. "I was more concerned about you! You have been unconscious for the last three days!"
"What...three days?! What happened?"
"Year... Poor Dr. Gilbert here was worried that your head injury was worse than he expected. But the x-rays found a fully working brain in that stubborn skull! But please, don't pull a stunt like this again, do you hear? You scared me!"
Starsky looked at them without understanding a word.
"Hutch...where...where is he, he's injured...I-I want to see him..."
"Wow, Detective, stay calm!" Dr. Gilbert said. "You've been out of things for the last couple of days."
He raised Starsky's bed to the seated position and pushed his patient back against it. "Relax, your body knows what it needs, rest. Don't overdo it now." The doctor said with a firmly. "You and your partner have kept us on the trot for some days, you know that?!"
"Okay doctor, sorry for causing you so much trouble, but where's...where's...my partner? I know he's here in the hospital. Tell me, what's wrong with him, or I.."
"Call the police?!" In spite of all Reeba had to keep back a grin.
'Like The Musketeers'
"You have been in a coma with no reactions for three days so you were in another room."
But Starsky wasn't listening to the doctor.
"Reeba!!! What's the matter with Hutch?" He looked at her. "Please, he's...is he...?"
"No, he's alive, but..."
'But'...again there it was, this damn 'But' he had felt all the time.
Reeba sighed, took a deep breath and exchanged a brief look with Dr. Gilbert.
"Okay Detective..." Dr. Gilbert lowered his voice. "I think I'll get Dr. Samuels in here and he can talk to you..."
"I don't want to talk to another doctor...I want to see Hutch...now!"
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Half an hour later Starsky sat in a wheel chair in a small waiting room of the intensive care unit. He had to use every power of persuasion he could master to convince his doctor that he had to go to his friend now and right away. And his doctor's warnings that he definitely would risk his health, couldn't dissuade him from his plan either. No power in the world could stop him and finally, the doctor had given way and stopped warning him about the consequences.
Two nurses helped Starsky to get out of the bed. Thisleft him exhausted but he managed to get into the wheel chair. The doctor had given him a strong painkiller and his headache had also decreased to a bearable level. He was a little dizzy but as long as he didn't turn his head too fast it was tolerable.
Reeba had to have another x-ray of her arm and so Starsky was sitting alone in the waiting room and was waiting to see his friend.
Starsky stared at the clock on the wall and then at the door. It seemed to take forever but finally, it opened. A tired, exhausted doctor in blue clothes came in, his eyes looked tired and pearls of sweat stood out on his forehead. It only took Starsky one look to see that the doctor had had no rest the last 72 hours.
"Detective David Starsky?"
"Hmm...Yes, I'm David Starsky...what...what about my partner?"
Starsky felt a thick knot in his throat and swallowed hard. The doctor took a seat and looked at Starsky.
"My name's Dr. Samuel, I'm your friend's attending doctor and surgeon." He sounded sad when he looked into Starsky's deep blue eyes, appraising how much of the truth he could tell the injured detective. Starsky's eyes were so full of fear, but at the same time a spark of hope also flickered there. In spite of this, Samuels knew that he had to tell him the truth even if it was difficult.
"Detective...I know that you want to see your friend, but I want to talk to you first."
Starsky became more and more alarmed,why was the doctor beating around the bush?
"Doc...Please I need to know the truth, is my friend still alive?"Starsky felt choked with fear.
"Detective, your friend has suffered a massive gun shot wound in his abdomen, multiple rib fractures and an infection is developing."
'He has'...Present, not past.' Starsky thought with relief.
"The bullet shattered two ribs and damaged several veins. As you probably know his lung collapsed. He had internal bleeding; we have removed the fragments and stopped the bleeding. Because of the car accident another four ribs cracked and have caused a haemathorax. We have placed a chest tube, wired the broken ribs and ventilated the lung again. One of the ribs injured his heart muscle and caused a massive hematoma in that area. His heart stopped twice, but we managed to bring him back. It was difficult, but we stopped that bleeding too, but I can't say what damage was done to his heart. We have attached him to a respirator and we'll watch him very closely."
The doctor hesitated and watched Starsky very carefully. The last thing he needed now was one more patient collapsing with worry about his friend. All color had drained from the detective's already pale face and he looked petrified.
"Ken has lost a lot of blood and was dehydrated because of developing an infection; he got three units of blood, but he might need even more. Fortunately, no arteries are damaged...he would have bled to death in a few minutes. If the bullet hadn't been removed and the wound treated so well...Ken wouldn't have had a chance." Dr. Samuel said emphatically.
"Yes...Reeba..." Starsky slowly nodded like in trance. "She was great!"
Samuels smiled. "Detective Hutchinson owes her his life, but..."
"But what... Doc... He's alive, isn't he?"
Why was there always a 'but'?
Full of fear Starsky gripped the armrest of the wheel chair until his knuckles went white. "Please...I have to know the truth!"
"David..." Now Samuels' voice was very quiet and gentle, reassuringly he laid his hand on Starsky's and felt him trembling.
"Your partner is a very, very sick man, he's still in an extremely critical state and he's suffering. We have done what we were able to do but everything else is no longer in our hands. The human body can only take this kind of thing is up to a certain point and your friend's body has taken more than most people can handle. I'm sorry to tell you...but your friend is dying."
"No...no...No!" Starsky cried out. "He can't!"
Dr. Samuels had sat down beside Starsky and put his arm around his shoulder.
"Ken's condition's very serious, first it seemed as if he was back on the road to recovery and now it's as if he had suddenly stopped fighting, as if he had given up. And if this condition doesn't change soon, then ...then we'll lose him. He's suffering... and he's in so much pain. Detective...we have to make a decision..."
Suddenly Starsky was aware of what the doctor tried to tell him.
"You...you mean to allow him to die?!?"
Pure terror spread over Starsky's face.
"You want... no...that can't be true, I won't allow it... he can't die...I won't let him…" He shook his head as if he was in a trance.
"David..." Dr. Samuel looked firmly into his eyes, his voice as soft as silk. "Actually your friend is suffering more pain that anyone should have to endure. We only want to make it as comfortable as possible for him and I think this is what you would want. We have come to a point where we must decide what to do. We just don't want Ken to suffer even more."
Starsky felt tears slowly running down his cheeks and a deep emptiness spread in his mind. He couldn't suppress a quiet convulsive sobbing and desperately closed his eyes.
'God, Hutch...please...What should I do now, please tell me what I should do now!'
'Get me out of here...I'm scared...don't leave me alone...'
He remembered the voice, this voice he had heard in his dream!
Hutch!
"Doc...please, I also don't want him to suffer...but, he doesn't deserve this...I know Hutch. He would never give up so easy. I-I...please let me see him; I know that he needs me."
Samuelssilently looked atStarsky for a long time, then he smiled.
"Of course you can…go to him... and David?" Starsky looked up. "I understand your pain and your fear, nobody wants their friend to die, believe me. If you urge Ken to fight, then we'll do everything for him to get better. But at the moment he has given up and maybe you're the one who can bring him to the point to start fighting again."
"Dr. Samuel", Starsky had calmed down now and he directed his deep blue eyes firmly upon the doctor. "I will bring him back, and if it's the last that I do in this world. I know that he wants to come back, he just can't find the way."
Starsky remembered his dream again...was it really only a dream, or did he see Hutch's desperate soul. He wasn't sure, but he had heard his voice, his begging.
'Don't leave me alone, I'm scared, get me out of here!'
Hutch was caught in his own private hell and he would get him out there, no matter what all medical experts would say.
Samuels saw the pure desperation in the face of the tired detective, his eyes full of tears and nodded.
"Okay detective just give me a few minutes. I'll talk to the nurses. I'll leave you for a moment." Slowly he got up and went out of the room.
Starsky blinked and wiped away the tears that were welling up.
He felt alone, as if he had fallen into a deep black hole and there was nobody there to get him out again.
"He's dying…"
No, that can't be true!
"He's dying..."
It's a lie!
"He's dying..."
'He's strong, I know it. He never would do this... He's my best friend... Oh God I'm so tired...'
"I'm so sorry to tell you, but your friend is dying..."
Over and over again he heard these words like a sledgehammer in his brain. He didn't know what to do, he felt like crying but there were no more tears in his eyes, he felt like laughing at the absurd words, but there was a deep knot in his gut telling him that it might be the truth.
He was so scared. Never ever in his life had he felt so lonely and scared. It was like spider climbing up his heart. Nobody would be there to touch him, to rest a hand on his shoulder, to tell him that everything was going to be all right or simply to laugh with him.
Nobody was there.
He was alone.
He fought back his tears, pressed his palms against his eyes, took a deep sob and closed his eyes.
He began to shiver uncontrollably.
Then he heard himself crying. For the first time in nearly 24 hours he allowed himself to be weak. He heard himself sob as the tears ran down his cheeks and neck but he didn't care.
A nightmare.
Yes, this whole day was a terrible nightmare and he would wake up in just a few minutes and everything would be all right.
But he knew that he wouldn't wake up.
He knew that he would still be sitting in this damn chair in this damn room and would be hearing somebody saythose damn words over and over again.
"Sorry, he's dying..."
And he couldn't do anything about it.
Because he knew it was the truth.
With unseeing eyes he stared back at the door, hoping somebody would come, giving him the missing comfort of a human being. Suddenly he realized what the words would mean to him.
Nobody would ever be there to laugh with him, to play games with him, to give him a hug when something felt terribly wrong or to cry with him.
Like now.
Hutch wouldn't be there, he, his best friend and partner, he, the only one in this crazy world who meant something to him. He, who was more of a brother than his own flesh and blood.
Like twins.
His other half, his soul.
He wouldn't be there anymore.
His eyes were burning with tears now, a piercing scream burst out of him, more like a wounded animal than human. He rested his head in his arms and wept.
Suddenly he felt cold fingers on his neck and a hand touching his back. He heard a softly speaking voice soothing and whispering words of comfort in his ear.
When he looked up he saw Reeba's deep-brown eyes meeting his. Her tear-stained, sorrowful eyes were looking at him and her hand softly touched his head, wiping away his tears with a thumb.
Now he knew that he wouldn't be alone any more.
Maybe now there was somebody who was watching over him.
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A few minutes later a nurse let Starsky and Reeba into the small intensive care room then she quietly closed the door. Reeba discreetly waited in the background in an uncomfortable plastic chair. She didn't want to interfere in this very private moment.
The light in the room was very dim; the only noises were the steady peep of the heart monitor and the rhythmical hiss of the respirator. Starsky never had seen so much medical equipments in such a narrow space.
Starsky involuntarily stopped breathing; of course he had seen his friend lying in a hospital bed before. But he had never seen him in such a bad condition, never so vulnerable.
Hutch was lying flat on his back, his whole chest bandaged up with white dressings. A thin catheter was fixed near his right collarbone and several drips were connected to it. An i.v. was inserted in the back of his right hand, a blood transfusion slowly dripped there. On the left of the bed several drainage tubes could be seen under the blanket, a respiration tube pumped constantly and oxygen was supplied by the artificial respirator that almost completely covered Hutch's face.
His face.
The last time Starsky had seen it white and waxen like now was some years ago in exactly the same hospital, in exactly the same bed. When Hutch had that plague and had to fight for his life for several days.
'When he sleeps he looks like a small boy,' it came through his mind. Now this small boy was fighting for his life again.
Starsky rolled his wheelchair closer to the bed, so that he could comfortably reach Hutch's limp hand. Starsky quietly sighed and laid the big floppy hand with the long slender fingers in his smaller stronger hand and forgot everything round him. He only saw his seriously injured friend fighting for his life with every breath. The doctor was right, Hutch was suffering, and it almost broke his heart to see him suffering so much. His whole misery was reflected in his face and Starsky needed no doctor to tell him that his friend was struggling with death. He swore to himself that he would not leave this room, until Hutch's soul was ready to return again, no matter what he had to do.
Starsky laid his right hand on Hutch's chest and felt the slow sluggish heartbeat knocking against his palm. Feeling it calmed him down; it was the only really sign of life he could find at the moment. Hutch's respiration was completely taken over by a machine, his lungs filled with oxygen only with its help.
Starsky's hand moved to Hutch's face. It felt so unnaturally cold, his cheeks were so pale. Warily he stroked a hand over Hutch's forehead and with his fingertips he followed the very fair eyebrows. He sighed quietly.
"Hutch... I'm here now...it's time to wake up again, you hear me? You don't know what you're missing here! Your favorite private nurse is here too and she's quite wild to see your blue eyes again! You really don't want to annoy her, do you?" Tears streamed down his face and then it burst out of him.
"God...Hutch...why are you doing this? Why! Why?" Starsky's voice was one single hoarse scream. "You stubborn mule...Doctor told me you stopped fighting...but you don't...uh? You're just resting. But what do you think should I do now...I can't do this without you, Hutch! Please don't leave me now, you hear me...don't you dare..." Starsky desperately stared at the armada of medical equipment helping his friend to stay alive and then he looked back at Hutch's pale face.
Dark rings surrounding his eyes, sunken cheeks, the pale bloodless lips. Nothing was left of the man whose features Starsky knew so well that he could paint them with his eyes closed.
Starsky raised Hutch's hand and his head fell against it. Again the tears welled up in his eyes and this time he didn't fight them back.
He cried for his dying friend and for everything he already missed now. The shared laughter, the evenings sitting in front of the television eating pizza, the firm touch of a strong hand and most of all the feeling of not being alone.
He didn't hold back and cried out loud when he was overwhelmed by his feelings. Reeba stayed put in her chair; she couldn't help Starsky now. She was glad, that Starsky allowed his feelings to show now; the grief, the fury and the pain, before they drove him to despair. Even if his soul was one big wound now, it would heal sometime and would make him even stronger.
After the sobbing and groaning had subsided little by little, Starsky slowly lifted his head and looked up and waited for a small sign, a blink, a twitching, but nothing. Something that could indicate that Hutch had heard or felt him.
He was lying motionless in his bed, still kept alive by a couple of machines.
'God please, don't let him to go...give me my friend back, I need him...I can't let him die, I can't do this.'
Starsky had never felt so lonely until this moment.
It's toughest on the ones left behind!'
'Yeah...but I don't want to be the one left behind! I miss you Hutch.'
Starsky looked over to Reeba and smiled weakly.
"You remember...I told you that Hutch and I went through a lot," he began finally with a fragile voice. "One and a half years ago I was lying in a bed, chained to those damned machines, with a tube like that in my throat and a lot of other needles and tubes in my body." He closed his eyes when the painful memories welled up again. Reeba slid her chair closer to him and she tried to comfort his anguish. Softly she laid her left hand on Starsky's and tried to give him some power to go on.
Starsky looked at her.
"It was an attack in the Police Department garage. Hutch and I had pushed a criminal too far and stepped on his toes and then...three shots from close range...The doctors said, I was nearly dead, cardiac arrest, coma. But I survived, they couldn't explain it, regarded me as a medical miracle. But I know why I survived it... Hutch brought me back! Believe me I didn't have any other reason to come back, if this stubborn guy hadn't been there. He didn't let me die."
He fell silent and was quiet for a long time. Then after a while he continued with in lower voice.
"Hutch has always felt guilty. The feeling almost ate him up, he held himself responsible for the fact that I was hit. He had failed, he has told me, and now I have to suffer. Such an idiot...It was an accident, bad luck, call it what you want, but never his fault!
He was there, all the time in the hospital, day and night. He nearly drove the nurses and doctors insane. Every minute he was with me, he joined every physiotherapy session, endured my bad moods in silence and believe me, that was certainly the hardest one! After I was discharged from the hospital he lived in my apartment for nearly six months and looked after me. Cooked my food, washed my laundry, paid my bills and finished off his job as a cop. He's a mad guy, isn't he?" Starsky laughed. "And now? Look at what this fool has done... Only because he thought he had to protect me he's lying in this damn bed. As if he had to pay for guilt...God Hutch, why...why? It wasn't you're fault...never ever ..." He desperately squeezed his eyes shut and put his head in his neck.
Reeba softly pressed his hand.
"Dave… Ken had to do it, for sure Idon'tknowhimaswellasyou do but he had to, he wanted to protect you. That night in the bank, he told me that you're like his little brother. Well, a big brother has to protect his little brother. He loves you and so he has to do it, David. Maybe he also felt guilty, but don't you have them now too? Believe me, Ken would do everything for you...he would also die for you if he had to."
Now her voice was so quiet and gentle, she was whispering only.
"He loves you so much that he didn't want to watch something terrible happen to you again. Don't get mad at him. Take it as a gift, a very special gift."
Starsky couldn't prevent the tears any more that ran in streams down his face. He slowly nodded; Reeba was right.
Hutch's sacrifice was a present, he himself was the present and he would be a bad friend if he didn't accept it. He would unpack it and keep and carry it always in his heart, until he could transmit it maybe one day to somebody, who loved Hutch just like he loved him.
A sobbing came from down his throat, his voice was croaky as he took a deep breath and looked deeply in Reeba's eyes.
"Yes...I know, but it's so damn hard...it really hurts! I can't let him go, the thought of it kills me. I just want my friend back...You know... when I was unconscious...I had a dream, I dreamed that Hutch called me. He shouted out, he was afraid and implored me to help him. I tried to hold him back, but he just disappeared.... God, I had the chance to bring him back but I failed!
I don't know how I can help him now, Reeba, how should I bring him back?"
With shaking fingers he stroked Hutch's pale face. "Do you hear me Hutch? Come back to me, please, I need you..."
Starsky buried his face in his arm. Reeba glided softly over his curly hair and quietly whispered incomprehensible words in his ear.
A voice penetrated to his ear, he knew this voice. It told him a story but he didn't understand it. With every word this voice got louder and he heard how somebody called his name.
'You know this voice, listen to it.'
Maybe it was really better to listen to this voice for one moment.
'Come back to me, please, I need you.'
It was...the voice of his friend... but his friend had drowned, he was dead...who was talking to him then?
He decided not to listen to this voice, it caused him pain and he didn't want to endure more pain. It was already enough punishment for him that he wasn't able to hold on his friend and he had disappeared before his eyes. Whoever spoke there, he couldn't endure this voice much longer, and it hurts too much.
Soon the sobs and words died down and Starsky looked up. With the back of his hand he wiped the tears away and managed a forced smile.
"Uh... a nice friend am I, what? I'm wailing like a lap dog..."
Somebody laid a heavy hand on his shoulder; Starsky amazedly turned round and looked in the frowning worried face of Captain Dobey.
"Captain...!"
"Starsky, my God...You frightened the life out of me. When I saw your empty room, I thought..."
"Excuse me, Cap, I didn't know that I was so important...but I had to see Hutch first...he's bad, Cap, really bad..."
"Yeah Starsky, I know..." Dobey laid his big hand on Starsky's shoulder and squeezed it firmly. "So it's good that that you want him with us. Hutch needs you more than ever... But because of you two I'll be grey before I get any older..." He took out a handkerchief and mopped away the sweat off his forehead. "But here's somebody who was looking for you." Dobey pointed with his head to the door.
"Nat!"
A grin spread over Starsky's face and if he could he would have jumped up immediately, but instead he spread out his arms. Very shyly Nat stepped into the room and he stood rooted to the spot as he saw the motionless body lying in the bed, framed by all the medical equipment which filled most of the room. Finally he approached his mother hesitantly.
"Hey, it's okay Nat, David is doing fine, you won't hurt him!" Reeba cheered him up and pushed him gently in Starsky's direction.
"Hello Nat, you won't believe how glad I'm to see you again!" He took the boy in his arms and pressed him firmly. Then he held him at arm's length and looked at him. "Do you know actually, that you have saved all of our lives Nat? Without you we probably would be dead! You were very, very brave and I'm really proud of you!"
Nat blushed but then his features became serious again and he stared at the bed behind Starsky.
"Is this your friend you were waiting for?"
"Yeah, this is my friend. His name is Ken or Hutch if you like!"
"My Mom says he's very sick because...because he didn't want someone to shoot you. She says he did it because he's your best friend. Is that what friends do? Doing everything for each other?"
Starsky felt like a cold shiver ran down his spine, in spite of his youth Nat had said with a few words for what Starsky had needed years to find it burnt again in his eyes, he twinkled to suppress them and he succeeded a smile.
"Yes... that what friends...are for!"
"David may I talk...to your friend? I...I don't know if he could hear me...I would like to thank him because he protected my Mom and..." Nat stopped searching for words but Starsky had understood him a long time ago.
"Of course...don't be afraid, talk to him, I'm sure that he can hear you."
Slowly Nat moved up closer to the bed, bent over Hutch's head and whispered something in his ear. After a while he rose again and winced suddenly as the alarm on the heart monitor beside him went off. Hutch's pulse had risen very suddenly to double the rate and his blood pressure was rising rapidly. Starsky looked at Nat in confusion and at the same time took Hutch's hand again.
"Hutch! - What...what did you say to him Nat?...He must have heard you...what...what was it?" Nat anxiously pressed himself against his mother and shook his head.
"I... I, nothing..."
It became warmer again, the darkness passed and the sun rose. Again he heard a voice, this time brighter...a child. He didn't remember this voice, but it didn't frighten him. The spoken words comforted him and relieved his pain. 'I just want to thank you because you have saved my Mom...' He could hear every word clearly. 'Please, you have to get well again soon…I think she loves you ...'
The sun blinded him, now it became terrible hot, so hot that he believed he would burn...he wanted to go back, back into the darkness, it hurts, it was too hot. The sun was burning his skin; blisters were forming and he could smell burning flesh.
With firm strokes he swam away and dived deep into the pleasant coolness of the sea surrounded him like a cocoon. He felt safe here, why shouldn't he stay here. Where he came from there was only pain and suffering, so maybe he could find his friend here. From somewhere he heard a very quite voice again and he immediately felt safe.
He would continue to look for his friend, maybe he wasn't dead and maybe sometime he would find him somewhere...
After few minutes Hutch's pulse had returned to normal again and the alarm stopped too. Several times Starsky called Hutch's name, but without success, there was no other reaction.
Something in Nat's words had to have penetrated into Hutch's world, but what? Starsky sighed deeply and turned round to Nat.
"Nat, don't be afraid, I'm not angry with you, but you must have said something very important and he reacted. We all want Hutch to get better again, maybe..."
Nat felt obviously unwell. "I... I only thanked him and said... that he has to get better again because my Mom...I think she likes him very much...." He stuttered and looked at Starsky and then at his mother questioning.
"Have I said something wrong?"
Reeba embraced her son. "No...you haven't Nat...and you're right...I really like him! – Dave... you were right... Ken is calling out for you."
She now laughed and cried at the same time and then looked at Starsky. Starsky stroked softly his friend's cheeks.
"Yes partner... I have heard you and I know you've started fighting again."
TBC