Season 1, Episode 11
Rollin' Around at the Speed of Sound
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"Hey, Cy."
"Yeah?"
"I was wondering, um... what were you gonna do?"
"With what?"
"The car, dude. If nothing went wrong. What were you gonna do?"
"You know, B- drive around town and stuff. Show you guys all the tricks and turns I threw in there."
"Yeah, but what was it gonna be like?"
"...Hmm..."
...
Lights on.
Engine revs. Speakers up. Garage door, drive, road, drive, street, DRIVE.
Fast.
Flyin', screamin' past these fools. Windows down. Bass boomin'. Highway. Signs, numbers, colors, exits, ramps, gone in a second. Blazin', dog. It's a trip.
Nitro.
FASTER. Fire like a rocket, outta control, outta my head, speed ain't even a thing. Rush.
...Quiet. Dark. Nothin' but headlights, yellow lines zippin' by, deserted road. Stars. Jump City in my mirror. Alone.
Like flyin' through space, baby.
Interface. Car sensors. Connect. Feel the road. Potholes, gravel strips, cracks, smooth- every detail. Memorize. Know the highway better than anyone.
...Slowin' down.
Catch my breath. Pull over. Rub my eyes, wakin' up from a dream. Turn around. City lights.
Jump, you beautiful, beautiful racetrack.
Flyin' again. Nitro boost, over an' through the highways like a spark through a wire. Downtown. Bright an' colors. Feels like wind, but the air's not movin'.
I am.
Somethin's goin' down. Crashin'. Loud. Fire. Grittin' my teeth, speedin' around the corner. Heart of the city. Monster. Tearin' up the streets, throwin' fire with black claws an' giant eyes. People runnin'.
Don't slow down.
Lookin' over at me. Growlin'. Standin' taller, bigger, roarin' like thunder an' chainsaws. Fangs, claws, fire outta its mouth.
Wait for it-
Closer. Still ridin' with nitro. Closer. Closer.
And... proton cannons.
BOOYEAH.
...
"Cy!"
"Huh?"
"I was asking about the car, remember?"
"Oh, yeah."
"So what's the deal, dude?"
"...It was gonna be awesome."
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Grand Prix
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Three figures stood in a dark alley.
One leaned against the wall, his hulking shape barely hidden by the buildings' shadows. Another sat on the edge of a fire escape, gazing up at the sky and twirling her fingers. The third stood directly in the center of the lane, short stature forcing him to scowl up at the others.
"I dunno why you losers can't figure this out."
The girl sighed. "That's not it, 'Mo. We get the plan fine. It's just..."
"It's an awful plan," the bigger teen rumbled.
The boy's eyes twitched. "You snot-munchers wouldn't know a good plan if it jumped down your pants and-"
"There's no point," she interrupted. "The whole thing's kinda random."
Not for the first time, he wished he was tall enough to glare at his companions' eye level. "Since this is obviously too complicated for your crud-grabbing brains to understand, I'll explain again."
The other boy groaned, sliding down the wall to a sitting position. "Don't... just don't. We don't need to hear it, Gizmo."
"Let's start from the beginning." Arms crossed behind his back, he paced back and forth, occasionally glancing up at the others. "Those dirt-lickers have a new car, and they went all-out. Gave it top-of-the-line gadgets. A whole slew of shiny new toys. For me, of course."
The girl leaned over the fire escape's railing, bending backward and looking at the boy upside-down. "You sure about this?"
He snorted. "Jinx. Come on. I've had bugs in the Tower for, like, months. Remember when we took over?"
A bored voice sounded out from the opposite wall. "And with all this recon info, you want to... steal a car. Inspiring."
Jinx held up a hand. "Easy, there," she said with a grin. "Let's hear the rest. I forget how this part goes."
Fuming, he glared between them both. "Right," he hissed. "So I'm gonna head to the first random, off-grid racetrack I can find, then wait for the car to show up."
Silence greeted his words. Eventually, Jinx coughed. "Why?"
"Cause it's gonna get stolen. Those scud-dropping idiots'll lose that car faster than Mammoth lost his driver's license, and the thieves are gonna bring it as soon as I show up."
She ignored the deep growl from beside her. "There's no way you could know that, Gizmo. But even if you did, why not just steal it from the Titans?"
Turning, he crossed his arms. "Because I wanna race."
Jinx blinked. "Um... okay. Without a car?"
"No, I'm good." Gizmo pointed a thumb over his shoulder, at the bundle on his back. "I fixed up the Robo-Pack so it can form an entire car. I think I showed you guys last week."
"Oh yeah." She shrugged. "So you win this race, then-"
He shook his head. "No, I'm gonna lose."
Mammoth slapped his forehead. "I give up," he said loudly. "You know what, just- just wake me up when he's done." Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes and pretended to snore loudly.
"Then," said Gizmo, pointedly disregarding the other teen, "I steal the car when they don't expect it."
Jinx halfheartedly waved her hand over a hinge near the metal staircase. "Sure, why not," she said lazily. "At this point, that's not that strange. So once you finally have the stupid car, what'll you do next?" She smiled as a screw unloosed itself from the metal bindings.
Gizmo paused. "What?"
The fake snoring stopped- Mammoth glanced up, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You haven't even thought about it?"
"W-well, uh," he stammered. "I'll probably... rob an ATM! Yeah, that's it! An' then I'll... um... steal food?"
In a flash, Jinx vaulted over the railing, landing in front of him. "Really?" She smiled, leaning down to Gizmo's eye level. "You sure about that?"
Glowering, he took a step forward, bringing his forehead close to hers. . "You know what? I don't need this," he snapped. "It's my plan, and you losers are gonna be sorry you didn't think of it first!"
He stomped away, already reaching to fiddle with the machines sticking out of his backpack. Once he was out of earshot, Mammoth stretched. "Should we stop him?"
Jinx shrugged. "Nah. Let's see how his little idea plays out."
"Hm." Arms crossed, Mammoth considered this. At length, he glanced up. "Our resident genius is kind of an idiot."
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Most of the time, I'm able to slide each episode into categories. You know- serious, funny, filler, plot-important, stuff like that. But "Car Trouble" is... sort of everything. It's tricky.
On one hand, Cyborg builds a car and drives it around. Then Gizmo steals that car, and drives around. Not much more happens. On the other hand, there's actually a really heavy discussion about how things that you put work into- really put your heart in- can end up meaning a lot to you emotionally.
When he loses the car, he gets really depressed. Raven comforts him, and they surprisingly share a serious moment wherein she admits that, even if she can't totally understand how a car is so important to him, she can at least respect that it is. It's touching, and I was really taken off guard.
And then... guys, this episode messes with you. You actually start feeling bad for the car. They talk it up so much that, after a while, you realize that you don't want anything to happen to the T-Car.
And the ending completely shocked me. I was SURE that Cyborg was gonna find a way to get his car back. Instead, it gets hijacked by an electricity-based villain named Overload, who turns the car evil before making it face off against Cyborg in an absolutely intense pre-fight stare-down.
Cyborg and the car, now charged with RED LIGHTNING, are at opposite ends of the road. Now, of course, I'm expecting a huge, epic fight that ends in Cyborg rescuing his beloved T-Car. What happens?
He utters, "It's not my car anymore." Raises the sonic arm-cannon.
And completely demolishes the thing with a single blast.
And I'm sitting here, realizing that I'm emotionally invested in this car. I was legitimately sad, and I don't know exactly why. Was it real emotion? Over-the-top? Ironically funny? Parodying something? I have no idea. It was epic, it was ridiculous, and it was awesome. That's all I'm gonna worry about.
Also- even though it was just Gizmo- THE HIVE IS BACK. I can't even tell you how excited I was when I heard him, off-screen, call somebody a 'crud-sniffing loser' just before his first appearance of the episode. This show has the best villains.
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Funny Whatever (in order, hopefully): At the beginning, Robin, Starfire, and Beast Boy are all gushing over how cool the T-Car is. Suddenly Raven's bored face fills the entire screen. "Can we go now?" It's just bizarre.
-Overload's kind of cool, based on man-made electricity and all, but in the middle of fight banter, Cyborg calls him 'Radiohead'. That's a way better name! Also, they defeat him by... throwing lots of water at him? Science?
-"Get out the butter and jam, Sammy, 'cause this dude's toast!" I'm dying, you guys. I can't even deal with that. It's the perfect line, and it's the worst line. I love it.
-Gizmo is a Transformer. He... he can do that, everybody. He can turn into a car if he wants.
-Also, he's a stone-cold boss. He freezes the car thieves in some kind of bubble, then saunters up to the car. Grinning, he gets in the front seat. Without a care in the world, he just... drives away. Like it's not even a big deal.
-Cyborg hears that his car did well in the race: "She did? How'd she take the curves? 'Cause, you know, I've been workin' on the suspension for it, an' the d-d-d-d-DON'T TRY TO DISTRACT ME."
-What were you even planning to do, Gizmo? You just... stole a car, then robbed an ATM, then decided to grab some onion rings without paying for them? THAT'S your big crime? And then you just drove around for a while! For no reason! What was the point?
-Cyborg strikes an angry, vengeful pose. "You'll get KETCHUP ON THE SEATS!"
-Gizmo yells, calls Cyborg a hairball, and then farts. Like, it's very clearly a fart. Not that funny on its own, but Raven immediately deadpans, "Okay. Making it really hard to concentrate."
-"Heh! Looks like your stupid car is HYAAGHAAGHCH" Raven ties Gizmo up in his own parachute.
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I like to think that- whenever the Titans aren't around to spur them into organized action- the Hive sort of can't stand each other. Just my theory, anyway. It's fun. We have fun here.
Good times all around.
I'm putting a very short, very lame joke in the summary each time I update. Hopefully, it'll be a little easier to tell which episode is which. Or maybe it'll keep anyone from taking this seriously, I dunno.
Next up is 'Apprentice'. Doesn't that sound intriguing...
(Okay, I can't lie, I HAVE heard quite a lot of how this season ends. You can't spend a whole lot of time on this site without running into Apprentice fics, so unfortunately, it's not gonna be a complete surprise.)