A week later...
Cynthia, my crew and I packed up to go on our first voyage since I had brought her to Neverland. Quite frankly, I was going a bit stir-crazy...it did help, however, that I had a beautiful woman to pass the time with. Still, something in me told me to return to the sea. That call to the ocean I always seemed to get when things seemed to get too stable.
I knew she wasn't thrilled but perhaps, now that things had changed between us, it would be different for her. That she would learn to love it as I had. I wanted so badly to share it with her.
She watched from the dock as Smee pulled her luggage onto the deck of the ship, casting hopeful glances back at the house from time to time.
"Something troubling you, love?" I asked as I walked up to her. At least I was in high spirits today.
"I just don't understand why we couldn't just go on living the way we were...wasn't it nice to be warm...well fed...clean...and have our privacy? Didn't you like it?" She asked softly, her eyes still on the house.
"It was wonderful...but, I'm a pirate, lass. You have to know that from time to time, that'll be apart of all of this." I sighed, gesturing around us.
"Don't you want to see why I love it so?" I asked gently, reaching up to stroke her cheek.
"I do, Killian...but...you couldn't wait til it warmed up a bit?" She asked in the first hint of a whine I'd ever heard her use.
"All the more reason for you to be excited...just imagine it, love, going on adventures during the daytime and us cuddled up in our cabin at night...warm fire...a glass of wine...my lips to keep you warm..." I smirked, leaning in to kiss her cheek.
"...wherever you may need warming up." I whispered into her ear softly.
I felt her smile and knew I had convinced her.
"Ah, then it's settled!" I smiled as I backed away and led her onboard.
Cynthia had turned in early, leaving me to have a drink with my crew. It had been quite a while since I had bonded with my men. I was on my way down when I heard a boisterous voice in the hallway.
"...It wouldn't be too hard to arrange it if we wanted to. He's not the man he used to be...she's changed him." Leroy, a member of my crew replied.
"I don't think this is the best course of action. I've known Hook my whole life...that man can come back at any moment. I wouldn't second guess him, even now." Charles said in response. Charles had always been loyal and was not a concern.
Still, I paused in the shadows to listen further.
"Fine, do as you wish...I will pull together a mutiny that would finally put the great Captain Hook in his place once and for all...even if I have to do it alone." Leroy laughed as he walked off in the opposite direction. Charles sighed and came in my direction. Just as he approached, I reached out and grabbed his arm roughly pulling him to me, my hook positioned at his throat.
"You will tell me everything Leroy plans to do and I will spare you." I said through gritted teeth.
My blood hadn't boiled like this in months.
Armed with knowledge of this supposed mutiny, I continued with my plans to join my crew for a drink. The men were glad to see me, eagerly wanting to talk about what they had been up to during our break on land...all but Leroy. He watched me carefully from a table in the corner of the room...this definitely wasn't lost on me. Not at all.
"Leroy, come have yourself a seat with your Captain." I beckoned, feigning friendliness with a natural smile.
Leroy uncomfortably walked over to my table and sat across from me. He looked anxious. Nervous. Rightfully so.
His days were numbered...
...to one.
"Come have a drink with me, boy." I smiled as I poured rum into his half empty glass.
I made casual small talk and all the while successfully unnerving him with my relaxed and easy demeanor.
"You're a loyal fellow, Leroy...I see you becoming first mate one day. Keep it up." I smiled as I patted him on the back and got up.
"Allow me to excuse myself, lads...my lady awaits." I replied as I left. I motioned for Smee to exit the room with me.
"Leroy is to be executed in the morning, alert the men that there's threat of a mutiny and to make the proper preparations." I said to him as he hurried after me.
"Yes, Captain. Right away, Captain." Smee said eagerly.
I knew my crew would not be swayed by a weak-minded man such as Leroy. More than before, I came down there to be sure there were no other conspirators and to my pleasure, discovered he was acting alone. The young man was the newest member of my crew...a lapse in judgement on my behalf. I knew he wasn't up to snuff but took my chances deciding to perhaps have a little faith that he would earn his place...instead, he wanted to steal his place.
I could not let that happen. Not on my ship.
When morning came, I woke up to find Killian not in the bed beside me. I yawned and sat up, puzzled. Finally, I noticed him sitting on a chair by the fireplace, staring into the flame.
"Killian?" I asked softly.
"Yes, love?" He replied easily.
"Have you been sitting there all night?" I asked as I wrapped the blankets around my shoulders and walked over to him.
"Just thinking a bit, no need to be worried." He said as he turned to me finally, a little smile playing on his lips that didn't reach his eyes.
I frowned and looked him in his eyes. Those beautiful sky blue eyes that could never lie to me.
"Tell me what's happened." I said softly as I knelt before him on the floor.
"One of my crew is planning a mutiny...I heard him say that I wasn't the man I once was, that it would be easy." He said.
"Well, perhaps...you aren't the man you once were. Maybe, you're better than you were. Is that so bad?" I asked gently.
"Darling, I am a captain of a grand vessel...a captain who runs his ship. In order to properly run my ship...I know what I must do." He sighed.
"...and you won't like it." He finished as he shook his head.
"What are you going to do, Killian?" I asked, my brows furrowed.
"What a strong captain must to instill obedience in his men..." He said grimly.
"Killian...you can just tie him up til we reach port and leave him there...you don't have to do this..." I pleaded.
"It's exactly what I have to do. Don't even begin to try to understand the man I am when all you've done since you've got here is try to change me...I can't change. I have no heart. My heart left long ago and it's never coming back." He said as he stood and walked to his dresser, pulling out his sword belt and buckling it onto his waist, slipping his sword into its sheath.
He sounded like a completely different person now...
"Tha-that's not true, Killian..." I replied, my eyes beseeching as I stood and rushed over to him as he went to the door.
"Killian, you have a heart...and it's beautiful and loving." I pleaded, holding onto his arm, begging him to stay.
"Not today." He said as he roughly discarded me against the wall with a shove, my cheek getting cut on the edge of his bookcase.
So, this was the Captain Hook I had read about as a child...
I sunk to the floor and sobbed.
I was hurting in more ways than one.
About 2 hours later...
Killian returned to our cabin quietly, his face softer than it was when he left. It was lost on me, however. There was nothing he could say to me now.
"Darling..." He said gently in that voice I loved so much.
I turned over in bed, my back to him now. I had dressed for the day but really had no intention of leaving this room or this bed for a while.
"Darling, please...I'm sorry." He cooed softly. I could feel his weight on the bed, his hand above my arm as if to stroke it. I felt the warmth there, but moved before he could touch me.
"I had to do what I did..." He said.
When I didn't answer, I could hear the concern in his voice again.
"Did I hurt you, love?" He asked, pressing on my shoulder til I rolled onto my back finally and looked up at him. A small gash on my cheekbone now, red and raw.
"Oh, lass..." He said gently, his face falling with worry when he saw me. He quickly moved off the bed to the jug of water by the bed and dampened a cloth, he came back and attempted to press it to my cheek, but I swatted him away before I got off the bed.
There was no undoing what had been done.
"Darling, please...I never meant to hurt you, you must believe me." He pleaded as he shot up from the bed to come to me.
"You don't care, remember? How could you care with no heart? You're the great and powerful Captain Hook." I said with venom in my voice.
"I didn't mean to be cross with you...of all people." He admitted.
"But, you were...and it looked just so easy for you to do, too. Tell me, how'd it feel to kill that man? Did it quench whatever thirst I had suppressed? Do you feel like a man again, Captain?" I challenged. I could see him literally wince at my words.
"No. I do not." He said.
"I hope you're happy with yourself." I said softly as I left the room, slamming the door behind me.
I gave her a few hours to cool off before I went in search of her. I finally found her in a room down the hall, sitting in a chair and looking out the window.
"Love..." I said softly.
She didn't react to me so, I sighed and stepped in further.
"This is no place for you...it's too cold, please go back to our cabin so we can talk by the fire." I said.
"No." She finally said, trying to hide the fact that she was shivering.
"Darling, you have to understand...I am a pirate. My world is very different from yours. The rules on a ship are to obey the captain. That man wanted to kill me...what was I to do? When you're out at sea and such a thing happens, drastic measures need to be taken to ensure the safety of all for the length of the journey. What do you think would have happened to you had I been killed today?" I asked, kneeling down by her side.
"I don't know...I just...Killian, you're just so gentle with me...I guess I never expected to see that side of you. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, I just wish you hadn't taken your anger out on me. I was only trying to help...even though I may not yet understand all of this, this life..." She replied softly, turning to me.
"I was a monster once...the monster's gone. But, I will protect my ship, my crew and most of all, you by any means, Darling. You're special." I said, covering her hand with mine and squeezing.
"I'm the man I once was when I'm with you...you make me feel so..." I began softly, our eyes meeting finally. I couldn't find the words. I wanted this to sound so much better. More elegant.
Perhaps simplistic was the better approach...
"I love you." I finished gently.