Tuesday

The next morning Jack was up at 5, feeling more refreshed than he had in awhile. A quick shower and he headed to the kitchen. The sun was just barely peering through the windows as he walked out into the hallway. He noticed the guest bedroom door was closed. Apparently, at some point, Daniel had made his way to bed. Jack started some coffee and eggs. The coffee was just starting to drip and the eggs weren't even sizzling when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye.

He glanced away from the eggs and saw that Daniel was standing in the doorway, leaning on the doorframe. He looked half asleep, but also a bit better. Jack met his eyes and asked, "Did I wake you up?"

Daniel shook his head slowly. "I was awake."

"You been up long?"

"I don't know." Daniel rubbed his eyes. "I slept for awhile."

Not long enough. Jack thought, but kept that to himself. Instead, he asked, "Hungry?"

Daniel sighed and shrugged, walking across the room to stare out the window. Jack threw in some more eggs and pulled out another mug. The silence remained unbroken as he prepared breakfast. As he poured the coffee, Daniel turned around and carried the plates to the table, accepting a mug gratefully.

They were silent for a few moments, then Daniel asked, "Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Bring me my glasses, will ya? Janet's got 'em."

"Sure." Jack nodded. The silence returned as they ate. Finishing up, Jack said, "I'll make you a sandwich and leave it in the fridge in case you get hungry later."

"Thanks."

"I should be home by five. Call me if you need anything." Jack waited a moment, then touched Daniel on the shoulder, "Promise me you'll call."

Daniel met his gaze and said, "Thanks, Jack. I will."

Nodding, Jack headed for the kitchen to clean up. By the time he was done making a sandwich, Daniel had disappeared. Jack grabbed his coat and keys, then quietly went back down the hall. He saw that Daniel was sound asleep and nodded, then headed for the door.

Wednesday

Pulling into the driveway the next evening, Jack was a bit surprised to find the yard raked and the broken limb that had been cluttering up the corner of the yard gone. Someone had needed something to do today; that was clear. Daniel had slept most of the day before. It had been one of the hardest days. And for good reason. It had been exactly one week since Sha're had died and Daniel knew it. Jack couldn't fault him for trying to avoid thinking about it. This morning, however, he had seemed to be feeling better. Jack headed into the house, taking a deep breath. He'd been wondering all day how Daniel was doing. He dropped his keys on the stand next to the door and took a cautious glance at the couch. Empty. He was about to head down the hall for a peek, when he glanced out the sliding glass doors. Daniel was sitting on the porch, knees drawn up and head down on his arms.

Jack headed for the kitchen. It was a bit nippy outside, but a gorgeous fall day nonetheless. Glancing at his surprisingly spotless kitchen, Jack realized Daniel had been very busy all day. The coffee pot was full and sitting with an apparently freshly brewed pot. He poured two steaming cups and headed out to the porch. Daniel didn't look up as he walked out.

"Hey." Jack said softly, sitting down next to Daniel on the steps.

"Jack." Daniel's response was muffled as he didn't move to lift his head when Jack spoke.

"Daniel." Jack waited, but got no response to that conversation opener. He sighed, "Thanks for raking and cleaning up around here."

"Welcome."

"I've got the coffee." He offered, seeing no other way to get rid of the second mug, or engage Daniel in conversation. He took a sip of his own and waited. After a moment, he asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Headache?"

"Not really."

"Good." Jack sipped the coffee, studying Daniel out of the corner of his eye. He still hadn't moved. Jack nudged him gently on the shoulder. "Talk to me."

Daniel sighed heavily, but lifted his head. He glanced at Jack briefly and held out his hand for the second mug. Jack handed it to him silently and waited patiently. Daniel stared at the steaming liquid for a long moment, then finally took a sip. After another long moment, he asked softly, "Anything exciting happen today?"

Well it's a start, Jack thought, at least he's talking. "Oh, you know, the usual. SG 11 brought back a new rash that has Janet in an uproar. Teal'c was sparring with Ferretti again and gave him a beauty of a shiner. Carter was going nuts over some new doohickey that SG 11 brought back, except she couldn't get to them to ask all the questions she had cuz Janet had 'em locked up in iso."

"So nothing out of the ordinary, then?" Daniel smiled briefly.

"Yeah not so much."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes until Daniel finally spoke up softly. "I would never say this to anyone but you, Jack. But I know you'll understand."

Jack looked up, waiting.

Daniel held his gaze steadily. He said, "All day I've been trying to keep busy and stop thinking about the fact that I don't want to go on."

Jack felt his heart thud painfully in his chest. He rather expected that Daniel was feeling that way, but he'd never imagined he'd hear his friend verbalize it.

Daniel sighed. "I am so tired. I feel the way I did when I first came back from Abydos." He looked up at the sky. "It feels like the twilight zone. I can't go back and I don't want to go forward. I don't want to wake up every morning knowing she's gone. I'm tired of all of it."

"Daniel." Jack started tentatively when Daniel paused.

"Jack." Daniel looked back at him somberly, "I'm just saying how I feel. I know it'll get easier and things will get back to normal. But that's how I feel right now." He closed his eyes.

Jack gripped the mug hard, hearing Daniel's clinical description of the grieving process. He knew he was right; been there, got the T-shirt. He trusted Daniel to say what he meant and mean what he said. But it wasn't easy to hear his friend express exactly how badly he was hurting. Trying to think of something to say, his thoughts were interrupted.

Daniel spoke up again, "The more I tried not to think, the more thinking I actually did." He smiled ruefully, "So I came out here to just try to think it all through and figure it out."

"Oh? And did you?"

"Not really. But I think I have a start. I thought about that year on Abydos and I realized that I had lived more in that year than I had ever lived in my life. Everything I'd ever hoped for had come true."

Jack couldn't help but smile as some enthusiasm crept into Daniel's voice.

"An ancient culture, a dead language come alive, all of my theories that had been mocked were proven right. And I had the woman of my dreams." He paused and took a deep breath. "I thought about how many people we buried during that year. Some from illnesses, accidents, old age. Just because Apophis took Sha're doesn't necessarily mean that we would have had any more time together. I don't think I ever told you, but I almost died that first month after you all came back to earth."

"What, again?" Jack couldn't stop the quip, although the revelation startled him. That year back on earth, he had worried and wondered a great deal how Daniel was doing living on the alien world.

Daniel smiled, "Yeah, actually. Something was going around and, being the one not native to the planet, I got it bad. That was the end of the antibiotics. After that, every single moment was a gift we didn't take for granted."

Jack shook his head. "You did forget to mention this."

"Didn't matter, really." Daniel shrugged. "We had other issues on our minds at that time. Anyway, the point is, life is short, fragile, and there aren't any guarantees."

"So?"

"So."

"So what?"

"So you know what, all the clichés you hate."

"So, look at the good times, not the bad, happy memories, count one's blessings, ect, ect, ect?" Jack listed off.

"Exactly."

"So it working for you?"

Daniel laughed a little. "More in theory than anything else right now."

Jack nodded, thinking back to when he first set foot back on earth after Abydos the first time. Daniel's subtle wakeup call and pep talk on Abydos had been the start he had needed to get back to living. And that had definitely been more in theory at first. It had taken him a year of lots of solitude and thinking to move on and start living again. But he had. And then his life had, once more, changed forever with the reopening of the gate. For the better.

They sat silently for a few minutes until their coffee was gone. Jack raised his cup, "Refill?"

Daniel nodded, standing up.

Heading to the door, Jack said, "I noticed you set up the board."

"I noticed you were still trying to think yourself out of checkmate from the last game."

"Hm." Jack sniffed. "I still say I could have done it."

"Rematch?"

"Absolutely."