Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. Soon, the climax will arrive, I promise! Just hang on a bit!
Chapter Eleven
All Hail Threepio the God
Endor
"Nice work," Han snapped sarcastically as he pulled Chewie's paw out of his mouth. "Great work, Chewie! Just great! Always thinking with your stomach."
"Will you take it easy?" Leia sighed as she tried to free her arm. "Let's just figure out a way to get out of this thing. I can't use the Force on the knot, it's too awkward. We need to cut ourselves out. Han, can you reach my lightsabre?"
"Yeah, sure," Han replied grumpily, as he started trying to reach for said weapon.
Artoo was at the bottommost point in the net. He extended his cutting appendage and began slicing at the net. Meanwhile, Han was trying to squeeze an arm past Threepio to get at Leia's lightsabre, accidentally feeling her up instead as the net continued to spin.
"Artoo, I'm not sure that's such a good idea," Threepio fussed. "It's a very long dro-o-op!"
Artoo finished cutting through and the entire group tumbled out of the net, crashing to the ground. As they regained their senses and sat up, they realized that they were surrounded by dozens of Ewoks, each of the small bears brandishing a long spear.
"Wha-?" Han mumbled in bewilderment, wondering if he had been knocked unconscious and that was why he was seeing a large group of multi-coloured teddy bear-like things surrounding him. "Hey! Point that thing someplace else." Han pushed the spear wielded by Teebo out of his face. The Ewoks mumbled unhappily and a second Ewok warrior came up to argue with Teebo. The spear returned to Han's face. He grabbed it angrily and started to go for his laser pistol.
"Hey!" he snapped.
"Han, don't," Leia ordered, grabbing his arm to stop him. "It'll be all right," she assured him. "Just go with it." He shot her an incredulous look as the Ewoks swarmed through them and confiscated their weapons.
Leia let them take her lightsabre while Chewie growled at the furry critters. "Chewie, give 'em your crossbow," the Jedi commanded. The Wookiee growled in annoyance as he complied.
Artoo and Threepio were still untangling themselves. Threepio got free of the net and sat up, visibly rattled.
"Oh, my head," he moaned, before spotting the Ewoks. "Oh, my goodness!"
When the Ewoks saw Threepio, they all let out gasps and began to chatter among themselves. Threepio spoke to them in their native tongue, causing the Ewok nearest him to drop his spear and prostrate himself before the droid. In a moment, all the Ewoks had followed suit.
Chewie let out a puzzled bark. Han and Leia regarded the bowed creatures in wonder. The Ewoks began to chant at Threepio.
"Do you understand anything they're saying?" Leia asked. She rolled her eyes subtly at his indignant response.
"Oh, yes, Mistress Leia!" Threepio cried. "Remember that I am fluent in over six million forms of communication."
"What are you telling them?" Han demanded gruffly, eyeing the Ewoks warily.
"Hello, I think...," Threepio's voice trailed off uncertainly. "I could be mistaken. They're using a very primitive dialect. But I do believe they think I am some sort of god."
Chewbacca and Artoo started doing their versions of laughter while Han and Leia exchanged "what next?" looks.
"Well, why don't you use your divine influence and get us out of this?" Han suggested in a testy tone of voice.
Threepio frowned at him reprovingly. "I beg your pardon, General Solo, but that just wouldn't be proper."
"Proper?!"
"It's against my programming to impersonate a deity," the droid sniffed. Han moved toward Threepio threateningly, murder in his eyes. Leia scrambled to her feet in preparation to intervene before he ripped the droid apart.
"Why, you-" Han began to hiss. He was interrupted by several Ewoks' spears being thrust in Han's face at the affront to their supposed 'god.'
The Ewoks moved in to protect their 'god', leaving Han surrounded by a menacing circle of spears, all aimed at him. Glancing around, he decided to give in and held up his hands placatingly.
"My mistake," he forced a smile that did nothing to hide the fury in his eyes. "He's an old friend of mine."
The Ewoks converged on them, and Han, Leia, Chewie, and Artoo were all tied to long poles and wrapped in vines, cocoonlike. Each pole was carried on the shoulders of several Ewoks as they made up a procession that wound through the ever-darkening forest. Behind the captives, Threepio was carried on a litter, like a king, by the remaining creatures.
The procession moved along a shaky, narrow, wooden walkway, high in the giant trees. It stopped at the end of the walkway, which dropped off into nothingness. On the other side of the abyss was a village made up of small mud huts and rickety walkways, each one attached to the giant trees. The lead Ewok took hold of a long vine and swung across to the village square with the other Ewoks following suit.
The procession wound its' way into the village square. Mother Ewoks gathered their babies up and scurried into their huts at the sight of the newcomers. The group came to a stop before the largest hut. Han, Leia, Chewie, and Artoo were still bound to their poles. Han was placed on a spit above what looked like a barbecue pit and the others were leaned against a tree nearby. Threepio's litter/throne was gently placed near the pit from where he watched with rapt fascination.
Han, Leia, and Chewie were less than fascinated.
"I have a really bad feeling about this," Han groaned as Chewie growled his concern.
"It'll be fine," Leia breathed, her voice nervous. "I just need to get these bonds undone, and then everything'll be fine. Don't worry." As she spoke, she wrestled with the tightly-done ropes in an attempt to slip free of them. She was reluctant to use the Force where such primitive creatures could see, least she be branded a demon or witch, and burnt. Obi-Wan had told her stories of such things, and she had a healthy fear of it now.
Suddenly all activity stopped as Logray, the tribal Medicine Man, came out of the big hut. He examined the captives carefully before going to join Threepio, whose throne had been placed on an elevated platform. A larger, grey-haired Ewok, Chief Chirpa, was examining Leia's lightsabre with great curiosity.
Logray spoke to Threepio and the assemblage of fuzzy Ewoks, pointing to the prisoners tied to the stakes. The Ewoks began filling the pit under Han with firewood.
"What did he say?" Han demanded.
"I'm rather embarrassed, General Solo," Threepio began, looking flustered. "but it appears you are to be the main course at a banquet in my honour."
The drums started beating, and all the furry heads turned to the large hut. Luke and Neena emerged, wearing clothes made of animal-skins.
They saw what was happening at the same moment the prisoners saw them.
"Luke! Neena!" Han and Leia cried at the sight of them. As the pair moved toward them, the Ewoks blocked their way with raised spears.
"Oh!" Neena exclaimed in surprise, as Luke shifted his body between her and the spears.
"Your Royal Highnesses," Threepio called to them in greeting.
Artoo and Chewie chimed in with their own welcomes. Luke looked at the assembled Ewoks and sighed.
"But these are our friends," he sighed. "Threepio, tell them they must be set free."
Threepio spoke to Chirpa and Logray, who listened and shook their heads negatively. The Medicine Man gestured toward the prisoners and barked some orders. Several Ewoks jumped up and began piling more wood on the barbecue with vigour. Luke and Neena traded frantic looks with Leia and Han.
"Somehow, I got the feeling that didn't help us very much," Han stated dryly.
"Threepio, tell them if they don't do as you wish, you'll become angry and use your magic," Leia instructed her droid.
"But Mistress Leia, what magic?" he protested. "couldn't possibly -"
"Just tell them," she cut him off sharply. Threepio spoke to the Ewoks, clearly disturbing them with his threat. Logray stepped forward and challenged Threepio. Nobody noticed as Leia closed her eyes and began to concentrate.
"You see, Mistress Leia," Threepio huffed. "they didn't believe me. Just..." As he spoke, the litter/throne, with Threepio sitting upon it, rose from the ground. At first Threepio didn't notice and kept talking.
"... as I said they wouldn't." He finally realized that he was rising into the air andcried out in shock and fear. "Wha-wha-what's happening! Oh! Oh, dear! Oh!"
The Ewoks fell back in terror from the floating throne. Meanwhile, Threepio began to spin as though he were on a revolving stool, with Threepio calling out in total panic at his situation.
"Put me down!" He yelled desperately. "He-e-elp! Mistress Leia! Artoo! Somebody, somebody, help! Mistress Leia, Artoo! Artoo, quickly! Do something, somebody! Oh! Ohhh!"
Chief Chirpa yelled orders to the cowering Ewoks. They rushed up and released the bound prisoners. As soon as they were free, Leia and Han enfolded Luke and Neena in a group embrace.
Leia noticed the still spinning Threepio, with Artoo beeping up at him, and slowly and subtly lowered the golden droid and the throne to the ground while Logray ordered the blue and white droid to be cut down.
The Ewoks weren't particularly careful, and Artoo went crashing to the ground. When the Ewoks set him upright, the little droid was fighting mad. Artoo beeped a blue streak at the nearest Ewok, and began pursuing him, finally getting close enough to zap him with an electric charge. The Ewok jumped two feet in the air and ran away, screaming.
A small group of Ewoks surrounded the giant Wookiee, scratching their heads and marvelling at his great height.
"Oh, oh, oh, oh!" Threepio exclaimed as he was set down on the ground again. "Thank goodness."
"Thanks, Threepio," Leia told him, smirking in amusement.
"I...I never knew I had it in me," Threepio stammered, still badly shaken by the events.
Soon enough, they were invited to the Chief's hut to speak with the Tribe Elders.
A glowing fire danced in the centre of the spartan, low-ceilinged room, creating a kaleidoscope of shadows on the walls. Along one side, a group of ten Ewok elders flanked Chief Chirpa, who sat regally on his throne. The Rebels sat along the walls of the hut, with Threepio between the two groups and Wicket and Teebo off to one side.
Threepio was in the midst of a long, animated speech in the Ewok's squeaky native tongue. The Ewoks listened carefully and occasionally murmured comments to each other. Threepio pointed several times at the Rebel group and pantomimed a short history of the Galactic Civil War, mimicking the explosion and rocket sounds, and imitating Imperial walkers.
Artoo beeped excitedly at Threepio.
"Yes, Artoo," Threepio huffed. "I was just coming to that." He continued with his explanation, bringing the history up to the present time.
At the end of it, the Chief, Logray, and the elders all conferred, then nodded in agreement.
The Chief stood and made a pronouncement. The drums began to sound, and all the Ewoks stood with a great cheer and loud screeches.
"What's going on?" Han hissed to his friends.
"I don't know," Luke muttered in reply.
"Do I look like I speak Ewok?" Neena added, clapping and shrugging when they gave her bemused looks for it.
Leia had been sharing the joy with a smiling visage, but now something passed over her expression like a dark cloud. The others were all too distracted to notice.
"Wonderful!" Threepio exclaimed. "We are now a part of the tribe."
Several of the little teddy bears ran up and hugged the Rebels.
"Just what I always wanted," Han said dryly. Chewbacca was being enthusiastically embraced by an Ewok, while Wicket clung to Han's leg.
"Oh, come one, Han," Neena shoved at his shoulder lightly. "They're so cute, and you know it." She patted Teebo gently on the head as he gripped her thigh tightly.
"Well, short help is better than no help at all, Chewie," Han chuckled. He looked down at Wicket. "Thank you. Okay."
"He says the scouts are going to show us the quickest way to the shield generator," Threepio informed them. Chewie barked. Leia had drifted to the back of the hut, a downcast air around her. Only Luke noticed as she wandered outside into the moonlight. Frowning in concern, he followed.