Chapter 11

I sighed going backstage at Impact. It had been almost three weeks since I had seen any of my friends from TNA. I hadn't wanted to stay way; I was just taking time to recollect myeslf. I had talked to AJ and Eric several times. I had also talked to several people in the TNA locker room.

I knew this trip was going to be the first test of what would become of AJ and my friendship. I wasn't sure what would happen. I could only hope he told Jenna about what happened. I know I would hate hearing it from someone else even more.

The frist person I ran into backstage was Steve. It seemed like he was always avoiding the Main Event Mafia locker room. He was happy that I was back. I had a feeling that more peple would be happy I was back also. We talked a little bit before he said he had to go do some Main Event Mafia stuff. I also wanted to find AJ and Jeff. They would be angry if I didn't let them know I had arrived.

AJ was actually the one who asked me to come tonight. He said he had a big match tonight. Fore some reason he wanted me here. I would have thought he wanted Jenna here, but instead for some unknown reason he invited me. I wasn't really sure why I accepted for that matter. If I would have been smarter I would have realized how horrible the idea was.

I think it was because I subconsciously needed to see him. Something was drawing me in again. I could only wish that he was more available than he was. I had been able to resist as long as he hadn't asked me to come back. I knew even if he didn't ask me to come see him Eric, Jeff, or somebody would want me to visit or something. Seeing him again was inevitable.

I only prayed that I could resist being alone with AJ for the stay. I knew if AJ and I were along I wouldn't be able to resist taking our relationship to a physical level. It was something that wouldn't be a good thing for either of us.

"Hey, Jeff, I'm here," I said. "I'm gonna go hang out and stuff. I'll get my key later." I was hoping that way I would be able to avoid doing something stupid later.

"Remember, don't do anything you'll regret later," Jeff said. "I'm just a phone call away." I wanted to say something about not doing things I regret, but I knew he would call my bluff.

"Not doing something you'll regret is easier said than done sometimes," I reminded him. I knew it was something he knew from personal experience.

"But you gotta be true to yourself. If you loose yourself you got nothing," Jeff said before I left. I wasn't sure if I could take more of his advice. It was making me think to much. I hate it when he does that sometimes.

I quickly found AJ. There was one very important question that I had to ask him. It was something that had been nagging at me since I got his invitation out here. I had to know the answer before I could decide what was going on with AJ and I.

"Okay if you going to win such a big match tonight why did you invite me along instead of Jenna? She's the person you should want to share this with." I asked. She was his wife and supposed to be his biggest supporter, not me one of his friends (all though if I let it we could be more).

"Jenna loves me, at least I think, but she doesn't love or even appreciate what I do to support us. She absolutely despises that I wrestle and wants absolutely nothing to do with it," AJ explained.

"So instead of inviting her and cutting your loses or going it solo you invite the queen of all temptation," I said. I wasn't following his logic even though I was trying.

"Katie, I care about you. You're a big temptation, but there isn't anyone else that I would want to share this with," AJ said. I sighed. This was going to be difficult.

"AJ, I'm not your wife or your girlfriend or anything like that. I am your friend, but I still don't give a damn about this business. It took what little of Kurt I had, and it gave me an incredible, but unavailable, man. Let's face it this business has royally screwed me over," I told him.

"You're not listening, as long as this stays here you don't have to worry about Jenna finding out," AJ said. "No one will tell her. No one here talks to her. She doesn't even care what I do for the most part on the road."

"AJ, it's not that I don't want you, because god knows I do, but I don't think I can share you. I'm not strong enough to know that you claim to care about me but then go home to your wife. It's not fair of you to have to live two seperate lives. It's not fair to Jenna's feelings. She's going to be hurt. If we can't be friends then we can't be anything," I told him.

"Look Jenna and I might love each other but our relationship is on it's last leg. Honestly, we probably don't have very much time left. I probably would have already filed for a divorce if I didn't want to feel like I failed," AJ said.

"AJ, I don't want to put myself in the middle of your marriage, or divorce if it ends that way," I began. AJ cut me off with a kiss.

Every single part of my brain was telling me to push him away and get out of there, but my body just couldn't do it. I wanted this to happen even if they timing totally sucked. When AJ pulled away a few minutes later I knew I was already in to deep. I couldn't pull myself out even if I wanted to.

"God, AJ, why did you go do that?" I asked. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to like what he was thinking because it was to close to what I was thinking and feeling.

"You were talking to much," AJ said simply.

"Look, AJ, we can't be sneaking around forever. You're going to have to make a decision sometime," I told him; I knew my words would have more effect if I wasn't leaning on him or looking at him with what must have been all sorts of lust. I wanted so much for this to be the last thing that was said or done about the status of our relationship.

"I know. I also know that this is a crappy way to start a relationship, but I really care about you," AJ said. "I didn't want you to get away."

"If you really like me it won't take you long to make your choice," I said. God I hated that we were even having this conversation.

AJ and I talked for a little bit longer before he had to go do some work. I had some things that I needed to do too. There were some people that I knew I needed to talk to.

As soon as AJ left it was like I could think again. I had a feeling this might be one of the things that Jeff had been talking about. Part of me didn't want to do this, but a bigger part of me did. 'Oh shit,' I thought, 'this is going to be difficult.' I had never been good at sharing things, and I knew at some point this was going to blow up in my face.

Part of me knew I was going to regret this, but the bigger part of me doesn't care. I had always done what was bad for me and this was no exception.