Chapter Eleven:
She cursed at herself. She hurt and she was now striking back at him. She placed her hands protectively over her abdomen as she lay facing the wall.
I never thought about you…
I never thought of what I was doing to you…
I'm so sorry…
So sorry…
She sniffled.
He cursed.
He slept little as he thought about the woman who lay in the next bed carrying his child. It warmed him. He rose and checked on her, pulling the covers up against her. He was already up that morning. He had packed and then sat there waiting for her to get up. When she did not stir, he woke her.
"Sara?"
She sat up and glanced at the clock. "I'll take a quick shower and then we can leave," she said through a yawn. She stood and grabbed some things before heading to the bathroom. She showered and then dressed.
He was waiting for her when she returned.
"We need to talk before we leave," he said motioning for her to sit down.
She reluctantly did so.
"Sara, we need to talk about what we are going to do when we get back."
"Nothing." She replied.
"That's not possible. I'm your boss. You're my employee and you're pregnant with my child."
"I won't tell anyone."
"I will."
"What's going to happen?"
"I'll face disciplinary action with personnel."
"I …uhm…never thought..."
"I did."
"What could happen?"
"I don't care. I'm more concerned about what's going to happen to the baby."
"You don't have to concern yourself…"
"I'm not going to argue with you. I intend to play a role in that baby's life…you are not going to stop me."
"I didn't say I would."
"But you were going…"
She stood. "I don't want to go through this again."
"I'm sorry it was not my intention. I want to know what you intend to do."
She looked confused.
"Sara, the baby is going to need us both."
"This is too soon…" she began.
"In just months we're going to be parents."
She sat back down.
"I want it to have my name. I don't like this."
"Like what?'
"That we're not married."
She gulped for air.
"I want my child to be legally mine…no question of legitimacy. Children born out of wedlock are born at a disadvantage.
"Disadvantage?"
"Yes. They will grow up unable to form lasting relationships."
"Cite your source."
"There have been many studies done about unwed mothers…"
She was back up again. "We need to go…"
"Sit down…please."
She watched him struggle with what he needed to say.
"Look, I just want our child to not feel like he or she was a mistake."
"So what do you propose?"
"We get married."
"No!"
Her abrupt answer shocked him.
"You're being selfish again," he said.
"I'm being…I want to leave," she said with arms crossed.
"Marry me?" he asked.
"No."
"Please."
She felt as if the air was slowly being sucked from the room.
"I won't marry you just because I'm pregnant."
"Okay, I change my mind about you."
She was confused again.
"Pride before the fall…"
"It would not be right to marry just because…"
"What better reason?"
"Love"
She blurted it out before she could stop herself. She felt her face turning red as she tried to look away.
"Sara…"
"I'm leaving," she said as she headed for the door.
"I love you."
"I hate you!" she said between clenched teeth now no longer caring if he saw her tears.
I waited years for you to admit that to me…
I longed for you to tell me…
I begged for you to tell me…
I dreamed of you saying those words…
And now you mock me…
You never loved me…
He felt as if the air had been knocked out of him.
"Do you mean that?" he asked quietly.
"Yes."
His eyes turned cold.
"I think we had better leave."
The ride was tedious as neither spoke. Once they arrived back, they went their separate ways.
Sara rushed home and burrowed herself into the warmth of the bed as she cried. She wasn't certain how long she slept but she suddenly felt a presence.
"Sara, I need to talk with you," said Bass.
"Jim?"
"What's wrong?"
"I need to talk with you."
She pulled on her robe and followed him downstairs.
"I saw Grissom in his office this evening. He was preparing to meet with personnel tomorrow."
"I see." she said.
"No, you don't see. Do you know why he stayed away from you? For a superior to have intimate relations with a subordinate means immediate termination. Sara, this is going to end his career with the lab. I've tried to talk with him but he insists on throwing himself to the wolves."
She sat there and began to tremble.
"I never wanted that. I uhm..he's worked all his life to get the lab where it is today…"
"It ends the moment he meets with them."
"I don't know how to fix this."
"Marry him."
"What?"
"Personnel will look at it differently if Grissom and you were married. They cannot fire a husband and wife. There will be no proof of when the relationship began. It's not like you advanced under Grissom's supervision…in fact he held you back."
She sat back.
"I can't do it."
"You love him. People have married for worse."
"I told him I hated him."
"No you don't."
"Yes, I do."
"Bullshit. Look me in the eye and tell me you hate Gil Grissom."
She refused.
"You told him that to hurt him. It worked. He'll probably finish off the bottle I left at his house."
"Jim, you're asking me to marry him because…"
"You're going to have a child together and you both will still be employed. If he goes down, so do you…no job and no medical insurance."
Her head hurt.
"You've got to talk with him before tomorrow."
"I'll call him."
"Right. Get your ass up there and dress. We're going to pay him a visit. We need to work this out before all hell breaks loose."
"Jim, I'm not sure I can do this."
"How much do you love that baby?"
He saw her grow angry.
"Good, get pissed and then marry him. That baby deserves both of you. Despite the fact that he screwed up, he will be a good father if you give him a chance. He deserves a chance. I didn't like the idea of you leaving town and not giving him the opportunity to be a father. That would have been selfish."
Grissom's words echoed in her head.
"You're right. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about the baby. I was thinking about myself only. I'll get dress," she said quietly.
She wanted to crawl back into the vehicle the moment Brass pounded on the door. Grissom opened the door and was surprised to see them both standing there.
"We need to talk," said Brass as he moved past Grissom without waiting for an invite.
She came and sat down on the couch. She had been to his home a few years ago and it had changed very little. It felt more like an office than a home.
"Sara wants to get married," said Brass.
She suddenly felt on the spot.
"I doubt that," said Grissom as he sipped on the glass in his hands.
She tried to remember another time when she had seen Grissom drink and could not recall a single incident.
"Sara?" asked Brass.
She swallowed hard and stared at the floor. "I'll marry you."
Grissom watched her.
"I won't marry someone who hates me."
She fumed but took a deep breath.
"I don't hate you," she said softly.
"Fine. Marry me now," he challenged.
"Fine!" she said.
Note from author:
Yes…things are moving fast again…Don't blink. As soon the reviews come in, I will post again. Thanks so much to everyone who is leaving a review. To those who are reading along but not leaving one tsk tsk! Be kind and leave me one. Its the reason I write.
Take care!
Penny