Chapter 11. Whole.

After my late night eavesdropping on Edward and his parents and then my even later night spent in Edward's bedroom, I was exhausted the entire next day. I dressed lazily in a short cotton dress, appropriate for Forks but not the city of Chicago, and dragged my feet downstairs.

Mrs. Masen was pinning her hat on in front of the hall mirror. She greeted me, grabbed a wicker basket from the hall table, and was swiftly out the front door. I could tell that last night's surprise argument was weighing heavily on her mind. She may never accept Edward's decision.

Mr. Masen's office door was closed. I wanted to see Edward but hadn't a clue where he was. I also owed Alice another apology, but I was less enthusiastic about that. I hated hurting my best friend's feelings. I wasn't able to find a soul so I decided that if anyone needed me, they could search for me instead.

I opened up the library doors hoping I could hide there with a good book. Alice was sitting at a small desk in the corner writing. She jumped and looked up when I opened the door.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said nervously. "I didn't mean to intrude." I started to back out of the room.

"No Bella, wait," she called out stopping me.

I stepped forward.

"Alice," I began, "I know you must think terribly of me right now but-"

Alice cut me off with a wave of her hand and smiled at me.

"I understand why you kept a promise Bella. There's no fault in this for anyone."

She was unusually happy and I was cautious of her chipper mood. I wondered what she was going to be planning now. She started writing again, very fast.

"Are you alright?" I asked and she looked up from her writing again to nod at me.

"We're leaving," she said standing up and gathering her papers. "In three days time we're going back to Forks. I know its short notice, but apparently something happened at the company and father needs to attend to it himself."

"Oh," I said giving her a return smile because I didn't know what else to say. I had enjoyed my time in Chicago but it would be nice to return home also. I was sure my father missed me greatly and I missed him also.

"Whatever happened, it was serious because my father was highly distressed over it early this morning. I know that isn't anything to celebrate and I hope it will all be alright, but I can't hide my excitement at returning to Washington."

"You love Chicago. You love it anytime you're able to leave to the city," I said. I knew why she was so anxious to return home, but I wanted to hear her say it just the same.

"I know," said Alice looking down and blushing. "However, Mr. Whitlock isn't in Chicago or any other city."

She refused to look up at me so I ran to her and grabbed both her hands in mine.

"I am very, very happy for you Alice. Jasper is a wonderful man."

"I know," she said finally looking up at me and we both began to have a fit of laughter together.

"Something amusing in here?" asked Edward and we both turned to see him at the doorway.

Immediately my knees buckled and my body became rigid. Alice noticed then and shoved me with her elbow. She was trying to stifle a laugh.

"Well," she said as she sighed. "I have a telegram that needs sending." She skipped to the doorway bumping into Edward as she went, and turning to wink at me before dashing down the hall.

"She's happy," Edward remarked. "May I?" he asked and I nodded. He sat down fluidly in a large armchair and I did too. "I'm sorry again about the argument last night. You shouldn't have had to listen to that."

We were facing one another and my heart was racing. I still couldn't believe how intimate he and I had gotten recently. The thought of it sent chills up my spine.

"So have you decided what you're going to do?" I asked.

"Decided about what?" Edward asked back.

"You know, school and the war," I said, my voice becoming more of a whisper toward the end. I wasn't sure if he would want to talk with me on the matter, but he was usually receptive to it.

Edward let out a big sigh and I watched mesmerized as his chest heaved in front of me.

"He, my father, wants me to go to school for a year. I don't want to of course, but I'm torn between pleasing myself and pleasing everyone else now. I have reasons to stay and to go."

He looked at me piercingly as he finished the last sentence and my breath hitched in my throat.

"It doesn't sound unreasonable when you think about it. One year of school can't be all that bad. You don't realize how lucky you are Edward."

"And how do you imagine that?" He was intrigued; he hadn't expected that to be my response.

"For starters, you're a boy."

"Obviously."

I glared at him for his smart comment and he chuckled.

"What I mean is you have the opportunity to go to school if you choose. My education ended last fall in the one room schoolhouse in Forks." I exaggerated the word Forks.

Too much education and women didn't mix and I'd always been bitter about it. In that regard I was rather envious of Edward having the opportunity to study further.

"You could always go to teachers college," Edward suggested.

"And you could always become a doctor, a lawyer, a politician, or a business man like your father," I said rather tartly, offended by his comment about teachers college even though I had considered it at one point. I felt like he was mocking me although I know he had no intention of doing so.

"Or a soldier," Edward threw in and I glared at him some more.

The air in the room had changed between us. I was only trying to have a conversation with Edward when I'd asked him his decision. I never meant for us to turn our words against each other, but suddenly we had and I felt bitterness and jealousy creep over me.

"It doesn't matter anyway," I said coldly as I stood up. "You can afford to do nothing for the rest of your life if you chose it."

I don't know why I had thrown the Masen's financial security in Edward's face. I knew I shouldn't have but it was too late now. He rose steadily and looked down on me with a cold, hard face. I felt like a small child cowering under his glare.

"I never knew that mattered so much to you," he said crossly and he turned away from me.

"Edward wait please," I yelled and I reached my hand out to grab his arm. "It doesn't," I said trying to defend myself. "I'm sorry; I never intended to argue with you,"

"I never intended it either," he said sharply back to me and he shook his arm free of my grasp easily. His face softened slightly as he continued, "I have many different factors to consider before I enlist Bella. And you're one of them."

"Why me?"

"Really Bella?" he asked and then laughed sarcastically. "After yesterday I thought my intentions would have been made more clear. Do you not think me to be any more gentlemanly than that? That I would so freely offer my affections and kisses to just any girl?"

"No," I said softly and I shook my head. I wanted him to tell me how he felt. I had wanted it for so long that now this moment seemed so surreal.

"In three days," he continued urgently, "we'll be in Forks. My intentions would be at that time to ask permission from your father to court you properly."

I gasped in a sudden breath of air and let a slight squeak escape my lips. I reached out to grab something, anything to steady me because my knees were weak. Edward graciously reached out his arm and wrapped it around my waist to keep me balanced. He drew me in close to him and stroked my cheek softly.

"Bella," he said piercing me with his green eyes and I could see the plea behind them. "I've waited too long to go to war. It's all I've wanted, but now I want you too."

His hand moved down my neck and rested on the top of my shoulder. He gave me a gentle squeeze and I shivered. My entire body was cold and the chill he'd just given me wouldn't go away.

"Is it enough?" he asked and looked at me urgently.

I could barely breathe, much less think coherently and I hadn't the faintest idea what he was asking me for now.

"Hmm?" I managed to make a sound.

"Is it enough Bella to have me when I return? It's a shameful thing for me to ask you to wait, but would you? Would you wait for me?"

I would wait until the end of time if it meant I could be with Edward. I was trying to find the words to respond when a crash followed by a scream startled us from our bubble.

"Mr. Masen, Mr. Masen!" the voice of the maid was shrieking down the hall and screaming still in between calling out the name.

Edward grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me down the corridor behind him. The library was hidden in the mansion and it felt like an eternity before we were back in the main part of the house. The screams calmed and everything was quiet. I was out of breath when we reached the front of the house and neared Mr. Masen's office. The door was ajar and several of the staff was gathered around. I could hear Mrs. Trent directing orders.

Edward let go of me and pushed his way inside. I stood back by the door frame, trying to glimpse what had caused such a stir. I was denied my view and waited patiently.

"Edward," said Mrs. Trent.

"What happened?" he asked worriedly.

"She was bringing in his morning coffee and found him here on the floor. He's not coherent and his temperature is high. He must've passed out, Mr. Edward. As soon as I came on the scene I sent Giles to bring the doctor. That's as far as we've gotten."

I could only assume that the 'he' being mentioned was Mr. Masen. I couldn't tell who the maid was who had found him.

I could hear Edward begin to delegate orders to the staff.

"Help me move him into the parlor. We need to be careful, but he'll be much more comfortable there. Mrs. Trent, I assume my mother's gone to a club meeting or sewing circle. I haven't any idea but we need to find her. She'll be someplace of that nature."

His voice was strained, shaking, and he sounded very scared. The crowd thinned because the staff moved to help carry Mr. Masen to the parlor. I could see him then.

He was lying on the floor with his back to me. I could see that his neck was extremely sweaty. His body was limp and languid. I couldn't see his face and I decided that I didn't want to. I wanted to turn away before he was lifted off the floor.

Edward looked up at me and my heart broke for him. He was fighting to keep himself together, I could tell. He wouldn't break, not in public, but it was a strain. He was worried and frightened.

"Bella, find Alice," he said to me and without another glance I hurried through the front doors and down the steps.

Alice had wanted to send a telegram earlier so I started down the street toward the post office. I only knew where it was because I had been previously with Alice when she couldn't wait for Jasper to receive word from her.

The sun was hot today and it beat down on me mercilessly. I hadn't stopped to grab a hat and I hadn't bothered to tie my hair up this morning either. As I ran between the crowds of people I accumulated many inquisitive glances and condescending stares.

I searched at the post office, but Alice wasn't there. An elder gentleman told me her telegram had been paid for almost half an hour before my arrival. I hadn't any idea where to search for her next, but I continued to walk briskly through the streets. I kept my head up, looking for her and even calling out her name occasionally.

I peered in store windows to see if I could catch a glimpse of her shopping. I looked in our soda fountain, bakery's, and dress stores. My search was hopeless before it began. Alice probably passed me on her way home earlier. If she had, I easily wouldn't have noticed. The streets were crowded as always and there were too many people to single out one individual.

I had failed in my quest to seek out Alice, but I hoped she had made it home. If something had happened to my father, I would have wanted to know immediately. I resolved that she had to have been home already. I didn't know how much time I had wasted searching for her, but it was surely enough for her to be home. I'd been gone almost all afternoon.

I decided to return to the Masen house and started walking. My legs and feet ached from running so much earlier and I slowed my pace down considerably. When I reached the end of the sidewalk, I glanced up at the street sign and looked at the intersecting roads.

Neither of them was familiar to me. I needed to go east, but I couldn't remember where that was.

"Excuse me?" I asked a passerby.

"Yes?" he asked back.

"I'm looking for Milford Rd. Can you direct me?"

"Sorry miss, never heard of it," he answered immediately and kept walking.

Never heard of it? Was I that far away? In my efforts had I strayed so far that now the neighborhood I was in wouldn't recognize the street names I was familiar with? Carriages were lining the street, but I didn't have any money for a fare to take me back. I decided to keep asking for directions.

Finally, another gentleman was able to direct me east. He told me to walk four blocks to Willowby and then turn right, I think. Once I found myself at Willowby I couldn't remember which way the man had directed me to turn so I chose right.

I continued to walk until I felt like my feet might detach from the rest of my body. My stomach ached because I hadn't had a thing to eat all day. The crowd had thinned out and the neighborhood I was in now did not look friendly. I was too scared to ask some of the people I encountered on the street for help. The day getting late and I could see that the sun was beginning to sink down in the sky.

I had been going the wrong way. I turned around and started to walk away from the setting sun. The Masen's had to be worried about me. I'd been gone all afternoon, and now it was almost dusk. They had enough to worry about with Mr. Masen's current condition. They didn't need to worry about me, their lost guest.

As it started to get darker, my heart started to beat faster. I was scared and lost. I knew I was walking in the right direction now and I prayed silently that I could find my way back. There were lights ahead of me. Chicago was beginning to light up for the night and I knew I needed to head toward the lights. On the other side, I would find my destination.

The problem would be reaching the lights. I tried to keep my direction even though I was redirected several times because of dead end streets. When I had gone the wrong way earlier, I had really gotten myself into a fix.

The streets I was on now weren't well lit and the men and women whose paths crossed mine all seemed shady. As I approached a large, two story corner house I could hear music and laughter. The residents were having a party. Curiosity got the better of me as I walked by and I couldn't help but turn my head to look.

There were men and women sitting outside and making racket. There were lights outside and inside and all the windows were open to public viewing. I stopped momentarily as I realized what I had walked up on.

The women were all dressed in nightclothes, if even that much. Every individual I saw was either smoking a cigar or holding what I supposed was a liquor bottle. I looked up into one of the windows and what I saw made my jaw drop.

I could see a woman, bare-naked and in a very compromising condition. I couldn't see her partner, but she seemed to be enjoying herself. The music played and the people danced and laughed and continued in their nightly activities.

I needed to move. I needed to keep walking and get far away from the cat house but I had to stop staring first. Shamefully I kept diverting my attention toward the woman in the top window. I could only imagine how red my face was.

"Hey doll," called a voice from the shadows on the porch.

I jumped slightly and looked toward the voice. I could see a man in a suit, obviously drunk from the slur in his voice, starting to walk down the front steps in my direction. He was waving a liquor bottle in his hand.

"Freddy, where ya goin' baby," called out a woman's voice, but I couldn't see her.

"Hey you," the man said again. "What do you look like? Wanna come make a buck or two?" he asked and laughed.

My feet weren't frozen anymore. I didn't continue walking, but I started to run as fast as my tired legs would carry me.

"Guess not. Your loss baby," he called after me and I didn't stop.

I ran toward the lights and I kept running, going as far east as the streets would let me. Once I slipped and slid across the concrete. I could feel my scraped up hands, but I got up quickly and continued to run. I didn't stop until I knew where I was at. I recognized some of the closed shops around me. There were people on the streets here, all dressed in their best clothing.

They were going to shows and the theater or maybe to have a drink with friends at a restaurant. I recognized this location, but I wasn't very familiar with it. I felt much safer here though and that was my first relief. I stopped and bent over, placing my hands on my knees. I'd torn the hem of my skirt when I fell.

"Bella Swan?" asked a familiar voice and I looked up to see Emmett McCarty standing in front of me. A beautiful blonde woman was hanging on his arm. He had on a tuxedo and her dress fit her impeccably. They were going someplace very formal.

"Mr. McCarty, Emmett. I'm so glad to see you. What I mean is, I'm lost."

He looked at me puzzled and then couldn't help but laugh.

"Bella, this is my girl, Rosalie Hale. Rosalie, Bella Swan. She's a guest of the Masen's."

"Good evening," said the beautiful Rosalie. She smiled flakily at me. She was obviously annoyed.

"Hello," I said to Rosalie. I was embarrassed but thankful to have run into them.

"Now, you said you're lost Bella?" asked Emmett and I shook my head.

"The show starts in 5," Rosalie reminded him and Emmett was stuck with a dilemma.

"Here," he said and he flagged down a passing carriage. He made an exchange with the driver and then opened the door for me. "Bella, everything's taken care of for you. You'll get home safely alright?"

I was more consciously aware then of torn skirt and could only imagine how disheveled my hair was. He must've thought I was crazy but I didn't care at that moment. I wanted to hug him, but thought better of it after taking another look at Rosalie so I just thanked him instead.

Words couldn't express the sweet relief I felt after sitting down in the carriage. The trip was too short to the Masen's home. I stepped lightly out of the carriage and thanked the driver. I let out a sigh, embarrassed that I'd been gone all day and knowing what I would have to face upon returning.

I could hear the trot of hooves behind me, coming toward me.

"Bella?" Edward called out.

I waited until Edward reached me, riding atop one of his horses. He stopped the horse and jumped down. I couldn't imagine what he'd been through all day long.

"I'm so sorry Edward" I said hanging my head down. "I was trying to help, but I got lost."

He shushed me and wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me close to him in a tight embrace and it was the safest I'd felt all night.