A/N: I do not own any of the SOA character. Although I have been having this interesting fantasy that involves Jax where he keeps telling me that he IS my property. :)

Sorry it took so long to write this. Been slammed with the new semester, so chapters may only come once every couple of weeks, but they will come! Never fear.

You don't wanna hurt me,

But see how deep the bullet lies.

Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.

There's a thunder in our hearts, baby.

So much hate for the ones we love?

Tell me, we both matter, don't we?
-Placebo

John and Jax watched as Gemma paced back and forth in front of them. They were standing in the hallway outside of Abel's incubation room. Gemma was anxious because they had been waiting for over 30 minutes for Tara to come back out and give them the okay to come in.

Jax leaned on the wall next to the door that lead to his son's room, John slouched in the corner farthest from Jax. John and Jax were just as anxious as Gemma, they just didn't show it.

"Mom", Jax said, exasperated, "Tara said they would be right out with him, calm down."

"Maybe the good doctor isn't so Good after all", she said, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

John stood up taller, rising to his full five feet four inches. "My mom was the top of her class at med school. She's worked at the best hospital in the country. She is an awesome doctor." he said with quiet conviction.
Gemma stopped pacing and turned to stare at him. She was just opening her mouth to reply when Tara came out of the door.

"You can come in. We're just finishing with his check-up, I'll bring him out in a moment." Tara said with excitement.

They all moved quickly toward the door, with Jax leading the way. John hung back near the entrance of the door, while Gemma and Jax walked across the room to stand near the rocking chair.

Five minutes later Tara walked through the side door with a wrapped, squirming bundle cradled in her arms. She looked down at him and smiled, then walked over to stand in front of Jax. She gave Jax a radiant smile and then ran a finger over Abel's soft cheek. His mouth formed an "O" and he blinked his big sky blue eyes at her. She felt a catch in her heart as she handed him into Jax's waiting arms.

Jax looked down at his baby boy and then looked over at John. He waved John forward and he pushed away from the wall and walked toward his baby brother and father.

Tara saw the expression on Gemma's face and their eyes locked. Gemma picked up her bag and they walked out of the room together.

Jax rocked Abel slowly, John stood at his elbow watching.

"Did you ever see me when I was a baby?" he asked Jax suddenly.

Jax stopped rocking the chair and turned to John. "No son, I never saw you when you were a baby."

"So you didn't like me, like you like Abel?" John asked. He was looking down at Abel with intensity.

"I love you son." Jax said with sudden intensity. "I just didn't have the chance to see you when you were younger."

"So mom kept you from me?" he whispered.

Jax sighed. He had to get this right. He had to make things right in John's head or he would end up hating Tara, or himself.

He reached over with one hand and grabbed John's hand. "No son. Your mom made the best choice for you and her at the time. We both love you, so much that we would die for you. We were both young and a bit foolish. We made mistakes, both of us, but those are our demons to live with. Not yours, never yours."

A single tear slipped down John's cheek, and he nodded once those demons being put to rest in his mind for now. He touched Abel's cheek and Abel opened his blue eyes and blinked up at him.

John smiled, "Hey little guy. I'm your big brother, John."

Jax smiled and kissed Abel's head. He looked up at John and down at Abel. He was so happy he could barely breathe.

He smiled down at Abel. "I hate to break this to ya kid, but I'm your old man." he said quietly fighting to hold back tears.

John put his hand on his father's shoulders and squeezed it. "You're the best dad we could ask for." he said with quiet conviction.

Gemma walked into the room and watched as Jax handed Abel to John. John took him and sat down in the rocking chair. He said something to Abel and Abel cooed at him.

Gemma had never been happier.

She walked over to them. "Doc said it was time to feed him. I was hoping I could have that honor." she said quietly.

John smiled at her, his earlier outburst forgotten.

Jax smiled at her and motioned for her to come over to them.

Tara was finished with her nightly ritual with Abel and was washing her hands before leaving the room when she noticed a tall blond woman looking in through the nursery window at her. Tara caught her eye and she smiled at Tara. She felt a chill move down her spine.

She walked out of the nursery.

"Dr. Tara Knowles, my name is agent June Stahl with the bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms." the woman said as she held her hand out to Tara.

Tara felt her stomach sink. Her held out her hand, and shook the other woman's hand, trying to keep the tremors at bay.

Agent Stahl gestured toward the seats and Tara sat down.

As Tara waited for the grilling to begin, Agent Stahl smiled at her.

"I've been trying to figure you out Dr. Knowles."she began.

"I'm sorry?" Tara said completely taken off guard.

"You left this rat hole of a town 11 years ago, skyrocketed to the top of your class at The University of Cali San Diego all the while raising your illegitimate son. Excelled in your studies at Loyola Med, and landed one of the coveted internships at Rush University Medical Center. Very impressive." she said sarcastically.

"I'm aware, I was there." Tara returned.

"Well how is it that you landed back here at St. Rednecks, patching up the tired huddled masses when you could be rubbing elbows with some of the greatest medical minds this country has to offer?" Stahl asked quietly widening her eyes and turning her head slightly to the side.

Bitch, Tara thought.

"I dont see how my life choices are any of your business agent." Tara said coolly.

"No? Hmm well we shall see." she looked Tara in the eye," Are you aware of any illegal activity going on with the Sons of Anarchy mc?" Stahl asked flat out

Tara laughed inside. Was this bitch for real?

She widened her eyes and said "God no." and then looked down. Trying her best not to laugh.

Stahl paused and smirked at her, "Well if you hear anything let me know." she said as she passed one of her cards to Tara.

She stood to leave, but at the last minute she turned back to Tara. "You haven't heard from agent Kohn have you? It seems he never got off the plane in Chicago."

Tara spread her hands in front of her and said,"I had a warrant against Kohn, I would hope he would steer clear of me if he hoped to keep his career."

Stahl smiled at her and turned and walked away. Tara let out a pent up breath and sagged slightly in her chair.

"Sure Donna I have the next four days off and I can come over to help you pack up the house tomorrow afternoon." Tara said as she moved around Jax's dorm room packing up her things. They were leaving today. The house was finished two days before, John was completely healed and enrolled in Charming Middle School.

It was time to leave.

"Okay Tara, I really truly appreciate you helping me out." Donna said and snapped Tara out of her daydream. "Come by around 4:00 pm."

"Okay" Tara said and then hung up. She put her hands on hips and looked around the room. All of her things were packed. John's room was packed.

They were ready to go.

So why did she feel so afraid to step foot on the other side of the door.

Would it all end?

For the last week they had all been getting along smoothly, even Gemma had been nice and less vocal about her disapproval of the relationship between Jax and Tara.

Tara knew that it would all end. Some croweater would challenge her relationship with Jax. She would be forced to fight back, but she couldn't do that, she couldn't allow herself to become that person again.

So she had come back to the clubhouse, walked to the room she had shared with Jax for the last two weeks and began packing all of her belongings. She did it robotically, knowing it was for the best.

She sat on the bed they had shared and ran a hand through her her dark hair. This was probably the end, she thought to herself.

The door to the room opened and Jax walked in. He came up short when he saw her packed bags laying on top of the bed.

"What's going on?" he asked hesitantly.

"House is done." Tara said quietly.

"And what? You can't wait to get out of here?" he said.

"No, it's just best to rip the band-aid off. Go back there and face the demons. It's where we are going to be living for...a while." Tara said still staring at the floor.

He let out a pent up breath, he thought for a minute she was leaving for Chicago. He walked around the bed and stood in front of her. She lifted her head and stared at his chest. He squatted in front of her and grabbed her chin forcing her to meet his eyes. He saw fear in her there, and something else, something he wasn't ready to deal with yet.

"You're right. I'll drive you over."

Tara walked into the house first. She moved around slowly, searching for signs of Kohn in the living room. She walked to her bedroom and stopped in the doorway, she looked over at the spot where he had died. There was nothing there, just solid oak wood floors and freshly painted walls. She felt dizzy standing there and started to back out of the room and bumped into Jax. He was standing right behind her.

"You okay?" he asked.

She nodded her head unable to speak past the lump in her throat.

He gave her a worried look. "I can stay." he said quickly

"No, no we ...we just need to be okay here. You know?" she whispered.

"Yea" he said putting her bag down on the floor. He reached over, grabbed her hand and kissed it.

"I'm going to leave."

He was turning toward the door when Tara said, "What do you think would've happened if you would've went with me?" she asked him pushing past her fear.

He sighed and leaned against the door jab. "I would've gone nomad, majored in English Literature or Philosophy. We would've found out you were pregnant with John and probably moved back to Charming for support. You would've ended up a nurse and not a doctor. Possibly even hating me after my three year stint in Stockton."

She was taken aback. She had not expected such a forthright answer. It showed her that he had been thinking about it as much as she had.

"What do you think would've happened if you'd stayed?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know, but I probably wouldn't have ended up killing a man." she said fighting back tears and hysteria and exhaustion.

He walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. "You didn't." he said, "I'm staying. You need me, John needs me. I'm not going to leave my family."

Tara shook her head but he ignored her and picked her up and carried her toward the bed. She jumped up as soon as her backside hit the mattress.

"I can't sleep in here! I can't sleep here!" she said on the edge of a full blown panic attack.

He picked her up and carried her to the living room. John was sitting on the love seat flipping through channels. Jax laid Tara down on the couch opposite him and took her shoes off. He covered her in the afghan that was formerly draped over the back of the sofa and sat near her feet. He pulled her feet into his lap and began massaging her legs. After a while he looked up at Tara and saw that she had fallen asleep. He kicked his boots off and propped his socked feet on the coffee table.

John looked over at him.

"Should I be upset to be here?" John asked Jax quietly.

"Do you feel upset?" Jax replied.

"No, I'm happy he is gone. I'm happy mom is alive and okay. I'm happy that we are here with you and grandma and Abel and everyone else." he said quietly his eyes fixed on the television set. "He tried to kill me, he tried to kill my mother. I feel like I did what was right. I can't detect one bad feeling about what happened here in me anymore."

Jax listened to his son talk. He had been worried about John, about his reaction to his part in Kohn's murder. Listening to his son he felt some of his worry subside.

"What does that make me dad?" John asked.

"A survivor son. You were right. Kohn would have killed you and your mother without a second thought. It was a game to him, but you won and that's what should've happened. That was the right thing." Jax said with conviction. He did not want his son harboring any feelings of guilt over Kohn.

"Thanks dad." John said and he got up, stretched and walked into Tara's old childhood bedroom.

Tara woke up alone on the couch. She heard someone roaming around in the kitchen and assumed it was Jax making coffee. She got up and walked to the kitchen and found John rumbling through the fridge looking for food.

"We need to stock up mom." he said as he backed out of the refrigerator. "Dad said to call him when you got up. Can we go out to breakfast before school?"

Tara's eyes widened. She had totally forgotten today was John's first day of school! "YES!" she yelled over her shoulder as she ran to her bathroom and jumped in the shower.

She threw on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top and running shoes. She pushed John out of the front door and jumped in her car. Breaking her previous land record getting him to the Marcus' Diner. They sat down and had a quick breakfast and she got him to school just as the first warning bell was ringing.

"Love you babe." she said as she pressed a five dollar bill into his hand. "If I don't pick you up grandmom or dad will."

"Okay" John said. "See ya mom" he said as he stepped out of the car.

Tara called Jax on her way back to her house. She intended to sleep her little heart out.

"Hey babe" he said into his cell.

"Hey, John said you told him to tell me to call you."

"Yea, we need you to check on our friend."

"Okay, I'm on my way back to the house, almost there. Pick me up in 30?"

"Yea" he said and hung up.

Tara drove to Donna's house after she was done with the Irishman. He was healing well, on his way to a full recovery if he followed her orders.

As she pulled up in Donna's driveway she noticed a black sedan parked out by the curb. She waited in the car, and sure enough a few minutes later Stahl came walking out. She noticed Tara watching her and smiled and waved at her as if they were old friends. Tara waited until she had pulled away from the curb before she opened her car door and stepped out.

She walked into the house and called out Donna's name. Donna came walking from the dining room, her face livid.

"That woman...that June Stahl bitch, came here trying to drain information out of me." Donna said as she gave Tara a quick hug.

"Yea she hit me up as well." Tara replied."She's itching to bring the club down. Going after the women."

Donna crossed her arms across her chest and started pacing back and forth. "Well at least if she did, Opie would be free of the life."

Tara got into Donna's face. "Are you crazy? That bitch gets to the club, crushes them, she crushes us too!" Tara said getting angry at Donna and her constant verbal abuse of the SAMCRO. "We've been apart of this before we were even born. Our uncles were members, your husband is a member. If the SAMCRO family goes down so does each and every one of our families." She put her nose right in Donna's face, "You want to see Ellie raped and beaten by her new foster father? Do you think I want John to grow up in home after home? Do you think I want to see Abel go the that junkie bitch? THINK Donna. The club is your home, your family. Always has been. Always will be. You need to think about that because this bitch is going to push us hard, we need to push her back!"

Tara turned to leave. Donna would probably never speak to her again after her tirade, but she didn't care. Her friend needed to hear a few home truths before it was too late.

Tara was walking out of the door when she saw Opie approaching her with a yellow envelope in his hand.

He jerked his chin toward the house, "How is she?"

"Pissed at the world, but most especially me right now." Tara said as she stormed by Opie. He stood and watched her get into her car and pull away.

Two weeks had passed since she had last seen Donna.

Tara sat in bed reading up on a surgery she was schedule to perform the next day when Jax walked into the room.

"John go down for the night?" he asked her.

"Yup about an hour ago."

He looked at the volumes of medical books scattered across the bed and at the one in her hand and he raised his eyebrows.

"Heavy reading." he stated before bending over and kissing her.

"Heavy surgery." she replied and smiled at him. "I've got good news."

"Finally, we could use some of that." he said with a smile.

"If Abel makes it through the night without any alarms, he'll be released tomorrow afternoon." Tara said with a huge smile.

Jax's eyes widened, he actually looked a bit scared. Then he smiled and that moment of fear passed. He leaned down and kissed her again. "It would never have happened without you." he said

"St. Thomas has a top pediatric surgeon..." Tara began not comfortable with the title of savior.

"No." he said interrupting her, "It was you Tara. I know you took extra shifts, asked to be put on his case, hovered over him like his guardian angel. I know you go to his room and read to him and talk to him. He knows you already, probably better than anyone else in the family. You've been there since second one." He ran a hand over her hair. "He's lucky to have such a wonderful mother. Both of my boys are."

Tara looked up at him with tears in her eyes. She wanted with everything to be Abel biological mother, but she knew that would never happen. She decided to be there for him in every way she could. She had fallen in love with him the moment he opened his blue eyes and stared up at her.

"Thank You." she said kissing his was confused about what they were to each other, but she felt a sort of sealing in her commitment to Abel with his words.

He picked up his phone and called Gemma to tell her the good news. Tara could hear her excitement clear across the bed. He snapped his phone shut and turned to Tara.

"She's throwing Abel a coming home party...at my house." he said hesitantly. They had never spent anytime there as a family, but when Abel came home, he would be in his nursery at Jax's house. Where would Tara be?

Jax turned to Tara suddenly and asked, "Do you love me?"

Tara dropped the heavy volume she was holding. "What?" she asked stunned at his abrupt turn of thought.

"Do you love me?" he repeated slowly.

YES! Tara thought, but she remained quiet staring down at her hands.

He touched her thigh. "It a simple question babe." he said quietly

"It's not a simple answer." she replied still not looking at him.

He stared at the side of her face for a moment, willing her to turn her eyes to his so he could read them, but she didn't and he wasn't willing to push his luck on that night.

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I'm gonna go take a shower."

"I do love you." she said quietly still staring down at her hands, and he stopped half way across the room. "It's not like it was before, not some crazy feeling. It's a burning inside of me that I know is here to stay, and it's not because of John. It's because of you. Because you can make me laugh with just a quirk of your eyebrow, because you are good to me even when it's not deserved." She finally looked up at him. He was glued to the spot watching her.

"I love you. Not the circumstances, or as a reward for what you did for me. I just...do." she finished lamely. She fidgeted a little with the blanket when he didn't reply. Eventually she heard him move out of the room and then she heard the shower turn on.

She put the books on her nightstand and turned the light off, and laid on her side. He had not replied. Maybe he didn't love her. Maybe she was just a diversion until Wendy got back. She felt the bed shift under his weight and felt him move close to her. He kissed her neck and wrapped an arm around her. She relaxed against him.

"I love you more babe." he whispered, and she felt him smile against her neck as she drifted off to sleep.