Victoria pushed off taking her pain medication. As a result, she was both sore and exhausted. Still, she didn't let it show. She listened intently as Charlotte explained in great detail all the prep school gossip. After hearing about two pregnancies, a drug problem and a football player who was secretly gay, Victoria wondered if Charlotte was summarizing some teen show. Still, she listened intently, excited to have her daughter enjoying their company. Before Charlotte had finished up Daniel came home. He kissed the top of her head before sitting down and telling her about all the week Grayson Global had. She was a little sad that her children hadn't mentioned much about themselves but she was happy to spend time with them regardless. She was also aware that neither child asked a single question about what happened to her. She wondered if Conrad told them not to, but she almost knew that they'd rather not know if their mother had been raped. She hadn't been, but was grateful for the consideration. She knew Conrad was waiting for her to tell him everything. She knew that telling him would send the memories flooding back and she wasn't sure she was strong enough for that yet.
Victoria's thoughts were interrupted by Emily, who had arrived for Daniel. Emily made sure to mention all the work that needed done for a charity they had agreed to co-chair. Victoria was grateful for for the strict doctors orders.
"I'm sorry, Emily. The doctor has a strict no stress rule. I'm afraid I'll have to miss this one. But do let me know how you make out." She said, offering a fake smile. Even a near death experience wouldn't make her trust Emily. "I apologize but I am exhausted. Good evening, Emily." She said, rolling her eyes after she had passed Emily.
Conrad felt bad for the girl, but couldn't seem to keep his smile hidden. Despite everything that had happened, Victoria was still Victoria. Although he understood her fragility and her need to break down when the memories got too overwhelming, he felt a surge of relief. Somewhere under all the hurt and pain was his wife. He knew she had as many flaws as she had qualities (maybe even more) but she was the woman he loved.
He waited until he knew she'd be asleep before he slipped into her room. He wanted to deny it but he knew she couldn't make it through a few hours without a nightmare. She had been willing to take the pain medications but had refused the sedatives. She would never admit it, but he knew she was pushing herself, forcing herself to speed up her recovery so she could put it all behind her. It didn't work that way, but Conrad refused to tell her.
Instead, he sat on her cupola. He had never spent time up there alone, not like she did. Honestly, he didn't see the appeal aside from a glimpse of Emily's cottage. But it made him feel close to Victoria. The further they had drifted apart in their marriage, the more he had looked to things like her cupola to make him feel close to her. He often stared at her favorite paintings, trying to see what she saw in them. It never worked. He didn't understand the way his wife's mind worked. And whenever he got close to figuring it out, she'd pull the rug out from under him, making him start at the beginning. He glanced back at Victoria, who slept soundly. He was tempted to pull a chair into her bedroom or climb into bed, desperate to be near her but he knew that wasn't what she needed. And if she woke up to find him in her personal space it would push her away. Instead he waited, knowing what would happen.
Like clockwork, his wife started with a whimper or two. He stood in the doorway praying that she'd fall back asleep, but he knew better. They had been through this a half dozen times and there didn't seem to be an end in sight. Soon she was crying out, flailing her arms and pleading to be left alone. Not wanting to hover over her, he bent down on his knees next to her.
"Victoria, you're safe. Victoria!" A gut wrenching scream broke from her mouth, waking her up. She stared at Conrad, terrified by her own reaction.
"You're okay. You're safe. I'm here." Conrad repeated over and over, like a mantra. Eventually, Victoria's breathing steadied and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He could feel her small body trembling, which only made him hold her close. He wished there were a way to take all of the pain and fear from her and transfer it to him. But the best he could do was to be there for her.
"I can't keep going like this," she said.
"My dear, you need to talk about it. If not to me to someone. Anyone. Otherwise this will all manifest until it takes over your life."
"It already has taken over my life." She knew he was right. She poured Conrad a glass of scotch. "You're going to need this." She said.
Conrad sat silently, letting her tell her story at her own pace. She started at the beginning, the random meetings that became more and more frequent. She saw the anger boil when she talked about her jog and turning her head just in time to see Eric swinging a log towards her head. She told him about trying to be nice, thinking Eric would let her go. She paused, knowing he would be angry when she told him about the shower stunt. She knew she could have died trying to break free. He noticed her hesitation immediately.
"You can tell me, Vic. What is it?"
"Don't get mad-" her voice was trembling, a sound he would never be used to.
"Never. I'm here to listen."
"He handcuffed me to the shower rod while he left. And I was able to twist the screws and pull the rod down. I waited for Eric to return and I hit him with the pipe as hard as I could. I thought," she took a moment to steady her voice. "I thought I got him and I was naked and trying to get free and he grabbed my hair and threw me onto the floor. He attacked me. He pressed the shower rod against my throat. I thought I was dying..."
Conrad couldn't believe she had been so worried to tell him about how hard she had fought. He put his hands on her shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze.
"Victoria, I would never fault you for your fight. You don't even know how incredible you are. I have never been prouder. You are such a fighter and I love that about you." She didn't acknowledge his words, but he could see a small blush creep across her face.
"That's why I was naked when you found me. He didn't rape me, but he left me tied up, naked. He said he was going to cut my tongue and keep me handcuffed as some sex slave or something. He ran his hands up my thigh and leaned in to kiss me. So I bit him. Hard. He was punching both sides of my head but I wouldn't let go. I knew that if I let go he was going to kill me. But then you stopped him. You saved my life."
"There is nothing I wouldn't do for you." She shook her head absentmindedly. The two sat in silence for a few minutes, letting them both replay what had happened. She moved closer, her lips touching his so lightly that she thought she imagined it until she felt his tongue mingle with hers.
"I don't think you're thinking clearly," he offered, breaking their kiss. He wanted her desperately but was afraid he'd be taking advantage.
"Maybe I'm just starting to think clearly," she looked at him, her brown against his blue. "I need this. I need you." That was all the encouragement he needed.
Things were different this time. They weren't desperately clawing and scratching one another. He wasn't out to make her beg for her pleasure. Instead he took her cues and worked on paving over the bad memories. She pushed his hand long her thigh, over and over until she didn't cringe at the memory.
Victoria couldn't help but think of herself and Conrad in terms of the ocean. She was like the water, her hips rising like waves and crashing into him rhythmically. And he was the shore, always absorbing whatever water she allowed him to feel. They matched each other's rhythm and afterwards he was happy when she curled into his embrace. Before long she was sound asleep. He wished she would have a peaceful sleep, but he knew she'd probably wake up screaming. He vowed to be there, not only the next time but every time. He may have failed her once, but he would never make that mistake again.