Okay, here you go! :) This chapter is kind of confusing, but I meant for it to be that way. Because, y'know, women are really confusing and Rachel is no exception. It's a lot for one chapter. I was going to break it up into two, but decided against that. Just keep in mind that all of this happens in a three week span! Enjoy!
Rachel woke up to the smell of fresh coffee and she followed the music that she heard into the kitchen. When she walked through the door, she saw Madie and Finn dancing around and making breakfast while Ava laughed along from Finn's arms. Finn, shirtless and Madie, in her little pink night gown. She leaned against the door frame and watched the sight unravel in front of her. She cleared her throat and both heads flung around to look at her.
"Mommy!"
"Hi, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?" She bent down to give her daughter a hug and kiss.
"Yes, I love sleeping over at Finn's house."
"That's good." Rachel smiled as she took Ava from Finn's arms.
"Hey, Rach. You feeling better?" Finn asked quietly.
"Uh… y-yeah. I-I'm… I'm good. I'm fine… better." She choked out, focusing her eyes on the baby. She was nervous and shaking a little bit.
"You sure?" Finn noticed her odd behavior.
Rachel smiled. "Yes, Finn. I'm sure. Thank you."
"Okay…" He said cautiously. "Munchkin and I made breakfast."
"I see that! It smells good!"
"Have a seat."
They all four sat down to eat breakfast together. Rachel noticed how domestic-like this looked and started shaking even more. To say that she was freaking out would be a huge understatement. She had fallen asleep last night in Finn's arms, he had told her that he loved her, and she had woken up to him and Madie cooking breakfast. It was a lot all at once. Sure, Finn and Rachel had fallen asleep together before, and Madie had spent the night at Finn's and made breakfast with him. But they had never all four stayed in one place. And Finn hadn't actually ever told her that he loves her out loud, even though she pretty much already knew it. It felt way too… committed. No. She cannot be committed. Nothing good ever comes from Rachel being committed. It's like Finn and blondes—it just doesn't work. She loved Finn, she really did, but she could not lose him. Of course, freaking out like this wasn't going to help with that, but what else could she do? Rachel stood up quickly and ran out of the kitchen. She ran straight towards the bathroom and locked the door behind her. Not even a second after she sat down against the door, Finn was pounding on it.
"Rach? Rachel! Rach, what's wrong?"
Rachel tried her best to just take deep breaths, but it wasn't working.
"Rachel, open the door! What's the matter? Are you sick?" She was worrying him beyond belief. "C'mon Rachel, you're scaring me."
Rachel stuck her head between her legs and let out the sobs.
"Rach, are you crying? Let me in please. We can talk. Let's talk." He was begging now.
Rachel quieted her sobs and she could hear Finn outside the door talking to Madie. She heard Finn ask Madie to go play and she heard little footsteps running down the hall.
"Rachel, come on. Please open up." His voice was quieter now, more pleading.
She finally gained the courage to stand up and open the door. She walked silently past him without looking up to his face. She grabbed Madie and Ava and headed for the front door.
"Whoa whoa, hey! Rachel talk to me! What's wrong?" Finn ran in front of her, beating her to the front door.
"Finn, I just need to go. I need some time, okay?"
"No, Rach. We need to talk. What's going on?" Finn wouldn't leave this alone.
Rachel stepped around him and pulled the girls into the hallway. Just before she was about to walk away she turned back to Finn and said, "Please don't follow me. I need some space."
Rachel went straight home and cuddled up on the couch for the rest of the night, putting on a happy face for Madie and Ava. She tried not to think about what she just did to Finn, but it was pretty hard when he was calling her every ten minutes. Eventually, she decided to pick up a call from Kurt. Finn had clearly called him because he wanted her to come over to talk.
The following day, Rachel did just that. She dragged Madie and Ava over to Kurt and Blaine's house and let them play with Braylon while she sat down in the kitchen with Kurt.
"So what's going on?" Kurt asked.
"Nothing." Rachel shrugged, sipping her coffee.
Kurt gave her a pointed look. "Really? Finn called me four times last night wondering if I had talked to you. He was saying that you freaked out and left his place without telling him what was wrong. And plus, you look like shit. By looking at your eyes I can tell that you've been crying. So I'm going to ask you again. What's going on?"
Rachel bit her lip and lowered her eyes. "I-I'm not really sure…"
"Well then start by telling me what happened." Kurt offered.
"I woke up on Finn's couch to him and Mads making breakfast together. Then we started eating at the table all together and after a few minutes I just started freaking out. I was having some sort of panic attack or something and I couldn't stop it. I ran into the bathroom and started crying and then left without saying a word to Finn."
"Well no wonder he was freaking out! I would too!"
Rachel shot Kurt a look. He raised his hands up in innocence.
"So it was just all too domestic for you I'm guessing." Kurt said.
"And that's why I love you." Rachel agreed. "I-I'm just not ready yet. It felt like we were married. I mean there is no way that I am anywhere ready to be in a committed relationship again. My heart still has tons of holes in it. Although, I will say that Finn has filled up tons of those holes. But still, I can't. I'm not looking for a relationship right now."
"Look Rach, I get it. Your husband is a dick and left you just over a year ago and you just got out of a crappy relationship of seven months. I get it. But I don't think that Finn does." Kurt said.
"I think he does! We've talked about it!"
"And what have you told him?"
"I have told him that my trust is at an all-time low and there is no way that I can be in a relationship right now. A-And I told him that he is helping me build up my trust so I am getting better but I'm still not quite there."
"Rachel you can't tell him that you are building all your trust up in him and not expect him to think that you two are going to date soon! He thinks that you are going to be ready like next month, or even next week! Hell, he even broke up with his girlfriend for you! You need to tell him straight up that you are not looking for a relationship. You need to tell him before he falls more in love with you. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but the poor guy has been through enough with you. He doesn't need you to break his heart again."
Rachel made an extremely worried face.
"Oh god, what?" Kurt asked.
Rachel bit her lip and avoided Kurt's eyes.
"Rachel Barbra Berry, what did you do?"
"He told me that he loved me last night when he thought that I was asleep." She blurted.
Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I knew it."
"Well what am I supposed to do? I can't help that he's in love with me! I'm lovable!"
"Yes, but you're not dateable." Kurt spit back.
"I know, you're right." Rachel rolled her eyes. "I know that I shouldn't be doing this to him. I mean I try not to lead him on, but when I look into those damn eyes I just melt and all my worry goes away."
"So you're in love with him too?" Kurt asked, not shocked at all.
Rachel's eyes widened. "What? I don't know..."
"You don't know? You're not sure if you are in love with Finn or not?"
Rachel looked down into her cup. "I guess I am… He's great. He's great with the girls and I really love nothing more than being with and around him."
"Look, regardless it doesn't matter. Clearly you two are looking for two completely different things. He wants a serious committed relationship with someone he can marry and have kids with and you cannot give him that."
"I can!" Rachel argued.
"Right now." Kurt finished, holding his hand up. "You can't give that to him right now. Maybe someday in the future, but not right now."
"I want another husband. I want more kids. I don't want to be alone forever."
"I know that Rachel! But you don't want all of that right now do you?"
Rachel shook her head no.
"You need to talk to him. You need to clear everything up. I'm sure you think that he knows, but trust me he doesn't fully understand. Talk to him and explain everything to him and he'll understand. Don't just run out and completely ignore him."
Kurt got up and left Rachel alone to think.
Rachel walked slowly up to Finn's door and quietly knocked on it. Finn answered within five seconds, which startled Rachel.
"Rach…" Finn said, cautiously.
"We need to talk." Rachel said, pushing past Finn. She walked straight to the living room where a young brunette woman was sitting on the couch in the spot where Rachel usually sits. The strange woman looked up and smiled at Rachel when she entered. "Oh hello." She said brightly.
Rachel scowled towards Finn. "Uh Rach, this is Mary. She's a new teacher and asked me if I could help her out a little bit. So I invited her over."
Rachel raised an eyebrow at Finn.
"Mary, this is Rachel. My uh… my… Rachel." He said awkwardly.
"Hi Rachel!" Mary stood up.
"Hello." Rachel smiled politely, but wanting to scratch to girls eyes out. "Finn, I really need to talk to you."
"Let me get out of your way, then. I'll see you on Monday." Mary said.
Finn walked her to the door and closed it behind her. He turned around and stared at Rachel with his hands in his pockets.
"She's pretty." Rachel choked out. "She's brunette, just like you like them."
"Rachel." Finn warned.
"I mean I didn't think that you would move on so quickly." She said softly.
"Rachel!" Finn said again.
"But, hey. Why hang on to me when you could be with her."
"Rachel, stop!" Finn said, loudly. "Why are you doing this?"
Rachel's face softened and she took a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry…"
"What's going on with you?" Finn asked, inching towards her.
Rachel slowly moved to sit down on the couch and Finn followed suit, giving her some space. Rachel dropped her face into her hands and shook her head.
"I'm sorry." She said again.
"Stop apologizing and tell me what's wrong."
Rachel shook her head.
"You can talk to me. You know that." Finn insisted.
"It's…" Rachel began. "It's too much."
She finally looked up to Finn to see the confused look on his face.
"You and I. It's too much…"
"What do you mean?" Finn asked quietly.
"We fell asleep on the couch together and I woke up to you and my daughter making breakfast together… it's all too domestic. Not to mention the fact that you said you loved me…"
"You heard that? I thought that you were asleep."
"I wasn't."
"I'm sorry…"
"Every time that I get involved and committed to someone, they either dump me because all they wanted was sex, or they just disappear, or they leave me at a train station—"
"Wait what?" Finn asked. "Do you not trust me? I thought that you trusted me? Y-you said…" His voice got louder.
"I do! I do trust you, but…"
"But what? I didn't leave you anywhere! It was ten years ago. I put you on a train to go to New York so that you could live out your dream! I thought you understood that? I thought you said that it was the bravest thing that a man has ever done for you?! Now you're using it in a list of things that men have done to you that have torn you down?" Finn stood up and started pacing.
"Finn, no. You're not listening to me! I shouldn't have used it in that way. Please, just calm down."
Finn looked over at Rachel impatiently.
"Finn, I am just trying to say that I've been through a lot with men in my life and I'm not ready to jump into another relationship yet. You know that… we've talked about it."
"Yeah, and I am available and waiting until you are ready."
"I-I know…"
"So why are you freaking out? Because I said that I loved you when I thought that you were sleeping? I mean, you should have already known that. It's pretty obvious."
"I did already know."
"Okay, then what's the matter?" Finn demanded.
"I-I don't know. Just, please be patient with me. Let me think."
Finn sighed and fell back into the chair on the other side of the room.
"I have trust issues." She said quietly.
"Rachel, I know." Finn said, growing even more impatient.
"Let me finish." She demanded. "I know that I said this back at Sardi's but I am going to say it again. I have trust issues. The first love that I ever had made me think that we were on our way to our wedding, when in reality you were putting me on a train. I was heartbroken, humiliated, and angry even. But I understood. And I was grateful every day for it. I forgave you because it was the most heroic thing that any man had ever done for me—even still to this day. Then the next boyfriend I had was a hooker, the next couple were just scrounging for sex, the next one got me pregnant twice, cheated on me and then disappeared leaving nothing but a note, and then the next one bailed after seven months leaving nothing but an email. So, yes, I have trust issues. But, I'm going to say it again, you are helping me. I am building my trust back up in you and its helping. But, I'm still broken. I'm still not ready to be in another relationship again. We have talked about this countless times. I am completely messed up a-a-and damaged. Yeah, I'm damaged goods. You need to understand that. You need to know that all this spending the night together and making breakfast is making me feel like I am committed to you. And that terrifies me. If I get committed to you then, in my mind, I feel like I am just going to end up losing you completely and I can't. I can't go through that. Not again. If that happens, I'll break completely and I don't know if I will ever be able to put myself back together. I have only ever truly loved two men in my life. And in some fucked up way of crossing one of them off, the universe is trying to tell me that you are the man that I should be with. And I want to be with you so damn much, b-but I can't. Not right now. I need more time."
The room was completely silent.
"Rach… Rach you are not damaged goods."
Rachel looked up to Finn with wet eyes.
"I understand. I understand 100%. I'm sorry that I flipped without letting you explain."
"Finn I know that you are looking for someone to settle down with and get married and have kids with, but I can't do that right now. I can't give you what you need. We are looking for totally different things and it sucks but that's how it is. I don't need to keep dragging you along with me. You don't need to be in the middle of all my problems and shit. That's incredibly unfair to you."
"I'll wait! I will wait however long I need to, Rachel. I will do anything for you to be mine again and if that means waiting then I will do it. Whether it's two weeks or two years. I will be right here for you."
"No, Finn."
"Yes Rachel!" Finn yelled, standing up.
"No. I couldn't ask you to do that. You will learn to resent me and then…" She paused, shaking her head. "You can find a nice brunette girl to have a family with and everything will be great because you won't be waiting on me for two years. It's for the best, Finn. We need to stop kidding ourselves. W-we can give each other space until everything dies down and then we can move on from each other and it'll be great because we will still be able to see each other without the attached feelings and without the risk of me losing you."
"Rachel, don't." Finn said, a tear dropping down his cheek. "If you walk away now, then my heart will be into a million little pieces. You're my everything. I-I can't lose you…" He tried. "You just said that you would break completely if you lost me—how is that any different than you walking away?"
"If I walk away now, then it's my choice and my decision. As opposed to if we get together, and by some awful chance, something happens and it doesn't work, then it would be ten times harder than this is."
"Rach, nothing will happen! We are meant to be together—"
"Finn, you don't get it!" Rachel screeched, standing up. "I can't be with you. I love y—hanging out with you and being with you and doing things with you and the girls, but I cannot be with you."
"Why not?"
She was quiet for a long time, thinking about what to say.
"Because you deserve to be happy and I can't make you happy." She said so quietly that Finn had to lean in to hear her. "Not with all of craziness and shit that comes with me. You need to let go while you still can."
"You do make me happy! The only other time that I have even been this happy is when I was in high school with you. You can't do this to me, Rach. I can't survive it. The only reason I let you leave the first time is because deep in my heart I knew that we would find our way back to each other."
Rachel was bawling by now, Finn almost the same.
"Every time I am with someone, something awful happens. I have some kind of fucked up curse and I just need to accept that. I can't lose you for good. I would be perfectly fine with knowing you were happy and had a family, even though it wasn't with me. As long as I can still see you and talk to you on occasion."
"But I want it to be with you." Finn tried.
"And I can't give you that right now."
"Right now." Finn said, reaching towards her. "You can't give me that right now. But, in the future when your heart is healed, you'll want that. I will be the one to give it to you. Don't throw me out of your life. We can make this work. You won't lose me, I promise."
"I can't." She shook her head. "I need to get away now, before the feelings get any deeper."
"Rachel, the feelings are already as deep as they can get! We can be together." Finn choked. He really was so confused.
"No we can't!" Rachel fought back. "I won't do this to you!"
"Then don't." Finn shot back. "Don't do this to me. Don't leave."
"I have to."
"What about Madie and Ava? I love them too. Madie is in my class…"
"It'll be okay…"
"Rachel." Another tear drop fell down his cheek. "Why?"
Rachel shook her head and closed her eyes. "I'm afraid."
"Of what?" Finn asked.
She didn't say a word for a really really long time.
"I'm afraid that you'll resent me. I'm afraid that if we do ever get together that you'll realize that I'm not enough and it was a mistake."
"Rachel—"
"I can't handle the heartbreak that would come along with it."
"Rachel—"
"If we get married and have a baby and then you decide that you don't want me anymore, then I don't even know what I would do."
"So you're walking away and breaking both of our hearts because you're scared that I'm going to break your heart in the future? Rachel, that's insane! I would never—" Finn raised his voice.
"Exactly. I'm insane and you deserve much better."
"Rach, that's not what I meant." He whispered. "You know that."
"This is for the best. You make me feel like I am in high school again and that is something that neither of us need. It might be acceptable for us to be friends and see each other from time to time, but I can't let you be a considerable part of my life anymore. Our time has come and gone and now we need to go back to living our own separate lives. I can't do this to you, it's so unfair. Goodbye, Finn." Rachel choked. She flew out the door, leaving Finn standing in the middle of his living room, tears rolling down his cheeks. It took him about ten minutes of crying and pacing aimlessly before he hopped in his car and sped to her apartment. He took the stairs by two's all the way up to the Penthouse. He banged on her door, completely out of breath. It took about five minutes of banging before one of the neighbors came out and yelled at him. He apologized and sat down on the floor right next to her door. None of this made any sense to him. One minute she is pouring her heart out to him telling him how she can't lose him again, and the next she is slamming the door as she runs out of his apartment in tears, saying that she can't be with him. What?
Two weeks had gone by and Rachel still wouldn't answer Finn's calls and she did everything she possibly could to avoid him. She knew deep down that she was being silly and she would never be able to stay away from Finn, but for the time being she just needed some space to think. She had to give the man credit though—he really doesn't give up. He called and texted every day, but not enough to annoy her. Just enough to show that he really really cared. He sent letters home with Madie that were for Rachel. He had Kurt call her several times and deliver messages. He even showed up on Thursday at her apartment, claiming that he was there to babysit. Luckily, Rachel was still upstairs getting ready and Taryn, the babysitter, had answered the door telling him that she was watching the girls for the night.
As she was doing laundry on Wednesday, Rachel got a call from the school. At first she rolled her eyes, thinking that it was Finn. But then when they called a second time, she noticed that it was not just the school, but the school nurse. Her heart dropped and she answered the phone as quick as she possibly could.
"Hello?"
"Mrs. Montgomery?"
"Yes ma'am, that's me." (Kind of).
"Hi, this is Mrs. Bond, the school nurse at Manhattan Park Elementary."
"Is everything okay?" Rachel worried.
"Your daughter, Madilyn Montgomery, seems to have a very bad stomach ache. She threw up once, and she also has a bit of a fever. I wouldn't worry too much, it's probably just a bug, but it would probably be a good idea to come and get her."
"I'm on my way."
She took Madie straight home, gave her some water and crackers, and put her to bed.
The following morning, Madie seemed to have gotten worse. She said that her stomach was hurting even more, and judging by the pitiful and pale look on her little face, Rachel believed her. She had also thrown up several times during the night, leaving both Madie and Rachel exhausted. Rachel did everything she could for her daughter, but nothing seemed to help. It got to the point where Madie was in tears, so Rachel called the doctor, fearing that it was more than just a bug. The quickest they could get her in was the following morning, but they gave her plenty of tips. Rachel tried them all, but none of them seemed to work. Finally, she gave her some stomach medicine that made her drowsy and Madie finally stopped crying and fell asleep. Kurt showed up to watch the girls because Rachel had a show that she needed to go to. When she finally got home, Kurt left taking Ava with him (Rachel didn't want her getting sick), and Rachel took a hot shower and climbed in bed after kissing her sick little angel good night. "You'll be okay, baby girl." She had whispered. "Just get some rest and in the morning we will go see the nice doctor."
Rachel woke up startled by the piercing screams that were coming from down the hall. She looked over at the clock: 3:00 a.m. Rachel shot out of bed and ran down the hallway, busting into Madie's room. Madie was in tears and yelling and screaming about how much her stomach was hurting. Rachel had never seen her act like this, even when she busted open her head when that kid threw a tap shoe at her head in preschool. She pulled her daughter up in her arms and dialed the number of the first person she thought of.
"Hello? Rach? What's wrong?"
"Finn!" Rachel choked out quickly. "Finn, something is really wrong with Madie's stomach. She is screaming and bawling and I don't know what else to do. Can you take us to the hospital?" Rachel spit out frantically.
"I'm on my way." Finn answered.
He ran into the room not even ten minutes later, completely out of breath. Rachel was sitting on the bed, cradling her crying daughter, trying to soothe her with a song. She looked up with a distraught look on her face and Finn promptly made his was over to them, scooping Madie up in his arms.
"Where's Ava?" He whispered.
"Kurt's."
They arrived at the hospital in record time (Rachel thinks that it even took longer when she was in labor) and Finn practically ran into the emergency room with Madie laying restlessly in his arms, still in tears.
Rachel checked them in and they were back seeing the doctor within seconds. The doctor did a quick exam on Madie and knew what was wrong within minutes.
"She has appendicitis." The doctor said, hurriedly.
"What?" Rachel squawked. "Can that happen to a six year old?"
"It can happen to anyone. We will have to take her straight to surgery because by her symptoms, it is on the verge of bursting. All you need to do is sign this." The doctor pushed a clipboard in front of her and Rachel looked at it worriedly.
"Rach, just sign it. They will take good care of her." Finn said.
Rachel signed it quickly and before she could even blink, the doctors were rolling her daughter away on a stretcher while she cried out for her mommy. When she was out of sight, Rachel immediately broke down into Finn's arms. "I-I thought it was just a stomach bug. S-she... I had no idea. Oh god." She let out a huge sob. He guided her over to some chairs in the waiting area and let her cry it out. "Shh, Rach. It's okay. She's gonna be okay."
Finn called Kurt, Katherine, and Rachel's dads for her while Rachel sat in the chair, staring straight ahead and holding Madie's stuffed bear close to her. Several hours later, Rachel had finally cried herself to sleep on Finn's shoulder. When he saw the doctor approaching, he gently shook Rachel awake and they both stood upon his arrival.
"Everything went great, and she is fine. The surgery went smoothly. She's one lucky little girl. You brought her in at just the right time and we were able to remove it before it burst. We just put her in a room and she should wake up within the hour. She'll be back to normal in no time."
"Thank you so much." Rachel said profusely. Finn's shook the man's hand and then they made their way upstairs and into Madie's room. She was sleeping peacefully in the bed, something she hasn't done in a couple of days.
"Is she in any pain?" Rachel worried.
"Not at all. We just gave her some medicine for that and we can give her more if she starts hurting."
"Thank goodness." Rachel breathed.
"We will see how she is doing when she wakes up."
"Thank you so much." Rachel said as the nurse left the room. Finn and Rachel pulled up chairs on either side of her bed and stared at the small girl.
"I should probably call everyone back and tell them." Rachel whispered. "It's already 6:30."
"I need to call the school and tell them that I won't be there today." Finn stood.
Rachel looked up at him. "You're staying?"
Finn scrunched his eyebrows together. "Of course I'm staying. Why wouldn't I?"
Rachel shrugged and looked away quickly. Finn gave her a defeated look and then excused himself out in the hallway. After he got off of the phone with the school, he stepped back inside the room in time to hear Rachel say, "Yeah, he stayed here with me all night. I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for him… I know… I know, you're right… yeah… yeah I will… I promise Kurt… yes I will talk to him… Kurt...Okay…I'll see you in a little bit… Love you more…Okay, bye."
"Everything okay?" Finn spoke up.
Rachel looked up at him, startled. "Uh, yeah. Everything is good. Kurt and Blaine are going to stop by with Ava later today."
Finn nodded. "Sounds good." He sat back down across from Rachel and stared in her direction. He looked away sheepishly when she caught his stare.
Madie started slowly waking up not even ten minutes later.
"Finn." Was the first thing that came out of her mouth when she spotted him, accompanied by a small smile.
"Hey beautiful. How're you feeling?" Finn squeezed her hand.
"Okay." She choked out. "I missed you."
"I missed you too peanut." Finn smiled. He had been calling her that for a while now, and it always brought a smile to her face when he did.
She looked over at Rachel who had a watery smile on her face. "Hi mommy."
"Hi angel. Does your tummy hurt?"
Madie shook her head no.
"Good. That means that the medicine is working."
"I wanna go home."
"I know baby girl." Rachel squeezed her hand. "But you gotta get better first."
Finn alerted the doctor, and after a quick examination, Madie fell back asleep.
Kurt slowly opened the door to the hospital room and crept in with Ava, Blaine, and Braylon in tow.
"Hey guys! Come on in." Rachel guided.
"Finn!" Ava's face lit up when she saw the man and she reached towards him.
"Hi Avie!" Finn picked her up. "I missed you and your beautiful little face." He held her tightly to his chest and Rachel felt a pang of guilt wash over her—she was the reason why Finn had missed her in the first place.
"How is she doing?" Kurt gestured to the little girl who was still sleeping in the bed.
"She's fine. Still trying to get her to drink some water and eat a little bit, but all around good."
"I'm glad." Kurt nodded. "And how is it with you and Finn?" Kurt whispered.
Rachel glanced over to Finn who was occupied with Ava and holding down a conversation with Blaine and Braylon.
"I still haven't really talked all that much to him…" Rachel grimaced. "I want to, but I don't know where to start."
"Rachel, are you telling me that you two have spent the entire day and night in this hospital room in silence? You? Rachel?"
Rachel hit Kurt on the arm playfully and backed out of the conversation. Kurt followed Rachel as they joined in quiet conversation with Blaine and Finn. As the hours went by, Katherine and Harold, Santana, Brittany, and the twins, Holly and Allie, and a couple of other of Madie's friends showed up. They all brought flowers, balloons, and stuffed animals. Madie was one loved and spoiled little princess. She proved to really not like this place though. Rachel couldn't count how many times Madie had said she wanted to go home. She had cried a bunch too, saying that she didn't want to be here anymore. The doctor came in, gave her more medicine, and she was out for the rest of the night.
"She is looking really great. We will see how she is doing tomorrow morning, and if all is good, she may be able to go home by tomorrow night. It just depends." The doctor explains.
"Thank you." Rachel smiled. "Do you have any cots that I can sleep on tonight or something?"
"Sure we do. I'll alert the nurses."
"Rachel, in the nicest way possible, you look exhausted. You need to go home, eat some real food, and sleep in your own bed." Kurt suggested. "Or at the least go home and shower."
"No." Rachel pointed. "I am not leaving her side. S-she's scared and—"
"Rachel, she is asleep. She won't even know that you are gone. You can be back in the morning before she wakes up." Katherine said.
Rachel shook her head.
"Plus, don't you have a couple shows tomorrow? You don't need to be looking like a zombie for that."
"I already called and my understudy is taking my place."
"Okay, regardless, you need to go home and sleep. Kurt will keep Ava and you can have a nice night without worry. Madie is knocked out on morphine." Santana put in.
"Mrs. Montgomery o-or Berry?" He paused, checking the chart. "Madie is in wonderful hands here. Our night nurses are exceptional and I don't have a doubt in my mind that Madie would be more than okay if you went home for the night. She shouldn't even wake up until morning." The doctor stepped in.
Rachel looked around the room. "Rachel, it's not a bad idea." Finn spoke up.
"O-Okay." Rachel reluctantly agreed. "I'll go home and eat and shower, but I'm coming back and staying here tonight. She's my baby girl, I don't want to leave her here all by herself."
"I'll take you home, then." Kurt smiled.
"I can stay here with her while you're gone, if you would like." Finn offered.
Rachel looked up at him with a tiny hint of a smile. "Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you."
Katherine and Harold left with a promise to be back tomorrow, followed by Santana and Brittany, then Blaine with Braylon and Ava, then lastly Kurt and Rachel. Finn sat idle at Madie's bed, holding her tiny little hand and talking to her. (Even though she couldn't hear him.) He talked to her about her mother, about school, and about how much he loved her. After a while he began singing soft songs to her. He didn't even hear Rachel come back into the room not even an hour later. She touched his shoulder, causing him to jump.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She murmured. "What were you singing?"
Finn stood from his seat quickly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, it's just something that my mom used to sing to me when I was little. Always made me feel better."
"It was really beautiful." Rachel said, her voice still just a notch above a whisper.
Finn smirked a little bit as he studied her face. "Uh, she hasn't even moved a finger since you left. She's knocked out."
Rachel nodded as she ran her hand through her little girl's hair.
"And the nurses brought some cots in. T-they brought two… I guess they thought that I was staying too." He pointed at them, his fingers shaky. He was hoping it wasn't noticeable.
"And are you?" Rachel asked. "Staying?"
"I-I can if you'd like… I mean, I went home and showered earlier today and put fresh clothes on, so…"
"I'd like that." Rachel said, her eyes never leaving Madie. "It would make me feel… I don't know, safer."
"Okay." Finn smiled widely. "Absolutely."
They both laid down on their separate cots and stared at the ceiling. Each of them were dying to say something, but neither managed to speak up. They had both fallen asleep late in the night after not having spoken one word to each other.
Finn stirred awake right as Madie was just beginning to wake up. He shook Rachel gently and she shot off of the cot, giving a bright smile to Madie.
They stayed the entire day, while the doctors kept a close eye on her and even got her to get up and walk a little bit. She managed to keep down her food and use the restroom normally. The doctors said that she was doing really great and they allowed her to go home that night.
"We were planning on traveling to Ohio for the entire week of Thanksgiving. Do you think that we can still do that, or should we stay here?" Rachel asked, worriedly.
"That's in what, 3 weeks? She should be fine. No school for two weeks just to be safe. She can go the week before Thanksgiving and then should be just fine to go to Ohio. Just make sure she takes it easy, and rests a lot, but at the same time don't let her stay in bed too much. She needs to be up and around. The medication that we gave you should help with her pain so the only thing you really need to worry about is taking care of that incision. If you follow the instructions that we gave you, it should be healed by the end of next week."
"Okay, and when can she start back with her dancing?"
"After her trip to Ohio, she should be fine to continue dancing."
"Perfect. Thank you so much."
"No problem. You guys have a good night. Bye Madie!" The doctor kindly waved.
Finn carried Madie to the car, and after one quick stop to pick up Ava, they were back at Rachel's apartment. Finn walked them upstairs and made sure Madie was safe inside her bed while Rachel got Ava ready for bed. As he started to leave, Rachel spoke up.
"Will you stay?" She squeaked out. "Here. Will you stay with me tonight? I-I don't want to be alone."
"Of course." Finn answered. "I should probably run by my place and get a couple things. I can stop and get you something to eat if you'd like?"
"That would be great." Rachel nodded, not looking in his direction.
"Okay, I'll be back as soon as I can."
When Finn arrived back at Rachel's house, he found her sitting at the kitchen table, freshly showered and talking to her one of her Dad's on the phone. After she finally got done arguing with him about whether they should come all the way here or not, she hung up and immediately dug into the food that Finn placed in front of her. She smiled a bit to herself at the food selection Finn had chosen for her. It's like he had read her mind.
"Everything okay?" Finn asked.
"Yeah." She answered, shortly.
Finn nodded. "Do you mind if I go shower?"
"Not at all." Rachel replied, still not looking up at him.
Finn took a quick shower and when he stepped back into the kitchen, Rachel was gathering up her trash. She glanced back at Finn and gave a small smile. "You want to watch a movie?"
Finn shrugged. "Sure."
Rachel popped in a movie that they would both enjoy and they both sat down on the couch, Finn giving Rachel her space. Halfway through the movie, Rachel had scooted closer to Finn and before the movie was over, she was asleep on his shoulder.
"Rach." Finn whispered. "Rachel, why don't you go upstairs and get in your bed." She wouldn't budge. He shook her gently, but she just snuggled further into him. "Rach, you won't be comfortable on the couch all night."
Rachel mumbled a little bit, and even opened her eyes a bit, but still wouldn't get up. Finn sighed and stood up slowly. He turned and scooped Rachel's small frame up in his arms and started towards the stairs, hoping she wouldn't wake up and slap the shit out of him. He made it to her bedroom without any trouble and after he placed her under the covers and was making his way out of her room, he heard a small and barely audible voice. "Finn."
He turned towards her voice. "Stay with me, please." She squeaked out.
"A-are you sure?" Finn rubbed the back of his neck.
"Finn." Rachel said, tiredly. "I wouldn't have asked you to stay over just so you could sleep downstairs in the guest room." She whispered.
"Okay." Finn swallowed. He climbed under the covers and got comfortable, still giving Rachel some space. Clearly, she didn't need the space and she immediately curled her body into his and grabbed his hand. "Thank you."
"For what?" Finn wondered.
"For everything. For putting up with me through everything and helping Madie out a-and staying."
"Thank you for calling me." Finn answered.
"You were the first person I thought of."
"That means a lot, Rach."
They were silent for a couple minutes until he heard a sniffle. "Rach?"
"I'm so sorry." She choked.
"No, shh. It's okay." He ran his hand softly up and down her back. "Don't cry. We can talk tomorrow. Go to sleep, get some rest."
"Please don't go anywhere." She squeezed his hand, possessively.
"I wouldn't dream of it." Finn squeezed back. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
Rachel woke up in an empty bed and immediately started to panic. That is, until she found a note in place of Finn's head that said 'Come find me' on it. She calmly crawled out of bed and walked out into the hallway, following the noise she heard. It led her to the music room, where Finn was sitting at the piano playing a familiar sounding song.
"Hey." She murmured.
Finn turned around on the piano bench and stood up. "Hey." He breathed.
"What are you doing?" She questioned.
"I, uh. I want to sing you something." He spoke. "I know it's silly and cliché, but this song really says what I want to say." Rachel raised her eyebrows. "Just have a seat and…listen." He rubbed the back of his neck. She followed his directions and waited impatiently for him to start.
I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you and I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone.
Rachel fidgeted with her hands, avoiding Finn's eye contact.
Girl you could have stayed but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more than I can stand
And all my tears they
Keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?
So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be
So baby I will wait for you
'Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you
Rachel was crying by now, trying her hardest to control herself.
It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is and it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me,
You're still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.
She was bawling by now, holding Finn's eyes with her own.
Baby why can't we just start over again?
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you're telling me it won't be enough
So baby I will wait for you
'Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you
So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you're keeping inside
That's not how you want it to be
Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do
Baby I will wait for you
'Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you
I'll be waiting.
Finn breathed a huge sigh and let a tear drop that had been threatening to fall, finally roll down his cheek. Rachel let a huge sob out and covered her face with her hands. Finn was by her side in a second and was pulling her into him, cradling her.
"I'm so sorry." She cried. "I'm sorry."
"Rach, shh. I know, it's okay. Don't be sorry." He kept whispering kind words into her ear. When she finally calmed down enough, he took her face into his hands and wiped away her tears. "I'm so sorry Finn."
"Rachel, quit apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong."
Rachel nodded. "Yes I did. I yelled at you and threw you out of my life for absolutely no reason. You don't deserve that. I'm sorry."
Finn pulled her to her feet and hugged her tightly. "It's okay, Rach. I understand."
"You do?" She asked, looking up at him.
"Yeah, you're going through a hard time in your life. You are allowed to get upset."
Rachel nodded into his chest. "I don't want you out of my life. I need you. You're like oxygen, I can't breathe without you around."
"Then why did you say all of those things?"
Rachel shrugged. "I am so scared."
"Of what?" Finn pushed.
"Of everything… Of my feelings. I haven't felt so strongly towards a person since Kyle and that terrifies me. So, I ran away. That's what I've become accustomed to doing—running away from my feelings. Like I said, I'm scared to be with you because I'm scared that I'm just going to lose you a-and I know that's really stupid because pushing you out of my life would be me losing you and it doesn't make any sense, but I'm just so fucked up in my head and I can't jump into anything right now. I need to work things out in my mind."
"Rachel, you are not fucked up."
"But I am, Finn! I am! I don't know what I'm doing. I just lashed out at you randomly and ran away from you because I was scared that you were gonna run away from me? That's insane and I can see how insane it is now and I'm really sorry…"
"Stop apologizing. You have every right to be confused right now. You have gone through so damn much and it breaks my heart to see you like this. How you are able to be on Broadway every night and take care of those two beautiful girls and then handle all the shit that life has thrown at you is beyond me. You are so brave, and strong, and you can make it through this. All you need is time to figure things out, figure out what is going on in that beautiful head of yours. I will give you that time. I will give you all of the time that you need. And just so you know, I would never resent you. You will always and forever be more than enough for me. You make me so incredibly happy and I don't know what I can do to show you that, but you do."
Rachel stared up at Finn. "Is there any way that you can just forget everything that I said a couple weeks ago? I know that none of it made any sense and you were and still are really confused as to what is going on. So just forget it and we can start new. We can start with how I'm fucked up in the brain—don't try to argue because you know it's true—and I need time to figure things out. I need to let my insanity die down a little bit and I need to clear up my mind. In the meantime, it would be great if you could be my best friend again. Can you do that? Can you please just be my best friend?"
"Absolutely. Anything. I can be your best friend. You will never ever lose me. No matter what."
"Plus, you just got out of a relationship of over a year. No matter how much you want to, you really shouldn't be jumping into anything."
"You're absolutely right. I'm your best friend and that's it." Finn responded.
"Well maybe that's not it…" Rachel bit her lip. "We can just go really slowly. No labels or anything for a while. We can just go with the flow and see where it takes us. As I heal more, I will start taking bigger and bigger steps and then someday I will finally be able to call you mine without any worries in my mind or heart. But, for now, no labels, except for one. Best Friend."
Finn smiled and gently wiped a tear from her eye. "Deal. No more sleepovers on the couch and no more I love you's when I think that you're asleep. Whatever you need me to be, I'll be it. Tell me when I'm doing something that a friend wouldn't do. Just as long as you trust me."
"I do."
"Good."
"Finn?"
"Mm?"
"Best friends have sleepovers all the time."
Finn smiled widely. "They do, don't they?"
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