I understand this might come as something of a shock to you—big shot movie producer (and inspirational speaker) Stu Deeoh contacting you personally, like we're old friends or something. But no worries! Now that you're rich and famous, we're practically equals. Normally I'd have my assistant Kevin write these kinds of things for me, but you're quite the exception, kid, so I decided to dictate it this time. Makes it feel a bit more special.
But don't let me ramble on about what a special thing life can be here. If you want to hear that, you'll have to buy my new motivational DVD that's hitting the shelves region-wide now—Stu Deeoh's Get Up and Go! 2: Power Through Your Day™. I'll even have Keith throw in a coupon at the end. Anyway!
Imagine, the face of our new Champion on the silver screen! The theatres will be packed with eager crowds just dying to hear the story of the little town underdog who made it big and rose through the ranks to triumph over the ultimate hurdle. They'll throw their money at the screen and applaud the depth and passion of the brilliant producer behind the project! ...And the main acting talent, of course! You'll star as yourself, naturally, and don't give me any of that camera-shy rubbish. Kent watched your final match very carefully, and he said you were the peak of confidence.
But my grand vision doesn't stop there! Oh, no, when Stu Deeoh gets an idea in his head, it grows and grows until it's finally too big for him. Then his head gets bigger. Your defence against Team Galactic was really something special, I've got to admit, so there's no way we'll be leaving that bit out. It was almost as epic as my recent cinematic success Red Fog of Terror: Horrific Motel, which I'm sure you've seen. Axel Ziegler did a fantastic job as Mr Tims. We're old pals, Axel and I. I could even ring him to see if he'd be interested in starring across from you as the scheming Ghetsis. I've got a favour or two to collect on, anyway!
I've already gotten our script underway, so no need to worry about that. Kurt suggested we call you in to ask some questions about your personal experience, but then I suggested he get me another coffee. Ha! Filming is slated to begin this autumn, but we'll let you know exact dates as we get closer to rehearsal. I'm looking forward to seeing if your acting is as top notch as your battling, kid!
And of course, directing my fifteenth masterpiece will be none other than John Pokénter himself, making us an unbeatable duo. ...And with you, a trio! The three musketeers of modern cinema, if I may say so myself, and I do say so myself. We'll be a shoe-in for Best Picture and Best Producer at the UFA this year, especially once Keith gets me that coffee! Ha!
Now I come from a long line of terrific producers, going all the way back to the Stone Age when Great Old Galley first produced fire. Ken here comes from good coffee-bringing stock. What'll you take? I'll make sure he gets the right one or it's his holiday bonus. But anyway, even though you didn't grow up battling or acting, you've got some real talent shining through! I'm looking forward to seeing what we can accomplish together, because I know you won't let this golden opportunity slip away. It's not every day you get the chance to work with the genius producer Stu Deeoh. Think of all the kids in the theatre, amazed by your story and your success! Every one will see himself or herself in you, the starry-eyed kid starting on a grand adventure toward the very top. You're going to be a real star, I just know it!
(And if you liked what you heard there, be sure to check out Stu Deeoh's Get Up and Go! 2: Power Through Your Day™at a retailer near you.)
Looking forward to doing great things with you!
P.S. Speaking of kids, Roxie girl mentioned a new talent...some kid with a visor.
[You shake the envelope, but no promised coupon appears.]
A/N: Uh...hi? I'll just, uh...drop this off here.