It was only when she was alone in her room, that Sachiko began to look back at the weeks that went by. She had been so caught up with fully taking on the role of the heir to the Ogasawara business. She slowly began enjoying it, despite the constant fly in her soup that goes by the name of Suguru. It was thanks to Sei that she had actually learned to open her mind to this role who kept an upbeat attitude whenever she started to complain. "Aww Sa-chan. You should see it as something fun. You'll see, when you start seeing it in a good way, it'll stop being a burden to you", she would always say. And she never complained, even if during lunch, their time together was constantly interrupted by a call on her cellphone. Sei would grin proudly and remark, "That's my Sa-chan. The future top executive of this country", as soon as the phone call is over.
Sachiko suddenly gasped as something flashed through her mind. A few days ago, Sei called her up in the office and sounded so excited.
"Sa-chan! You won't believe what just--"
"Sei-san...can I call you back later? I have uhm..."
"Ohhh...bad time huh? So sorry...alright! Call me later! Bye bye!"
And she never called back. Sachiko got home and felt so exhausted having to sit in several meetings with her father. The next day, she had totally forgotten about it, but Sei never mentioned it again. Could her award be what she wanted to say? What was it that Sei wanted to tell her why she accepted the lecture job? Sachiko now felt so much regret and would've given everything just to take back what she said earlier. She hesitantly picked up the phone and dialed Sei's number. After a dozen rings or so, Sachiko gave up, knowing either Sei was not home or she is not ready to speak with her. But when will Sei be ready?
---
It had been 3 days since that unfortunate incident, and still Sachiko has yet to hear a word from Sei. She was beginning to feel hopeless about it, and started believing that Sei walking away from her was no longer simply literal. Her days were filled with school and office work, but the moment she is alone at night, panic starts to kick in. She tried every night to call, but still no answer. She mentally cursed Sei's caller ID, allowing Sei to sift through her calls. Sachiko was walking towards the literature building, hoping that there, she would catch Sei and force her to talk. It was eerily quiet in the building, primarily because it was Wednesday, and most students were out. There, she stood in front of the Lit club office and slowly opened the door. She found Sei alone, immersed in a pile of books scattered all over the table. "Sei-san...", Sachiko mumbled.
Sei looked up and had an unreadable expression. "Sachiko"
Sachiko winced at how she was called, but Sei was not to blame. She walked slowly inside and closed the door behind her. "Sei-san...I...how have you been?"
"Just well, thank you", Sei replied, not leaving her focus on the book in front of her.
"Busy with your lectures?". Sachiko tried to keep a pleasant tone, wanting to just strike up a conversation first.
"Yes", Sei answered back curtly.
"Oh...alright...I guess I'll, uh, leave you alone...have a good day, Sei-san"
"Have a good day too, Sachiko"
Sachiko wanted to leave, but her feet just wouldn't let her. Sei noticed as well that she hasn't left, and turned her attention towards Sachiko. "Do you need anything?"
"You...", Sachiko muttered sadly. Her tears began to fall but wiped it away immediately. "I need you...and I'm sorry...so sorry for having hurt you that way"
Sei remained seated though her expression changed to being torn between wanting to comfort Sachiko and protecting herself. In the end, it was Sachiko who walked towards Sei and knelt in front of her, reaching out and holding Sei's hands. "Please...forgive me...I beg of you"
If there is one thing that Sei couldn't take, it's Sachiko being so vulnerable and weak. Sei sat down in front of Sachiko and hugged her. "Eh? Don't kneel down like that, I'm not Maria-sama". This only made Sachiko cry harder. "Shh..Don't cry..."
"Please tell me you've forgiven me...and that it's not over between us". Sei closed her eyes and spoke in a strained voice. "It's not..."
Sachiko sobbed. "I love you...I'm sorry"
Sei said nothing but simply held on to Sachiko. She stayed put till Sachiko stopped crying. She finally smiled and stroked the younger girl's cheek. "You've got anger issues, Sa-chan. Maybe kendo will do you some good...on second thought you might just whack me on the head, so maybe yoga would be better", she chuckled.
Sachiko laughed, albeit forced. Sa-chan...It felt like knife cutting through her heart. It was better than being formal, but the way Sei says it now, just didn't evoke the same affection anymore. It's not over, Sei said, yet, she didn't say whether she was forgiven. It will probably take time, though Sachiko had no idea what else to do.
---
Sachiko negotiated with her father free up certain days, and gave a lame excuse of wanting to have co-curricular activities so that she will have a balanced life. Her father readily agreed, for he didn't want Sachiko to burn out immediately--his share of the company is dependent on Sachiko, after all. It was Friday, a few days after she broke down inside the lit club office. Right after that, Sei made it clear that it's no longer a problem for her and that things will go back to normal. Sachiko however, could detect a change in her girlfriend but opted not to push it further. It was her mistake and no one else to blame, and so she was willing to swallow the bitter pill called humility and be the one to pursue Sei this time. It was definitely something new for her, though she found it strangely enjoyable. She sat on one corner outside a room, and waited for Sei to finish her after school lecture.
Sei looked visibly surprised seeing Sachiko at the hallway. She left the other students and their discussion on medieval literature with a swift, "uh, just try and read Aristotle's discussion on virtue, that should give you a guide on Dante's Inferno. See you next week". She jogged towards Sachiko and asked, "Sa-chan, is something wrong? Why are you still here?"
"Nothing...is waiting for you considered wrong now?", she said with a flirtatious smile.
"What's that behind your back?"
Sachiko pulled out from behind her back a very expensive journal. Sei took the journal and mumbled a thanks to Sachiko.
"I don't think I need a reason to give something to the person I love", Sachiko replied when Sei asked why she gave a gift. She smiled and held Sei's wrist. "I won't go to work today...I thought we could spend time alone in your apartment...it's been a while since...you know". Sachiko blushed at her own suggestion.
Sei smiled and nodded. "Yeah...I know...my Wii's getting rusty already. I actually have a couple of new games that I picked out just for you"
"Right...Wii"
She stared at Sei blankly as the blonde girl gathered their bags and placed it on the backseat. Sighing, she thought to herself, This is going to be a long apology.
---
The following Monday was agonizing for Sachiko as it was Valentine's Day. She sneered at every red heart posted on establishments she passed by everyday going to school. Sei seemed to have been very oblivious of the occasion, and not a single piece of chocolate was given to her. The whole week was about chasing Sei, though to be fair to the blonde girl, she was almost always easily found, as if simply testing Sachiko's patience. Friday arrived slowly and Sachiko decided to just give up on the idea of celebrating Valentine's Day, no matter how late it was, with Sei. Still, she freed up her friday, but instead of just waiting for Sei outside, Sachiko quietly slipped inside the auditorium. Sei was giving her lecture on Edna St. Vincent Millay, one of the most important female authors of modern times Sei's class had to be moved to a bigger venue to accommodate other students, who simply wished to listen or, "stare" as Sei sat on the table. She had a content smile and her eyes were gleaming as she explained the structure and style of the author. Hideyo was sitting at the back most row and waived at Sachiko. "She's amazing", Hideyo whispered the moment Sachiko sat down. "I'm surprised this is the first time I've seen you seat-in". Sachiko smiled sheepishly and mumbled, "down time with Sei-san".
"Ah", Hideyo replied with an amused smile. "Everything alright now?"
"I...well...I don't think we're fully alright...but I'm working on it", Sachiko said, looking every inch like the guilty party.
"You're looking at a potential tenured faculty, Sachiko-san. I think Sei-chan has found her calling", Hideyo said, changing the topic to make Sachiko feel more comfortable.
Sachiko smiled proudly. Sei was really good in teaching, that even she began to understand modern literature in just a few minutes of hearing her talk, she thought to herself. After calling it a day, Hideyo stood up and tugged Sachiko's hand. "Come on, let's go down and talk to her. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to know you didn't fall asleep in her lecture"
"Sa-chan...Hideyo-sama...I didn't notice you two were here". Sei looked embarrassed at the thought of them watching her lecture. "That face is the reason why I never said I'd be observing. I'm pretty sure you would've stammered all through out", Hideyo retorted. "You were pretty good, Sei-chan. I couldn't have given a better lecture" Then she whispered to Sachiko, "I hate having to explain myself dozens of times to the...mmm...novice. I'm elitist that way"
"You've never done something like this, Hideyo-sama?"
She shook her head emphatically. "It takes a special person to appreciate the value of teaching and be good at it. I'm just a writer"
Sachiko felt prouder for Sei after Hideyo's revelation. She wistfully looked on at Sei who was busily gathering her things. "Sei-chan", Hideyo spoke again. "Do you have the time for your old mentor? It's my birthday and I feel like celebrating it again after 3 years"
Sei looked horrified that she almost dropped the pile of papers in her arms. "Birthday?"
"Yes, well. All human beings have one", Hideyo responded with a smirk.
"Yes...I have the time...of course I have the time". Sei went crimson red. This was utterly humiliating for her to not know, nor never asked for her mentor's birthday. Hideyo was somewhat like an omnipotent demi-god for her and it never occurred to her that she's actually human with a birth date and place.
"Sachiko-san, how about you? Do you have the time?"
Sachiko was taken aback. She didn't expect an invitation, but nonetheless appreciated it. She had been trying to make it up with Sei, and perhaps, being open to Hideyo's friendship would be a good start. "I would love to...Happy Birthday, Hideyo-sama", she said, hugging the older girl as a greeting. Sei observed Sachiko's behavior and found it rather heartwarming, considering she harbored vile feelings over her mentor.
Hideyo chose an old fashioned American diner and sat on a booth. "Is this a Catholic school girl thing?", she asked the two girls in front of her.
"Eh? What do you mean, Hideyo-sama?"
"Like there's a big gap in between the two of you. I suppose to give space for the Holy Spirit?", Hideyo said with a devious smirk.
Sachiko blushed and Sei looked away. Hideyo, on the other hand, sighed and stood up. "I'll order for us", she said, then walked towards the bar, leaving the two confused lovers alone. Sei, since Sachiko apologized, had been lukewarm, leaving the younger girl grappling for words and actions in order to reel back the old Sei. If the emotional intimacy is in shambles, more so for the physical, thus, the awkward space in between them. No one dared make a move, Sei found the table napkin design very interesting, and Sachiko began playing chess with the salt and pepper shaker until Hideyo returned who looked flabbergasted at the two of them. "Look, you two, I'm not going to waste ti--Quick, hide me!" Hideyo turned pale and sneaked under the table.
Sei and Sachiko looked at each other in utter confusion. "Uh, Hideyo-sama?", Sachiko whispered. "Who are you hiding from?"
Sachiko saw a jaw-dropping gorgeous woman, about a few years older than Hideyo, walking towards their booth. She stopped at the middle, stooped down, grinned and waved at Hideyo. "Hey you, how's the view down there?"
Sei's mentor groaned. Defeated, she slowly returned to her seat and begrudgingly introduced the woman to Sachiko. "Sachiko-san...this is Ayako". Sei and Ayoko had apparently met before, and Sei only gave a short nod of acknowledgment. Sachiko became extremely curious, Sei's mentor was certainly out of character, and it seems to be directly caused by this Ayako person. The woman sat down beside Hideyo and scooted closer. "It's funny, isn't it, Hideyo-chan? It's your birthday, if I remember correctly, and I had to bump into here."
Hideyo's face turned crimson, which made Sachiko even more astonished. Ayako playfully pinched Hideyo's nose and stroked her cheek. "My Hideyo-chan is still the same. Still don't like public displays of affection?"
"Ergh, stop that", Hideyo grimaced while the other girl continued to coo at her.
Sei knocked her knuckles on the table and mumbled. "Hideyo-sama told you to stop it, so you better"
Ayoko merely grinned at Sei. "Hideyo-chan, you sure have a feisty little girl under your wing. Is she as feisty in--"
"Oh shut your mouth, Ayako", Hideyo snapped, who seemed to have stunned the older girl. "What do you want from me?"
"Why, just to catch up. I saw you from the window, and I just couldn't resist to see my old mentee again", Ayako replied, placing her fingers on Hideyo's chin.
Hideyo swatted Ayako's hand away from her. "Fine, let's go to another booth. I don't want them to hear anything that will come out of your mouth" She waited for Ayako to move and find another booth, before she smiled at Sei and muttered, "Thanks Sei-chan, I'll be alright. Drag me away if you must, if I don't come back in 15 minutes"
Sei was still seething when Hideyo left. Her irritation was transferred to the hapless table napkin that was crumpled into a ball. Sei was rarely seen this mad, except when Suguru was around aggravating Sachiko, but there was always Youko to calm her down. "That...bitch", Sei mumbled.
"Sei-san...", Sachiko said, admonishing the other girl with her choice of word.
"Ayako...she was her old mentor"
"They...looked like more than that to me"
Sei finally chuckled, her anger subsiding slowly. "Yeah...well...they used to be...well they were lovers. An extremely passionate couple if I made add"
Sachiko turned her head towards the two older women who chose to sit in another booth two places beside them.
"Passive-aggressive much, those two, but Hideyo-sama was like putty in her Ayako's hands. Then she got dumped unceremoniously,. She still loves pushing Hideyo-sama's buttons every now and then...I wonder though...Hideyo-sama seems to be able to resist her charms now". Sei thought about it for a few seconds and gave up, shrugging then focused her attention on her vanilla milkshake that had just been served.
Sachiko couldn't find the right words to say. Hideyo seemed so calm and collected, someone who would come across as a person who wouldn't take any sort of rubbish from anyone. "I never imagined her to be that way"
Sei gulped down her drink and replied while craning her neck to get a glimpse of her mentor and see whether she's doing fine. Ayako seems to have turned pale and meek, while Hideyo looked like she had the upper hand. "She's strong though...I don't think anyone could bounce back after that...but she's still very willing and open to trust people again...I don't think if that happened to me, I'll be able to do the same"
Sachiko bit her lip out of guilt, thinking that Sei's words were meant to hit her. "Are... you still mad at me?"
Sei almost snorted out her drink, not knowing where the question came from. "Would I be here with you, if I were?", Sei asked with her brows arched.
"I...I don't know...you've been very...distant"
Sei sighed and held Sachiko's hand underneath the table. "I'm not mad...I was never really mad at you...well...maybe just a tiny bit", she explained. "And I just wanted to give myself sometime to let go of those annoyingly negative feelings...but I'm okay now"
Sachiko nodded. Sei grinned at her, "You're a lot nicer to me when you're guilty like that though, so I'm gonna drag it out just a little longer, okay?"
Sachiko slapped Sei's shoulder and chuckled. "Oh so that's what it's all about?" She blushed afterwards and mumbled. " It's been nice though...pursuing you...being the one who spoils you, not the other way around"
"I might get used to it, careful"
"I don't mind...I really don't mind at all"
"Having so much fun?", Hideyo interrupted.
"That's less than 15 minutes", Sei said, looking at her wrist watch.
"Yeah, well, I don't have much to say to her anymore", she said nonchalantly. "where's our food? Service is so slow these days". Hideyo waved at the waiter and seductively smiled at him, motioning to follow up their orders. The cool, calm and collected girl is back to how she was and that made Sei smile. Things are looking up again. She squeezed Sachiko's hand that was placed on her lap and rubbed the younger girl's leg with her thumb. This caused Sachiko to blush profusely in return, and felt warm all over.
Hideyo chuckled after observing the two, who seemed to have finally fixed their problems while she was away. "Less than fifteen minutes", she said, while winking at the two of them.
---
Sei walked with Sachiko on their way back to her apartment without speaking, though the silence was more comfortable now than before. Passing by a flower stand, Sei told Sachiko to wait while she rummaged her pocket for some bills. She bought a white and red rose and gave them to Sachiko in a subtle manner, but whispered sweetly, "A very belated Happy Valentine's Day".
Sachiko took the flowers and intertwined the stems together, wrapping and tying them with the ribbons that went along with the purchase. "They look good together this way, don't they?". She placed the rose inside her coat pocket then held Sei's hand and leaned on her as they continued walking. "Sa-chan, we're in a public area", Sei reminded her.
"We'll be cautious again tomorrow, Sei-san...and maybe for the rest of our lives...", she replied, pressing her head deeper on Sei's shoulder. She let go of Sei's hand and wrapped her arm around the blonde girl''s waist. The distance that spanned between them during the last few weeks was more than what Sachiko could bear, and the feel of Sei's body next to hers was something she could not let go at whatever cost. "...just tonight...can we not care about the rest of the world?"
Sei smiled, placed her arm around Sachiko's shoulder and began walking with her once more. There's a lot to deal in their relationship and things to talk about and clarify, but Sachiko is right, Sei thought. Let this night simply be without worries.