Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, yeah…
A.N: IMPORTANT! - Okay, after this, this story will have two more chapters to go. Some of you are very convinced that Remus an Ivy will get together by the end of this chapter, but be patient with me. It wouldn't be a true romance story if there weren't some hitches here and there. Actually, this chapter and chapter ten are the most depressing ones in the entire fic. For those of you who have wanted to know what exactly happened to Remus and Ivy those sixteen years ago, you will find out. This is also the last chapter with any 'then' sections. After this everything will be in the 'now'.
Bell: I'm sorry! Really I am! I have gotten multiple beatings for Albus' death, but it had to be done for many reasons. One because I think it will happen in the books and two because it's important for later developments. ;) I have to give a lot of credit to my friend Kate for helping with the section where Remus asks Sirius the question you mentioned, but I was so glad to hear that you liked it because it's such an important scene (oh, the acting gears are kicking in, I'm referring to sections in the story as 'scenes'). Thank you so much for your compliments and congratulations. I know that ff.net says that there are eleven chapters, it's because they went all haywire on me, so it'll probably always say that I have one more chapter then I actually have… oh, well…
angelface58: Thank you so much for all of your wonderful compliments! I'm sorry about Albus, but it had to happen (you'll see why later;)). I hope the story continues to live up to your expectations.
Elrenia: Hello! Yes, I'm still trying to recover from the death. I actually wrote a little ficlet to help heal myself, and it should be up in a few days for all of you to see. AU means 'alternate universe'. Yeah, it took me forever to get used to the fanfic jargon, and I still don't understand all of it. Anyway, enjoy!
magical me: Yeah, I am a bit evil aren't I? (cackles manically) And thank you for your congratulations! Little Shop is actually my favorite, and I've wanted to play this part for years, so it's a real dream come true for me. Hope you continue to like the story!
LotR-FaNAtiC: I hope your family isn't angry with me now for making them late, but I'm truly flattered that you felt so compelled to read it! Oh, don't be so sure about him telling her… you must be patient… Yeah, I like NJO too, but when they killed Chewie, I cried for days. I still have a plan to beat up R.A. Salvatore for writing that book. And Anakin Solo's death was horrible. He was probably my favorite Solo child, so I was really upset about that one too. We're very similar in our interests: Star Wars actually comes first for me (yet I'm not writing fanfic for it…hm…), with HP and LOTR running ridiculously close seconds. Star Wars is actually only first because I've been obsessed with it longer. It's always fun to find people that enjoy the same things that you do, though. Well, I hope you like the chapter!
Rjk2005: And soon to be longest response 5! Hi! Oh, list jokes are great. One of my friends sent me a hilarious one of Top Ten License Plates We Want To See in 2003. I was laughing for a very long time. It's never specified exactly how old James and Lilt are when they get married, but they were supposed to be young. One timeline that someone came up with said that all of them were born in '59, so they would have graduated in '77. And for Harry to be born in 80 (which we know), they would have had to get married at 19 or 20. You need to see J.C. Superstar on the stage. It has no power on the screen - everyone who sees it that way, hates it. But maybe you really won't like it, and I'm just giving you bad advice. But you never know. I'm glad that you thought my reason for James suspecting Remus was realistic. I can't stand it when people come up with these elaborate stories about why they all suspected him. It doesn't need to be that complicated to be powerful. Snape was in chock after carrying Ivy back to Hogwarts and Harry's just been through the final battle - you forgot what happened to them, so I'm just making sure you remember. The curse on Ivy does sound like Dementors a bit, doesn't it? The only difference is that the curse also changes your good memories into bad ones. I mainly came up with the curse because OC's have a tendency to get raped or severely beaten, and that starts to get annoying after a while. Sorry about Albus! Really! People want to butcher me for that one. But it does have a purpose. I promise. Yeah, I though a little Obi-Wan/Yoda action would be cool for Dumbledore, as far as the body vanishing goes. Most people can't fall asleep when they're overburdened, but I thought it would be cool if Remus were the opposite. And it works 'cause of his lycanthropy too. I'm glad you liked Sirius and Ron's conversation. It was important to me to put that in there especially 'cause of their parallels. The song from the last chapter is called Unusual Way and it's from the musical Nine. It's really pretty. My voice teacher gave it to me to work on, and I took one look at the lyrics and thought 'oh, that's Ivy'. And then I put it in the fic J But you were wrong - it's still got two more chapter after this. Yea! That is awesome that we were in Newsweek! Anyway, go read and have fun!
Jae: Yeah, just a wee bit evil J It's fun to be evil. I won't forget to write - it's far too much fun. I hope you like!
HarryPotterFreak1234: Thank you very much! Yeah, it's great to find good Remus stories, though they can be hard to come by sometimes. I'm glad that you love the story so much! Let me know what you think of this chapter!
Lj: Thank you, I'm so glad that you keep enjoying the story! Yeah, I'm a kind of hopeless romantic myself (but don't tell anyone! It's a secret. None of my friends or family know it;) ). I was so thrilled that you like the relationship between Remus and Sirius. I had been wondering if people though I did well with that. I always felt that they were very good, close friends even though James was the best friend to Sirius. After all, you wouldn't become an Animagus for someone just for the heck of it, right? Thank you again!
jadesky: I know, cliffhangers suck… but I couldn't resist;). Yes, I finally let Moony figure stuff out. He was getting a little dense there for a while, but he is a guy… I hope you like this chapter!
nycgal: Yeah, I cried a lot myself. Sirius was my favorite too, second only to Remus. I was really horribly upset. But it's always nice to get support from all of you, so I know that I still should be writing this fic even though it's no longer valid. As far as new projects, I wrote a short ficlet that should be up in a few days about Sirius running away from his parent's house and that whole deal. There might be a short companion piece to that afterwards, and I'm planning on asking all of you guys if you want a sequel to this fic, 'cause I've got one in the works. If I get enough of a response, I'll write it. Yes, Remus and Ivy are that dense. It's sort of that they both knew about their love for each other subconsciously, but their lives were always so frantic that they never had time to really realize it consciously. Anyway, enjoy!
Taym G.: Yea! I'm glad you read He Can't Hyde, it makes this story easier to understand in some places. Oh, yeah, Rocky Horror Picture Show is quite a trip. Very random, but too much fun not to love. I know the book and the theory you're talking about. I laughed for a long time after I read that one. It's so definitely not true. It would ruin so many things, and JK would be cheating her readers if Harry's parents were alive in any way. My two cents on that it that Remus is just affectionate towards Harry 'cause he would have been like an uncle to him if James and Lily hadn't died. But some people like to make up crazy theories 'cause it tides them over while they're waiting for the book. But anyway, I hope you enjoy this next installment!
Twinnie: Yea, new readers! I'm glad you liked my story and it's always nice when people feel some comfort from it after ootp. Yes, it was far too upsetting. I'm also happy that you like the musicals, I was so worried that people wouldn't respond to the songs well, but so far everyone seems to be okay with it. I don't like songfics either, so I made sure that that didn't happen. I understand what you mean about Ivy being so focused on, but I figure, what's the point of having an OC if they aren't that important? Unless they're added for comic relief, that is. I hope you will keep enjoying and letting me know what you think!
Ivy Crane: We're in the same boat about OotP. I'm glad you liked the chapter, though. Beware, there's a cliffhanger in this chapter two. But I promise it's the last one! Read and enjoy!
Butterquifly: Wow. I'm so amazed, flattered, and overjoyed that you reviewed my story. I'm so happy that you started reading in the translated version and then came over here to read it in English. Don't feel bad about your English at all - you're more expressive in your review then most English speaking reviewers! I thank you for your wonderful compliments. I'm so glad that you liked chapter five with the kiss. That's one of my favorite parts in it too. I'm also happy that you laughed and enjoyed the part where Remus realized his love for Ivy, and the way Sirius and Severus tolerate each other. I just got sick of them always hating each other, because they are alike in many ways, and I think they would make a good team if they were thrown together. Oh, I'm sorry that you have to wait for the French addition before you can discuss it with your friends! That would have driven me crazy if I had been in your position! Thank you again so much, you have really lifted my self-esteem and I am so grateful for your words. I hope you keep reading and let me know how you're enjoying it!
Riot Girl: Hey! Great to have you back! Yeah, I read book 5. I was devastated. But I'm glad you're still reading and reviewing and enjoying! Hope you like this chapter!
leigh: Hi! Yes, I remember your review at the WWR. I was so angry about what they did, and I'm still trying to get the story reposted there, but they have everything all messed up and complicated. But I'm glad that you liked this story enough to go and look for it. I remember you saying that you were happy that someone else knew about Little Shop besides you, which I thought was funny, 'cause it's my favorite musical. That why I've been so excited about doing the show, and wanted to thank you for your congratulations! Yeah, I'm a musical freak too, and I really wanted to do this partially for all the musical fans, 'cause they're not used enough in fic, and they should be. I hope you like this chapter! Thanks again!
Sarah: You've never written a review until this story? That makes me feel very special! Thank you! I'm glad you like character interaction and pacing (that was very important to me). And I'm always glad when people say they like Ivy and the romance 'cause I've had a great time writing it, and this is actually the first time I've ever written romance. Let me know if you like this chapter! Thank you so much!
Athena: I hope you slept after writing your review! Thank you very much. I hope you like this chapter, and that you won't stay up too late to read it 'cause it's no fun to be tired!
stupidx: Thank you! Those have to be some of the best compliments I have ever received. Actually, I use a very similar method in deciding what fics to read myself. I'm also glad that you decided to read my fic as your first HP fic. I'm so over-flattered! I hope you continue to enjoy!
George is hot: Thank you as always! Enjoy!
Ashura Black: Thank you! One of the best ones you've read with Remus? That makes me so happy! I hope you like the story. Let me know what you think!
murr: Thank you for your review! Oh, don't worry about Harry or Remus and Ivy. And I'm glad that you like the way Sirius and Snape handle each other, and the way I wrote James and Lily. I'm still having problems with what JK wrote in ootp for the two of them. She is the boss, but they just seemed very wrong to me. Thank you again for your compliments! Enjoy!
Aleaha Delance: Thank you and good luck with your fic. I'll be sure to check it out. I'm happy that you like the Marauders and Ivy, and I hope you like this next chapter and continue to tell me what you think!
Here we go!
^*^
Chapter Eleven - Compassion, Care, and Withdrawal
THEN
Ivy stared briefly around Remus' small cottage. It had once belonged to his family as a modest vacation home, but since his parents had died, Remus had sold their house, and preferred to live in the tiny cottage instead. This was because it was out of the way and far from others, so he didn't have to worry about the wolf. More importantly, it was his. He would always have it to call home, even if he had no occupation or food or company. He had a safe haven. He had warm walls and a roof. That was more than most of his kind could hope for, and he was truly thankful for it.
Ivy decided to Apparate there, knowing that Remus would be more comfortable in his own home while she treated him. She also knew that St. Mungo's would be reluctant to take him in because of his lycanthropy. Mentally cursing all the hypocrites in the world, Ivy dragged Remus from the living room into his bedroom, trying hard not to agitate his wounds. She pulled him onto his bed and began to remove his robes. They were torn and bloodied from the razor sharp grass that he had been dragged over, and Ivy stripped him down to his undergarments very carefully, so as not to hurt him any further.
A quiet, pain-filled moan rang through the air, and Ivy gave a sharp intake of breath. She looked down at the figure on the bed. He shivered as the chilled night air nipped at his bare skin. Ivy lit a few candles in the room to provide more light. She ran straight from the bedroom to the kitchen, where she took a large bowl from one of the cupboards and filled it with warm water from the sink. She then grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom, all the while being grateful that she knew his home so well, as she ran back to him.
She placed the bowl on the bedside table and dipped the washcloth into it. She wrung it out and then folded it, placing it neatly on Remus' forehead. The warmth seemed to calm him, but Ivy didn't dare place a blanket over him until she had treated his wounds. First, she took out her wand and began to mend his cuts from the Bladed Fields. Most of the gashes healed well, with exception of a few stubborn ones. She knew that the absence of the stinging from the cuts had brought Remus back from his semi-conscious stupor, as his eyes began to focus more and he became aware of his surroundings.
"Ivy… is that you? How did I get here?"
Ivy brought her hand up to his cheek. "Shhh… You're home now, and I'm here. Don't be worried, I'm just dealing with your wounds. I have to try and take care of the silver poisoning, but it won't heal completely for a while. The poison will take some time to leave your system, but I'll try to help you the best that I can, all right?"
Remus gave a small nod, feeling instantly comforted by the touch of her hand against his skin. He opened his eyes as much as he could, and looked down at his wrists where Ivy was currently placing her hands. They were nearly black from the burns, and still felt excruciatingly painful. He could feel the silver's poison circulating through his body, making him weaker with every passing moment, but the brush of Ivy's hands seemed to slow down the effects. She sat beside him on his bed and laid her hands directly on top of his wrists, trying to touch him lightly out of fear that she would hurt him. He saw her take deep, long breaths through her nose as she closed her eyes. A faint golden glimmer spread throughout the room. The sharp, burning pain that he was feeling became a dull throbbing, and started to subside. He felt the poison being drawn from his body as a sensation of warmth spread through him. Looking down, he saw the burns on his wrists begin to fade until they were practically nothing.
A whimper broke out beside him. Remus looked to Ivy as she finally withdrew from him. She dropped to her side on the bed, all of her strength leaving her. He could see her shivering, and felt a surge of guilt, knowing that she had taken his pain from him. Though he was still in a great amount of pain from his physical injuries, he managed to elevate his shoulders, and pulled her into his arms so he could help her fend off the aftereffects. She felt warm against him, and he held her even tighter for that.
She stirred a bit and looked up into his face, bleary-eyed. "Silver poisoning gone?"
He nodded, bringing his forehead closer to hers. Her scent now felt therapeutic to him, familiar and pleasant. The closer she was, the more the pain subsided.
"But you're still in pain." It was a statement, not a question. Through his tired, confused, and tortured mind, he was able to marvel at her instinct. She could always tell about people's health. A gift and a curse, perhaps. Just like anything could be.
He nodded to her again, this time more reluctantly. Ivy's clear blue gaze pierced his stormy gray one. "You're not going to be well for some time. You were very badly injured. I'm going to stay here and take care of you for a while. You're going to need my help."
Remus almost laughed at her insistence considering that he was the one holding her. At the moment, she needed him. But tomorrow when all of the injuries had time to settle in, Remus knew he would feel differently. He would be very grateful for her help.
She shook against him, this time gasping slightly. "God, Remus… I've never felt this bad after healing someone before. It must have been terrible… I can't imagine what it felt like to you with what I'm feeling right now. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to get to you sooner, I might've been able to stop him…"
"Please don't feel guilty, Ivy," Remus said weakly. "This wasn't your fault, it was mine."
"How can you say that? He-"
"Let's not talk about this tonight, please. I'm not up for it."
Remus watched as Ivy nodded in agreement and settled in his arms. Quickly, she looked back up at him. "Oh… I shouldn't be here. You need to rest… I'll go into the living room and sleep on the couch, and you can call me if you need anything."
She started to pull away from him, and was surprised to feel his grip on her tighten, almost frantically. The palms and fingertips resting on her back pressed into her skin, not painfully, but persistently. Ivy looked up into the stormy eyes and found an unexpected look. An almost… possessive look. He was not going to let her go.
The look quickly faded and was replaced by a frightened stare. Ivy let her muscles relax. He's delirious. He doesn't know what he's doing right now. Just try to help him, find out what he wants.
"Do you want me to stay here?"
His grip slackened, and he cast his eyes down shamefully. "Could you? Just for tonight? I'm sorry, I just… I'll rest more easily with you close by." I feel safer with you close by. Please stay with me, or I'll never be able to get to sleep.
Ivy realized that Remus was making sense. Everyone's gone. We're the only two left… and he wants to make sure that I can't disappear on him. He doesn't want to be alone.
"All right, I'll stay. Try to get some sleep, Remus. Promise me you will."
Remus nodded. "I promise."
Ivy knew that Remus would never fall asleep with her watching him like an over-attendant nursemaid, so she relaxed and closed her eyes. Another shiver overcame her as she tried to shake off the ghostly sensations of his silver poisoning. Feeling her shaking in his arms, Remus pulled her closer to him and began to stroke her back with his fingertips. Ivy sighed softly, breathing in his musky, spiced scent. He was comforting to her too. That was what they both needed that night - to be soothed by someone. To know that they weren't alone.
The problems of the morning could wait for now…
* * *
Remus awoke the next morning as the sunlight hit his back. Opening his eyes, he found the space next to him empty. It had only been recently vacated, and he could still feel heat radiating from the mattress. She was still lingering there, on the pillows, the quilt. Remus breathed in deeply. Yes, she was there. She was in the house.
He heard the clatter of pans, dishes, and silverware from the kitchen. Feeling guilty that she really was taking care of him, and not wanting her to be alone in the other room, he began to sit up. Fire immediately spread through his chest and he winced in pain. He heard footsteps coming towards him, and tried to resituate himself before she came back. He didn't want her to fuss over him.
Ivy walked into the room to find Remus trying to pull himself out of bed, a grimace settling on his face. She quickly shuffled across the room with a tray of food in her hands. After setting it down on the bedside table, she moved to Remus' side, helping him to sit up. He did not seem happy to be requiring her help. When he finally had his back against the bed's headboard, he gave her a disapproving look.
Ivy decided not to take the look seriously. "What? You're not going to be a pain about this, are you? I told you that I was going to take care of you for a while. I meant it. Until you're well and back on your feet, I'm staying."
Remus raised an eyebrow at her. "Until I'm back on my feet, you said?"
Ivy nodded resolutely.
Remus swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "Well, then…. Let's see if I can't fix that…"
"I don't think that's a good idea, Remus."
Remus didn't think it was a good idea either, but he didn't want her waiting on him hand and foot until he was up and about. After all, he wasn't a child. He slid forward and placed his feet firmly on the floor. Pushing from his hands that were on the bed, Remus gritted his teeth, and stood up.
The triumph didn't last very long. Every single muscle in his body twitched with pain, and he suddenly felt very dizzy. Ivy rushed to him, wrapping one of her arms around his waist, and pulling one of his own arms around her shoulder. Remus shifted some of his weight onto her, knowing that if he didn't, he would fall and look even more ridiculous than he did already. He shut his eyes tightly, willing the room to stop spinning.
"I told you that was a bad idea," a light voice chided. "Are you okay?"
Remus paused a moment to collect himself before answering. "Yes, I'm fine." He opened his eyes and smiled weakly at her. "Since we're already up, would it be all right if I moved to the living room sofa?" It seemed a logical request to him. The only thing separating the living room and the kitchen was a high counter with a few stools on one side, so people could eat at it. He'd be able to see Ivy and make sure that she wasn't doing too much work.
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea - but at night you go back and sleep in your bed, all right?"
Remus rolled his eyes. "My God, you really are going to be staying here and making sure that I do, aren't you?"
Ivy just smiled at him.
It took a few minutes to get Remus to the couch, and get him settled. When he was finally sitting, he rested his head against the back of the sofa and tried to get his muscles to relax again. They were incredibly reluctant to do so.
Ivy went back into the bedroom and brought the breakfast tray out, placing it on the coffee table in front of Remus. "Hungry?"
He slowly reached his hand up to rub his eyes. "Maybe in a minute. Once this headache goes away."
Ivy sat on the couch next to Remus and brought herself up onto her knees. "You have a headache?"
Remus nodded, his eyes still closed in pain. Suddenly, he felt fingers resting on his temples. He knew what she was about to do, and he wasn't going to allow it. Not after what he had seen the night before. She would not feel any more pain on his behalf. Ignoring the throbbing in his arms, he reached up as quickly as he could and grabbed her by the wrists, snapping his eyes open to look at her.
"Don't."
He made sure that his eyes hid nothing from her. It was only a few days until the full moon. If she insisted on driving out his primal side, he'd easily overpower her, even with his injuries. He wanted her to know that. Although she was trying to be helpful, now was not the time to be trifling with him.
Ivy felt her breath catch in her chest. She could feel herself breaking under his hard, wild gaze, and his firm grip. He had never handled her so roughly before. This wasn't Remus, this was the wolf. The wolf was acting according to Remus' wishes, but it was the animal nonetheless. Ivy became aware of the pain in her wrists, and looked down. Her skin was turning white from all the pressure he was applying. She knew he wasn't trying to hurt her, only warn her. He probably didn't even realize the discomfort that he was inflicting.
"I just want to help you," she said shakily, trying to keep the fright out of her voice. It wasn't really the wolf she was afraid of - it was how quickly he'd made the transition between them, especially when he was so weak. She knew it wasn't good for him.
The look in Remus' eyes faltered, and when he glanced back at her, his gaze was filled with inquisitiveness and concern. He looked down at her wrists and his eyes widened as he realized what he'd done. His hold loosened, and he began to run his hands over her forearms gently as if in apology.
He looked up at her pleadingly, hoping that she would forgive him. He had to explain. "I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help, but I don't want to see you in pain the way you were last night. Please don't try to help me like that anymore. It takes too much out of you. It affects you too much."
Ivy shook her head at him. "No, that was just because of the nature of your illness. Helping a headache won't do the same thing-"
"I don't care," Remus interrupted. "You didn't see yourself last night. I don't want you to do that again."
Ivy threw her hands up into the air. "Than how are you supposed to get well again? This is the easiest and fastest way to cure you without making potions. And since I don't have any potion ingredients to work with, this is the only option left open… I have to make sure that you're strong enough before…"
Remus' eyes widened in understanding. She was worried about his transformation. Her worry wasn't unfounded either, in fact, he was worried about it too. He had never gone through a full moon when he was already so wounded, and he didn't know what it would do to him.
Remus sighed in submission. "I suppose you can, but leave the headache alone for a while. Maybe it'll go away on its own. And wait some time before you try anything, at least until the end of the day, so I can be sure that you're fully recovered. Agreed?"
"Fine, but then you have to eat something. Agreed?"
Remus rolled his eyes, and leaned forward so he could get to the tray. As he looked over all of the food, he realized that he actually was quite hungry, but he stopped himself as a thought occurred to him. "Ivy, did you eat anything?"
Ivy waved a dismissive hand at him and turned to walk away. "Of course I did, don't be silly. Now hurry up and eat."
Remus reached out and grabbed her hand tightly, stopping her short. He could tell that his shifts in behavior were beginning to scare her, as she jerked at his touch and whirled around quickly to face him, confusion spreading on her face. He kept his expression full of concern to let her know that she was safe.
"Tell me the truth. There isn't much food in those cupboards, I know there isn't. I can never keep much in the house. It's just as important for you to keep up your strength as it is for me. Now, did you eat something?"
"Yes."
She should've known better than to lie to him. She never could. He could tell from a million different little things, the way her eyes had shifted, the rate of her response. He just knew her too well. He always had. He would've tried to confront her about it, but he knew that she wouldn't admit it if she felt that she was lying to help him. So he would have to settle it a different way.
Remus picked up a piece of toast from the plate. "Eat this. It'll make me feel better."
Ivy gave an annoyed sigh and took the toast from him. A small smile appeared on her face. "Hey, I thought that I was supposed to be taking care of you."
Remus gave a slight shrug, and brushed his thumb over the back of her hand that he'd forgotten he was still holding. "I think we have to take care of each other now. What do you think?"
Ivy stared into Remus' eyes for a moment, pausing at the mix of emotions that she found there. She abruptly withdrew her hand from his and motioned to the plate in front of him. "Eat."
Ivy walked to the bookcase on the far side of the room, and began looking through the titles to see if she could find something to read. She and Remus often read each other's books, so she didn't bother asking. As she was scanning the spines of all the novels, she briefly glanced back over her shoulder to make sure Remus was doing as he'd been told. Sure enough, he was eating the food on the tray before him, starting with the bacon, as she'd expected at that time of the month. Ivy took a bite from the corner of her toast and went back to the books. She stopped as she spotted a few titles that she had not expected to find.
"I didn't know you had any muggle books… You've got some really good ones here. I'm surprised."
Remus swallowed his food and took a sip of water before responding. "I've found that muggle fiction is much more interesting than our own. They think up the most peculiar stories imaginable. It's also very useful because you learn a lot about the muggle world through their books."
Ivy chuckled. "Not through these books, you won't." She pointed out a few of the novels. "Michael Crichton? Stephen King? Not the most realistic plot weavers in the world…"
"Oh, no," Remus clarified. "I meant the technology and living conditions. Things like that."
Ivy raised an eyebrow at him. "Still, I wouldn't have figured you to be the action/horror type."
He gave her a twisted smile. "Well, they say you always read what you can relate to."
She laughed again. "Yeah, I guess we could fit your life into a Stephen King novel. It would have to be much more dramatic, though."
"Ah, yes," Remus drawled out sarcastically. "That's the problem. I'm not dramatic enough."
Ivy picked one of the books from the shelf and started to walk back to the couch. On her way she spotted something on the floor, and bent over to pick it up. It was a phoenix feather.
She held it up, so he could see. "What's this?"
Remus looked up and frowned. His eyes seemed to darken. "That was the portkey that Severus gave me."
Ivy winced. "You must have been holding it the whole time. You probably dropped it when we Apparated here. Want me to burn it or something?"
Remus shook his head. "No, give it to me."
Ivy reluctantly handed him the feather. Remus took it and picked up one of his books that he had been reading from the coffee table. He opened the cover and placed the feather inside of it, then shut the book and returned it to its place.
Ivy eyed him quizzically. "Why are you keeping it?"
Remus stared at the book sadly. "I never get rid of anything. It's always good to have reminders of your past, even the mistakes. Especially the mistakes." His eyes shut tightly. "I shouldn't have trusted him. I deserved what I got because I should've known better."
"Don't say that," Ivy exclaimed. "Remus, trusting other people is not a weakness."
"It is if you're a bad judge of character… and I obviously am. I trusted Sirius."
At this, Ivy fell silent. She should've guessed that their conversation would come back to Sirius. She had been trying to avoid talking about him, the betrayal was still too fresh in her mind. But she couldn't avoid it forever. It was just so agonizing to think that he… He was my Big Brother. A member of my family. Did we all really mean so little to him?
"Remus, you can't blame yourself for that. He… he deceived all of us. No one detected it. How could you have possibly known?"
"I'm a dark creature, remember?" Remus said bitterly. "I should've been able to smell it on him. I should've known he was evil."
"James didn't know, and James was his best friend. If he couldn't tell, than there's no reason to think that you could've. Hell, if you're going to think that way then we might as well say that it was my fault too."
Remus shook his head in frustration. "It's different for you, Ivy. I slept in the same room with the man for seven years. We grew up together at school. I spent dozens of full moons with him running at my heels. I should've known."
Ivy knew that nothing she could say would make him think differently. Instead, she sat down next to him a placed a comforting hand on his arm. He placed his other hand on top of hers without thinking, still staring off into space.
"I almost didn't come to the funerals, you know. I didn't feel right about it." Remus' voice was now distant and soft. "I let them down. And I didn't want to face anyone. Especially Peter's mother."
Ivy moved closer to him, trying to get him to look at her, and break out of his reverie. "But Peter's mother was glad to see you, Remus. Don't you remember?"
"She was delirious with grief, Ivy. I hardly trust that she was thinking clearly."
"Oh, for God's sake!" Ivy pulled herself away from him, hoping that her abruptness would snap him out of it. "You'd think that you were the only person in any pain here. They were my friends too, Remus! I'm hurting every bit as much as you are!"
Remus stared at her. Her cheeks were pink from yelling, something that always happened when she was angry. She was staring right back at him, her eyes focused and penetrating, her breath coming a little faster than normal. Remus felt the wolf creep into the back of his mind, easily showing him how to take advantage of the situation, but he had grown accustomed to those urges before the full moon, and simply pushed them aside. No, now was the time to apologize. He was ignoring her grief, and wallowing in his own. That was inexcusable.
"I'm sorry, Ivy. I didn't mean to be so insensitive, it's just… After all that's happened everything just feels… deadened…"
"I know," she whispered. "It's like living with shadows. I keep expecting them to show up at my door for dinner like they used to… And Harry… Oh God, Remus, I feel so guilty about Harry. If I had made Lily make me his godmother, he wouldn't be living with the Dursley's right now."
Remus decided that now was not the best time to ask her about Petunia and Vernon, even though he was curious about them. Instead, he picked up the book that Ivy had brought over from the bookshelf, and placed it in her hands.
"Feel like reading to me? I don't think I could handle doing it myself at the moment, but I'd like to escape from reality for a bit."
Ivy smiled and nodded, opening up the book in her hands. She situated herself more comfortably on the couch, and began to read. "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis…"
Remus leaned his head back, closed his eyes, and slowly fell asleep to the sound of her voice.
* * *
Remus woke up in a dimly lit room. He tried to sit up and view his surroundings, but at the slightest movement he felt terrible pain shoot through his body. He tried to think of where he might be, what day it was. Then he remembered. It had been a several days since his encounter with Snape. It was after the full moon.
A wet cloth was placed on his forehead. He felt somebody rubbing salve into his skin with gentle hands. The wounds were deep. He knew because he could feel torn muscle and flesh.
"How long have I been out?" he questioned hoarsely.
"Almost two days," came a distracted voice. "Don't move too much. You're in really bad shape. If I hadn't healed most of the wounds you'd gotten from the Bladed Fields, you'd be dead right now. For a while, I almost thought you were."
Remus knew why it had been so violent this time. He had taken as many precautions as he could think of, but it was no use. The wolf knew his pack was gone. And the animal felt tormented to be left alone.
He heard her mutter a few healing spells, and felt the pain begin to lessen. Everything came into sharper focus. He was in his room, candles lighting the area. Ivy was standing over him with her wand in hand. She looked at his ripped-apart body with a frown.
"That's the best I can do for now. I'm sorry I can't do more." She stared into his eyes sternly. "Tomorrow you do what I say - no arguments. You're too beaten up to be acting all noble."
Remus would've grinned if it didn't hurt him so much to move. He thought briefly of telling her how much she sounded like Madam Pomfrey, but quickly decided against it, noting the look in her eye. Despite the physical pain, he felt more content than he had in weeks. She was with him, and hopefully she wouldn't leave. He wasn't completely alone.
Remus felt Ivy's hand brush against his as she moved closer to the bed to get a better look at him. He curled his fingers around hers, causing her to shift her gaze up to his face.
"You're staying, then?"
Ivy's expression relaxed, becoming warmer and a bit tired. She gave him a small smile, trying not to show him how worried she had been. She didn't want to make him upset. Then she sat down next to him on the bed.
"Yes, I'm staying. Go to sleep, Remus. I'll be right here."
NOW
Remus arrived at the door to Ivy's chambers, and knocked swiftly. He had just been to the hospital wing where Madam Pomfrey had told him that she'd let Ivy go back to her rooms, seeing as she was doing so well. Remus had hoped that walking the extra distance from there to Ivy's chambers would have calmed him down, but it did nothing of the sort. Instead, it seemed that his stomach was more nervous, his hands shaking more profoundly, his heart beating quicker.
'Say what's in your heart'… Easy for him to say… Sirius is used to being blunt. I have no idea what I'm going to tell her. I've never been one for just coming out and telling people things. What am I going to say - 'Sorry for ruining your life sixteen years ago, by the way, I'm in love with you, I have been since we were children, and I just figured it out a few minutes ago?' That sounds horrible…
The door opened, and Remus was greeted by a pair of twinkling eyes and a smile. His stomach jumped into his throat.
Ivy was a bit puzzled at how surprised Remus looked when she opened the door, but she kept her curiosity at bay, and stepped aside to allow him in. "Hi! I was wondering when you'd come looking for me." Ivy closed the door behind Remus, noting how quickly his eyes darted around the room. She hadn't seen him nervous like this in quite some time. "I wanted to thank you for everything that you did while I was… ill, I guess. I wouldn't have recovered without your help."
Remus looked at her quizzically, wringing his hands. "My help? I really didn't do anything, Ivy."
"Yes, you did. You stayed with me through it. Even with how horrible I was when I came out of the curse."
"You weren't horrible! You were in shock, you were tortured. I did what anyone with a heart and a conscience would have done."
"You did more. You didn't have to watch over me the way you did."
Remus moved to one of the windows in the room and stared out distractedly. "Why not? You did the same for me…"
Ivy paused. She had been worried that he would feel that way. He felt guilty because of what she'd said before she left. Ivy wished with all her heart that she could go back and change what had happened, but it was no use. She'd just have to patch it up now.
Ivy stepped towards Remus and placed a hand on his arm. Remus began to feel lightheaded at the sensation. How could I have never noticed this before?
Ivy looked up into his eyes. "Remus, what's wrong? Please tell me."
He took both of her hands in his. "You're the most wonderful person I have ever known…" His voice came out distant, and Ivy felt her heart lurch at the amount of sadness she could see in his face. "And when I thought I'd lost you…"
Ivy picked up on it immediately. He said 'thought I'd lost', not 'thought we'd lost'… What is he trying to tell me?
She looked at the way he was holding her hands. It was not the way he usually held them, just grabbing them quickly without thinking or protocol. He held them carefully, deliberately, raising them up reverently, as though he…
Ivy looked back up and stared into his eyes. While there had been sadness on his face, his eyes held something else. She almost certain that she could find out all she wanted to know from those eyes. Perhaps that was why she was so scared to look. Peering cautiously, she saw that the gray haze held too much to grasp, but Ivy searched, finding enough to allow one thought to enter her mind.
I love him.
The subconscious and the conscious had finally met. Of course I love him. I always have.
And she also knew why her mind had decided that now was the time to let her know her own heart. Because looking into those eyes, she saw something that had changed everything. She knew that he loved her too.
And when did you learn, Remus? Yesterday? An hour ago? Just now?
Ivy started to feel dizzy as she became more aware of his fingers brushing over her hands. She had to say something. Something to let him know that it was all right.
"But you didn't lose me, Remus. You never will." She gave him a small smile. "You can't get rid of me. I'm here no matter what."
The look on Remus' face relaxed, and he smiled back at her. "Funny, that's just what Albus said."
Ivy's brow furrowed. "What Albus said?"
"Before… before he died."
Ivy face became a mix of confusion. She pulled her hands away from Remus and sat down in a nearby chair. "He was talking to you about me before he died?"
Remus realized that he hadn't yet discussed with her what Albus had said to him before he passed. "Yes, he talked about you. You were actually his primary concern"
"Concern?"
Remus nodded, wishing that he had been able to bring up the subject more tactfully. "He wanted to make sure that you'd be fine after he was gone. He was very worried about you. About what you planned to do with your life." And what I planned to do with mine… Wait…
… You are a good man, Remus, deserving of whatever you love…
It hit Remus how dense he'd been. He knew. Of course he knew, he's Albus Dumbledore. He and Gladwin probably both knew from the beginning. That was why Gladwin always treated me so peculiarly. And Albus… Albus was trying to tell me that it was okay. That he approved, so I wouldn't feel bad about anything later on.
"What I planned to do with my life? Why was he worried about that?"
Remus sat down in a chair that was across from hers, and leaned forward. "He wanted to make sure that you stopped hiding things from people. It was just like you said - you take on the pain for others and never let anyone know how you feel. He just wanted to make sure that you didn't do that to yourself anymore."
Ivy gave a short, sarcastic laugh. "That's not going to be an easy habit to break, Remus. Besides, I don't like dumping things on other people. That's what I let happen to me, how would I be all right with doing that to someone else?"
Remus got up and crouched down in front of her chair, placing his hands on her knees. "You don't have to dump it on anyone. You can share it with someone who cares about you, who is willing to listen."
Ivy leaned toward him helplessly, her hands stretching forward, palms up, as if she were begging him for an answer. "Like who?"
Remus took her hands again, this time staring at them. He studied the lines of her palms, tracing his fingertips over them gently. He didn't care that she was watching him, and probably wondering what he was doing. Remus looked back up at her. She was waiting for a response, holding her breath as her blue eyes shone with unshed tears. Seeing those eyes, Remus found that he could not bring his voice above a whisper for what he had to say next.
"Me."
The air in Ivy's lungs came out in a rush.
Remus got to his feet, pulling her up with him. He searched the features of her face briefly before wrapping his arms around her, and holding her close against him. He had expected her to be upset, or angry, or frightened. Instead, all he felt was a sigh as she melted into his embrace. Sirius was right… she loves me.
Remus waited patiently for what would happen next. He wanted to know what she was thinking before he said anything more. A few moments later, Ivy pulled back from him, and stared up directly into his eyes. She wasn't scared, she wasn't confused. She was content.
Remus suddenly felt a tug at his consciousness. Something in her body language, her stare, her scent, had triggered a reaction in him. He heard a voice in the back of his mind. A voice that he'd been trying to bury for a long time. A voice that he still hated with every ounce of his being.
Take her… That's right… You don't think that it's anything more than that, do you? That's all it is. Did you actually think you were capable of loving? No, you're still a monster. Still evil. You could no more love her than you could get rid of the urge to kill when the moon is full. And when is it full again? Four more days… It would be a less painful time for you if you'd let out some of your aggression and lust… If you let it out on her…
Remus' back stiffened. Ivy looked up in confusion. His eyes were frantic. Something was suddenly wrong, and she had no idea what it was. The last time she had seen him that panicked was when… No… He's not going to do it again. He couldn't… not after all we've gone through…
Remus let go of Ivy abruptly, and stepped back from her. His mind was racing. No, this isn't right. How can I be sure that this is real? Even if it is real, it's still wrong. He glanced back at the beautiful face that was staring at him in disbelief. She didn't understand, she couldn't. She was too pure. And I don't deserve her. I never will. That's why I made her leave. That's why I stayed away. I know that now.
"Remus? Remus, are you all right?"
He wouldn't lie anymore. To himself, or to her. "No. This isn't right. Nothing's right… I think I should leave. We shouldn't have seen each other again. It was a mistake, one that I will fix as soon as the school year is over. You won't have to see me ever again. I'm sorry for any confusion or pain that I might have caused, but this is what has to be. I hope one day you'll understand and forgive me."
He had been avoiding her gaze as he spoke. Now that he had said what he needed to say, he had the courage to look up again. He did not see what he had been expecting. Remus thought his words would have a similar effect to the ones that he had spoken sixteen years ago. But looking up into Ivy's face, he found… nothing. Her face was bland, her eyes sterile and neutral. She had shut down completely.
Remus felt a cry of anguish rise up inside him, but he held it down. This was not what he had wanted to happen. He wanted her to be angry and hurt, anything as long as she was still feeling. He didn't want her to keep everything to herself. But he couldn't go back now. All he could do was hope that time would repair that damage he had done. That she would open up later to someone more worthy than him.
Ivy turned and moved toward the window. She stared out at the sky with an expressionless look in her eyes. That was it. Remus quickly walked to the door and left her alone.
* * *
Remus sat at the staff table during breakfast the next morning, idly pushing the food around his plate. He tried to think about important things, such as where he would get his next job and what he would do until he found one, but his mind kept wandering to the empty seats on either side of him. Neither Ivy nor Sirius had shown up for breakfast. He hoped that Sirius was comforting her. Still, he would've felt better knowing where they both were.
"YOU BLOODY BASTARD!"
Well, that solved one problem. All of the students gaped as Sirius Black entered the Great Hall, his dark eyes glaring and fixed on Remus. Professor McGonagall looked like she was going to reprimand Sirius for his language as she had done when he had been a student, but at seeing the look on his face, she stopped short.
Sirius quickly crossed the floor to Remus' place at the staff table. He placed his hands on the wood surface and leaned forward menacingly. It seemed that the presence of many witnesses was the only thing keeping him from choking his friend.
"Remus, what have you done?" he asked through gritted teeth.
Remus attempted to maintain his calm exterior, although he knew how hard it could be to deal with Sirius when he was angry. "Padfoot, can we talk about his later?" he said quietly. He was well aware of all the eyes fixed on him, and desperately wanted to avoid a confrontation.
Sirius' eyes flashed as he slammed his fist down on the table. "God damn it, don't you Padfoot me, Remus! What did you do to her? I can't believe you managed to screw everything up again!"
Remus rose from the table. "For God's sake, Sirius!" He pushed his chair back and walked out of the Great Hall, knowing that Sirius was right behind him, trying as best as he could to meet all of his students eyes with a shred of dignity as they stared at him.
Remus was already out of the Great Hall, and heading towards the staircase, when he heard Sirius' voice again.
"Don't you walk away from me, Remus!"
Remus stopped and spun around to face him, turning just as Severus Snape came out of the Great Hall as well. He stood behind Sirius with a cold, impassive look on his face, but his position was clear. He was backing up Sirius. Remus would have almost found it amusing were it not for the fact that they were teaming up against him.
Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius, letting him know that he was going to have to speak first. He watched as his friend took a deep breath, and stepped towards him.
"She's leaving, Remus. And she won't tell me why. What did you say to her?"
Remus felt as if all the wind had been knocked out of him. "Leaving? Why is she leaving, I told her that I-"
"She said that she wanted you to stay here because she felt that you are more needed as a teacher than she is, and that she was leaving today to go back to America." Sirius gave a heavy sigh and began to pace. "I don't understand, Remus. I thought you'd figured everything out. What could've possibly gone wrong between yesterday and now?"
Remus shook his head stared off to the side, unable to look his friend in the eye. "I simply realized the truth. She deserves something better, Sirius. Something-"
"What are you talking about?" Sirius bellowed. "Something better? What if she doesn't want something better, Remus? What if she wants you, and you've just broken her heart?"
Remus stared at the stone floor beneath his feet, willing his head to be just as cool. "Broken hearts heal in time. Better to get over a broken heart and love again, than love something that is incapable of understanding the emotion."
"Good God, Lupin," Snape spoke up in disgust. "You know as well as I do that lycanthropy does not make you incapable of having human emotions. That is not what this is about. You're running away."
Remus gave a soft laugh. "I thought you, of all people, would back me up on this, Severus. You always said I was a monster. Monsters aren't supposed to love."
Snape folded his arms across his chest and glared at the werewolf. "The only thing that would make you a monster would be if you were to throw away your one chance to be happy. We get very few chances to make our lives worth living, Lupin. If you are foolish enough to throw away your life after being given a second chance to set it straight, then you are a coward, and I am ashamed to know you."
"You keep talking about my life," Remus said bitterly. "What I'm thinking about is her life. How do you think that would be for her, Sirius? She would be in love with a werewolf - you don't think she'd have to undergo prejudices as well? That people wouldn't hate her for loving something so wicked?"
Sirius eyed him with revulsion. He just couldn't believe that Remus didn't understand. "Yes, Remus, you're right, it would be hard for her. Very few women have the courage to even be acquainted with a werewolf. You're lucky enough to have found one who not only has the bravery to know you, but to love you as well. I'm sure she is quite aware of the risk she is taking by feeling the way she does, but she is still willing to take it. Why are you unwilling to take the same risk?"
"Because I don't want to be responsible for ruining her life!"
"Remus, you are ruining her life!"
Snape stepped forward and stood next to Sirius. "And what's worse, you are doing it for purely selfish reasons."
At this, Remus paused. "What are you talking about?"
Snape rolled his eyes in a superior fashion. "The reason you are afraid to take the chance is because you are afraid of how guilty you will feel if everything doesn't work out. You're not worried about her feelings, you are worried about your own."
Remus gave Snape a horrified look. "No, that's… that's not true, Severus…"
Snape raised his eyebrows. "Really? Give me any indication that it's not." He walked toward Remus, stopped in front of him, and looked him straight in the eye, sneering. "And that's part of your weakness as a person, Lupin. You can't blame this one on the wolf because the wolf looks out for his pack."
Remus took a step back from Snape, and peered over the man's shoulder as if he were trying to find a way to escape. Instead, he found that the doors to the Great Hall were open, and many of the students were crowding in the doorway to get a glimpse of what was going on. Now everyone knew.
He heard shuffling on the stairs above him. Sirius took a step toward him.
"It's her! She's coming down, she's leaving! Apologize to her, and fix this mess!"
Time seemed to freeze for a moment as Remus thought on Sirius and Severus' words. No, they're wrong. They couldn't possibly understand because they don't have to deal with it. They don't know what it's like to have go through life like this, what I'd be condemning her to…
He pushed past them both and walked into the Great Hall, the students parting a path for him as he came towards them. Professor McGonagall exited the hall as he came in, shooting him a disapproving stare. Remus walked toward the windows as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. When they stopped, he heard Professor McGonagall's voice.
"Ivy, dear, are you sure that there is nothing we can do to make you change your mind? The students and staff will miss you if you go."
The voice that responded was cold, reminding Remus of the way it had sounded in the hospital wing. "No, Minerva, I'm sorry. I really must go, I can't stay any longer. Give my regards to everyone. I'm sorry to be leaving before the end of the year exams, but classes are otherwise over, and my students are ready. I just don't wish to stay here any longer than is necessary. I hope you understand."
"Of course. I am truly sorry for whatever made you decide to leave. I hope you'll come back and visit some time."
"I would love to, Minerva, but I'm afraid that I'll be quite busy at my old teaching job, and America is very far away. Maybe our paths will cross some other way."
There was a small pause, possibly for a hug. Then Remus heard Sirius' voice.
"Ivy, don't go. Remus is just-"
The sound of a kiss on the cheek.
"Goodbye, Sirius."
A new voice - Harry's.
"Professor Dumbledore, you aren't leaving, are you?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so, Harry. Don't worry, I'm sure we'll meet again some time in the future."
Whispers breaking out among the students. Heads turning back to look at him.
"Goodbye."
More footsteps. The sound of doors closing. Remus felt his heart stop.
Many footsteps ringing through the Great Hall. People moving toward him. Their faces were blurry.
Sirius' voice. "Remus, do something! How can you just stand there? I'm not going to let you do this again. I wasn't here the first time it happened, but I'm here now. You're not going to let her leave."
"Let it go, Sirius. It's all for the best." He wasn't speaking with his own voice. It was an automated reaction.
Two hands grabbed him. Pulled him. Out of the Great Hall, down the staircase to a window. A window near the front doors, overlooking the grounds.
"If you truly have the guts to let her walk away, then you're going to watch her leave, Remus."
Mumbling could be heard behind them. Remus pulled out of Sirius' grip. He glanced over his shoulder. The students were following. Directly behind him, he could see Harry, Ron, and Neville. Sad faces. Hermione whispering, "Don't let it happen again. Go out to her…"
He turned back to the window. She was walking down the stairs. A suitcase in each hand. Her long hair streaming behind her in the breeze like a wildfire. But he couldn't see her face. He didn't know what she was thinking.
He would just have to let her walk away…
THEN
Remus awoke with a dull throbbing in his chest. He was getting used to the pain in the mornings. It had been gradually subsiding day by day, of course, but it was still there. He clutched his head to stop himself from getting dizzy, and stretched very slightly in bed. He paused as he noticed something. He had had another nightmare last night. He knew because he could smell Ivy on his blankets.
Remus sighed in frustration. He had told her to stop, but how could he expect her to? Even though he had explained to her that he didn't remember his dreams anymore, he knew that he made noise in his sleep. It probably frightened her. Whenever she heard him, she came into his room and calmed him in his sleep. Then she would fall asleep in his bed, staying to make sure that she would be there if it happened again. Watching over him like a guardian angel. And then she would awaken before him, and leave him to wake up on his own as if nothing ever happened. The only way Remus had managed to find out was on the one day that she hadn't woken up fast enough, and he had opened his eyes to find his head resting in her lap. It's not that he was angry with her, he just didn't want her constantly waking up in the middle of the night to tend to him.
It had been three weeks since the full moon, and Remus was truly beginning to recover. The pain was at its worst during the morning and at night, but during the day he was able to function quite smoothly. Ivy still fussed and groaned about him overexerting himself, but he tried his best every day to prove to her that he was doing fine. They had begun to take care of each other, sharing the jobs in the house and learning each other's habits and quirks that they didn't already know. It was working out quite well.
Remus had begun looking for jobs again, seeing as he'd lost his last one when he was unable to come to work for a week. It was hard, and he still wasn't entirely ready to begin going out on real interviews, but he'd responded to a few want ads in the Daily Prophet, and had started thinking about what he'd like to do next. Offers for Ivy had been pouring in by the dozens. With her extensive magical training, accompanied by her already prestigious name, she was getting letters every day for teaching positions all over the world. The latest one had come from a school in America, which Ivy quickly turned down, saying that she didn't want to be anywhere near her mother's family.
Remus sat up in bed and waited for the pain in his sides to lessen. He was surprised to not hear the clinking of dishes. Ivy had made breakfast every morning since she had come. But today, he couldn't hear her anywhere nearby. Curious and a bit worried, Remus got up out of bed and made his way into the living room. A piece of parchment on the coffee table immediately caught his eye. He picked it up and read in the hasty hand that had scribbled the note out -
Remus,
Sorry to leave you without saying good morning, but there aren't many groceries in the house, so I thought I'd go out and get some. I'll make breakfast and everything when I get back, so don't worry about it. The laundry's all done, too. Watch out for the kitchen sink, it's been acting up lately, and only hot water comes out. Don't burn yourself. I'll see you in a few minutes, hopefully.
~Ivy~
Remus smiled at the note and put it back on the table. Since he now knew that breakfast wouldn't be ready for some time, he decided to go and take a shower. When he was done he put on a fresh robe, sat down on the couch, and picked up the book he had been reading. While he was turning his first page of the day, a thought tugged at the back of his brain.
I do wish she'd hurry up and get back. I miss her…
Remus stopped. He shut his book.
I miss her? She's only going to be gone for a few minutes, why would I miss her?
As Remus' mind worked, the connections started to come like rapid fire.
We're getting far too comfortable in this situation. She's not going to be living here for much longer. I can't believe I've become so attached to the idea of having her here all the time. It must be rubbing off on her. She would've left a long time ago if it hadn't rubbed off on her. Oh God, she's staying here because of me. That's why she's been overlooking all of those job offers. That's why she hasn't seen her father in three weeks. Because of me. I'm holding her back… She has to leave.
There was a part of Remus that realized how much he was overreacting, but he ignored it. And he had good reason to.
Everyone I'm close to gets hurt. Everyone I love has their life ruined. She can't stay. She has to leave and find her own life. Ivy has so much before her. She could do wonderful things. She could have a husband, and children, and everything she ever dreamed of. Just like James and Lily…
She has to leave. I have to make her. No matter what.
Remus sat contemplating his revelation for nearly an hour. The more he thought on it, the more it made sense. Ivy needed something different. Something better. He never deserved to have her as a friend, and he certainly wouldn't be responsible for ruining her life now. Now was not the time to be selfish. That's what he had been - he was keeping her all to himself because he feared to be alone after all that he had lost. He was using her as a tool of his grief. He wouldn't do it anymore. He would let her go. That was the right thing to do.
Now there was only one problem - how would he get her to leave? She was a strong individual, and she would fight him on it. There was only one solution. He had to lie. He had to hurt her. But would he be able to do it?
I have to… for her sake.
Remus stared at the center of the room waiting for her to Apparate back. A few minutes passed before Ivy appeared carrying two large paper bags.
"Sorry it took so long! Everyone is buying food today, I swear! The line was a mile long, and the lady up front was just terrible. She just felt like making everybody unhappy 'cause she was having a bad day."
Ivy continued her little rant as she shuffled into the kitchen and placed the bags onto the counter. Then she began putting the groceries away. Remus followed her.
"And then I was in the dairy aisle, and there was this lady with three little children, who were just out of control-"
"Ivy," Remus finally managed to interrupt. "We need to talk."
Ivy stopped and looked directly into his face. Something was wrong, she knew it. Why does he look so sad?
"Okay, Remus. What do we need to talk about?"
Remus took a deep breath. "I think you have to leave."
A pause.
"What do you mean, leave?"
He swallowed hard. "You have to go. I don't need your help anymore, I'm fine. You should go out and take a look at some of your job offers, and try to-"
"Is that all you're worried about? Me getting work? Right now I'm much more concerned about your health, Remus."
He dropped his voice to a harsh whisper. "I don't need anymore of your damned sympathy, Ivy."
Another pause. He looked up to see her eyes widen.
"What did you say?"
He hardened his gaze. This was what had to be done. "You heard me. I don't want your pity or your charity. I don't need your help either. I can manage just fine on my own. Why don't you stop looking after other people as an excuse for not having your own life?"
A flinch. The words stung, he knew. But he would have to keep them coming.
"Remus, what's wrong?"
He gave a cold, short laugh. It didn't sound like him. Even he didn't know that he was capable of behaving this way. "What's wrong? I want you to stop hanging on me. I want you to leave me alone. I don't need you here anymore. I'm healed - your services aren't needed any longer. You might as well go."
She stared into his eyes inquisitively. She didn't believe him.
"You want to be alone? How can you say that, Remus? After everything that's just happened to you, the last thing you should want is to be alone."
He rolled his eyes in disgust. "You are so naïve sometimes. You know what I am. Don't you know anything about werewolves? Don't you know about the kind of life people like me normally lead? We live alone. We are isolated. That's what suits us best."
Red curls shifted back and forth as she shook her head.
"No, you're alone because people are unfair to your kind-"
"That's what you and everyone else wanted to believe. It was easier for all of you to talk to me if you thought that on the inside I was really crying out for friendship and acceptance. It was just my way of keeping a low profile. I don't need you at all. Now go."
Tears came to the blue eyes.
"Remus, why are you saying this? I know it's not true, just tell me the truth! Tell me why you are doing this-"
She wasn't buying it. He had to shake her up. Only one thing would work at this point. Stepping toward her, stopping her in mid-sentence, he grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and slammed her into the cabinets behind her. He heard the clatter as pots and pans rattled together, and the cry of pain that escaped Ivy's lips. Remus couldn't recall a time in his life when he had hated himself more.
She opened her eyes to him. It had worked. Her face was distorted in fear. He didn't know how long the fear would last, but he had to play on it now if he was going to get her out.
He pulled her back to him, forcing her to look up at him and recognize his dominant position. She quivered in his grasp. He was threatening, powerful, cruel. She tried to put a hand on his arm, hoping that her touch would make him realize what he was doing, but he just gripped her harder and growled deep in his throat. He had let the wolf take control. That was the only option he had left if he wanted to save her.
"Remus, please…"
He brought his face down to hers and whispered harshly. "Get out."
He released her abruptly, and Ivy pulled back. She edged her way quickly into the living room and crept to the front door, all the while keeping her eyes locked with his, as he followed her to make sure that she was leaving.
She made it to the door and placed her hand firmly on the doorknob, turning around one last time to see his face. There was nothing. He wasn't even sorry for what he had done. Ivy clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob. A moment before she knew she would lose it, she opened the door and ran from the house.
Remus stood in the center of the empty room. He had done it. He had truly become the monster. Allowing his other half to come to the surface had made it even clearer to him how dangerous he was. That was just another reason why Ivy had to leave. Now at least she would be safe and happy. That was all that mattered.
And he… he would get used to being alone…
* * *
"Ivy, are you sure this is what you want to do?"
"Yes, I'm sure, Albus. I have to do this. I need this. I can't stay here anymore."
"And you still don't want to tell us exactly why you have made this decision so suddenly?"
Ivy shook her head and stared at the floor. She was well aware of her father's eyes on her back as he stood behind her. "I can't stay here anymore. And they need me over there. I know what I'm doing."
She couldn't bring herself to tell them what had happened. Besides, she didn't want them to think badly of Remus for it. Ivy had allowed herself some time to think on what had happened, and she realized that she knew that he wasn't trying to be so cruel. Something had set him off. She only wished she knew what.
Why? Why did you lie to me, Remus? I know you didn't mean what you said. I'm sure you knew that I'd see right through it, so why? What was the point? What was really behind it? I know you don't really want to be alone…
Albus looked up over his half moon spectacles and stared at his great-grandniece with curiosity. "Well, if you are certain about this, I'm sure that your father won't object, and I certainly won't. I'll send an owl with the formal letter right now if you'd like."
"Yes, thank you, Albus. That would be wonderful."
Gladwin put a hand on his daughter's arm. "Are you sure you know what you're doing, my dear? America is very far away, you know."
He saw her eyes cloud over briefly. "Yes, that's precisely the point, father."
Gladwin reached out and pulled her into a hug. "Well, if this will make you happy, then so be it."
Ivy hugged him back, knowing how much she would miss not having him close by. She then went to Albus and gave him a hug as well. "Thank you for letting me make this choice for myself."
"Of course, dear, of course."
Ivy stepped back, nodded to both of them bravely, and walked out of the room.
Albus sank back into his chair, and stared up at Gladwin gravely. "Whatever happened between them must have been awful."
Gladwin nodded. "I had hoped that everything would turn out for the best. I suppose I was expecting too much. It's very sad. They are so well suited for each other."
Albus nodded as well. "Indeed. I would have been very happy to see them together. They always seemed to belong to each other. I just assumed that it would end up that way in the end, I suppose."
"He let his lycanthropy get the better of him, I suspect."
Albus sighed. "That is likely. I wish it weren't so. He's far too gentle of a soul to be plagued by such a curse."
Gladwin stared at the phoenix resting behind Albus' desk, and felt a lump rise in his throat. "And now they shall both suffer for it…"
^*^
I know, I'm evil! Please stop the beatings! I promise it'll get better in the next chapter! I promise! Let me know what you thought, I love hearing from you guys. You make this worth writing. I hope you're satisfied with what happened between Remus and Ivy that I hadn't been telling you. See you next update!