Wow! Chapter Eleven! Who'd-uh thunk it?
In this chapter, we see Burt sit Kurt and Finn down for a very serious talk.
Except, not really.
I hope you enjoy!
Chapter Eleven: Pitching and Catching
"Boys, could you sit down for a sec?"
"What's up, dad?"
"Yeah, Burt… Rachel and I were just about to go on a da-"
"This is more important. Trust me."
"We're not having another sex talk, are we?"
"A-Actually, we are. How did you know?"
"I've known you for 17 years, dad, I can recognize your moods. This one is your extreme "good lord almighty I'm uncomfortable" mood."
"…Oh. Right."
"But, why are we getting The Talk, Burt? Mum already gave me one, and I'm sure you've given one to Kurt-"
"We do not talk about that!"
"-Plus, whatever we don't know, we can just look up on the internet!"
"Normally I'd agree with you, Finn. It'd be so much easier if we could just leave it at that. Far less awkward, that's for sure."
"…But?"
"But, Carole insisted I sit both you boys down and have a good, long chat."
"But why?"
"She found something in Finn's pocket, while doing the washing. An empty condom wrapper."
"Oh, god, no!"
"Finn! Who actually keeps those? Couldn't you have just thrown it in the bin like a normal human being?"
"I'm sorry! Where we… doing it… had no garbage bin!"
"Argh! I didn't need to know that! Wait, why am I being punished for his stupidity?"
"Hey!"
"This isn't a punishment, Kurt. And… because about two days later, she walked in on you and Blaine being… intimate."
"Aahahahahahahahaha! That's so much worse!"
"Shut up, Finn! When did that happen? I don't remember that happening!"
"She said you were a little… preoccupied at the time. Apparently she walked right in and out without either of you noticing."
"… That does sound like us. We get a little caught up in the moment."
"Oh, gross."
"Oh, grow up, Finn! Like I wanna hear about you and Rachel having hetero sex in weird places! Enough with the homophobic comments!"
"That wasn't homophobic at all! That was an, "ew I don't want to hear about my brother having sex" thing."
"Oh. Well. That's… That's sweet of you."
"Boys, would you pay attention?"
"Sorry."
"Sorry."
"Now, I just wanted to say, I have no problems with either of you engaging in sexual intercourse with your significant others. You've both been in solid relationships for a while now, and I'm not going to try and stop you."
"Then… why are we here?"
"Well, I know you two are being safe, but your mother is concerned."
"She found an empty condom packet in my jeans. I think that's pretty conclusive evidence that I'm being safe."
"And dad, I promised you that Blaine and I were being safe, why couldn't you convince her?"
"She's just worried. She loves you two very much."
"Aw."
"Aw, Kurtie, my mother wuvs you."
"Shut your face, Finn."
"Ahem. As I was saying, just to give her some peace of mind, I'm giving you these. If she asks, tell her I sat you guys down for a long, detailed talk that involved diagrams."
"Yes, dad. We promise. We don't want you sleeping on the couch…again."
"…Condoms? Burt, you're giving me condoms?"
"Yep, take them. "
"This is a little bit weird, but sure, Burt. Thanks."
"No problem, Finn. I look after my own."
"Thank you, dad."
"Wait, Kurt, why are you taking them?"
"…Why wouldn't I?"
"Well… condoms are worn by the guys who do the…penetration."
"Yes, and?"
"Isn't Blaine the one doing the penetration?"
"Uh… no?"
"Wow. I'm impressed."
"Thanks, I think? Is it that big a deal?"
"Naw, man, I just always pictured you as a bottom…"
"…You've pictured me?"
"No! No! That's not what I meant at all! Ah!"
"Calm, down, Finn. It's okay. No one doubts your extreme masculinity."
"Actually, right now, I'm starting to believe in your extreme masculinity. Hi-five!"
"No, Finn. That's tacky. Oh, for the love of- Dad! Put your hand down! I'm not hi-fiving you, either!"
Prompts are still open! Let me know what scenario/pairing you want via a review.
My Klaine-filled Tumblr: theevenstarofklaine . tumblr . com