"The Third Sorceress War, Act II: Terra Incognita"
10. Decussation
(Declamation, X)
Decussation Point
There's a steady sound in the background, a sharp, subdued screech pulsating. The orchestra of noise is vast. There is a hissing, lazily slithering up and down. There are other sounds – steady breathing. A fingernail absent-mindedly tapping on metal, the cavernous echoing of the other sounds and then there's the gentle sound of violins gliding over the steady rhythm of the contrabass, scattering into the air, riding on the wings of flutes and clarinets. The familiar, warm air of ball room lights and bubbling champagne, the murmur of idle conversation is heavy in the air and the room is cold and even as his body sleeps, he shivers, he feels the cold run through his skin but the champagne, the fifth glass, is slightly warm, and its his fourth glass, because he knows that he has to get as drunk as possible as soon as possible to do what needs to be done.
He turns, sees her coming and his body tenses up, his hands curl into fists and his nails dig into his palm. He's happy to see her there, he's happy and he's more afraid than he's ever been in his life because he loves her, he loves her more than anything, she completes him. She fits into the missing parts of him, fills her own gaps with him. They fit, like puzzle pieces, like how his lower and upper jaw lock, teeth pressed hard against one another, in anticipation of what will happen, in anticipation of what must happen, what can never happen, what can't not happen.
He loves her and she's killing him.
Defeat
Squall woke up to a gridded ceiling. Gun metal, dull and still. He tried to lift his head, but found that it was being held by a cold strip of metal. He felt a thin, yet relatively soft surface underneath him, but his wrists and ankles were bound. He wasn't naked, he could feel a t-shirt and underwear, but the rest of his clothes weren't there.
He could also feel the pricking of needles and IV connections on both of his arms. There were small, irritating points on his skin, but he couldn't see.
His head felt cold.
"Welcome back."
Rinoa's smiling face entered his field of vision. Squall clenched his teeth with disgust. He just wanted to reach out and strangle her, but he couldn't move. In the two seconds it took for him to accept that he had been beaten by her, he killed her a thousand times in his head.
"Where am I..?"
"Under the mansion. My father built this panic room, like most other Delingites, after Vinzer Deling handed him the title of Field Marshal, to use if whatever." Rinoa said.
"We didn't see anything like that when we-"
"From what you told me, you were in a hurry that time."
Squall raised an eyebrow at her good-natured manner.
"Why am I still alive?"
Rinoa smacked her tongue.
"You SeeDs... just because you are out to kill your enemies, doesn't mean your enemies will be out to kill you. Not by default."
"It didn't need to be this way. We didn't need to be enemies."
"Sure we did. Like I told you, we're bound to meet again, you SeeD, me Sorceress... I also told you not to hesitate."
"I didn't. If it wasn't for your fucking red magic, I..."
Rinoa threw her head back and laughed.
"Red magic? Really? With all you know on witch-craft and sorceress lore, you still bought it?"
Squall's eyes widened.
"There's no red magic, Squall. I thought it'd be believable, since blue magic exists... no. There is no red magic, only blue and black, though black is the same as pure."
"Then what the..."
"That, you're about to find out."
Rinoa disappeared from sight. Squall heard the clicking of buttons, the spooling up of devices that he couldn't see. He couldn't help but feel a mounting panic at the unknown – what now?
"See, while you were sleeping, I took the time and some Centran ink to paint some pretty runes around your head. Black magic runes, some very simple stuff. The ink'll last for a few weeks, and it will work like a charm."
Squall struggled to keep his voice from shaking.
"What are they for?"
"Wanna know a secret?" Rinoa said as she leaned over him, "Black magic, like anything magic ever is, is mental. You will it, it works. It's no different than junctioning spells – you know how it works, so you work it. Same here, although I will be getting a little help with this particular one..."
Squall pulled against his restraints to no avail. He felt Rinoa's hand on his forehead, thin fingers gently pressing against his skin.
"Relax. You're going be staying put for a while."
Squall felt his eyelids start to close, his body was drifting... in the distance, Rinoa was saying something...
"We have all the time in the world now..."
Desperation
...there is no time, there is no time, there is never time, never enough room to move, enough time to move, it's not enough, it's never enough he said and then he pulled the trigger, pulled the trigger and fell, fell and died, he died by my side and I just want to join him, I just want to be dead with him because there is nothing here, nothing at all and it's just not enough
Hair scattered across the stone the hard wood floor the carpet the broken glass and there's blood in your hair, oh Hyne
Dead eyes, green eyes, you don't see me, why won't you see me why won't you look at me
Broken hand, bones shattered, skin torn, and I hold it and it slides away, you don't touch me, you don't feel me with you, without you
Oh Hyne what have I done, what have I done!? What did they make me do!?
They made me do it, I didn't want to, I just needed to, I just
But it's the only way, don't you see?
They will kill you, they will destroy you and I can't watch it one more time, I can't, I can't do it again, I won't, so I take my weapons, I take my war and I give you a gift, I slit your throat, I pierce your heart, I tear your lungs apart, I decapitate you, I rip your chest open and I scatter you across the floor, and for those two seconds it takes you to die, you look at me, and I hope to see forgiveness in your eyes but you don't see me, you don't look at me
Your blood is in my hands. Your blood is in my hands.
There's blood in your hair.
I killed you. I kill you. I will kill you.
It's better off this way, you're better off dead quickly – I've seen what they will do to you, what they have done to you, I can't bear to see it again, I won't and there we begin, you stand, you smile, you breathe, I speak, say your name, I kiss you, I kiss you, I kill you I fucking kill you I fucking love
die
die
die
die
die
die
die
Selphie drew in a sharp breath and screamed, felt the panic, the absolute terror of it all reverberate in her throat, twist around her tongue. A pair of arms held her fast, and she screamed again, and again, and again, unable to stop, unable to contain it.
"I've got you, sir!" a familiar voice said, "I've got you, you're back..."
Selphie grabbed handfuls of her uniform's jacket and tried to stifle her own screams, to swallow them down. She felt her jaw ache from grinding her teeth and slowly, very slowly, began to reel herself in.
By her side, Ellone was holding a bloody handkerchief to her nose, coughing and trying to slow down her breathing. The nurse was by her side, with one hand on Ellone's back, carefully observing her.
"Are you both okay?" Kiros asked.
"I'll... gimme... just..." Ellone panted.
"Selphie?"
Selphie glared at Kiros.
"Selphie, are you alright?"
"I'm fine. Thanks, Brea... I'm more than fine, I... I know where Squall is."