"And you expect me to believe all of this?" Tony asked.

"You have access to our files, I'm surprised you don't know it already," Natasha replied.

"I ignored all the Spook Squad's files as Fury just covering all the bases," Tony admitted. "Uncle Sam actually has a plan for how to handle a zombie apocalypse, it's just intellectual exercises so they are prepared to deal with situations that aren't covered by the manual."

"Jarvis, be a dear and bring up the mission footage of the 'Spook Squad' from last Halloween," Natasha requested. "Video only, no audio."

"Here you are, Ma'am," Jarvis replied and a video began to play on the monitor of a SHIELD team approaching a graveyard. Tony instantly noted that several members of the squad were carrying flamethrowers, his design not that hack who was obsessed with electric cars.

He watched in growing disbelief as they attacked a group of people wearing black robes who had a young girl chained to a coffin. Faces morphed into fright masks and flame was liberally applied, many of the group turning into pillars of flame as if they were soaked in gasoline, while others ignored the flames as if they were a warm breeze, those were taken down with sawed off shotguns, but blasts that should have cut them in half only knocked them down, where upon they started foaming at the mouth and… melted.

"This can't be real," Tony said as the group approached the young girl who was crying and begging to be released.

The team leader paused, before forcing himself to draw his firearm and putting two bullets in her skull.

"What the fuck?!" Tony yelled angrily as the man turned away from the girl he'd shot, shoulders drooping.

"Keep watching," Natasha ordered.

"Watch what, him getting arrested?" Tony demanded. "He better be doing hard time for this!"

"No need," Natasha said.

"No need?!" he exclaimed, just before the 'girl' sat up, shattering her chains and leapt onto the man, ripping his head off his shoulders before being buried under a mass of gunfire and flame.

Even after it had stopped moving they kept pouring on the flame, switching units as each ran out to give them time to refuel until only bones were left.

A catholic priest was brought in while they policed the area, removing all traces of what had occurred.

Tony watched silently as a faint blue glow rose from the ground and the bones crumbled into dust, the priest standing there with his head bowed and praying.

"What did I just see?"

"An attempt to raise a minor demon lord," Natasha replied. "The team leader had come from the practice range and had forgotten to change clips, you can see the results."

"And the reason the public doesn't know about this?" Tony asked.

"Current projections are that if public knowledge of the supernatural and demons became widespread it'll bring about another dark age," Natasha explained. "The best we can do right now is stamp out problems as we become aware of them and slowly disseminate the knowledge so that when, not if, when the true state of reality becomes known the human race won't tear itself apart trying to deal with it."

"I'd think knowledge of an external threat would unify us," Tony said.

"Did knowledge of the Chitari have that effect?" she asked dryly.

"No," Tony admitted with a sigh. "Why did he shoot the girl?"

"She had already been marked, so the best thing he could do for her was to kill her before she became a vessel, freeing her soul from the demon's grasp," Natasha explained.

"And it was already too late," Tony realized.

"Yes, fortunately the priest was able to get to her in time," Natasha said, "so while her life was cut short, the demon was unable to claim her soul."

"I need a drink," Tony decided, "a lot of them."

"And I need to finish my work," Natasha said.

"Jarvis, give her a hand, I'm going to go rethink the nature of reality and get drunk, very, very drunk."

"Yes, Sir," Jarvis replied.

0o0o0o0o0o

Jamie parked in front of the Summers' residence and Xander retrieved the chest from the back of the truck.

"Think they are going to demand to know what I think I was doing going off to fight demons, or demand to know about the Avengers first?" Xander asked with a grin.

"I think they'll demand to know about the pirate porn movie first," Jamie replied.

"The what?" Xander asked.

"I needed to break the tension and distract them, so I told them that one of the orders you gave me was that I was to film a pirate themed porno with period authentic costumes and a thirty page script, if Tara asked me to," Jamie explained.

Xander laughed. "Yeah, that would certainly derail any panic they were working up to and that also explains the pirate queen Tara comment from Buffy," he said as they walked up to the front door.

Buffy yanked open the front door before he could ring the bell. "You went to hell without me!" she exclaimed angrily.

"Prophecy," Xander replied.

"You always told me prophecies were crap!" she fired back.

"And I broke this one too," Xander agreed, pushing past her and into the house where the rest of the girls were waiting.

"Did you have a fun trip?" Dawn asked, looking him over to make sure he was unharmed.

"I actually did," Xander said thoughtfully. "Made some friends, freed the humans who lived there from slavery, and rescued the girl we were sent to rescue."

"What was the prophecy?" Willow asked.

"Cordelia was supposed to knock boots with their champion and become queen," Xander replied.

"She must have been pissed," Buffy said with a grin.

"Would you want to be queen of a demonic realm where humans were considered cows?" Xander asked.

Buffy frowned as she considered it. "No, it would probably be a bit of a downer."

"Is that a pirate chest?" Tara asked 'innocently'.

Xander could tell her question was anything but innocent and he was suddenly hit with a barrage of questions.

Jamie closed the front door behind her and whistled loudly to get everyone's attention. "I made that up to distract you all from Xander's situation."

"So you don't have a script?" Dawn asked Xander as he set the chest on the coffee table.

"Not on me, but it's not like it would be hard to write," Xander said. He opened the chest and the girls stared at the mass of gold and jewels. "I picked up some souvenirs on the way home."

"Xander…" Willow said slowly as the girls pulled out rings, necklaces, and circlets that would make the queen of England smile, "this is worth… millions!"

"Really?" Xander asked surprised. "I figured half a million at most. I thought it would pay off the mortgage and cover the bills for a couple of years."

"Pay off the mortgage?" Buffy asked wide eyed.

"Looks like it's enough to pay off all our bills," Xander said, "and it only cost me telling Cordy to have the guards grab me a chest of souvenirs for you girls."

"That's it?!" Buffy asked in disbelief.

"That's it," Xander assured her. "Cordy was the acting queen, so I suggested she have couple of guards grab some chests. One of gold and gems for her team and one of jewelry for ours, so I wouldn't be coming home empty handed."

"Next time you go to hell, bring me along," Dawn said, "it looks like it pays well."

"I have to sit down," Buffy said before collapsing into the easy chair. "Wow, just wow."

"With all the bad luck we've had, we were bound to get lucky eventually," Xander said sitting on the couch.

"Yeah," Buffy said, a smile growing on her face, lines of stress fading.

Dawn plopped down on his lap wearing a fortune in gold and gems. "Wanna get married?"

"You still underage?"

"I'm rich, laws are for poor people," Dawn assured him.

Xander grinned. "Did you check the contract?"

"I'm allowed to ask to marry you whenever I want, but to actually marry you before I've turned eighteen I have to have a master's degree in something," Dawn replied. "Mom had way too much fun with that contract."

"I think we all did," Xander said wrapping his arms around her. "Remember the Dancing Accords?"

"Remember it? I did a solid two weeks of research preparing to argue my case," Dawn said. "Mom was a tough negotiator."

"Why didn't I know about the contract?" Buffy asked.

"You would have ruined all our fun," Dawn said, "and don't try to deny it."

"We worked on it when I'd come over to watch Dawn," Xander explained, "which meant you were off doing something else."

"Didn't Anya help you babysit?" Willow asked curiously.

"Anya loved going through it and searching for loopholes," Dawn replied. "She said it was good practice for when she had daughters and an ingenious way to set boundaries."

"We all had a lot of fun with the contract," Xander said. "I remember coming over early one time and finding Joyce laughing so hard she couldn't talk, because she had just written up… the nipple slip section."

Dawn groaned.

"Nipple slip?" Buffy asked. "I haven't even seen you wear a low cut shirt."

"There's a reason for that," Dawn said with a sigh.

Xander laughed, causing Tara and Willow to join him as they got it.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

Robin stalked through the graveyard, keeping his eyes peeled for danger. Sunnydale's vampire population was high enough that he never had a problem finding vampires.

"Augh!"

He leapt forward running towards the sounds of battle and rounded the corner of a mausoleum just in time to see a young woman dust one vampire while kicking another through a headstone.

'Slayer', Robin thought to himself as she smoothly straightened up and glided across the ground to stake the stunned vampire like she was picking up her dropped keys. "Damn," he breathed in awe.

She spun around, her form a blur, causing him to freeze in place. After a tense few seconds of her examining him she relaxed and smiled. "I hadn't expect to run into another hunter. My name's Alexis, what's yours?"

"Robin," he said, as he let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "It's nice to meet you. Been hunting long?"

"Not long," she replied, "in fact this was my first night out."

"Really?" he asked as he went over everything he knew from his contacts amongst the Watchers. Buffy was still alive last he'd heard and Faith had turned herself into the police and was currently incarcerated. It was doubtful either had drowned and been resuscitated, so most likely someone had taken advantage of a slayer being pinned down to one place and taken Faith out.

"Really," she assured him. "I'm just doing a test run at the moment, to see how effective I am."

"You looked pretty effective to me," he said with admiration, as he took note of at least four separate dust piles.

"It's kind of you to say, but I'll hold off my personal evaluation until I've got at least a month under my belt," Alexis said. "Plus, I'm just using wooden stakes right now, which are pretty primitive."

"True, but they are silent, cause no collateral damage, and are easy to come by," Robin pointed out. "There are reasons they have remained in use for all of human history."

"Those are some good points," she said turning and throwing one into the darkness before turning back to him. "They are also pretty cost effective and can be used at a distance."

"Among those in the know they help identify you to one another while being brushed off as camping gear to everyone else," he added.

"It's how I identified you," she agreed. "Okay, they have definitely gone up in my esteem."

"Since you're new around here would you like me to show you around?" he asked.

"I'd like that," she agreed, the files she had on Sunnydale were pretty thorough, but demonic hunting patterns didn't remain stable when there was a slayer in residence so the help of a local hunter was always welcome.

"I was planning on grabbing a coffee at the Expresso Pump before hitting the docks," Robin explained. "They've been a bit active around there lately."

"Sounds good," she agreed.

"How late were you planning to patrol?" he asked as they turned and headed for Maple Court.

"Sunrise," she replied.

"I'm afraid I'll have to leave a bit earlier than that," he said regretfully. "I have school in the morning."

"College?" she asked, wondering what courses he was taking.

"High school," he replied.

"How long were you held back?" she asked, looking him over and calculating his age as late twenties at the youngest.

He laughed. "I'm the principal."

"You do know the last two principals were eaten alive, right?" she cautioned him.

"I'm aware," he assured her, "but someone has to look after the kids."

"Especially when they are attending school over an unstable portal to a hell dimension," she said.

"Especially then," he agreed.

A scream rang out from a nearby alley and the two broke into a run without a moment's hesitation.

"You concentrate on the victim, I'll draw their attention," Alexis ordered.

"On it," he agreed, following her lead.

0o0o0o0o0o

"Meers was an unusual inventor," Ted noted as he examined a box of electronics they'd taken from his basement.

"He certainly had a problem maintaining focus," April said.

"Some of these could be useful, but others seem rather pointless," Ted said pulling out a device that looked like a fifties style ray gun. "This for instance has three settings, one for dissolving clothes, one for healing sunburns, and one for causing accelerated hair and nail growth. While each of the functions could prove useful, I fail to see a connection among them requiring them to be placed on a single device."

"Alexis might find a use for it," April suggested.

"I can't see any immediate tactical uses for it, but then I'm a lover not a fighter," Ted admitted.

"That you are, Big Daddy," April said making him smile.

Typing by: fyrewolf5

TN: Now that's a ray gun I could have fun with, for battle purposes, removing enemy clothes would be very distracting to most people when it's unexpected. Outside battle, temptation is likely to get people into trouble. Other two I see more as something useful in opening a healing spa, charge a ton to quickly heal sunburns and open a lot of hair styling options by being able to grow out hair from bad cuts at other places.