Chapter 11
Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.
Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics.
Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.
Score thus far: Musicookie 49, Sesshomaru 48
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Musicookie opened the document, looking around with a worried expression.
Yep, it was a bad as she thought it would be. Things were wrong, very wrong. Jaken had grown several limbs. Rin's head was gone and replaced with a goldfish bowl, complete with a little castle and a fishie. Inuyasha's feet were swollen to huge sizes, and Kagome had a lamp and a spatula instead of hands. Ah-Un was wearing glasses and perusing the pages of "War and Peace: The Extended Version," and Koga was singing opera. Shippo still had his tail, though it was growing out of his right ear. Naraku was in swimming trunks and looking very confused, and Sango and Miroku were playing tic tac toe with what appeared to be lipstick and aerosol cheese.
Musicookie saw Sesshomaru and gasped in horror. The worshipped and honored fluffy he always wore was gone and replaced with... with....
Oh, she couldn't say it, it was too nightmarish... Well, ok, she had to say it or else the story wouldn't continue.
Sesshomaru was wearing a hideous feather boa made of pink and purple feathers. Little sparklies twinkled in the light. There were even poorly sewed-on sequins spattered here and there along it. It looked like the Barbie aisle at Walmart had exploded and formed this abomination which now graced a furious Sesshomaru's shoulder.
Musicookie was wringing her hands. "Please! I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him!"
"It's quite a feat that we all managed to escape in such good shape as it is," said Sesshomaru with disdain, eyeing the mutations that were his fellow Inuyasha cast members. "Couldn't you control him?"
"I tried. I really did. But he was hungry. He's always hyper when he's hungry."
Musicookie led Sesshomaru to the webcam and they looked out at Musicookie's living room.
"See? Lucas has only just now calmed down." She was pointing at a happy looking puppy, white with black spots all over his fur. He sat on a sofa, tail wagging cheerfully.
"I couldn't stop him! I was typing and all of a sudden, Lucas is running all over me!"
"The laptop was on your lap, then?"
"Yeah, and his paws were hitting the keyboard all over! I had no idea it would have this effect..." She looked over at Naraku, who was still in swimming trunks. He appeared to be advising Miroku on his next move, and Miroku drew an "O" with aerosol cheese in the center square of the tic tac toe. Rin walked around blindly, tripping over Inuyasha's massive feet and falling. The water drained out of her new head, and the fish flopped helplessly on the floor.
Ah-Un set his book aside, strolling over to Musicookie and Sesshomaru. "Well," one of the heads said to an open-mouthed Musicookie, "now we know how this all happened." The other head spoke with an intelligent yet slightly haughty air. "Aren't you going to do anything to fix this, authoress?"
Sesshomaru grimaced, picking at an errant pink feather that was tickling his nose. "Yes. Fix this nonsense."
Musicookie pushed back her sleeves and cracked her knuckles. Several "undo" commands later, and after nearly a page of corrective typing, everyone was back to normal.
Kagome looked disappointed. "Couldn't you have waited a little? I wanted to see if I could turn on my own hand and flip a pancake at the same time."
Musicookie held Ah-Un's copy of "War and Peace" in front of his heads and looking for a response. Ah-Un looked at it blankly, then started chewing on one of the corners of the book.
"Yep," concluded Musicookie. "Ah-Un's as smart as meatloaf again; everything's back to normal. She saw with satisfaction that Sesshomaru was petting his fluffy, which was now fluffy and ...well, fluffy again.
Inuyasha said, "You know, you should really train your puppy."
"Dude, I don't think you quite grasp what's going on here. He's as hyper as sugar-high, pocky-crunching fangirls mobbing the booths at an anime convention searching a fleece Sesshomaru blanket or other related soft and/or plush Sesshomaru items to buy and obsessively cuddle with. You can't take the insane out of the fangirl, and you can't take the hyper out of Lucas."
Myoga decided to end Musicookie and Inuyasha's arguing over puppy training and start the battle.
"Today's round is Parody/Hurt/Comfort. This should be interesting. Now, you all know how it works, though we've added a new rule: no sledgehammers. Ya'll ready to do this thang?"
"Yo!" cried Musicookie in an affirmative response.
"Begin!"
Kagua couldn't take the pain of life. Every day was like the torment a squirrel felt when he buried a nut and forgot where it was by spring. No worse, like when you're on stage and your fly's open. No, that's not bad enough, thought Kagura. Every day was like when you just got new shoes, but then it rains and your new shoes are muddy. Yeah, that's a good one. Kagura didn't know how she could go on living like this...
She was standing in front of the popular fast food chain McMeaty's, dressed in a meatball costume. Her arms stuck out of the brown, foam sphere and she felt like a complete moron. Her fellow employee and sister Kanna was in a bacon costume, looking forlorn and a little bored.
Cars honked as they passed, and passerby jeered at the costumed duo. A confused dog had also started to chew on Kanna, who shooed it away disinterestedly.
"This is the worst. Kanna, we have to quit."
"..."
"I'm going to commit suicide. I am going to run in front of traffic."
"Don't bother. Your meatball costume would protect you."
With despair, Kagura picked at the foam of her costume and realized Kanna was right.
"I don't even know who I am anymore! What happened to my dreams, my life!"
"You wanted to make it big in Hollywood. That's an unrealistic dream."
Tears stained Kagura's face, bringing attention to her tormented expression. "So what if it's unrealistic!? That doesn't mean it can't come true!"
"Actually, it does. Now, you need to keep waving or Naraku will get mad."
Kagura waved angrily at an old man passing by. He shuffled away at a slightly faster speed. Kagura was sick of Kanna being right all the time. Naraku, the manager at McMeaty's, would make her scrape the grease off the walls if she did anything wrong.
In retrospect, Kagura knew fully well that she wasn't the best employee. She had many teary episodes, wailing about how her dreams were gone and crushed, and that she felt numb with no will to live anymore.
Her last episode had been as she was mopping this morning. Naraku yelled at her for disturbing the customers, for getting tears and mascara in the food, and for accidentally flinging mop water on a 2-year old. The store had been exceptionally noisy that morning; Kagura and a 2-year old were both sobbing and wailing, Naraku was yelling at Kagura to stop, and the customers had to scream their orders at the cashier to be heard over the other noise.
Regardless, she needed this job, despite her dreams being the proverbial watermelon that was run over by a steamroller, doused in gasoline, then set on fire. Kagura made a mental note of that last metaphor. Kagura wrote amateur poetry, and that last one was good. Watermelons and steamrollers; now that was some quality material.
Naraku stick his head out the doors to see how his two costumed employees were doing. His greasy hair was in a sloppy ponytail, and one wondered why he didn't get a haircut seeing as he was employed in food service.
"We're getting busy. Kagura, come inside and open another register."
Kagura looked at Kanna, but her sister didn't seem to mind standing outside in a bacon costume alone.
Kagura folled her manager inside. She went to take the costume off, but Naraku dragged her by a handful of her foam and ushered her to a register.
Great. She had to take orders in a meatball costume. Kagura wished for nothing more but for her costume to catch fire, consume her, and end her life; but that didn't happen. Besides, the foam was probably bathed in flame retardant chemicals anyway.
Kagura's despair and discontent with her current life situation grew as each hour passed. Finally came closing time. Kanna and Kagura helped each other with their costumes. Kanna's came off quite easily. But Kagura's didn't seem to want to lessen its meaty grip.
"The zipper's stuck."
"Let's just rip it off, I want out of this thing."
"Oh no, you don't!" called Naraku from his office. "Unless you want to pay 40 dollars for a new costume!"
After fifteen minutes of miserable waiting, Kagura told Kanna to rub a french fry along the zipper. Kagura knew those things were practically sticks of grease, and indeed, the saturated fats and hydrogenated fatty oils oozed profusely from the fry and greased the zipper quite efficiently.
Tears welled in Kagura's eyes as a dribble of fry grease ran down the back of her neck. She had another episode, but this time, no one slipped on the tears puddling on the floor. Kagura was washing dishes and the tears fell in the dirty water instead.
The store was cleaned for the night and Naraku locked the doors behind them as they made their way to their cars.
"Kagura," he called in his impossibly deep voice. "May I have a word with you?"
Kanna went to sit in the car. Kagura met Naraku's eyes, looking hurt in preparation for him yelling at her. He always yelled. To her surprise, he didn't raise his voice.
"Kagura, I can't help but notice -- well, everyone can't help but notice -- that you're really distraught about something. Erm..." There was an awkward silence as Naraku fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, obviously uncomfortable. "I-I got you something."
Naraku shoved a piece of paper in her hands. It was a coupon for "Buy one sausage, get another half-price!" coupon for, guess where! McMeaty's!
Kagura held the coupon numbly in her hands, looking at the smiling sausage cartoon character who was the mascot of the fast food chain. And in the depths of her soul, a small smile also grew.
"Thanks, Naraku." She walked away without another word. She didn't say a thing to Kanna during the drive home. Kanna had noticed the slip of paper clutched in her sister's hand.
After getting home, Kagura began to walk to her room.
"Kagura, are you going to write depressing poetry like you usually do after work?"
Kagura nodded and turned to leave, but Kanna stopped her with a pale hand on her arm.
Kagura looked into her sister's black eyes. Kagura had always wondered how they were so black. Like pools of tar. Or perhaps like drawing with a permanent marker on black paper at night.
"You know, sister..." said Kanna. "What I said earlier, when we were dressed as meat. Your dream isn't impossible."
Kagura's breath caught in her throat, and she held it there as her sister said, "It will be a challenge to achieve, but you can do it."
Kagura breathed in, and it felt like fresh air for the first time.
Kanna continued. "You know, you could be the meatball again. If you really get into your role, someone from Hollywood might notice you. You must put your heart into it."
A little bit of sunlight shone on Kagura's lost and hopeless soul. Kanna must have said all she wanted to say, and she promptly went to the television to catch the latest episode of "Paula's Home Cooking" on Food Network. It was Kanna's favorite show, and in this episode, Paula showed how to make southern fried chicken.
Kagura watched as her sister soundlessly took notes for the Chocolaty-Peanut Butter Encrusted Rum Cake recipe. Kagura didn't know how her sister did it, but she had said the words Kagura needed to hear most.
Kagura went to her room, but instead of getting the razor or the poetry book, she rummaged in her drawers and found her old fans. Posing in front of the mirror, she danced with her fans. Her feet still knew the steps from the dance routine she'd practiced as a girl.
Even though she was still dressed in her smelly work clothes, she caught a glimpse of the grace and beauty of her routine. For perhaps a moment, she was transported to another world, a happier one where her dreams lifted her up beyond the clouds and into the sun.
She felt it. Tomorrow was going to be different. Tomorrow, her dreams would come true.
Musicookie waited, not wanting to tick Sesshomaru off. Making sure he was entirely finished typing, she clapped.
"What a hopeful ending! And here I thought you were all gloom and doom, Sesshomaru."
Jaken twitched as Musicookie poked fun at his master. "You! You take that back, you sick woman!"
Musicookie raised her hands in a "Whoa" gesture. "Jeez, overreacting much? I know Sesshomaru isn't Mr. Happy Rainbows and Sunshine, but that was a nice ending, you can't deny."
Sesshomaru immediately lowered his clawed fingers to the keyboard of his laptop to change what he had typed, but Myoga hopped agitatedly.
"No, no, no! That's your story and you have to stick to it! You've already typed it, and modifying it after we reach an agreed-upon ending is against the rules!"
Musicookie nodded. "Too bad. Looks like you're stick with your happy ending after all."
Jaken proceeded to throw a temper tantrum, screeching about how happy endings were no fun. In the meantime, Myoga ushered Kagura and Kanna forward.
"Kagura, your points?"
"Musicookie made me so tragic. She dressed me in a meat costume, that was no fun. But she make Kanna give me words of comfort. And it was funny how I got to fling mop water on a kid. I really don't know what else to say."
"As for Sesshomaru's depiction of me, he at least got me out of that meatball and gave me a coupon. He didn't develop me as a character until the last paragraph where he let me dance. The ending was nice, like Musicookie said, it had hope. Even though I'm a tough girl and I can deal with hard times, it was nice to have a bit of hope. I award Musicookie 1 point and Sesshomaru 3, but I only gave Sesshomaru more because of the redeeming ending."
Kanna began to speak in her quiet voice, and everyone except the demons with sharp hearing had to strain to hear her. Musicookie handed her a megaphone, and Kanna's soft voice combined with the blare of the device made for a strange combination. "Kagura, you were complaining Sesshomaru didn't develop you as a character. How do you think I feel?"
Musicookie blinked. "You feel?"
Kanna lowered the megaphone, and her cold eyes found Musicookie and contemplated her thoughtfully. "I'm not sure."
An awkward silence commenced, broken by Inuyasha slurping some ramen Kagome had made.
Kanna continued. "Musicookie gave me a bit of a personality. She made me logical, bored, comforting, and eccentric all at the same time. I am not used to such treatment. Although just watching that show made my arteries clog. And Sesshomaru only mentioned me twice, in passing. Musicookie gets all 4 of my points, Sesshomaru gets none from me."
"Bam!" screamed Musicookie, pumping her fist in the air. It hit a passing Saimyosho insect, and it angrily stung her hand. Immediately, Musicookie's hand became swollen like a balloon, and she looked at it in confusion.
Myoga called the judge. "Since this round was parody/hurt/comfort, the ideal judge is obviously Kaede, who has not made a single appearance until now! What are we on, the eleventh chapter? Sorry, Kaede!"
Kaede shook her head. "It be alright, child. I was busy anyway."
Musicookie said, "Really? Doing what?"
Kaede rubbed her hands together greedily. "Online gambling, what else! I'm a real whiz at blackjack!"
"...."
"I guess I should judge while the sun still shines. That didn't make much sense... Oh my, listen to an old lady ramble..." Kaede's eyes unfocused and she chuckled to herself. "Musicookie was very detailed expressing the obvious pain of Kagura's life. In a humorous manner, of course, which I thought was classy. She also brought Kagura out of her sadness. Musicookie skillfully used flashbacks, and she also artfully shows us what Kagura was thinking. The dialogue you created between the characters was very entertaining and not dry at all. In the end, Musicookie did a splendid part fulfilling the hurt, comfort, and parody genres. I applaud ye, child."
"Sesshomaru. You did a decent job continuing Kagura's pain. The coupon for sausages was a turning point in the plotline, and was to my surprise, a turn for the better. You were quite funny and as always your grammar was spectacular. The sentimental moment at the end was very uplifting for the soul, and having her dance was a wonderful metaphor of her shedding the greviences of her adult life and being born again as an innocent babe, fresh, new, and happy."
Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow.
"The only part of the genre you fulfilled was the comfort part, which was something I never expected of ye. I shall now give my points! Musicookie gets 5 of 5 points, and Sesshomaru gets 2 of 5. I shall now get back to my very important game of Texas Hold-Em."
Kaede swiftly turned heel and disappeared to parts unknown. Musicookie never would have believed Kaede was addicted to internet gambling.
Before anyone spoke, Kagome held up Shippo. "I just taught Shippo addition, so let him add up the points! Ok, Shippo, go!"
Shippo concentrated, diligently counting on his fingers. "Musicookie has 6 points, and Sesshomaru has 5."
Kagome hugged Shippo. Inuyasha looked jealous. "Well, jeez! I could'a told you that."
Kagome ignored him. "And if Musicookie has 49 points, and Sesshomaru has 48, how many points do each of them have now?"
"55 and 53!"
Kagome squealed, amd Musicookie typed Shippo up a lollipop. But no worries, it was one of those safety pops with the loop instead of a stick. No choking hazards was outraged. "You are just rewarding the fox child because he intentionally rubbed it in Lord Sesshomaru's face that he lost!"
Sesshomaru growled. He'd experienced a few, rare, rare physical injuries, but the wounds in his ego cut deeper than the sharpest sword. Jaken would pay.
Jaken suddenly found himself caught in a stampede of wildebeest.
"AHH! Milord, milord, forgive me!" His cries were silenced by a hoof to the face.
Musicookie sighed. "Ahhh, Jaken in pain. What a great way to end this round. Music to my ears."
"Music," Kagome sighed. "Hey, Musicookie, that reminds me of something. Why is Musicookie your name?"
"I'm afraid I cannot reveal such personal information. It would divulge the secret of my greatest weakness."
Naraku instandly leaped upon her words. "Oh, really? You shall tell me!"
"Or what?"
"I will dress in those swimming trunks, doodle with lipstick all over my body, and eat aerosol cheese until I vomit!"
".....Ew. Bad, bad mental images. I was just joking. I'll tell you."
Naraku's face lit up like when there's a bright camera flash that blinds every unfortunate person in the vicinity. "Really!?!"
"No. C'ya, homies!" Musicookie saved and closed the document, chuckling to herself.
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A/N: Hey, peoples. How are you all? My puppy Lucas made an appearance. I do have to be careful when typing on the floor or on the sofa with the laptop on my lap. I wanted to ask... I thought of something last week. How do you all picture Musicookie? Surely, you have some sort of mental image of me in your head. I'm curious to see what that image is. Accurate? Way off the mark? Or maybe I'm just faceless. I know when I read Lord of the Rings trilogy, there were way, way too many minor characters and I stopped trying to imagine faces for all of them.
Secondly, I was typing notes for class and I realized I have typing habits. One, I don't type all perfect like I was taught. My form is unorthodox. Like to type /p/, I don't use my right pinky, I use the right ring finger instead because it feels better. Second, typos amuse me. I had to type Brain but I typed Brian. Opposite became Poopsite (lol, lol so hard). Smile became Slime. One of my favorites was one of a classmate: she intended to type Vicious, but typed Viscous, which means thick and jellylike. In context, it was hilarious (viscous bullies, lol). Three, there are a few words I hate to type: strategy (stragety), opportunity, experience, awkward (2 w's is insane), simultaneous, processing, and between (I type "twixt" instead. I like the word twixt). Four, I like to have screen names and passwords that are easy to type. Musicookie is thankfully an easy name.
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Review Responses. Sweet Heavens to Betsy, I got like, 12 new reviews. Wow. And yay for passing the 50 review mark! Thank you guys! I have a celebration in mind, a oneshot Inuyasha humor fic, cuz I for some reason write humor better than any other genre.
hanyougothgirl - Thanks for your reviews! Yes, I live on youtube. I just started an account and already have over 50 favorited videos. Lovin it! And to answer your question about Musicookie romantically paired with Sesshomaru? Hold on... *cracks up with hysterical laughter* No... never. ....Ever. There are no pairings in this story, really. And I can't imagine me with Sesshomaru. Even though he's my favorite character in Inuyasha, he'd be the worst boyfriend ever. I'd always be terrified of him, and he wouldn't care about me at all. He'd probably separate my head from my body to get me to shut up.
hitntr - Thanks! I also have a little brother and know exactly where you're coming from. He and I are always beating on each other, but lately I've had to back off cuz he hit puberty and is now way bigger than me. We're still very close, though, and I love him tons. I wonder why sibling relationships are all loving yet laced with acts of violence? Maybe cuz it's not proper to tackle any other people to steal the tv remote. With siblings, stuff like that's ok.
Drama Kagome - Story fighting is great. It lets out all the aggression I have! Grr! *attacks a pillow and somehow loses*
sangoworshiper - Thanks! I didn't think of that! Yeah, all he had to grope was rocks and stuff! Now that's a punishment. Never trust technology. Ever watch Terminator? *eyes laptop with suspicion* Leprechauns... One day they will rule the world with robots and Arnold Swartzaneggher (spelling? I'm not from California). ...I'm so weird, I have no idea where that came from.
Liesie - Bah! New favorite phrase! Bah! Your rant was so hilarious, I read it to my brother, even doing my best old man voice. My grandpa always tells me the prices of things he buys. He's a farmer and is always buying pieces for his tractors. "This piece was $93. This bale twine is $40 a roll. Oh, greasing the lawnmower, are you? One can of that grease is $3, and they come in a box of 4, so each squirt costs around 30 cents or so. Be careful with the blades, they're $100 apiece so don't run over any stumps." He bought a fancy and very expensive mattress and calculated that if he lives ten years, each night's sleep will cost $1.40. And he thinks that's important enough to inform me, my mom, my aunt, and who knows how many other people. Don't even get him started on miles per gallon. *dies*
Puppiesareadorable: Yum, Ice cream. My one weakness. You sent me traumatized to the corner a lot, so I decorated it with little drawings to help me feel better and push those *shudders* horrible mental images out of my head. Food fights are fun. Thanks for letting me throw balled up pancakes, that was fun. And ...why syrup and ketchup? Syrup and mustard makes SO much more sense. Yay for snow, but some of it melted and there's only a bit left in the shadows. About the japanese word rant, I don't like reading the "japanese" in fics because it interrupts the flow of the story, and because there are usable equivalent words in english. Like I said in the rant, I don't randomly insert spanish in my fics, because they're in english, and I know not everyone speaks spanish. Si? Claro que es asi. Estes de acuerda?
Sassybratt - I agree that snow can sometimes make a crunch, but newly fallen snow makes a little creak as you step on it. Snow is one of the reasons I like winter. I hate it when there are snowless winters. What's the point? Mother Nature, if that's how you're gonna be, just make it spring and put us out of this gloomy misery. There wasn't death this chapter, though there was pain and torment! At least we have that. Oh, and Kagura threatened suicide. That's...death-y.
Flames Chaos and Wolf - I agree, it was like a cardinal sin not to mess with his fluffy. After reading your review, I realized the severe error of my ways and wrote this chapter, hoping for redemption. I hope my ernest endeavors this chapter appeased you, and the fanfiction deities who are always watching us... And the leprechauns too. I always want to please the internet leprechauns.