A/N: Sorry about the wait, I'm still settling into my new position at work! Someday I'll learn to balance everything.

Disclaimer: Nah, I don't own it. I do know all about loving a woman though. ;-)

By the time Bella woke up, I had calmed down. I had moved some of her papers and settled on the end of the couch so I could stroke her ankle where her pant leg had ridden up. I was pissed off at James, and I still felt a wash of shame when I thought about my past, but the panic that had slid around my stomach and came close to wrapping around my throat had dissipated. Just being next to her helped me calm down, and the red that had been flashing before my eyes faded.

"Hey," she whispered groggily, turning towards me. The papers she had been laying on rustled as she moved. "Was I sleeping?"

I laughed lightly, squeezing her calf. "Just a little bit, yeah." I'd been sitting beside her for almost an hour now, lost in my thoughts. "You're so cute when you sleep."

She smiled at me, and the final tiny knot that I'd still felt melted away. Bella already knew my past was less than stellar. She'd known it before she'd ever started a relationship with me. I had to have faith that she wouldn't hold it against me now.

"Did you finish your reading?" She struggled to sit up. "Ouch, my arm is asleep!" She whacked it a few times, and we laughed together.

I helped her up, and she snuggled into my side. My arms wrapped around her, and we just sat there for awhile, holding each other. I was trying to find the courage to say something, anything. I didn't like secrets; I was always known, at the very least, to be candid and honest. Even through all my faults, no matter what, people knew exactly how I was feeling.

"I saw James at the library, remember that guy with the gross ponytail?" I finally said.

"Yeah?" Bella's face was slightly muffled into my left breast. It tickled, and I rubbed my cheek into the top of her head a little more.

"Yeah. He... he said some things that upset me." I swallowed hard, and concentrated on the poster of Audrey Hepburn we'd hung over our TV. "Things you should probably know if you're going to be with me."

And then Bella did something that shocked the hell out of me. She turned to me, her eyes blazing, and said, "Don't listen to that fucker. He doesn't know what in the hell he's talking about." Her jaw was so tight, I could have sworn I heard her teeth grinding together.

"Wha- what do you mean? How do you know what he said?"

She sighed and slumped down in her chair. "I saw him in the library once too."

Now it was my turn to grit my teeth. "What did that motherfucker say to you? What did he tell you?"

"That part doesn't matter," she said, waving her hand with dismissal, talking quickly. "I barely listened. I don't care what things you might have done in the past. I know that's not you now. I know you'd never do those things to me. Your past doesn't matter to me, just the present and future." She said this all fiercely, and I knew she really meant it. I believed her.

She left me breathless.

I didn't know what to say, so instead I leaned forward, tilting her head up so my lips could find hers. She tasted as sweet as her heart was, and I could feel my own heart splitting open with love for her, swelling so quickly it felt like I almost couldn't breathe. This woman, this person I loved with all my heart and soul, she loved me too. More than I ever thought I could deserve.

We stayed like that, kissing and silently reassuring each other, for several minutes. They weren't kisses of lust or passion, but of tenderness and love, and I didn't want them to end. So when Bella pulled back, I just moaned and pressed my lips to hers a little more closely, deepening the kiss ever so slightly. "No..."

"Babe, the-" she started, but I pounced on her once more. Our kisses were intensifying, even as she seemed to pull away. "Babe..." she moaned once more against my lips. "The-"

I was getting lost in her, needing to touch her, be closer to her. This didn't start out as sexy, but I was more than willing to change the pace a bit. And then hazily, barely discernable, I heard a knocking sound. The blood was pumping through my ears, a dull roar, so it took a minute for me to realize there was a knock on the door. "Dude, open up!"

I pulled back from Bella with a resounding groan, one that she shared with me. Despite her half-protests, she was looking as twat-blocked as I felt; her eyes were narrowed at the door as if cursing the door and whoever was behind it.

I knew exactly who was there, and I was so not in the mood for it right now. "Fucking Tanya," I growled.

"Rosalie, I know you're in there!" she called, pounding on the door with what sounded like her open palm. "Please answer!"

My legs felt like rubber as I stood to answer the door. I shot Bella one last apologetic look before unlocking the door and swinging it open. There she stood, my ex-lover of sorts, shivering from the cold, dark mascara running down her face. "Oh my god Rosie, you won't BELIEVE this-" She pushed past me, barging into the living room, and babbling about something in the sorority house. "And why you ever left us I will never understand, in our SENIOR year, Rosie, SENIOR! Oh!" She had noticed Bella. Her face morphed from hysteria to a certain kind of coldness that I had seen many times, mainly when she thought someone was lesser of her. I didn't like it one bit. Bella gave a small smile, and I just stared between the two of them.

Well, this was awkward.

Bella, to her credit, stood and offered her hand. "It's nice to finally meet you Tanya," she said sweetly. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Um... same..." Tanya said, getting that neutral look on her face when she was clearly trying not to say what she really thought. I knew all of her facial expressions, seen this particular face before, thousands of times. I hadn't ever minded before, but now when it was directed towards my girlfriend... yeah. Not so indifferent now.

"I'm going to brush my teeth now," Bella said, pointing towards the bathroom and nodding silently to me. She was giving me space to talk to Tanya. Be still my heart, my girl was a saint. "See you later Tanya."

"Yeah sure," Tanya said dismissively, flouncing on the couch to take Bella's spot. I sighed, willing Tanya away. I realized then I'd never truly seen my friend before. Not the way I was seeing her now. I'd seen her as a party girl, as a make out buddy, as an occasional sex partner, a sorority sister I'd leaned on for everything from shopping trips to makeup disasters. Now... It was plain to see our friendship had had little substance and had more to do with using each other. Like she was doing now. "Oh my GOD, Rosie, I just can't believe Kim would do this to me! I mean honestly, she stole Jerry... I mean... um... Jared, right from out under my nose! It was SO obvious he was into me, and I walked away for a split second and I turn around, and her tongue is down his fucking throat and I mean, come on, I could get anyone I want, but Jared was looking so fucking hot, and I just know he wanted me, cuz who fucking wouldn't, and Kim is supposed to be one of my best friends..."

She kept on like this for more than twenty minutes, rambling about her lost hookup, and how mad she was at Kim, now that she and said potential hookup were apparently going hot and heavy now. She kept talking about friendship and betrayal and how not even Kate could console her these days. I wondered briefly if Garrett was still around or not. Kate was favoring female to male more often than not nowadays. Not that I could blame her... Geez Rosalie, random thoughts much?

I shook my head slightly and tried to focus on the words that were spilling from Tanya's raspberry painted mouth. There was a smidge of lipstick on her front tooth, and I stared at it, wondering if I should tell her. I just didn't know what to do. I felt so distanced from that life now, and while a small part of me ached for it, missed those days when gossip and drama lived first in my heart, I just couldn't bring myself to muster any enthusiasm for it. I loved the nights where Bella and I stayed up talking, about our lives, our future, our families. Where we had been and where we were going. Of building a real life with someone. No one could live in the sorority house forever.

"Well, maybe it's just a sign that you aren't meant for Jared," I finally offered. "Maybe he and Kim are really happy."

Tanya stared at me as if I'd grown a second head. "Jesus, Rosie, I thought you were my friend."

"I am your friend," I insisted. "I'm just saying... maybe you should let this one go. You'll find someone else T. Besides, you didn't even remember what his name was."

"I can't believe you!" Tanya exclaimed, sounding incredulous and three octaves higher than before. Oh Lord, here we go. The infamous switch inside of her had flipped, the one that made it so difficult for me to be her roommate when we were younger. It was like she had gone undiagnosed with bipolar disorder or something, the way her mood would snap so fast that no one could make her see reason. "I need you to tell me he's missing out, that he's a loser and she's a bitch! My real friends would back me up on this! Goddamn Rosie, you've changed. Is it Little Miss Priss over there?" Her face was flushed now.

"Don't you dare talk about her like that," I hissed, my guard instantly going up as she brought Bella into the conversation. "You don't even know Bella, and whose fault is that? You stopped coming around as soon as I met her. I never stopped calling you, asking you to join us on nights out, texting you, posting things on your Facebook. All I did was move out, that's all that changed between us, minus, you know... that... and suddenly I'm the bad guy? Leave her out of this!"

"You just disappeared on me, Rosie! All of a sudden it was all about her, you dropped me like I didn't matter anymore. I just wanted to hang with you, not with you and your little... side thing! Did you ever think that I might not have wanted this to end between us?" She gestured wildly between us. "That it was more than just a little romp for me? And now you've moved on, literally, and I can't do anything about it! Saint Bella-"

In this moment, I was beyond reason too. I was sick to death of this shit, especially after my little encounter with James earlier, and I found myself retorting nastily. "You just want someone to be there for you on your every beck and call Tanya!" I shouted. The red I was seeing earlier, oh yeah, it was back, and with a vengeance. I'd never been one to fight, but now I was livid. I was about to deck a bitch. "You used me too, ya know? I was just as convenient for you as you were to me. You never wanted me, you just wanted someone to take care of your needs."

But I clearly hadn't analyzed the situation properly. Tanya's face crumpled, and I immediately felt like shit. In that flash of an instant, somehow, I realized I was wrong about her, at least in the way she had felt about me. For me, it had all been fun, something and someone to do between boyfriends or when I was feeling down. It had been more for her. And I felt like a complete bitch. I hadn't even realized how my supposed best friend had felt, hadn't really taken three seconds to contemplate her. Had I really been such a terrible person before? Fuck my life.

"Tanya, I'm sorry-" I tried to backpedal, but even then I knew it was fruitless.

"No. No, just... no," she said, a tear falling down her cheek. "I'm done Rose, I'm done. Have a good... life, whatever, I don't care anymore." Her face was pale, her flush of anger completely gone.

"But..." She was walking out the door, slamming it behind her. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck... I could feel the tears well up, the words rise up into my throat as I collapsed onto the couch. Well, that did not go well.

Bella cleared her throat behind me. I didn't even know I had been crying until I looked up at her and the tears began to land on my cheeks, fat and extra wet. Today was a day from hell, and subconsciously I knew I'd had it coming, but I swear, I didn't realize it until just now. What kind of monster had I been? It hadn't even been that long ago, less than a year. Could I really have changed so quickly? Or was I still the same person, hiding away and waiting to use Bella when the time was right? No. I refused to believe that. But it was hard to believe, now that sobs were starting to wrack my body.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, and then folded into myself. It was silent in the room, except for my sobs, and I thought Bella had walked out, just like Tanya had, just like everyone else had in the past, but no. Seconds later, Bella was on the couch beside me, wrapping her arms around me, kissing my temple and rocking us slowly.

"Just let it out Rosalie," she whispered. Her warm body was so comforting, and I wondered again what in the hell I had done to deserve her. What did I owe karma for her? "Just get it out, don't let it build up and fester."

My pride broke down totally and I cried and cried and cried, letting the sobs carry me until I was hiccuping and snorting and looking as much like hell as I had ever let myself look like in front of another person. No one had ever seen me this way, not even my parents. But then, until now, I had never felt remorse about my past acts. And now it all had come crashing down, and I was dealing what with adults had always called "consequences." Well, I see what they were going on about now. And it fucking sucked.

"I'm so sorry," I cried again. The front of Bella's t-shirt was covered in tears, snot, and slobber, and I pulled back to wipe at it a little. "I'm sorry about all of it. I don't know how I can make it better..."

"Let's go to bed," she said softly. "We can talk about this later, if you want to. But you have nothing to explain to me."

I followed her to our bed. So many mixed emotions were going through me that I felt suffocated. But Bella reached out to me, pulled me close, and let me cry myself to sleep. Because somehow, some way, she loved me. And I didn't know if I could ever fully wrap that around my brain, to know that she loved me so unconditionally.

I didn't deserve it, but I'd take it.

A/N II: Oh dear... When it rains it pours, eh? I know how that feels. Did you ever have one of those moments when you think, "How could it get any worse?" and then it does? Reviews are love. ;-)