Ok, so, I know that you don't care about me and you just want me to get to the story but OH MY GOD. I have to tell this story.
So, I got home from having dinner with a friend and I just went and threw my bag and junk in my bedroom before walking to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Well, when I walked in, I felt something pull me back a little and, being a paranoid person, before I realized that the belt loop of my shorts had gotten stuck on the door, I turned around quickly, trying to jerk my shorts back.
Then WHAM! Door knob right in between the ribs. It knocked the breath out of me and I sat down on the floor trying to get my breathing back right, and all I could think was that I had done this to poor pregnant Draco. Haha! Now I've got a huge, bruised welt right in the middle of my ribs.
Anyways, to the story!
(Page Break)
(Neville POV)
I just held him. I didn't try to wake him up or anything. I just wanted to watch him.
It was four in the morning on a Tuesday, and I couldn't sleep. For the same reason I haven't been able to sleep for the four nights.
Guilt.
Guilt and shame and resentment and regret.
I had been trying for days to think of something I could do (a series of somethings I could do) to make up for what I had done to him.
We had had a pleasant enough weekend. Laying in bed for hours after we wake up, just talking and holding each other. We ate every meal together, watched TV together, everything we usually did.
But, once we left the hospital, Draco was weird about kissing me. He would hesitate. He flinched when I touched him. We didn't make love once.
He was still mad at me, I knew, but he wouldn't admit to it. And I knew it was because of the babies. And how close the wedding was. He didn't want to fight. Just wanted to act like everything was okay and normal and that I didn't do what I did. But, Merlin, I knew Draco. He would sit on this. He would sit on his anger and his resentment and his angst and he would think about it and think about it until it boiled over. It might be a week, a month, a year, two years from now, but it would come out. And he would be so angry that there would be no way to repair it.
I had made us reservations at Le Berdanard. It had taken a lot of begging and pleading and a slip of twenty-five galleons to the hostess, but I had gotten us on the list for tonight. I wanted to make it up to him, give him the dinner that he had originally planned. Then I was going to take him to Carmella's, his favorite sweet shop in downtown London. I knew that it wasn't going to make up for it, but I felt like it was a step in the right direction.
I pulled him tighter against me, smiling slightly as he let out a small 'mmm', and moved a hand to his swollen stomach.
My babies. Mine. My children. Inside my beautiful almost-husband.
My moment of nirvana was quickly washed away by my undying guilt. I mean, hell. He was dealing with all of this, ready to tell me, thinking I was going to be happy, then I start screaming at him and yelling and pushing him and slamming doors in his face and making accusations and practically cheating on him. And he was having to deal with all of this on his own. No matter how strong he could seem, I knew that he was a very fragile person. Between Val and Montague and his parents' deaths, he had every reason in the world to be. And I had almost been the final straw. I had seen it in his eyes. Just total hopelessness. Hurt. Sadness. Depression. Confusion. But I hadn't looked at that. I couldn't look past my anger and suspicion and jealousy to actually think about the fact that Draco hated Val. He hated him. And he loved me. Accusing him on sleeping with Val was right along the lines of accusing him of sleeping with Montague.
I sighed, watching his eyelids twitch slightly.
He was already being more and more closed off everyday. He was going to snap soon. And I could only hope and pray that I could make up for it before it went any further.
(Draco's POV)
I just picked at my food. I wasn't hungry. Not in the least bit.
Yes, him bringing me here had good intentions. Yes, he was trying. Yes, he was being very sweet and loving and understanding.
But sitting here, the same table I had sat at before, all I could think about was that night. That hopeless feeling that had made my stomach sink. That sadness that had overwhelmed me. Gently caressing my stomach, insistently thinking 'Daddy will be here soon, I promise. He'll be here soon.' And then feeling like a total idiot when he had walked in with her, when they had stumbled, laughing and smiling, over to the bar. Feeling my heart break as I left alone, going to our empty apartment, thinking that I was going to have to take back everything for the wedding and then raise these children by myself. That he was going to ask for the ring back and she would have it on her nasty finger instead.
I don't care how 'beautiful' and French she was. She was nasty.
And that's the thing to me! Sure, I'm a gay man so I don't guess I really get a vote, but she's wasn't that pretty! I mean, she wasn't ugly, but she wasn't awe-inspiring beautiful. Not enough for two men to pick her over me! Not saying I am awe-inspiring beautiful, but I'd like to think I was prettier than her.
Wait. Did Neville think she was prettier than me?
"Draco? Baby?"
I looked up and realized that Neville had probably been trying to get my attention for awhile now.
"Sorry. What's you say?"
"How's your food?"
I stuck my fork in the chicken piccata, moving it around on my plate. "It's very good."
"You haven't touched it." He sighed.
"Not very hungry."
"Are you angry with me? If you are I just wish you would tell me why."
I laid my fork down before looking at him, a sarcastic, biting comment on the tip of my tongue before I just said, "I'm not angry."
He sighed, turning up his wine glass for another drink. He had been drinking a lot of it.
Suddenly, the girl that had been my waitress only a few nights ago caught my eye, her red hair standing out against the white décor of the restaurant. Her eyes met mine and I gave her a small smile, still grateful for how kind she had been. She returned my smile, hers much larger than mine, before her eyes landed on Neville and her smile totally disappeared. I watched as she grabbed a pitcher of water, walking our way.
I almost warned him. Almost.
Just a few inches behind Neville, the girl "tripped", the pitcher jerking forward, the ice water pouring out and smacking Neville square in the back. He loud out a half-screech, half-roar, jumping up from his seat, knocking it over backwards.
"Oh, God!" The girl exclaimed, hand clamped over her mouth. "I am so sorry!"
Damn. The girl was a good actress.
Neville breathed in deeply before muttering, "It's fine. It's fine."
"Can I get you a towel or something?"
"I… yes. Please."
The girl quickly ran into the kitchen.
It was taking every ounce of will power I had to not burst into laughter.
"I… I can't believe that just happened." He murmured, the water that had hit him in the back of the head now slipping down his face and neck.
The girl ran back out, quickly handing Neville a red cloth napkin. I didn't miss the mischievous glint in her brown eyes.
Neville raised the towel to his face before quickly pulling it back. Something red- marinara sauce, I realized – was smeared across his cheeks.
"What the hell?" He exclaimed, throwing the towel on the table.
"I'm so sorry!" The girl exclaimed again. "Do you want me to get you another one?"
"No!" He snapped. "I'm just going to go to the bathroom."
He quickly walked around the red-head towards the back and I smiled gratefully at the girl.
"Why are you here with him?" She asked before I could get a word out.
"I…" How could I explain all this to a stranger? "We had a misunderstanding. Some stuff happened, we made up. That's all."
"And that's why you're sitting here looking miserable?"
"Yep. Pretty much."
"You haven't screamed at him have you?"
"No, not really."
"Scream at him!" She exclaimed. "If you really love him, scream at him! Let it all out! If you don't, you're gonna snap and everything's going to fall to pieces."
"I just…" I sighed before chuckling. "I probably will before the night's over."
"Good! Oh, he's coming back. Have a good night, sir. Scream your lungs out at him."
The redhead took off through the doors to the kitchen. I didn't miss the nasty look she have Neville before disappearing.
"What is that girl's problem?" Neville demanded, now dry and marinara-free.
"I don't know." I shrugged. "I guess she just doesn't like men who flaunt other women in front of their fiancés."
Neville looked at me. I didn't miss as a flash of anger appeared in his eyes before he shoved it back down. "Not mad, huh?"
"Mad about what?" I said a bite of the pasta to my lips.
He groaned, putting his elbows on the table, his head down, both hands on top of his head.
"You really shouldn't put your elbows on the table. It's rude."
He looked up at me, incredulous.
"Well, come to think of it, etiquette isn't really your strong suit."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
He was getting mad.
Good.
"Well, some people would consider it rude to not call your fiancé when you're supposed to show up for dinner and let them know that you're not coming. Oh, and bringing another woman who you know they hate doesn't exactly scream 'couth' either."
"Are you serious right now?" He sighed. "Draco, I've been trying to get you to talk to me about this all weekend and you choose to do it when we're out in public?"
Okay, I didn't want to just piss him off now. Now he had managed to piss me off.
"Why not? You humiliated me in front of our friends? Why not embarrass you in front of some strangers?"
"Draco," he hissed, "do not cause a scene."
"I'm not causing a scene." I laid my fork down. "I'm just having a conversation."
"A very loud conversation." He snapped in a whisper.
"What? Can you not handle the fact that you screamed at me in front of our closest friends? Can you not handle the fact that you slammed the door in my face when all I was trying to do was apologize for something that I didn't even do and tried to tell you that I loved you?" I was aware that I was basically screaming now, but I didn't care. I was totally, perfectly aware that the restaurant around us was silent and everyone was listening, and I relished in it. "Do you not want to remember that, when I came to the door to hug you, you literally shoved me into the counter? That when I just tried to talk to you about it, you screamed at me and told me to 'fuck off' and slammed the door in my face and forced me to sleep on the couch?" I stood, knocking my chair back slightly, slamming one hand on the table and pointing to the bar with the other one. "That you brought that slut that you know my past with to the restaurant that you knew I was at waiting for you just to hurt me? That you couldn't even talk to me before jumping to conclusions that I was cheating on you? That you have officially acquired some of Graham's less flattering traits?" I took a deep breath. "Well, I'm sorry, Neville, but whether or not you just want to forget all of that, it happened. It happened and it hurt me and a fucking dinner isn't going to make it go away!"I was breathing heavy. I could tell my face was red. My heart was pounding in my chest. But, dear Lord, I felt better than I had in a week.
Neville's face was red.
And I was 100%, completely pleased.
Neville stood, throwing some galleons on the table before grabbing his suit jacket of the back of his chair and storming out.
I stood, fighting back a smile hard, before grabbing my own jacket and following him.
Catching up with him on the sidewalk, I was just about skipping.
"I hope your happy with yourself."
"Yes. I am."
He turned on me, causing me to stop in my tracks.
"Was that really necessary?"
"If it helps, I'm not mad anymore."
He paused for a moment. "You're not?"
"Well, a little bit. I mean, you did do all that stuff." I smiled broadly at him. "But I got it out of my system."
That seemed to extinguish his anger with me, if only a little.
"I hope you realize that you just humiliated me. You knew that I worked with some of the men in there."
"I hope you realize that you did a lot worse to me."
He sighed. "I know I hurt you, but I think you're overreacting now."
Well, he had successfully managed to bring the anger back. "You're a dick. You. Are. An. Insufferable dick." I glared at him before quickly disapperating.
Landing back in our apartment, I stormed straight to our bedroom. I heard a loud crack in the living room as I was pulling my suit pants off and I knew that he had just gotten home as well.
"Draco!" He yelled out into the apartment.
"What?" I called back, slipping on a pair of my own silk pajama bottoms and a black v-neck t-shirt. I knew me wearing my own stuff to bed would kill him. It always did.
He walked into the bedroom. "Let's just talk about this, okay?" He paused. "Why are you wearing those?"
I smirked. I knew every little thing that got under his skin. This was a big one.
"Figured I should get used to wearing my own stuff for when you kick me out and move your beeeauuutiful Charlotte in."
"Oh, Merlin, Draco! Stop!"
I looked him in the eye. "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
"What?"
"Charlotte? Do you think she's more beautiful than I am?"
"What? No! Oh, Merlin, no!"
That had been a genuine reaction. It was hard for me to not show satisfaction from that statement.
"Is that what your actually worried about? That I am more attracted to her than I am to you? That I'd rather be with her?"
"Well do you?"
"No! Never. Draco, Jesus. I love you. What part of that do you not understand? I want to be with you and only you for the rest of my life. I want to marry you and raise our children together and grow old with you. That's all I want out of this life."
I couldn't let it show, not right now, but that statement nearly brought tears to my eyes.
"What I did was totally, completely my fault. I wish I could go back and take back everything and just talk to you about it first. But I can't. I just… I'm constantly afraid that you're going to find something better and leave me and hearing all that from someone that I knew that you lost your virginity to and that you used to love with all your heart, I… it was my worst fear coming true and for some reason, I just believed it. I was hurt and confused and angry and I wanted you to feel the same way I was, so I asked her to come out for a drink with me. I wanted you to be hurt and confused and angry so that maybe you'd see what you were doing to me and stop seeing Val and just come back to me. But you never were, so that wasn't exactly a great idea."
I couldn't hold back a small smile from him. "You were going to take me back if I had cheated on you?"
"Of course. I don't want to spend my life with anyone else." He reached forward and ran his knuckles along my cheek. A motion which I (shamefully) admit I leaned into. "I've loved you since the war, babe. I wasn't going to just give up and hand you over. I just didn't think a single thing through and actually thought that that would've worked when, in retrospect, it probably just would've pushed you farther into his arms."
"I haven't been in his arms in like… two years, Neville."
"That's really not that long."
I sighed and rolled my eyes before taking his hand in both of mine and nuzzling my cheek against his fist. A motion to which he looked very surprised.
"You… you're…"
"I love you, Neville. I never stopped loving you for a second. Why do you think I'm still here? I could've very easily left and moved in with Daphne. But I love you and I want all the same things that you want. I just need to hear you say that you still loved me. I just needed to hear that you were truly sorry. I just needed that."
"So… so you forgive me?"
"I…" I sighed. "Yes. But I'm still going to hang it over your head for a while."
"What? Why?""'Cause you still haven't bought me pretty things yet."
He chuckled heartily, ducking down to nuzzle his face in the crook of my neck. "I will. Tomorrow."
"And maybe we can buy some stuff for a nursery?"
He smiled brightly. "Absolutely. Anything and everything you want. For the nursery and not."
"Okay."
"Now, please, please, go put on my pajamas."
"Well, I was thinking about not putting on anything." I turned to walk back to the dresser. "But, I mean, if you want me to, then I guess I'll-,"
He grabbed my wrist, spinning me around, laughing while saying, "Get back here, you little tease."
I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck, raising an eyebrow as he suddenly looked concerned. "What?"
"Is it safe?"
"Is what safe?"
He gave me a look and I realized what he was talking about.
"Oh. Yeah, it's fine."
"Did you ask that?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"She said it's fine."
"Are you lying to me?"
"No."
"Are you lying to me by saying you're not lying to me?"
"No."
"Draco."
"Yes?"
"Tell me the truth."
"I am."
"No, you're not."
"No, I'm not."
He laughed, burying his face in my hair before saying, "Well, I don't think we should do anything until you find out."
"What?" I pulled away from him enough to actually look at him. "Are you serious?" "
I sat on the bed. "I think you're giving yourself a little too much credit there, Longbottom."
He turned and looked at me. "What did you just say?"
"Nothing."
He stood advancing towards me. "What did you just say?""Pretty much that you're a pussy with a small d-,"
He tackled me back on the bed (well, gently shoved me over and climbed on top of me) his hands immediately going to my sides.
"No!" I screeched, completely serious.
"You asked for it!"
He began tickling my sides, causing me to scream out, writhing underneath him.
"Stop!" I screeched through my laughter. "Stop! You know I hate this!""Then take it back!"
"NO!"
"Take it back!" He moved his hands to my hips, still tickling.
Shit, he knew me too well.
"Okay! OKAY! I take it back! I take it back!"
He chuckled, leaning down to kiss my lips. "I love you. But still no sex."
"Fuck you."
"Not that way either."
I flopped back and burst into laughter. "Fine!" I exclaimed after a moment, happily watching his muscles stretch and bulge as he undressed and then redressed, before quickly stripping off my pants, underwear, and shirt. "But I'm going to sleep naked."
He looked at me, stopping in his actions. "You're an evil man."
"And you're a sexy one."
He laughed. "I'm not having sex with you!""Bet you'd have sex with Charlotte."
"That's not going to work either."
"Will it work if I cry?"
"No."
"You're an asshole. Give me one of your shirt."
He laughed before tossing me an oversized t-shirt which I quickly slipped over my head.
Not even five minutes later, the two of us were cuddled under the blanket, my back flush to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me.
I turned my head and pressed my lips gently to his, feeling him kiss me back immediately.
"I love you." He said, his lips still brushing against mine.
"I love you, too." I smiled.
"Thank you for finally giving up."
"I didn't give up." I grumbled, pressing my back firmly against him. "I'm still not wearing any underwear."
Neville burying his face in the back of my neck, the bed frame shaking from the force of his laughter.
(Page Break)
Okay, so definitely happier:) haha after a while anyway.
Sorry this took me awhile. I'm attempting to write three other stories as I write this one, all while trying to read a book and do journal-thingies on it and keep up a normal social life. Haha, not that I exactly have one of those anyway (isn't that right, DisneyAddict17?).
Reviews are Love!