Zombie Protection Agency
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom.
Chapter 11: Intervention
As any semi-sane person would guess, the incident in Latveria drew unneeded attention for the Zombie Protection Agency and the Slayers Protection Agency. Inside of a week, the two organizations were attempting to out-do each other and infringe on each other's jobs. It led to the destruction of several iconic landmarks, including the Avengers Mansion, Zero's Base, The Xavier Institute, and the Daily Bugle. Although, in that case, Spider-man did enjoy the look on his employer's face when the building was shot up from a toy gun battle between Dante and Deadpool.
Don't ask.
It was at this time the Captain America, Iron Man, and several other heroes from both franchises got together and hatched a plan on stopping this once and for all. At night, they all secretly kidnapped the members of both organizations and-.
Deadpool walked out on the set,
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell is this? I get kidnapped, as well as everyone else? No sir, no way! Mr. Author Man, I don't know what you're smoking or taking, but there is no way I will ever get kidnapped! Especially by Wolverine!"
He then paused for a moment as crickets began chirping and the Merc-with-a-mouth shook his head,
"No, I won't submit to the cricket torture. No."
He folded his arms, raising his chin up. The semi-sane mercenary continued this stoic front for several minutes as the cricket chirping became louder and louder. Then, sweat began showing all over Deadpool. Still, swordsman continued his stoic stance, but he was noticeably shaking.
The chirping continued until Deadpool screamed,
"DIE YOU STUPID CRICKET!"
He pulled out a shotgun and fired at the direction of the cricket. For several minutes, there was silence. Deadpool smiled,
"Hah! That'll show him!"
Then, the cricket sound came again. Deadpool could not believe it as he began firing,
"DIE, CRICKET! DIE!"
He kept firing the shotgun, but the cricket noises became louder and louder, and more numerous as Deadpool continued firing. Finally, Deadpool broke down, shouting,
"All right! You win! I'm kidnapped! But, I had better not be kidnapped by Wolverine!"
Just then, he was jostled as Chris said,
"Deadpool, wake up!"
Deadpool, who had been snoring through the whole thing, shook his head,
"Wha? What happened?"
He noticed all of them were tied to chairs in a dark room with a solitary light hanging over them. Captain America and Zero were there, both having their arms folded.
Deadpool groaned,
"Hey, it's Cap! You know, they made a movie about you! Pretty good one, too."
Taskmaster groaned,
"Deadpool, please shut up."
Captain America glared at them,
"Now, I want an explanation as why the six of you are so hell-bent on destroying each other and-."
Just then, the lights came on and Felicia, a blue-haired cat-girl, walked in, smiling,
"Who wants hot chocolate?"
She had brought a tray of hot chocolate mugs and marshmallows. Zero groaned,
"Felicia, we're trying to set a mood here."
The blue-haired singer blinked,
"Wait, what mood? All six of them are tied to chairs."
Jill grumbled,
"Thank you for stating the obvious."
She fidgeted in the ropes,
"And, what is this anyway?"
Zero said,
"All right, I'll talk. This whole rivalry between your two companies has gotten out of control and it needs to stop."
Captain America nodded,
"Right. We're now occupying Stark Towers until the mansion gets rebuilt."
He continued,
"What started this?"
Deadpool, Dante, Taskmaster and Chris were all staring at the mugs of hot chocolate, which were oddly in front of Felicia's large breasts. Jill and Trish grumbled viciously at what they would do to their men when they got out. Deadpool spoke up,
"I'm sorry, but could we have hot chocolate first? It's kind of distracting with those mugs standing over there."
Trish growled,
"Are you looking at the mugs or Felicia's boobs?"
Dante cracked,
"Can it be both?"
Trish shouted,
"YOU LITTLE CHEAT! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU WERE DEAD!"
She struggled to get out of the ropes, but, despite her best efforts, the ropes held. Jill shook her head,
"If this is about what's been going on…they started it!"
Trish shouted back,
"Yeah, right! We were just trying to run an honest business when YOU kept poaching our jobs!"
Deadpool gasped,
"Insolence! We were working for a paycheck when YOU poached our jobs!"
Taskmaster scoffed,
"Not our fault we take on more than just zombies. We're just that good. Right, Dante?"
Dante was still staring at Felicia as she giggled, her breasts bouncing up and down rapidly. The copy-cat super-villain rolled his eyes,
"Dante, you are not helping."
Captain America shook his head,
"I've heard enough. We need to talk to the others and come up with a solution."
After everyone left the room, Deadpool had a strange feeling come over him,
"The insane author has something up his sleeve. What is it? Stay tuned!"
Next Chapter:
Deadpool is right. Cap and the others do have a solution to this mess. What is it? Stay tuned!