Enjoy!!!

Mystery Girl and Debby

Raoul was staring at the girl in front of him. Can you believe it?! A girl actually was talking to him! Wait. Why would this be surprising?, he thought. I mean I do have luscious shoulder dusting hair and some versions of me have glorious mustaches! And I'm rich for conditioner's sake! Why is it so surprising that girl would want to talk to me? His brows furrowed. What is she saying anyway and why is she wearing those horrendous shoes!? Why can I even see her shoes?!

"Errrm…hello? Hello! Mr. Dude sir! I am speaking in French right?" said girl let out a huff. "You deaf? Blanking out? O' are you badly pretendin' to not hear me? And why are you staring at my shoes? Hello-o, any one there?" she pulled on her frizzy hair in thought, "I know! Hey look, IMAKEEXPENSIVESHOESTHATYOUCAN'TAFFORD is coming out with a new line of men's loafers!"

"What! Where?!" Raoul turned his head frantically. His head finally stopped moving when a pair of hands held him still.

"I was lying, you dumbass. I need you listen to me. Whe—"

"Gahhhh! Your hands are touching my face! Your hands probably filthy. Ahhh! Where are my face wipes!?"

"Face wipes?" the mysterious girl chuckled.

"Gaaahhhhh!" Raoul frantically cleaned his face making sure to wipe every part of his infamous "girlish complexion". After finishing his ministrations he stared at the rude girl. Why did she seem so familiar…

Christine watched as her husband scourged the nooks and crannies of the underground lair they shared. What on earth is he doing? I wonder if I should be worried…the baby kicked a message in Morse code, Yes, I suppose he is looking for something .I wonder what.

Erik was quite nervous. In fact he was very nervous. He had recently bought the Droid phone from Verizon thinking it was an iPod and imagine to his surprise when all it did was beep and voiced the voices of people he didn't know! And now he couldn't find the receipt so he can return it! He had to return it! He used Christine's Christmas gift money to buy the stupid Droid! And those damn managers of the friggen opera have been forgetting to pay him! He was beginning to be a very bad opera ghost. Marriage has softened him.

You know what? Erik thought, I'm just gonna return it without the receipt! "Christine! I am going out! I will be back soon!"

"Okey dokey! Can you bring me back some Spam?"

"Of course darling!" and he marched vicariously out.

After getting lost about 6.4 times he finally found the store he bought the befuddling phone from, Stingy's Electros. He marched into the store, cape swishing out behind him majestically and headed for the return counter. For surely they would let him return it, even if he had no receipt. It's only been five days since he got the blasted phone!

"How can I help you?" droned the clerk behind the return counter.

Erik peered at her nametag."Yes Mademoiselle…Debby. I need to return this Droid thingy-mcbobber." He held up the Droid.

"Is there anything wrong with it?" Debby asked monotonously.

"No…it is just not what I expected it to be."

"Do you have the receipt?"

"I'm going to sound like a fool, but I seem to have misplaced it."

"You do sound like a fool." Erik glared ay Debby's emotionless face.

"Well…I have the phone here and I want to return it."

"When did you purchase you item?"

"Five days ago, madamnoiselle."

"Sorry. Our policy is that you can only return it in four days. Sorry" Debby did not sound apologetic at all."

"What!! That is utterly ridiculous! It's because I'm frencg huh? "

"I'm French as well sir."

"Well then it's because I'm wearing a mask huh? Why you people so prejudice 'gainst The Mask!? Gah!!"

"I'm afraid you don't understand sir. That is our policy. You only have four days to return anything you purchase here."

"Noooo!! That's not just! And now you're making me sound like a fifteen year old girl! Curse you!!!!"

"It seems that I'm going to have to explain this to you in song. You have been warned.

Past the Point of No Return (done by Debby the Cashier)

You have come here
in pursuit of
a late return,
in pursuit of
some cash,
which right now
has been lacking,
lacking. . .

You have brought me,
a Droid phone that
works and functions -
in my mind
you look like a
dumbass to me
drop all pretenses
you cannot lie to me -
but you are here with me:
no second thoughts,
you've forgotten,
forgotten . . .

Past the point
of no return -
its been five days now:
the days to return it
are at an end . . .
Past all thought
of "if" or "but" -
no use trying:
abandon thought,
and get out of my store
my store! . . .

Past the point
of no return,
no more exchanges -
no cash,
or a gift card.
Don't return
beyond the point
of no return . . .

Do you understand now?"

"I ahhh yes. I'll…just be going"

"That would be a good idea." She smiled at him. She had a piece of corn stuck in her teeth. Erik shuddered as he exited.

But now he realized, he still had no money! He never thought this would happen to him,but he was broke! Poor! Now he's gonna have to break into someone's store with a large heavy wooden stick and threaten the shop owner to give him money. Or worse! He would have to get a job! The Phantom cannot get a JOB!! But he had to do it, he thought to himself. He had to for the sake of his wife and his unborn son.

He dug into his hands into his pockets, contemplating if he should become a magician, stone mason, or composer in his future career when he felt something in his left pocket. He took out what appeared to be a small crumpled piece of paper. He opened it up and seeing that it was a check! Erik did the shoulda-had-a-V8-bonk-on-the-head-thingy to himself. The managers did pay him! He just forgot when he put it in his pocket! Stupid Erik, he thought, And Erik was about to get a job! See what Erik almost did! Haha! Oh no… Erik is thinking in third person! Must…stop…OK I'm good. Now that this problem is solved, I must go find Spam for my lovely wife! Where do I get Spam?

I know!!! It's late! But I was sick as a dog!!! I know…not a good excuse. This chapter probably reflects that. My humor is bad when I'm sick.