…And Letting Go

The broad swords winked and flashed in the glow of the sun like dancing fire beetles.

Careful to keep his presence concealed, Aang signaled Appa to press back deeper into the trees and quietly watched his eldest son train with a mixture of awe, respect and parental worry. Bumi was much too flashy with his weapons in Aang's opinion. He wielded them with expert precision and without the slightest bit of hesitation, in perfect time with his own winding body. Still, every time he made a pass with the swords, sweeping them over and under his body, Aang couldn't help but gasp a little in his heart. He just knew Bumi was going to lose a body part one day.

Yet, in contrast with his father's pervasive fear, Bumi whipped the swords with the same pulsing agility with which he whipped his body, weaving in and out and up and around his arcing sweeps and circular dips in a carefully choreographed dance. However, Aang's breath literally caught in his throat when Bumi catapulted his body forward and, on the downward sweep, smoothly planted the steel blades of his swords into the solid earth. Without ever breaking his hold on the handles, he then used the swords as leverage to gracefully follow through with the flip and reestablish his footing, pulling the swords free as he did so.

Aang stepped out from beyond the copse of trees where he had been concealed with a round of well-deserved applause. Appa followed behind with his own muted bellow of appreciation. Bumi jumped, clearly startled by his father's sudden materialization. "Dad!" he cried, "Where did you come from? How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to see that you're really good with those broad swords."

"Not really," Bumi mumbled somewhat self-deprecatingly, "I still need a bit of practice."

"Well, from what little I've seen, I'm impressed," Aang commended.

"You can thank Uncle Sokka. He's been great about letting me train with him and his boys. When I'm not there, I try to practice as much as I can on my own." He surveyed his father with a pointed look. "Although, I usually prefer train without an audience." His expression clearly said, "Dad, I'm looking at you."

To his credit, Aang did make some effort to conceal the extent of his parental hovering. "Well, I wasn't expecting to be an audience," he countered wryly, "Appa and I just happened to be flying overhead when I saw the glint of your swords. I thought I'd come down and check things out."

Bumi smirked, briefing stooped to retrieve his discarded shirt and slip it overhead, before crossing the distance to nuzzle a shaggy Appa. "Hmm…so you just saw the flashing and just had to check it out, right?" he drawled, "Had nothing to do with the fact you know this is my usual training spot and you already knew it was me, huh?"

"Are you trying to imply that I have been spying on you?"

His twelve year old son emitted a small snort of amusement as he gathered together the various weapons he'd used for training. "Not implying it, Dad," Bumi said, "Saying it outright. Seriously, you're worse than Mom and that's saying something. She's convinced I'm going to maim myself one day."

Because that wasn't too far from what Aang believed himself, he reacted to Bumi's charge with a self-conscious cough. "I'm not that bad," he protested lamely, but they both knew that he was. His son's eye roll made that evident. He favored Bumi with a disgruntled scowl. "Can I give you a ride back to the house or is that against the rules too?"

Bumi laughed. "Now I never said anything about wanting to walk."

On the spur of the moment, Aang decided to let Bumi take Appa's reins for a change. He sat down beside his son on the bison's massive head and verbally guided the boy through what he needed to do. "Technically, it's all for show," he explained, "By now, Appa knows the way home, but he still likes to be guided with a steady hand." As Bumi whooped and cheered after taking Appa airborne, unable to conceal his delight over being the one to fly him, Aang took the time to surreptitiously study his eldest son's grinning profile.

Time was marching on with alarming speed. Only one month earlier, Bumi had gone through his latest growth spurt. He was now almost the same height as his older sister, an irrefutable fact that irked Kya greatly. And yet, when Aang looked at him now, so carefree and boyish, his wild hair whipping in the stiff wind, he could still see that same six year old boy who had shadowed his movements wherever he went.

"Dad, you're doing that weird staring thing again," Bumi noted in wisecracking aside, "and it's freaking me out."

"Sorry about that." Aang obligingly fixed his eyes on the horizon with a slow smile. "I was just thinking about how proud I am of you." His son ducked his head with a sheepish blush. "You're a good kid, Bumi."

He appeared genuinely warmed by the commendation. "You think so?"

"Yeah," Aang told him, "Absolutely."

"Well then, perhaps all this parental pride could possibly manifest itself in more monies for Bumi." He flashed his father a becoming grin. "Good idea, huh?"

Aang shook his head, his tone deadpan when he answered, "It's not happening, kid."

"Okay. I accept that. My work ethic could probably do with a bit of polishing, but… How about my own flying bison then? Can I get one of those?"

"Bumi, just fly us home already."

"Don't rush with an answer right this second," Bumi suggested cheekily, "Meditate on it for a few days and get back to me."

When they arrived home a few minutes later, Bumi gamely volunteered to cool down Appa in the hopes that it would facilitate Aang "meditating" in his favor. Aang stared after him as Bumi walked Appa towards the courtyard while carrying on an animated, one-sided conversation with the sky bison about his day. Still shaking his head in amused exasperation of his son, Aang watched until Bumi disappeared from view and then ducked around the back of the house to enter the kitchen side entrance. His plan was to surprise Katara with a soft kiss. He was mildly disappointed, however, to find his daughter hovering near the stovetop instead of his wife.

That disappointment must have been plainly evident in his expression because Kya took one look at him and quipped rather dryly, "Well, hello to you too, Dad. Please, try and curb your enthusiasm over seeing me."

"Sorry about that," he said, pressing a brief kiss to her temple before dropping into a nearby chair, "I wasn't expecting you, is all. Where is everyone?"

"I'm not sure where Bumi is, but the likelihood is that he's running the island grounds like a wild child and probably terrorizing the acolytes. Mom's back in your bedroom doing her mom things and I believe that little Lord Tenzin is out in the dojo meditating." She bent forward with a mock bow. "Have I satisfied all inquiries, my liege?"

"Har, har." However, as his daughter merely laughed off his good natured grumbled, Aang's scowl suddenly deepened into a genuine frown. "Wait! Why is your mom in the back? She doesn't have to leave again, does she?"

The previous six months had marked yet another change in their family's routine. It had been during that time that Katara had been honored with the request to become a member of the White Lotus Society. At first, she had been inclined to refuse, citing all the reasons why she was needed home and had no time for the dedication required in being a lotus. Aang had doggedly convinced her otherwise. Despite her refusal, the interest that had gleamed in her eyes had been impossible to miss. And, of course, he had been excited for her as well.

However, that had been half a year ago and now, after suffering without her company on those occasions when she traveled to distant parts of the world for Lotus business, there were times when Aang lamented having been so encouraging. Then again, he also couldn't ignore how Katara seemed reinvigorated by the new responsibility. For many years, Katara had primarily identified herself as wife, mother and healer. She had always been content with that too, but Aang had always suspected that she yearned for more. He knew that, in her heart, Katara would always, always be a fighter and becoming a Lotus allowed her to quench her fighting spirit while also maintaining her identity as wife, mother and healer. His lady did it all and Aang couldn't help but be proud of her.

For that reason, Aang made a concerted effort to stamp down the petulance he sometimes felt over her absences. In the early years of their marriage, Katara had been more than patient with him and his extended trips away from home. Aang realized, with an inward sigh, that it was now his turn to repay the favor.

"I don't think she's going anywhere," Kya answered him, abruptly shaking him from his internal monologue, "She said that she needed to talk to you about something important when you came home and she asked me to make dinner."

"Something important, huh?" he considered aloud thoughtfully. Kya confirmed with a nod. "You think I'm in trouble?" he wondered.

Kya shrugged before turning back towards to the stove. "Knowing you, Dad, it's a definite possibility."

"Great."

In no real hurry to subject himself to the unabridged "Katara lecture," Aang deliberately turned his attention to the leather bound book lying on the kitchen table in a stall for time. "So you're studying history, huh?" he remarked to his daughter as she diligently stirred her pot on the stove.

The teenager bit back a smirk, wholly aware of what her father was doing. "We're studying about the Harmony Restoration now," she told him, "and how it eventually led to the formation of our great Republic City."

"Is that a direct quote?" Aang laughed.

"More or less," Kya replied, "Though I will say that if I have to read you being referred to as 'mighty Avatar Aang' one more time I might have to run screaming from the room."

"Why is that?" her father demanded with some affront. He puffed out his chest with a little pout. "I'm mighty."

"No, you're not," Kya snorted, "You're my dad! My weird, goofy and slightly maddened father! I don't think of you that way at all."

"Well, what about this…Alignak person?" he wondered, spying the name drawn in the margins of Kya's history books and decorated with surrounding hearts. He turned the book in his hands for closer inspection before lifting his head to meet his daughter's mortified eyes with a broad, self-satisfied grin. "Do you think he's mighty?"

"Dad!" A furious blush heated Kya's cheeks as she rushed forward to snatch the book from his hand. Once she liberated it from his hands, she cradled it protectively against her bosom. "I can't believe you!" she huffed indignantly, "You drive me crazy!"

"What? It was right there. What was I supposed to do? You have it scrawled in big, broad letters all over the page. Alignak," he recited aloud, "Alignak and Kya. Kya and Alignak of the Northern Water Tribe." Hissing her displeasure, Kya stabbed her father with one final glare before scrambling across the kitchen to tuck her history book safely into her school bag. "So who is he?" Aang pressed when it seemed his daughter had taken it into her head to pretend he was invisible.

Kya petulantly sautéed her pan of vegetables. "He's nobody, Dad…just a friend from the city."

"Do you draw hearts around all your friends' names or is he just special?" Aang teased.

"Dad!" Kya whined in lamentation, "Don't you need to go get chewed out by Mom or something?"

"Okay, okay, I'm going," he laughed, scraping back from the table. "I'm just saying that if you wanted to bring your friend by for dinner sometime…" he paused to favor her with an affectionate smile, "…I'd be okay with that."

The irritation drained from Kya's pretty features instantly, leaving her vulnerable and unsure…not unlike a little girl. "Really, Dad?"

"If he's important to you then I want to meet him, Kya."

"Okay. Great! Maybe I'll think about asking him."

"Good! I look forward to getting to know him better," he tossed out jovially as he exited.

The gravity of that parting shot wiped out Kya's burgeoning smile in an instant. Belatedly recalling that this was her dad, a man with a penchant for unpredictable behavior, that she was talking about; Kya dropped her face forward into her hands with a mournful groan. "Good grief, what have I done?"

Meanwhile, her father tiptoed down the hallway towards his bedroom and prepared himself to receive a tongue-lashing for some as yet unnamed wrong. He tapped a light knock on the door before poking his head inside. Katara perked up to greet him with a disarming smile. "Kya said you were looking for me," he said.

"Yeah, I thought we could talk," she explained as he slipped inside and shut the door. She fixed him with a puzzled frown. "Why did you knock just now?"

"I thought it would be safer that way." He crossed over to the bed and flopped across the mattress with a heavy grunt of defeat. "So…what did I do now?"

Katara surprised him by chuckling at the question and then climbing into bed with him. She folded her arms over his chest and rested her chin atop her stacked hands to regard him with a heavy lidded stare. "What makes you think that you're in trouble?"

He lifted his eyebrow in surprise. "I'm not?"

"You tell me. Have you done anything that I should know about?"

Aang tapped his chin thoughtfully in consideration. "Nope," he determined at last, "I've been a very good boy lately."

Katara giggled over how proudly he made that pronouncement. "Then rest easy."

Intrigued by the realization that she did not want to ream him out after all, Aang shifted onto his side to face her, dragging his hand over the rounded curve of her hip in a lazy caress as he did. "Sooo…" he drawled, leaning forward to nip several biting kissing along the delicate line of Katara's jaw, "…if you didn't call me back here to yell at me then whatever…" he pressed a kiss to the base of her throat, "…did you…" he dragged his lips lower still, "…call me back for…?"

With a laughing eye roll, Katara playfully shoved him away before he could meander his way down to her breast. "Aang!" she cried with a guffaw when he began easing her tunic up. She rolled away from him. "Aang, no! It's the middle of the day!"

He reached for her again, undaunted by the warning. "So what?"

She swatted at his questing hands with a menacing growl. "So I don't want to risk one of our children barging in here and interrupting. I think that would be traumatizing for us all."

Aang flopped onto his back with a melodramatic groan. "Can't we just send them away for a few days," he lamented when Katara rolled from the bed entirely, "I can't take these long stretches of abstinence, Katara. It's torture!"

"It's been eight days," Katara retorted matter-of-factly.

He swung upright with an unhappy grumble. "It's still torture." After he quickly ducked out from under his wife's flying moccasin, Aang righted himself and surveyed Katara with a dour expression. "Alright, since it's obviously your intention to continue this cruel and, might I add, inhuman sexual deprivation, what do you want with me?"

"Hey, I was perfectly willing and able last night if you recall," she reminded him tartly, "Which one of us fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, hmm?"

"I wasn't asleep," Aang sniffed, "I was thinking with my eyes closed."

"Okay, we're getting totally sidetracked here," Katara said, catching herself mid-grin, "You and I need to have a serious discussion."

Aang sat up straighter, his teasing demeanor dissolved in an instant. "What's wrong, Katara?"

"It's about Tenzin. He and I had a very interesting talk this afternoon."

"What about?"

"About you," she clarified somewhat sharply, "Most specifically about how you've been refusing to train him!"

"I…I haven't been refusing to train him!" Aang blustered.

Katara's eyebrows practically shot to her hairline. "Oh no?"

"I'm not refusing him!" he insisted, "I'm…I'm…I'm postponing things for a while. That's all."

"Now where have I heard that line before," Katara wondered sardonically, her tone flat.

Aang speared an accusing finger in her direction. "Aha! You did call me back here for a lecture!"

"Don't try and turn this back around on me, Aang! This is about you and how you are dealing with your son!"

"Okay, fine," he huffed, giving up the verbal battle without a fight, "But you know if I indulged him then Tenzin would train day and night. That's not healthy."

"You're right. He would and it's not," Katara agreed. However, Aang knew better than to expect it to be that easy…and he was right. "But…" his wife added in a meaningful tone, "…that is what makes him happy. And this is supposed to be about Tenzin's happiness, isn't it?"

"Don't look at me that way," Aang muttered, "You know that I only have his best interests at heart."

"I know you do," she acknowledged with an emphatic sigh, "That's what makes this so hard because…well, because you're making him miserable, Aang!"

"I'm doing what?" he exclaimed.

"He thought that you didn't want to train him because you found him lacking as a student. I found him outside in tears earlier."

Twisted inside at the idea that he had reduced his youngest child to tears, Aang started to earnestly refute that charge when something suddenly dawned on him. "Wait a minute," he prefaced in a hopeful tone, "Did you say 'thought?' As in, past tense?"

"I explained the reason why you've been so reluctant to train him."

"And he understood?"

Katara nodded. "He seemed to be in a better place after we talked."

Aang's relief leaked from his lungs in a shaky breath. "Good. I'm glad that's settled."

"It most certainly is not settled!" Katara retorted, "Just because Tenzin understands your motivations and even excuses your behavior based on that knowledge, it doesn't mean that what you're doing to him is right, Aang…because it isn't."

"I'm his father. It's my job to act in his best interests, Katara."

"But it's not your job to manage his spirituality!" The intense charge stunned him into silence. He blinked at Katara in speechless dismay. "That's exactly what you're doing, you know?" she continued in a decidedly softer tone, "You're trying to manage something for him that cannot and should not be managed. You should know that better than anyone. After all, you're the one who taught me."

It took several seconds for Aang to regain his power of speech and, once he did, his words were stilted and broken. "That's not what I'm…I don't…" He closed his eyes and released a frustrated breath. "I'm trying to teach him balance, Katara."

"But what if the way you're teaching the lesson isn't balanced?" she countered softly, "Then what happens?"

"I'm doing the best I can," Aang mumbled, "Tenzin needs relax more. He needs to be a kid."

"Tenzin has never been a kid, Aang," Katara argued, "This is the same little boy who has always sat on the sidelines and watched his siblings play rather than joining in with them. He was born an old soul, far wiser than his years…and far more serious as well. And I think that's the problem.

"You can't relate to that, Aang," she sighed, "The very idea is unnatural to you. But you have to accept that it's not unnatural for Tenzin. The two of you have different personalities and the sooner you learn to appreciate that fact, the happier you both will be."

"I know that," Aang conceded gruffly, "and I really am trying, Katara. But it's so strange with him. He's always so serious and focused, nothing like Kya and Bumi were at his age. I don't know how to connect with him, Katara."

Moved with pity and understanding at the regretful sorrow she heard in his tone, Katara resumed her vacated spot beside him and swept up his hand. She pressed a kiss to the back of it. "I think all parents hope to see themselves in their children," she considered softly, "But sometimes that isn't the case. Look at me and Kya. I say right and she says left. I say it's good and she says it's bad. We hardly ever agree, but that doesn't stop us from spending the majority of our time together. Because, even though her little quirks drive me crazy, I like that she has them and I'm glad that she does."

Aang surveyed her with a woeful sideways glance. "So what should I do?"

"You can connect with Tenzin through the very thing you've been trying to avoid, sweetie…your spirituality."

When Aang quietly entered the meditation dojo ten minutes later, he did not disturb Tenzin's concentration by announcing his presence. Rather, he folded himself down into the lotus position directly beside his son to begin meditating as well. An indeterminate amount of silence passed between them before Tenzin finally opened his eyes and exhaled a shaky sigh.

"You spoke to Mom, didn't you?" he asked almost hesitantly. His father confirmed that with a small nod. Tenzin sighed yet again and dropped his gaze. "And?" he prompted.

"I owe you an apology."

The little boy did a double-take. "What? You do?"

"This is your spiritual journey, Tenzin. I forgot that somewhere along the way. I don't get to decide what path you take to enlightenment. Someone very wise reminded me of that today."

Tenzin blinked at him, visibly dazed by his father's calm acceptance. Not that Aang had ever been an unreasonable man or unduly harsh for that matter. In fact, he was extremely mild-mannered and had always been open to variant ways of thinking. Still, Tenzin has feared disappointing him nonetheless.

"So you're not mad at me?" Tenzin surmised with some surprise.

"I've never been angry with you, Tenzin. I've been worried," he sighed.

"Because you think I might be growing up too fast, right?"

"Yeah, I do." Aang favored him with an affectionate, askance smile. "I know you like to think of yourself as a monk in training but when I look at you, I still see a little boy. I see my little boy and I want to protect you, even if that means protecting you from yourself."

"But how can loving the Air Nomad culture be a bad thing, Dad?" Tenzin charged, "It's a part of me. It's a part of you. Why shouldn't I want to dedicate myself to living as my ancestors did?"

"I'm not saying you shouldn't," Aang argued, "but that is only one part of you, Tenzin. You are much, much more than a descendant of the Air Nation, more than a child of the Southern Water Tribe…more than the son of the Avatar. You are your own unique person and you're special because of what is in here," he went on, tapping lightly against Tenzin's thumping heart, "Above all else, I want you to discover who Tenzin is first…before you commit yourself to anything or anyone else."

"You want me to remember how to be a kid?"

"I want you to remember how to laugh and smile and play. I want you to remember that there is a time and a season for everything. The first step towards gaining true wisdom is recognizing that fact."

"You're saying I need to be more balanced," Tenzin concluded sagely.

"That would be a good place to start," his father advised, "And, in the meantime, I'll do my part to loosen the reins a bit. I promise to come up with a more regimented training schedule for you and I promise to stick to it."

"You will?"

"I should have done it a long time ago," Aang said, "You have the potential to become a formidable airbender someday, Tenzin. I'm sorry if I stifled your pursuit of that goal in any way."

"You didn't do that, Dad. You didn't want to let me down…just like I don't want to let you down."

"You could never do that," Aang vowed. "But have I done that? Have I let you down?"

In answer to that, Tenzin abruptly pitched himself forward and flung his arms about his father's waist in tight embrace, burying his heated face in the lean wall of Aang's chest. "I love you, Dad," he mumbled in a suffocated little voice, "I want to make you proud of me."

"You already do, Tenzin," Aang whispered, gently stroking his son's shaven head as he spoke, "every day of your life."

~End~