Nothing changed.

He still got nightmares.

And he still felt scared.

No one knew, and whenever they asked him he was okay, he lied. There were so many lies and so many secrets, it began to stack up and weigh him down.

But still, he didn't want to give up and wanted to prove that he could stand on his own two feet. He already got an apartment and all he needed now, was to go back to work.

Doug told him he managed to convince Fuller to re-collate Jump Street to another building a few weeks back. He said it wasn't that difficult because Fuller's first priority was to keep his officers safe; especially after the kidnapping incident.

Doug said it took a while to settle down into the new building because it didn't have the same personality as the old chapel. There was no pole to slide down to get to the ground floor, there was no posters plastered on the walls, there was no mini cage in the corner. They managed to move most of the stuff like the pinball machine, the cowboy statue, the bear with the boxing gloves and the hydrant mini fridge but it only looked odd inside the dull, modern building. He felt bad when Doug told him this and believed it was all his fault.

He wanted to come back but Fuller told him he had to finish seeing Dr. Adams first.

Eventually he was allowed to return after the six weeks were up. He was glad to leave and let's say he didn't hug Dr. Adams; yet alone a handshake or even a thank you. However, Adams gave him a card with his number on it and told him to call him anytime he needed. He didn't plan to but didn't throw the card away either.

He thought the new Jump Street building was a difficult find. It was based on the outskirts of Vancouver, down an alleyway and through a backdoor.

And they were right. It did lack personality. It looked like a any old boring office because of its plain walls, grey carpet and ugly looking chairs and desks.

Most of the stuff they had from the old building was there but it looked out of place... as though it didn't want to be there. Not only had he lost some of his identity, but Jump Street had as well.

After hugging and talking with his co-workers, he entered Fuller's office for 'a chat'. The office was far too small and there was nothing from the old office that was there anymore.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Fuller asked.

"Of course...I want it more than anything," he replied. "And like you said once upon a time, I've always bounced back from anything... and this is me bouncing back. "

Fuller sighed. "I know you expect me to say I'm proud of you Hanson, I want to be," his hand placed on his heart as he said this. "But you still have to talk about what happened and to be honest, your silence makes me feel uncomfortable."

He believed Fuller wasn't going to let him come back to work unless he said something so took the plunge and just said it. "Fine. They had me locked up in a room for three months, some days they starved me, most days they beat me and when they were doing that, they just said things that I'd... rather forget." His words rung in his ears. It sounded strange talking about it even if it was just a summary. And let's say it didn't make him feel any better talking about it which Adams claimed would work.

Fuller looked at him full of sorrow. "I'm really sorry to hear that, Tom. But I'm glad you told me." He opened the drawer of his desk and handed him a new badge.

A new badge because the men still had his other one. He retrieved it carefully in his hands and studied it. The photo on the badge looked like a stranger. He looked so sure of himself, fresh-faced and youthful. The man in the photo thought differently too. All he thought about was justice.

"Are you sure you don't want to report what happened?"

"I'm sure," he responded. "Reporting it would have created an even bigger mess. I didn't want to be in a vulnerable position and tell the police and the courts what happened. I didn't want to admit that I failed, that they were stronger than me and that I couldn't fight back."

"But reporting it and putting those men into jail is a way of fighting back," Fuller argued.

"I just want to move on," his voice cracked emotionally.

"Ok. But it's never to late to report it if you change your mind," said Fuller. "So... about work. I know it's not a good idea for you to go undercover in high schools and operations at this moment of time. I don't know if anyone would recognize you from the media but I'm not willing to risk it. What I can do, is let you have a desk job in the meantime."

"I expected that."

"But as creative as we are, we may put you in some cases with convincing disguises."

Tom smiled. "That scares me." Fuller was about to ask why before he explained. "Remember that time you made me dress as a woman in one case?"

"How can anyone forget that?" his captain chuckled. "And I must say, you looked pretty convincing."

He shook his head in amusement. "Thanks a lot captain."

They talked some more until Fuller had to let him go because he had to answer a phone call. Before he even turned the door knob, Fuller said,

"If you ever need to talk about anything, the door is always open."

It wasn't the first time he said that. Even before the whole incident. And it wasn't going to be the last.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The first few weeks at Jump Street felt slow. The paperwork he had to do on his desk job was grueling. While he filed and made phone calls, everyone else was working on a case. He felt useless and out of place whilst everyone made sure to give him a pitying look now and again. He hardly even saw Doug because he was busy working undercover in some high school. Doug tried hard to see him as much as he could however and recently visited him on a lunch break.

"How are you doing?" Doug asked.

"Bored." he simply said.

Doug gave him a pitying look then handed him a paper bag. "I got you lunch to cheer you up."

He peeked inside and saw it was burger and fries. "Rocket Dog's!" he said as enthusiastically as he could. He was beginning to adapt to it but it still wasn't his favorite. However, he was now at a healthy weight and Doug tried his best to keep it that way.

While he ate, Doug talked about different things but nothing about the case. He had no idea what the case was all about but Doug, Judy and Harry were all involved in it. It made him feel left out and didn't know why they never shared anything about it. Even if he hadn't asked.

"So what's the case you are working on?" he finally asked. "What's all the mystery?"

Doug looked miserable as he pouted. "We are all stuck on this case to be honest. A girl was raped -"

Tom lost him on the word, rape. It cut through him like a blade. He couldn't help but zone out and feel numb as he remembered all those horrific times he had been sexually assaulted.

He shook his head as though to shake off the memories and found himself back to reality. "Wait, what did you say?"

"I said, this girl was raped in school a week ago but she refuses to tell the cops what happened," Doug repeated. "We've got no leads, no one knows nothing and we've tried everything to get her to talk. And that's why we are stuck."

Suddenly it was as though a light bulb switched on above his head. He could talk to this girl because he understood what she was going through. Because like her, he was raped and like her, he didn't want to talk. He felt talking to her was something he had to do. And besides, it was an opportunity to go out and do something instead of being stuck behind a desk with unfulfilling tasks. "Can I talk to her?"

"Undercover as who?"

"Simply as myself."

Doug threw his head back in surprise. "I don't see why not as we've run out of ideas," he replied. "I'd ask Fuller about it first though."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fuller supported his idea and gave him a go ahead. He drove to the girls house, confident that he could help the girl.

Laura Bennett was her name.

The house stood openly in the suburbs of a wealthy area. Rape can happen to anyone, regardless of their social standing and regardless of their age and sex, he thought to himself.

The light bulb above his head began to crack because he had no idea what to expect and didn't know what he was going to say to the girl either.

But he couldn't turn back now. It was a chance to snap back into the role of being a cop again and he couldn't let that chance slip through his fingers.

After he knocked on the door, a lady swiftly answered it which he assumed, was the girl's mother. She looked distraught and tired and her hair was tied back and un-brushed.

He flashed his badge. "I'm here to see Laura Bennett."

She let out a frustrated sigh. "Another cop?"

He shuffled his feet awkwardly. "I uh... I think I can help."

"You can go in," she said. "As long as you take it easy on her."

He nodded then let himself in.

Inside the home reminded him of a dolls house because it looked too clean and tidy. It had auburn colored furniture and the walls and carpets had floral patterns.

He followed the mother upstairs and was directed to a closed door.

"She's in here," the mother said before walking downstairs and out of sight.

He knocked on the door. Silence. He waited a few minutes, then decided to let himself in.

The girl's room was much, much different from the rest of the house. Clothes were strewn everywhere on the floor and her walls was plastered over with posters of pop-groups and teen idols. He recognized a pop group called a-ha. Another poster was a picture of Michael J Fox.

In the middle of the room, the girl was curled up in bed with a bed-sheet twisted around her body. Her blue eyes looked vacant under her disheveled brown hair.

"Hi..." he greeted softly.

He edged closer towards her and knelt down so that their eyes met.

Her blue, greenish eyes glittered with some acknowledgement of his presence. "What do you want?" she whispered.

He felt like sighing in relief because he was glad the girl spoke. Even if it was just a little bit because it was a difficult job personally and professionally.

"I'm a cop and I want to help you Laura."

She shook her head slowly. "You can't."

"Please... I want to know who hurt you."

"I don't want to say!" she cried then hid her face with her bed-sheet. "I just want to be left alone!"

He knelt there and waited patiently while she sniffled under the bed sheet. He badly wanted to ease her pain because he knew how she felt. He wanted to make her feel that she could connect with him and trust him. See him as the real thing and not some B cop that just shows up.

"I know how you feel," he found himself saying.

"How could you possibly know how I feel!" she cried bitterly.

"Well I... I don't know if you heard about it, but I was the cop that got kidnapped."

She slowly emerged from behind the sheet and looked at him in surprise. "I heard about that..." She swallowed uneasily. "It took months before they found you."

He nodded. "Uh-huh."

"But... how does that relate to how I feel?"

"Like you, there were things I refused to talk about and like you, I just wanted it to go away."

She nodded slowly to show she understood.

"Like you I was..." his eyes welled up in tears before he could stop them and he bent his head to hide his face from her. But she still saw it. She saw the tears that fell freely from his face.

"You...you were what?" the girl asked, who sounded confused and alarmed.

"I-I didn't tell anyone," he cried softly. "I didn't tell anyone I was...raped."

"But...but..." she could only say before she slipped out of bed and sat beside him. "You didn't tell anyone?" she asked.

"Oh god," he whispered then wiped the tears from his face. He didn't mean to slip so much information and certainly didn't intend to tell the girl his secrets. And he honestly felt like an asshole because it was supposed to be about her, and not him. "I'm sorry for freaking you out like that."

"No...no, you didn't," she reassured him. "In fact...you helped me understand that it could happen to anyone."

He looked at her, and really looked at her and saw she looked younger than her age but pretty, with long hair that fell over her shoulders.

"I don't think I helped you at all because I just told you I didn't tell anyone," he told her.

"I think you should."

He shook his head. "No, I think you should. You are young and you have a future ahead of you."

"Yes but you should too because are a cop. You are important."

"So I guess we're stuck. We are both going to be silent and let those guys get away with it," he said bitterly.

She tucked in her lips and lowered her head. "It's not right," she said sadly. But then her head sprung back up again and had a strange sense of happiness surrounding her. "If I tell you who did it, would you promise me to tell someone who did the same thing to you?

He couldn't believe his ears. The girl had just changed her mind and was now willing to reveal who raped her. But for a price. He had to do something he didn't want to do. "Why?" he found himself saying.

"Because you believe in me that much and want to help. And I want to do the same thing for you," she replied. "We can do this together."

He wanted to refuse her idea to protect himself, he really did, but he couldn't let this young girl down. He wanted to present himself as a good role model and to prove her life wasn't over.

"Okay, I promise," he said quietly.

They sat for a few minutes in silence until the girl made a move and picked up a small bear off the bed. The bear had a red ribbon around its neck and the coat looked old and worn. He thought the bear must be special to her from the way she was holding it close for comfort.

"My teacher, raped me," she said out of the blue.

He couldn't believe it. A teacher?

"Everyone loves Mr. Woodstock," she said, bitterly. "I did too. I liked him until I stayed behind after class. Everybody was going home after the last bell. I went up to and tried to get some advice on my assignment which I was stuck on. He took some time to talk through it until...until." Her face screwed up and tears fell from her eyes. "Until he kept calling me beautiful. I thought it was creepy and told him I should be getting home. But he was too strong...he wouldn't let me go. He ripped off my clothes, held me down and raped me."

His heart felt heavy with emotion as he held her close and let her cry in his shoulder. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry," he kept telling her.

"I didn't tell, because is everyone's favorite teacher. Even the parents love him. I thought no one would believe me."

"I believe you. And I'm sure everyone else will believe you too," he reassured her.

"I hope so." she sniffed. She pulled away then looked deep in his eyes. "Now I told you... you have to tell me."

He sucked in an unsteady breath and let out his secret. "I was raped by three men more than once." he said quietly. "One of the guys who raped me, was some kid I busted whilst I was undercover. He wanted revenge because I sent him to prison. He wanted to make me suffer and subject me to things he experienced whilst in prison."

Her eyes were wide like saucers. "Why didn't you tell?"

"I believed guys just... guys just don't get raped," he said. "It's not often reported and I believed things would have gotten messier if I told. I would have to write a detailed report and tell people all those details that I feel ashamed and embarrassed about."

"So will I." The girl only said.

Those three words felt like a slap in the face and brought sense to him. He wasn't the only one that felt that way. And the sad thing was, there are people out there in the world at this moment, who are too afraid to speak.

authors note: I mentioned a-ha and michael j fox for the girls posters because I'm a fan of them two as well ;)

And in case you're wondering, I've never experienced rape myself ..I'm sorry for those who had

And was sad that I got rid of the jump street chapel!