A Very Merry Christmas

Chapter Eleven

"So, I take it that your date with Kate went well," Martha asks the following evening. They haven't had a chance to talk about the date until now. He had picked Alexis up from school the following morning, and they had been busy reconnecting. But now Alexis had left for the afternoon to visit old High School friends, leaving him and his mother to finish the last minute preparations for this evening.

"I don't know. I guess."

"You guess? Why, what happened?"

"Well, you were right. She was acting off all day at work. And to be honest, dinner was pretty much a disaster. I don't know what was going on with Kate, but I don't think it had anything to do with worrying about how serious things are with us. In fact, telling her that I love her seemed to have opposite effect. She shut down right in front of me. Of course she tried to hide it, but I could tell. You know, it's hard to explain, but sometimes I think that everything with Kate has been just too easy. I know what you're thinking," he says when his mother looks at him incredulously. "And don't get me wrong, getting here was far from easy. But from the minute she showed up at my door that night, everything has been just too easy. She jumped right in to our relationship, no more reservations. All of the barriers were just…gone."

"Except," she says, "admitting that she loves you. Or, apparently, acknowledging that you love her."

"Yeah. Except that. But of course that's a pretty big exception." He runs his hand through his hair, his eyes serious. "I have to tell you, it scared the hell out of me. When she started to pull away from me like that, the way she used to, all I could think about was that everything that we had together was falling apart. But then.."

"Then?"

Then what? he thinks to himself. Then she did a 180 degree turn around and they ended up having a night of amazing sex? No, not sex, he corrects himself. They had made love. It was different from any other time that he and Kate had been together. He had sensed something in her. A certain urgency that he just couldn't put into words. He wasn't complaining. He had enjoyed himself immensely and hoped for more of the same. But at the same time, not knowing what Kate was thinking made him nervous and suddenly he couldn't wait for her to get there so that he can assure himself that they really are okay.

"Richard?" Martha calls loudly, her voice pulling him from abruptly from his thoughts. "And then what?"

He chooses words carefully. He has a very open relationship with his mother, and sex was not a taboo subject in their family. But that certainly didn't mean that he wanted to share intimate details with her.

"And then, when we got to her place, she… well let's just say that she stopped pulling away."

"Ahhhh," she says, nodding knowingly. "Well now, I guess I can see why you'd be confused. Kate's a complex woman."

"Ya think," he snorts sarcastically.

"Kate's a complex woman," she repeats, ignoring his outburst. "And I hate to tell you this, kiddo, but I doubt if this is the last time she does something that leaves you scratching your head. I hate to ask, but are still sure that this is the life you want?"

He doesn't even have to think about it. He's sure his mother is right. Life with Kate will not always be easy; of course he knew that the moment he met her. But he is sure that he would rather have Kate, with all of her baggage, than anyone else.

Kate looks at her watch, and decides that she can't wait any longer. She has been sitting in the dark for the past hour, just staring at the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. Leave it to Castle to bring her a tree. First he pushed himself into her job, then into her life. Now he's pushing Christmas into her home. She should be angry with him. She tried to be. But she couldn't find it in her heart to be mad. How could she, when all he wanted was for her to enjoy Christmas as much as he did? For caring so much about her? In fact, it made her even more determined to find a way to turn down his proposal without hurting him.

It took a long time, but she had finally come up with the perfect words to say when she opened the ring. Words that she knew that it would still hurt him. But Castle was…Castle. And in the end, he would understand and would find a way to be okay with it until, and if, she was ready to move forward.

Knowing that she can't put off the inevitable any longer, she grabs the large gift bag containing his present off of the floor. It is so heavy that she worries the bag will rip, so she scoops it up into her arms. She still can't believe how lucky she was to get it on such short notice. Ironically, she had found the engagement ring in an attempt to know what to buy for him, but in all of her panic, she had completely forgotten about finding a gift. At the last minute she was able to call in a huge favor and was able to get her hands on the newest, state of the art, virtual reality training system for New York detectives. It wasn't a ring, but she knew how much he loved his gadgets, so she thought that he would be excited about getting one for Christmas.

She pockets her keys and runs out of the door, but before it can shut behind her, she swings it back open and picks up the Santa hat Castle had given her. Obviously it means a lot to him that she wear it. Besides, the least she can do is wear the hat while she tells him that she just isn't ready for marriage.