Chapter 11

Morgan's POV

I had a bad feeling. Even worse than the one I'd had the night this all started. I wanted more than anything to run back to my car and rush back to Spencer. It wasn't going to happen, though. I had to stay and do my job. Other people's lives depended on it. J.J. and Hotch briefed us on the situation. I tried to focus on them, after all, bombs were my thing, but I was having a hard time not wondering what Spencer was doing.

"I don't think I need to express how delicate this situation is. A lot of people's fate are in our hands." Hotch was stressing his point. I knew I needed to make sure I was on my 'A' game.

We were at a government building. There was a man inside who was saying he had a bomb and if anyone came in he would detonate it. There was over fifty people inside. Negotiations weren't going very well. He didn't want to talk to us.

"Hotch, let me go in. Maybe if I can talk to him in person I can get some kind of idea of what to do." I wanted to hurry up and resolve the situation. I just wanted to go home. I was beyond the point of tired. Worried sick about Spencer. All I wanted was to be at home, in the bed, with him.

"Out of the question, Morgan. He's too unstable."

"Come on, I've got plenty of experience with bombers, you know that." He looked thoughtful for a moment as I pleaded.

"No."

"Hotch! Trust me! What other options do we have? We can't let all of those people die. He's obviously willing to die for this!" Hotch sighed, knowing I was right.

"You'll have to go in unarmed."

"I know." He walked over to the phone they were using to communicate.

"We are going to send one of our men in, unarmed. Is that okay?"

"Why?" The man sounded angry.

"To try and help you get whatever it is you want." There was silence for a minute.

"Fine. But no tricks!" Hotch nodded at me. I unstrapped my gun holster and set it down. Taking a deep breath, I headed for the building. Once I walked through, he had two of the hostages pat me down.

"No tricks, man. I just want to help you. What is it that you want?"

"What do I want? I want the government to realize that there are consequences for their actions! I want JUSTICE!" He screamed. He had a small build. In his right hand was a remote, no doubt his device to set the bomb off.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" I walked forward slowly, holding my hands out so he could see them.

"Help me? Now you want to help me? No one wanted to help me when I had NOTHING!" My heart was racing. He was high strung, and in my experience high strung bombers tend to act irrationally.

"Look man, whatever happened, I can't take that back, but killing all of these people, that's not going to change anything."

"They killed her! It's their turn to see what it's like to lose someone they love!" Okay, so there was my stressor.

"Her? You're wife?"

"Fiance, we didn't get to see our wedding day. And do you know why?"

"Why? What happened?"

"Because they let her die!" His finger was shaking over the button. I didn't think he really wanted to hurt anyone. I figured he was just trying to send a message. His shaking finger, however, made me scared that he was going to accidentally send us all flying.

"I'm sure it was an accident. Come on, just set that thing down. This isn't going to help anything. I promise."

"Y-yeah?"

"Look, lets let these people go, it can be just you and me. Can we do that?" He swallowed hard, debating on my offer.

"You're gonna stay, right?"

"Right. I'm not going anywhere, just let these people go." He nodded.

"Okay, okay."

"You heard him, everyone out!" People flooded out of the doors. Once I was sure everyone was clear of the building, I stepped closer to the man. "So, what do you want?"

"I just want them to recognize what they did to her."

"Tell me, what did they do?" I took another step closer.

"Stay back!" I paused in my tracks.

"Just put the remote down. It doesn't have to end like this."

"It does. It really does." He looked down at his hand and went to press the button. Nothing happened. He started laughing. "Fifty second delay..." he muttered. He wanted me to think I was safe. I turned and ran towards the door. I was moving as fast as I possibly could when I heard the explosion, and felt the heat on my back. I barreled through the door, ducking behind a car, hands over my head. The building around me exploded, debris flying everywhere.

Reid's POV

I was sitting on the couch, still in the dark, with Clooney on my lap, when I suddenly got a bad feeling, like Derek was in trouble. I grabbed at my chest as if I couldn't breathe.

"Derek, you better be okay." I whispered into the air. I turned on the light, firing a blunt. I figured the best way to make it until I knew he was okay, would be to sleep. I curled up and laid down, letting the heaviness take over me, lulling me to sleep.

The piercing ring of my cell phone woke me up. I didn't even look to see who was calling, I just picked it up and answered it.

"Hello?" I was still worried about Derek.

"Spencer?"

"Yeah, Derek, hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, well, a little banged up, but I'm okay. What about you?" I looked around at the house. Banged up, yeah, that was a good way to put it.

"I'm okay. Are you coming home?"

"Yeah, we couldn't save the building or the unsub, but there were no victims at least."

"Good. How long?"

"Probably about three hours before I can be there."

"Hurry."

"Hurrying." I should have gotten up and cleaned, but looking at the mess just made me angry again, so I curled back up to sleep until Derek came home.

A few hours later, there was knocking at the door. I thought, note to self, get Derek a key. When I opened the door I noticed some bruises and scrapes on his arms. He noticed the house.

"Spencer...what the hell happened?" I looked at my feet.

"Um, I, uh, got a little angry..."

"And you destroyed your house? It's a mess in here! What could have made you this mad?" He was looking down at the wreckage, rolling broken pieces over with his foot. That anger was coming back. I wasn't mad at Derek, not at all, but I was mad. I was mad that everything was catching up to me. I was mad that I had wrecked my own home. I was mad that I wasn't sober. I was mad that I was sobering up. Everything in my head was crumbling together, and it was driving me insane.

"NOTHING! I told you I'm FINE!" I shouted at him. He looked taken back by my harshness.

"Spencer, I've given you all the time I can, you have to tell me what the hell is going on in that oversized brain of yours!" He looked genuinely worried about me. It didn't matter, though. I honestly just couldn't handle it anymore. My mind felt like it was going to tear apart. The anger inside of me boiled faster and hotter than it ever had. I needed to breathe, but it felt like there was no air left in my chest.

"Derek just leave me alone!" I screamed as I took off to my bedroom, slamming the door. With one hand I slung the books sitting on my shelf into the floor. The resulting crash echoed through the house. I screamed into a pillow laying on my bed. I just knew that I would never make it through the night.

Morgan's POV

I was in shock. Spencer had screamed at me. The house was like a war zone. Clooney was crouched in the corner, barking every few minutes. I didn't want to fight with him, but he had to explain everything to me. He had to let me know what was happening to him. Then I heard a loud crash and a muffled scream coming from the bedroom. I took off down the hallway to check on him. When I opened the door he was laying on his back on the bed. He was holding a pillow over his face, screaming his lungs out.

"Spencer!" I ran over to the bed. I pulled the pillow away to see small beads falling from his eyes. "Spencer...baby boy, talk to me..." He began sobbing uncontrollably. I climbed on top of him, pinning him to the bed with my weight. He struggled against me, flailing his limbs. I held his arms down with my hands, and twisted his legs with mine.

"Derek just let me go! I need to get something!" I shook my head.

"No, not until you talk to me!" He continued to try and struggle, but I easily over powered him. He was still crying, his face turning red.

"No! LET ME GO!" He screamed.

"TALK TO ME!" I yelled back. His body fell limp, he was done trying to break free. His head rolled to the side so that he wasn't looking at me. I leaned forward, kissing his cheek. "Spence..." I kissed his neck. "Please..." His collarbone.

Reid's POV

When I met Derek Morgan all those years ago, I never would have imagined that one day we would be in this position. Him on top of me, holding me down as I fought restlessly with addiction. All I wanted was to go into the living room and grab that 'gold' in the desk. I wanted it in my system. I wanted it, needed it. But Derek wasn't budging. He was begging me to talk to him. I really wanted to. I wanted to tell him what was happening. I couldn't look at him. He started kissing me. A trail of fire ran through me. It was almost enough to take my mind off of the drugs. Almost. I collapsed, tired of trying to fight him.

"Spencer..." I could feel the emotions behind his voice. Tell him! I screamed at myself as I turned to face him.

"Derek, I – I've been …"

"I know that you're on something, okay, but I don't know what. That's all you have to tell me." I sighed. It made sense that he had known. It was our job to know things like that.

"C-cocaine..." I stammered, closing my eyes. I didn't want to see the disapproving look I knew he was giving me. I expected him to be angry. To be disappointed. But he wasn't. Instead he just kissed me, pressing our lips together tighter than I knew was possible. "You – you don't hate me?" He laughed.

"Hate you? I wouldn't be here if I hated you. I'm here because I love you. I'm here because it's my job to take care of you, and if you're running around coked up all the time, then I'm not doing my job." Tears flowed even faster from my eyes. It had been that simple the whole time? The hard part was going to be getting clean again. At least he was here with me, though.

"Derek, I really want to do some, right now, and I need you to get rid of it so I don't. Can you do that?" His grip on me loosened.

"Where is it?"

"In the desk in the living room." He stood off of me, headed for my stash. Fear and anxiety swept over me as I heard the desk open and the bathroom light flick on. He was going to flush it. I had asked him to. But why, then was I jumping from my spot on the bed and running full force to stop him. I slid to my knees in front of the toilet just in time to watch it spiral down the hole. Derek grabbed my forearms, pulling me back, as I attempted to dive in after it.

"It's gone Spence, it's gone." He tried to calm me down. I hadn't even realized that I was screaming, lashing forward. I was lucky that Derek was so strong. I wasn't going to be able to handle this by myself.