For PANTS sake, Kittykat!

by Lily Nicolson

"I'll tell you how I know!" I screamed. "I've been sat with Georgia for the last hour and a half, and before that I was watching her try to kill herself! You're lucky the so-called 'woman of dreams' is alive, and you have no idea how terrifying it is watching your best friend try and stab themselves!" Sequel to 'For the love of PANTS'

11. Oh, for PANTS sake!

6:30am, Wednesday 11th August, sitting on a plane in Heathrow.

I'm sitting at the back of plane in one of those five seat things. I have Dave on one side and Lily on the other. On the other side of Dave is Jools (Why?) and on the other side of her is Rollo, who's currently asleep with his head against the window; we haven't even taken off yet.

I've been playing with Lily for about half an hour (why can't the bloody thing take off?) but now she's fallen asleep so I'm having a real heart-to-heart with Dave. It's nice how we can be best-mate type fandango and still be snogging partners at the same time.

Still on this sodding plane in the Mediterranean somewhere, and it must be at least four hours since we took off?

I'm really bored. Jools is reading 'Fifty shades of grey' (she doesn't need any more bloody ideas, thank you very much.), and I also need the loo desperately. I have no clue where it is.

"Dave!" I whisper yelled. He's fallen asleep on my shoulder.

"Hmmmm?" He mumbled dozily.

"Where in the name of PANTS is the loo?"

He laughed. "For PANTS sake, Kittykat! It's just down there!" He did that stupid thing that the air hostesses do when anybody tells them their ticket number and they say, "STRAIGHT, down there."

One minute later, in the loo. Contemplating 49.

No you fules, not the number, the fact that it means life, the universe and everything.

And also why I haven't got my figure back yet. It's been nearly five months since I had the triplets. Two of which are now dead.

Unnatural tears start dampening my cheeks. I used loo paper to dab my eyes which is going to give me that shiny, scratched look that's so popular with the very ugly.

Okay, Georgia. Confidence! You're fine, on top of the world, you have a brilliant boyfriend and a beautiful baby. Smile!

I walked back into the carriage/whateveryoucallthemainbitoftheplane and Dave's there, snogging Jools.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I shout, stunned that he didn't even bother to keep his lust in private this time. I'm faintly aware that everybody is staring at me and Dave now, and there's a hell of a lot of people in this part of the plane.

"Oh for PANTS sake! Not again!" I heard him mumble under his breath. "Georgia..."

"Save the explanation. I knew I was an idiot to take you back. You're a liar, a cheat and we're through. Again." I slap him and take Lily with my to the two spare seats next to Jas. Everyone's cheering for me.

Can my life get any worse?