A knock at the door brought Addison downstairs the next morning. After the parade of visitors she'd experienced lately, she was almost afraid to see who it was. Her blue eye rested against the peephole, and she saw her ex-husband standing on her doorstep. She was in her bathrobe with uncombed hair, but she answered the door anyway. After all, he'd seen her hundreds of times looking much worse and wearing much less.
"Hey there." Addison leaned against the door as she held it open. "I wasn't expecting you so early."
"I come bearing breakfast." Derek held out a large paper bag.
"It's not trout, is it?" Addison looked warily at the bag.
Derek let out a low chuckle. "No. It's not trout or lox or any other fish. It's your favorite breakfast."
Without opening the bag, Addison knew what was in it. It had to be French toast with granola baked into it, from their favorite diner. Though she had taken Natalie to the restaurant many times, she hadn't had the dish since the divorce. Silly as she felt, she couldn't order it without Derek there with her.
Countless times, Addison and Derek had stumbled into the little diner bleary-eyed from all-night study sessions. The owner, Ruth, a pleasantly-plump and grandmotherly Southern woman, always welcomed them with open arms and mugs of fresh hot coffee. Early in Addison and Derek's dating days, Ruth had once bet Derek that he couldn't keep his hands off of Addison for ten minutes… And he lost.
She'd enjoyed watching their relationship blossom over the years. When they were out of school, they visited the diner as often as possible on weekend mornings they both had off, either eating there or carrying out to eat at home in bed. They even ate there together the morning of their wedding, and were scolded by Ruth for seeing each other before the wedding and inviting bad luck. As Addison had talked with her divorce lawyer 11 years later, she had thought that maybe Ruth was right.
"I didn't know what Natalie would like, so I got her pancakes." Derek said.
"Well, Natalie loves pancakes, but she's at ice skating right now." Addison walked into the kitchen and to the breakfast bar with Derek following close behind her.
"Aw, that's too bad." Derek said, but his tone of voice suggested that it wasn't really "too bad" and that he wouldn't mind the time alone with Addison.
Addison watched Derek carefully as he pulled the boxes out of the paper bag and got plates out of her cabinet, trying to see if there was any indication that he had trouble seeing what he was doing. Nothing. Not a squint or anything.
Derek lifted the styrofoam lid of one box to reveal her French toast, which was topped with a heart made of carefully arranged sliced strawberries. Addison smiled at Ruth's apparent attempt at matchmaking. Ruth had been so happy to see Addison back in Manhattan, thrilled to meet Natalie (who Addison admitted was Derek's daughter), and thoroughly disappointed that she'd been unable to work things out with Derek.
"I bet Ruth was happy to see you." Addison commented.
"Oh yeah, we had a great chat. She seems to love Natalie."
Addison laughed. "Oh yes. She puts extra chocolate chips in her pancakes every time."
Derek opened his own box which contained, as Addison had suspected, a western omelet. As he transferred their food from the boxes to plates and poured orange juice for each of them, she wondered how it was possible for him to keep the façade of having perfect vision up constantly.
Addison cleared her throat, ready to bring up his condition. "I'm glad you're here, because there's something important I'd like to talk to you about."
Derek shook his head. "Food first. Important talk later."
With the idea of important conversation off the table, Addison and Derek made polite conversation about the weather, the news, and their daughter. Somewhere between the first piece of French toast and the second, Derek's hands were all over Addison's body and his lips were on hers. Maybe it was the familiar food, or that they were doing something that they had done for years when they were married. Addison didn't know, and before she could figure it out how they'd gotten to the point of making out, she was leading him upstairs to their bedroom.
Something she'd always pretended to hate about Derek, but secretly loved, was that the man had always seemed to be able to make her clothes fall off with no trouble at all. He pushed her down on the bed and eased her robe off of her body. He pulled the blankets up to keep them warm, and covered her body with his. Addison shivered as his hands traced her inner thighs, and his lips worked their way down her neck. His shirt and pants were tossed carelessly to the floor. His lips went between her breasts, his hands running up and down her sides. Derek groaned as Addison's hand made contact with the bulge in his boxers. He moved his face back up to hers.
"Addie…" Derek mumbled into her hair.
"Natalie." Addison gasped suddenly, releasing her grip on him.
"That's not really the name I'd hoped you'd be screaming." Derek said with a smirk.
"No! I mean…" Addison pointed over Derek's shoulder. Derek's eyes followed her gaze, and he abruptly pulled away from her.
"Mommy?…" Natalie was standing timidly in the doorway, a shocked look on her face.
"What… What are you doing home so early?" Addison discreetly and expertly pulled her robe back on under the covers.
It wasn't the first time she and Derek had been caught in the act. Hell, it wasn't the first time she and Derek had been caught in the act by a child (the peds ward had been a bad place for one of their trysts as interns, they'd found out the hard way), but this was their daughter who might be scarred for life now. Addison was very thankful that Derek's state of undress still left him with an undershirt and boxers, and that he had covered his arousal with a bed pillow. But she knew they were caught; one thing Natalie could never be called was stupid.
"My coach got sick. And you were going to screw!" Natalie realized, wide-eyed.
"Natalie Faith Montgomery!" Addison made a mental note to cancel cable. The tone of voice that Addison took with Natalie was one that Derek had heard her use many times with her interns, plenty of times with him, even more with Mark, but never with their daughter. "Young lady, you know that is not acceptable language in this house."
"But you and Uncle Derek aren't married, and you said only married people have sex!"
Even with the awkwardness of the situation, Derek couldn't manage to hold in his snickering. Addison sighed. Given her profession, and Natalie's curiosity about where the babies her mother worked on came from, Addison had told Natalie about sex and conception many years before she would have ever wanted to. Of course, she had fudged some details, like the part about married people that was coming back to haunt her.
"Der, it's over…" Addison shook her head, climbing out of the bed with her robe wrapped around her tightly. "It's time to tell the truth."
"Yes, it is." Derek agreed, picking his clothes up off the floor and quickly pulling them on.
"Natalie…" Addison knelt on the floor beside Natalie. Derek and I, we used to be married. But we got divorced." Addison took a deep breath. "And honey, Derek… Derek is your dad."
"Is it my fault, that you got divorced, then?" Natalie said, her eyes brimming with tears. "Did you not want me?"
"No!" Derek said quickly. "We were divorced before you ever came along."
Natalie stared at her feet. "I don't understand."
"It's complicated, baby…" Addison repeated the words that she had said when Natalie first asked about her father.
"Did you get divorced because you didn't love each other anymore?" Natalie's eyes didn't leave the ground.
Derek joined Addison at eye level with their daughter. "Not exactly, Natalie… We… We forgot how to show that we loved each other. We forgot to appreciate each other."
Natalie finally looked up at her father. "How do you forget something like that?"
Derek was taken aback by the fact that his first grader frequently seemed to have a better understanding of the world and how things should be than he did. He took Addison's hand gently in his and gave it a light squeeze. "I don't know, sweetie… Selfishness, I guess."
He was speaking more to Addison than Natalie. Addison sighed, keeping her eyes from meeting his by fixing them on Natalie. She knew that if she looked at him, she might break down, and she couldn't let Natalie see that.
"Why did you not come see me ever before?"
Derek looked at Addison, and she took a deep breath. "I didn't tell him about you until just before he came to visit. You see, I didn't want you to get hurt because Derek and I had such a hard relationship, and…"
"You lied to me." Natalie's stare turned accusingly to her mother. "You said he was your friend!"
"Well, he is…" Addison replied lamely, lacking an excuse for her actions.
"You lied to him, too! You said that we should always be honest with each other! You're just a big fat liar!"
Natalie's words pierced Addison's heart because they were true.
"Natalie…" Derek's voice was gentle.
"No! Shut up! You are a liar, too! You should have told me! I wanted you to be my dad!" Tears flowed freely down Natalie's cheeks. "You were nice to me! We had fun together. I wanted you to be my dad, but now you are, and I don't want you to be because I can't trust you! I'll never trust either of you ever again!"
Natalie's sobs grew louder. Addison reached out to touch her arm, but Natalie yanked it away, turning and storming off to her room. The slam of the door came seconds later.
"Now what?" Derek crossed his arms, looking at Addison.
"Now… We let her cool down. Then, we try to talk to her, help her understand."
"How can I help her understand when I don't understand myself?"
Addison didn't have an answer for that.
They gave Natalie ten minutes alone in her room before deciding to intervene. Natalie was always a very tidy child, which made Addison's job as a mother far easier. All of Natalie's belongings had their places, which was why Addison was immediately concerned when they entered her room.
There was an empty spot on her dresser where her piggy bank was usually perched. Her pink overnight bag was not hanging from its spot on her closet doorknob. The neatly-made bed was without Natalie's favorite stuffed animal and her pillow. But, the biggest thing missing was Natalie.
Derek quickly jumped forward and caught Addison when he noticed her knees buckling beneath her. He held her tightly against him, feeling the shallow gasps of her panicked breathing.
"She's… She's gone!"