This is dedicated to my friend Erika. Even though she doesn't review and stuff I know she reads this!
Also thanks to:
xxxShiRo, rawr52, MoonLightBlackFlame, and Golden Dragon Girlfor adding this to favorite story
MoonLightBlackFlame for adding me to author alert
Mazie Lyne and Sasse1892 for adding this to story alert
MoonLightBlackFlame, Maggie,ToWriteMudbloodOnHerArms, Golden Dragon Girl, and Sasse1892 for reviewing
And to anyone else who did something and I forgot about it.
This took me an insane amount of time to write, almost three weeks. Stupid writers block.
Also I am so sorry this is late! Fanfiction was down for me for SEVEN DAYS! Anyway yeah on with the disclaimers...
If you see something you recognize, it's probably not mine. I only own…well nothing.
Beware: There is slash and swearing ahead. You have been warned…now enjoy! =D
Chapter 11: Like You Do
Harry's PoV
I wake up from a dreamless sleep and see Draco staring at me. His grey eyes are back to normal, they don't look like the steely grey ones that bore holes in me at the beginning of the week.
"Harry," he croaks.
"Hey, Drake; it's so good to see you awake. I've missed you," I stand up and walk over to the head of his bed.
"I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, I didn't mean to do it."
To do what? To try and kill himself? To hurt me? To call Hermione a Mudblood?
"It's okay," is all I can say.
"What's wrong?" he looks at with one eyebrow cocked to up, curious.
My heart starts to beat faster and I swallow.
Should I tell him what's bothering me? No, I can't, not right after he'swoken up.
"Nothing."
"I know it's something. You don't have to tell me now, though."
I smile weakly and kiss the top of his head.
"What have I missed?"
"Nothing extremely important, there is a Transfiguration exam in two weeks and Snape gave us a three-foot essay on the Wolfsbane Potion, its uses and where to find its ingredients."
"Sounds fun," Draco rolls his eyes and a smirk crosses his lips.
I want to just hold him and kiss him and tell him everything is going to be alright, but I know I can't do that. He's going through some terrible emotional issues right now and I don't want to make it worse.
"Oh yes. Sorry, love, but I have to go. I need to – uh think things over," I run my hand through my messy black hair, making it more disheveled
Draco sighs and takes my hand in his. His thumb caresses the top of mine in circles.
"Okay."
I lean down and press my lips to his for the first time in almost a week. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me on top of him.
"Mm…" I moan into the kiss when he licks my bottom lip. Straddling his hips I start to push the top of his hospital wing issued shirt up his chiseled abdomen.
"Excuse me Mister Potter, Mister Malfoy, but visiting hours are over," Madam Pomfrey bristles.
I pull up from the kiss and see her standing a few beds away, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly.
"Uh-right, sorry, Drake, see you tomorrow."
"Bye, I love you." he smiles sadly as I walk out of the Infirmary.
He's so…different. I don't understand what is going on. Sometimes I swear I don't even know him. Maybe he needs time to figure things out? This is all moving so quickly I don't think either one of us know what's really going on. Drake is just so impulsive that his actions don't sink in until he sees the consequences.
I'm not paying any attention to where I'm walking, and quite honestly I don't care. I run into someone going the opposite direction.
"Sorry," I mumble, still lost in my own thoughts.
"Hullo Harry," Blaise says looking up from the book clutched in his hands.
I'm not really in the mood to talk to anyone, so I just nod and continue to walk down the corridor.
I feel like I should help Draco, but I don't know how. We may be together, but I know that he hasn't trusted me with all of his secrets. Maybe it's something to do with his parents. Maybe the duel with Hermione really upset him; he did start to change after that. Why all of a sudden am I so worried about him? Drake's a big boy, he can take care of himself.
In the Common Room I can hear the whispers and feel the stares of everyone. Usually it doesn't bother me too much, but today it just pushes me over the edge.
"ENOUGH! You know I can hear all of you, right?" I look at each and every one of them. No one dares so meet my steely gaze. Without another word I stalk up to the dormitories. I jam my ear-buds into my ears and blast the loudest songs I can find:
"THE BASS, THE ROCK, THE MIC, THE TREBLE! I LIKE MY COFFEE BLACK JUST LIKE MY METAL! I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO KNOCK ME UP! IN A MINUTE, MINUTE, IN A FUCKIN' MINUTE!"
I let the music numb me as I sing along. Eventually I fall asleep, the angry lyrics echoing inside my head. Draco's angry face swims in my dreams. Every time I relive that moment it breaks my heart even more.
What if Hermione is right? What if he and I are just too different? I love him, but some times I can't be around him. He can get inside my head and…I'm talking crazy. I should be grateful that I have someone as amazing as Draco.
The Next Day
Drake got out of the Infirmary a few hours ago. Even though it's Monday we just hang out in the Slytherin Common Room. We are sharing the couch; my head in his arms, his fingers are winding and unwinding in my hair. It's completely silent, and not the good kind of silence either. This silence is the awkward kind where neither one of us want to talk about what happened over the weekend. "Harry?"
"Hm?"
"Are you mad?"
Am I mad? What kind of question is that? Of course I'm mad! The love of my life just attempted suicide! But it's not him that I'm mad at…it's me. It's my fault that he tried to kill himself. Maybe if I hadn't been so…so… emotional, unstable, so…immature….
I smile weakly and shake my head, "No, I'm not mad."
"Well, there is something wrong, I know it."
I stand up and start pacing around the Common Room. I open my mouth several times and then shut it because I can't put my thoughts into words.
How can I explain this to him? I'm not mad, not at him, not at anyone but myself. Yet I know that it's not my fault, but I feel completely responsible for him. I need him and I can't live without him, but sometimes he pisses me off so much. Fucking hell…I'm such a mess!
"No, it's nothing you need to worry about, love."
I walk over to him and kiss him lightly on the mouth. He pulls away and looks me in the eyes.
"Harry, why are you acting like this? You are so different. Is it because of what I did?"
"Damn it Draco! I'm fine; I don't need you to mother me! If anyone needs mothering, it's you."
"Oh yeah; if you're so fine why does it look like you are about to burst into tears," his eyes are boring into me, trying to find some weakness.
"You want to know the truth?"
The blood in my veins is pounding and I can feel my bottled up emotions about ready to burst.
Stay calm, breathe. Don't say anything you are going to regret later. Just tell him the truth, but sugar coat it…he's still so fragile. What the hell, Draco Malfoy, fragile? What am I talking about, he's never been fragile!
"Here's the truth. I'm so tired of having to always constantly worrying about whether or not you are going to be okay the next time I see you. I love you with all my heart, I really do, but I just can't take the stress of not knowing if you will be the same Draco I fell in love with the next time I see you," I look over at him and see a retort is forming on his lips. I start talking again before I get off track. "If this relationship is going to continue to be like this I'm backing out. I don't want any part of this."
I am quite proud of this, even though it's not my best work. Writers block is a bitch, but I got through it and produced this baby(lame I know…).
Thanks Erika for helping me during class with this!
The next chapter should be up soon-ish.
Happy Reviewing!
-CM44-