Today, we interrupt the main action for the sake of this
fanfic's first special. The story below happened in
Universes 4, 6, 16, 17, 18 and 20.
In a lovely spring field, Krillin is standing on a stage
and performing a (not so successful) stand up comedy
show, his friends watching him. So far, nobody has
laughed.
Bulma has a bored expression, the baby version of
Trunks she's holding mumbling something that sounds
like: 'I secretly jack off to my daughter,' which he
probably heard during the times he spent with his lovely
grandfather. Thankfully, because of his baby undeveloped
speech, nobody clearly heard it.
Gohan and Adult Trunks have awkward expressions, both
being too polite to show their disapproval to their short
friend.
Lastly, Bulma's parents are in their own, jolly world.
'Okay, this will do the trick,' Krillin, sweatdrops on his
head, thinks and begins telling the joke below:
'Once upon a time, in a kingdom, a peasant had a bet
with a friend.
Wanna bet I can fuck the princess? he asks.
Okay, it's a bet, his friend says.
The peasant goes to apply for a job as a servant
at the palace.
What is your name, lad? the king asks him.
Oh, your majesty, it's a weird name and I'm terribly
ashamed, he answers.
Come on, tell me and I promise not to laugh, the
monarch insists.
My name is Yourdick, the peasant says.
It is a weird name indeed, but anyway, the king
comments.
Later, the queen comes across him.
What is your name, lad? she asks.
Oh, your majesty, it's a weird name and I'm terribly
ashamed, he answers.
Come on, tell me and I promise not to laugh, she
insists.
My name is Vagina, he answers.
It is a weird name indeed, but anyway, the queen
comments.
Later, he comes across the princess.
What is your name, lad? she asks.
Oh, your highness, it's a weird name and I'm terribly
ashamed, she answers.
Come on, tell me and I promise not to laugh, she
insists.
My name is Mystomach, he answers.
It is a weird name indeed, but anyway, the princess
comments.
At night, the peasant sneaks into the princesses
bedroom and starts fucking her.
Mom, Mystomach is hurting me, the princess yells.
Well, you shouldn't have eaten so much. Drink some soda,
the queen suggests.
However, the princess keeps yelling, so her mother
goes to her room to see what is going on. When she gets
in, she sees the peasant fucking the princess.
Honey, come here, quick. Vagina is between our daughter's
legs, she screams.
Well, isn't that where it is supposed to be? the king asks,
baffled.
However, the queen keeps screaming, so the king goes
to see what is going on. When he gets in the princesses
room, he sees the peasant, who has just finished and is
zipping his fly, ready to jump out of the window.
Then, the king, outraged, screams Guards, catch
Yourdick and beat him to an inch of his life!'
Everybody sighs. 'Darn, tough crowd,' Krillin thinks.
Vegeta, who is standing with his back against a tree trunk,
thinks 'Not the thing I hoped to see after exiting the spirit
room for the second time. Or maybe I haven't entered
the spirit room for the second time yet; I mean, who
knows where in the name of canonicity those events take
place anyway.'
That moment, before the comedian wannabe can
attempt anything else, a spaceship lands. Paragus
exits, along with some generic soldiers.
'Hello,' he raises his arm, politely but sternly. 'I am a dull,
uninspired, generic villain that was created so that one
more movie will be released and make more profit for
TOEI. I am supposed to be a Saiyan that was missing
when Planet Vegeta was destroyed, even though it was
clearly mentioned in canon that only four Saiyans survived.'
Meanwhile, somewhere beyond space, time and any
form of canon logic...
'I have a faint sensation that this 'More Saiyans
survived' trick is kinda overused,' Daiz says to Tullece.
'Next thing they're going to tell us that Vegeta has had
a brother all those years who was conveniently never
mentioned.'
'Do you know I'm actually Gohan's real father?' Tullece
says, not paying attention to the last comment.
Surprisingly, Daiz is not surprised! 'It makes way more
sense than Gohan being Kakarrot's son anyway. I mean,
who can imagine that guy having sex?'
'What is sex?' Goku's voice resonates across the desert,
even though Goku is not physically there. 'Is it something
you can eat?'
'Shut up, Kakarrot,' Tullece and Daiz yell in unison.
'It's still a mystery who Goten's father is, though,'
Tullece mumbles.
Universe 12, a few weeks before Multiverse Tournament...
Adult Trunks is writing something in his diary: 'Reasons
I went back in time. 1. To bang my master's momma.
2. Something about droids.'
'Listen, your timing is really bad,' Krillin politely explains
to Paragus. 'Tomorrow, we've gotta fight a generic villain
who will try to defeat us with some sort of gas and ghost
warriors before initiating a totally generic final boss battle
and, a few days after that, we have Cell Games. I mean,
seriously, do all villains have to attack us in the same week?
Can't you come back later?'
'Oh, I apologize, I didn't know your schedule is so tight,'
Paragus genuinely says, closing his eyes, placing his
hand on his chest and bowing. 'But, please, understand
that I have come here from far away. It would be a
terrible ordeal to go back and then come here again.
Besides, it took the writers so many hours to come up
with my ingenius plan to destroy you.'
'What plan?' Vegeta asks.
'Well, I was gonna propose to you to become the king of
our new Saiyan empire, even though there are hardly any
Saiyans left (unless we count those in all fanfics in Fanfiction
Net), hoping that your megalomania would just make you
fall for that without using any common sense to ponder
it first. Then, in case that failed, I would've told you about
the one and only Legendary Super Saiyan, thus retconning
the previous 'legendary' transformation, which has in the
meantime turned into something every Saiyan and their
mommas can do.'
'Wow, I have to admit that kind of writing is way better
than all previous Dragon Ball movies,' Adult Trunks
whispers.
'So, will you come?' Paragus asks, full of hope. 'Come on,
it will take just a few minutes before you all die, minus
the off screen time.'
'Fine, we'll do you the favor,' Vegeta sighs.
And so, Paragus was killed by his son, Broly, the Legendary
Super Saiyan, who was subsequently killed by Goku's
TOEI haxed attack.
Next time, the second part of Broly's special.