Summary: Sometimes small annoyances can overshadow the reason people fell in love in the first place. Sasuke slowly realizes that he might have let something irreplaceable slip away without a fight. Not a cheating fic! YAOI (boy x boy) main pairing: SasuNaruSasu, some SasuNeji, some GaaNaruGaa, Naruto x others
A/N: Thanks to Tandy_Hard and CapturedByNoodles for reading through this and encouraging me! *squishes them both* Chapter is later than I thought it would be, but it is also longer? After April 1 hopefully my life will return to sanity, and I won't be too tired to proofread anymore LOL.
Chapter 11 -
Gaara held the door open as he waited for Naruto to walk into the building, then followed him in and turned on the lights.
"Why were you standing outside the building?" Gaara asked, his voice deep and inflectionless, as Naruto got his first look at the inside of the place.
Naruto rubbed the back of his head, slightly embarrassed at how it must have looked. "I, ah… well, Jiraiya didn't tell me anything about the place, so I was trying to figure out what it was."
Naruto's eyes roamed curiously over the room. There was a large bar on one side, fancy (by Naruto's standards), set up in a fully enclosed hexagonal design that would allow the bartender to service patrons on all sides of the bar. Naruto looked at the shelves that lined the mirrored interior of the bar and noticed that there was no alcohol. To the left of the bar were several pool tables along with a couple of leather lounges. To the right was a large fireplace set in stone with empty... cages?... on either side. Black leather sofas and lounge chairs were arranged casually around it.
Gaara arched a brow at him and Naruto noticed for the first time that the man's eyebrows were so fine as to be almost nonexistent. With the intensity of the steady, green-eyed gaze, it wasn't surprising that Naruto hadn't noticed earlier.
"And what do you think?" Gaara asked him, his voice a low rumble.
Naruto shrugged as he turned to look at the rest of the room. "Well, the 'no windows' thing narrowed it down a bit. But it looked too nice to be a cheesy strip-club or a brothel. So I had been leaning towards 'gentleman's club'."
Gaara's face remained expressionless, but there was a trace of humor in his voice. "Hm, I suppose 'gentlemen's club' would be an interesting way of putting it."
Gaara had flipped only one of the many switches on the wall, for the most basic overhead lights. There was a smooth, tiled floor for dancing, with complicated light fixtures overhead that Naruto was sure could be dim or bright or possibly flickering when in use. The shape of the room itself was more interesting, though. Rather than being a regular rectangle, there were moderately sized alcoves surrounding the dance area. Most of them had curtains hooked to the side that could presumably offer privacy if wanted. It didn't take a genius for Naruto to figure out what those would be used for.
"This just looks like a dance club. Only with space built in for some, uh… after-dance activities."
They had made their way through the bar area, and Gaara unlocked a door behind the bar that Naruto assumed was Gaara's office. The club owner opened the door then stepped inside, gesturing for Naruto to follow.
"You've only seen the ground floor. We might see the rest of it later," Gaara's voice gave no hint as to what the 'rest' of the building might entail, but Naruto was pretty sure it wasn't going to be rooms full of filing cabinets.
He looked around at the room Gaara had shown him into. It was definitely an office, with a desk and filing cabinets. But the decor was something that Naruto was pretty sure would never exist in any paper-pusher's domain.
The desk appeared fully functional, with its flat surface and drawers, but instead of being made out of the typical teak or mahogany, it was made of steel, with posts up to the ceiling as well as down to the floor. The chairs were all black leather and steel, and had odd scuff marks on the metal arm rests that made Naruto think a bit more creatively about just what might put marks like that there. There was a large, dark wooden cabinet standing in one corner, but otherwise the room was spotlessly clean. The floors looked like they were some kind of red granite, and they gleamed in the light of the room. Naruto was pretty sure they were clean enough to eat off.
He looked up to find Gaara watching him. The club owner was not doing anything other than standing there, his arms crossed loosely over his chest as he leaned against one of the steel posts of his desk. But the way his gaze was completely locked on Naruto, observing every detail of Naruto's reaction to the place made Naruto shift his weight slightly and wet his suddenly dry, nervous lips.
Gaara waved a hand for Naruto to take a seat as Gaara walked behind the odd desk and seated himself in the large chair there. Naruto sat as directed across from Gaara, wondering if the man put every potential employee through the same vetting, using his intense presence and stoic expression to make them sweat. Somehow, Naruto had a feeling that Gaara did, and he found the thought entertaining. Naruto was good at reading people - a necessary survival skill he'd developed while growing up - and as much as he did find Gaara to be intense, he didn't find him intimidating. Naruto found him... interesting, instead.
Gaara made no move to start a conversation, so Naruto took the initiative and pulled his portfolio out, handing the volume to Gaara. Jiraiya had said that Gaara wanted to meet him before deciding whether or not he'd allow them to take any photos. Naruto assumed Gaara would want to see his credentials as a photographer, and maybe sign some sort of non-disclosure agreement.
"Jiraiya didn't really say much about what this meeting was for, but I was guessing that - since he wants me to photograph your place and you aren't so sure - you probably wanted to see my work and sign an NDA?" Naruto gave Gaara a friendly grin, one that usually thawed out even the most hard-assed people he had to deal with. Gaara simply raised an eyebrow, then wordlessly took the volume Naruto handed him.
Naruto tried not to fidget as the expressionless man began to slowly turn the pages, studying each of Naruto's photos in a depth that made him feel nervous as hell. He was used to people critiquing his work as part of his job, but this reminded him of his days back in school when he'd submit a project and the professors would evaluate it. He didn't know why, but he felt a strong urge to win Gaara over. Gaara glanced up at him and Naruto had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from filling the silence with nervous chatter. It was a bad habit that he'd had from childhood until Sasuke had finally helped him break it in their senior year in college.
Gaara paused at a particular page. "This is one of Sai's buildings."
Naruto leaned forward to he could see the picture that Gaara was talking about.
"Yeah. That was the one I liked best from that series. I liked the lighting in it." Naruto was glad that Gaara was still staring at the photo so he didn't see Naruto grimace at his own words. He wasn't really sure how this conversation was supposed to go and he cursed Jiraiya once again for not giving him some sort of advice on what to talk about.
"These are very good," was all Gaara said, but Naruto had the impression that Gaara didn't give praise lightly.
"Thanks."
Gaara looked at him for a moment, then went back to looking through his photos. He paused at a few that Naruto could tell just from the layout were of the wedding. "You have a way of capturing emotions that is actually… interesting."
Naruto wondered if Gaara meant 'interesting' as in good, or 'interesting' as in it-really-sucks-ass- but-I-am-being-polite. He didn't think that Gaara 'did' polite lies, though.
"Um… thanks?"
Gaara shrugged, his eyes shifting from the photos back to Naruto's face. "In most weddings, the photograph focuses on the bride and groom making cow eyes at each other, or the parents looking all teary and proud. You captured the flower girl looking like she needed a nap and one of the guests trying to hide an amused smile about it."
Naruto chuckled softly, amusement warming his blue eyes and taking the edge off his nerves. "Well, to be fair, the little five-year-old flower girl had been cute as hell. Her eyes kept drooping in the hot afternoon sun of the garden wedding and her little crown of wilting daisies kept sliding down off her head. It had been an easy shot to make. But I'm pretty sure I got some cow eyes in the wedding album," Naruto gave Gaara a lopsided grin. He tried not to sound defensive about it, but he knew that type of wedding work wasn't exactly the height of prestige for a photographer.
Gaara's gaze on Naruto seemed to intensify fractionally, then gave a small, dismissive shrug. "It's what you were paid to do. The other photos are the interesting part. They are the ones that show your choices in how to look at people."
Gaara continued to flip silently through the book, occasionally making a comment. He got to one page and paused for so long that Naruto felt his nerves surging back up again, wondering what was wrong.
"You know this person very well, don't you?" Gaara asked.
Naruto leaned forward and found his stomach tightening when he realized which page it was. He hadn't had time to update his portfolio after coming back from his trip. Jiraiya had set this meeting up almost as soon as Naruto had gotten over his jet-lag.
The page was a series of black-and-white photos of Sasuke that Naruto had taken as part of his final senior project in college. He swallowed as looked at the set of three photographs arrayed on the page. They were done in straight black-and-white, in a very simple setting. Naruto hadn't wanted anything to detract from the stark beauty of Sasuke himself. At first, Sasuke had told Naruto to fuck off about it. He didn't like having his picture taken, despite the fact that he was disgustingly photogenic. Of course, it probably hadn't helped that Naruto had joked about Sasuke having to be naked, which almost earned him a broken camera. Once Naruto had clarified that Sasuke would be fully clothed and have veto rights over the final photo selection, Sasuke had grudgingly said he'd give it a try. Naruto had asked Sasuke to wear a simple white button-down shirt, blue jeans, and bare feet. Sasuke had rolled his eyes but complied.
Naruto had scoped out the perfect space for the shoot earlier in the week. It was a lounge on the top floor of the art building. With skylights and large windows, it had great light in the late morning and early afternoon. He had a friend who knew someone with a key to the art building, so they had headed down after breakfast on a Sunday morning when there wouldn't be many other people around. Naruto had wanted the photos to be as natural and un-posed as possible, so they hadn't done any shots when they first arrived. They had just hung out, worked on homework, talked about what to order for lunch and messed around a little, with Naruto periodically picking up his camera and taking pictures.
The resulting set of photos had made Naruto agonize for hours over which were his favorites, but in the end he had settled on the three that were still in his portfolio. The first in the series was of Sasuke sitting in a chair, his brows slightly creased as he read a book held loosely in his strong, elegant hands (Naruto remembered it was some homework for one of his electrical engineering classes), his expression intense and focused.
The second showed Sasuke leaning against the frame of the window, his face in profile as he looked out on the lawns below. Naruto wished he'd had a better lens, so he could have blurred the background out with a shallower depth of field, but it was still a striking photo. Sasuke's body posture appeared relaxed and casual, but his expression was utterly closed-off, his jaw tense with the sharp angles of the bone and tensed jaw muscles highlighted by the filtered light streaming in from the window. The overall impression was hard, cold, but somehow also fragile. Naruto felt the old surge of protectiveness towards Sasuke as he looked at the picture, remembering when it had been taken. Sometime during the afternoon, Sasuke's parents had called. Sasuke never told him what the conversation was about, but Naruto had captured the toll it had taken on Sasuke in the photo.
The final photo had been Naruto's favorite. It was just after they'd been making out on the couch, trying to decide if it was worth the risk of being caught by campus security (again) for getting a little too carried away. Sasuke had said that he didn't want to get busted with Naruto's camera equipment all over the place making it look like they were shooting porn. Naruto had been frustrated as hell, willing to do pretty much anything in that moment to get Sasuke out of his pants and Sasuke had found it extremely amusing. He'd been laying down on the small sofa, his hair somewhat disheveled. They hadn't gotten very far, so Sasuke's shirt was still tucked in and only the top two buttons were undone. One leg was bent up, a bare foot resting on the white, vinyl cushion of the sofa, the other leg splayed out to the side. The position showcased the lean, toned length of Sasuke's body, the sexual nature of it subtle but tangibly present. But it was the look in Sasuke's face that had made this photo Naruto's favorite. The slightly smug smirk combined with the knowing, amused look in the dark eyes that looked directly at the person holding camera, still laced with just enough heat to hint at what either had just happened, or what was just about to happen.
Naruto drew a breath, not wanting to think about that day. Or all the things that had happened when they'd returned to the privacy of Naruto's dorm room. If he were honest with himself, these photos had been some of the best work he'd ever done. His professor had raved about the angles and the emotions that Naruto had been able to capture. Looking at them now was salt rubbed into the wound. When he updated his portfolio to include his latest work, he'd have to remove these.
He looked up to find Gaara's eyes on him, and realized he hadn't responded to the man's question.
"Yeah, that's… he was my… uh… boyfriend, at the time." Naruto tried to keep his voice professional and emotionless.
"These are beautiful photographs. You captured… a sense of who he is, rather than just what he looks like."
"Do you know him?" Naruto asked, feeling somehow unsettled at the thought.
"No. But the way you've captured him here, the way the pictures are laid out, you get the sense of a very… complicated person."
Naruto gave a soft chuckle. "Yeah. He's that, for sure."
"But you're no longer together." It was said as a statement, but there was definitely a question in there.
"Nah, it… things just didn't work out."
Gaara nodded and gave a low hum, but didn't comment. He turned the page as though the topic hadn't just completely emotionally upended Naruto. He closed the book and handed it back to Naruto.
"You are just as good as Jiraiya said you were."
"Thanks," Naruto said, giving Gaara a smile, relieved at the change of topic back to something more professional. Something he could actually handle. "So, does this mean you're fine with me taking the pictures Jiraiya wants?"
Gaara tilted his head to the side, considering. "I think your photography skills are clearly sufficient."
Naruto tried to get a read from Gaara's impassive face. "Is that… a yes?"
"Why do you think I wanted to meet you before I agreed to let you photograph my club?" Gaara countered.
"Well," Naruto thought about trying to sugar-coat it, but then decided not to. "I figured that either you were doing something illegal that you wanted me to sign off about, or that you were one of those guys who likes his privacy and hoped if you were a big enough pain the ass about it, Jiraiya would just give up."
Gaara gave a slight smile. "I would have no problem telling Jiraiya directly to fuck off if I didn't want him to publish the book."
"Well, you already basically told me that there's nothing illegal going on here. So… you just like control?"
"Yes, actually, I like control quite a bit," Gaara's eyes flashed with a secretive sort of amusement as though Naruto had made an unwitting joke. "But that's not the reason I wanted to meet you. Do you know what kind of club this is?"
"Hm, given the secrecy and all I'm guessing this isn't just a dance club. I'd say it's either some kind of elite social club or a sex club?"
"I prefer to call it a social club. It simplifies some of the legal issues." Gaara said, dryly.
Naruto breathed out a short laugh at the not-so-subtle evasion of the question. "Yeah, I'll bet. I read the other day about a bunch of sex clubs getting shut down in Tokyo. I don't think all of them actually had hookers, though, so it didn't seem clear to me what was illegal?"
"Public sex acts, even if consensual, are illegal," Gaara said.
"But if it's a private building, then…?"
"Exactly. This is a private building. We don't sell sex here. We don't even sell alcohol. We just offer… a place for people to meet up," his eyes blinked in lazy amusement. "And some special equipment, if needed."
"Equipment?" Naruto asked, curious.
Gaara brushed the implied question off. "We'll talk about that later."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "You're the one who brought it up."
Gaara leaned back in his chair. "True. Would you like a drink?"
"It's noon… isn't it a little early to be drinking?"
Gaara took out a bottle labelled 'fresh squeezed orange juice'. "Didn't I tell you we don't sell alcohol here?"
"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Sure."
Gaara poured them each a glass. Naruto took a sip, and it was probably the best orange juice he'd ever tasted. "Wow. This is great. So… do you not drink at all, then? Or just not at work."
Gaara took a long drink, then set his half-empty glass down on the table. "Alcohol isn't my vice of choice."
Naruto opened his mouth to ask what it was, but then realized it was a stupid question. "So, you don't want photos to get out that would get your place shut down?"
Gaara remained relaxed in his chair, his intelligent eyes locked on Naruto. "That's certainly part of it. What do you know about the general rules of most sex clubs you've heard about?"
"Well… I mean… I would guess no cameras is a big one?" Naruto grinned, gesturing vaguely at his photo album.
Gaara arched a brow. "Yes, that's a big one. What else?"
"Um…," Naruto tried not to feel stupid that he honestly had no idea. "I mean… I'd guess the basic things like… use condoms, 'No means No', that kind of thing?"
"Depending on the day of the week, 'no' doesn't necessarily mean 'no'," Gaara's face was stoic, but his voice held a hint of amusement that had Naruto blushing slightly. "But yes, all activities carried out in the club have to be consensual."
Naruto wasn't quite sure what to make of that statement. "Ok? But… I still don't see what that really has to do with me taking pictures. I'm guessing you'd let people know beforehand that there would be someone here taking photos, and either have me only shoot in certain rooms or only have people come at that time who were ok with having their pictures taken. And for the other rules, I mean… it's not like I'm gonna be… doing any of this stuff, or whatever."
"You'd have to be a member to… participate," Gaara said calmly. Naruto thought he detected an edge of teasing to the man's voice, but he couldn't be sure. "But, as you said, that wouldn't be while you were taking pictures.
Naruto didn't know why he suddenly found this conversation embarrassing. He had no issues with sex. In fact, he likes sex quite a lot. He'd certainly hooked up a few times in college at parties with someone he didn't really know. He supposed this was like that but only… on a bigger scale.
"Ok, so if you think my photography is good enough, and we agree that I'm not going to be participating in anything other than taking pictures while I'm here, then… I don't think I understand what the concern is."
Gaara closed Naruto's portfolio and handed it back to him. "What if I told you that one of the reasons I was willing to meet you was that Jiraiya had told me that you were in a relationship with a man?"
Naruto didn't know why, but the fact didn't really surprise him. Jiraiya had told him early on that he was pleased with Naruto's 'open-mindedness' when it came to sexuality.
"Then I guess… I would assume this was a club for gay men. And you don't want some homophobe in here making people uncomfortable."
Gaara nodded slightly. "Most sex clubs are for men and women. Women are allowed to hook up with other women, but the same isn't generally true for men."
Naruto grimaced. That was something he'd heard about and found incredibly stupid but somehow not surprising. "So probably you have a lot of men who really don't want it out there that they belong here, since… not everyone is cool with that."
"Yes. Despite some legalization of same-sex partnerships in a few cities, there are still a lot of men who prefer to keep that side of their lives hidden for professional or family reasons."
Naruto tried not to flinch, wondering if that had been part of the reason Sasuke never talked about their relationship at work. Naruto actually wouldn't have resented him for it. Martyrdom is only worth it if the sacrifice changes things, and Sasuke getting overlooked for promotion year after year due to his orientation wouldn't have changed the gay rights landscape in Japan one fucking bit. But he knew Sasuke well enough to know that Sasuke wouldn't have talked about a girlfriend either. He just didn't like to let people in.
"So you want me to agree to hide the faces of anyone I photograph?"
"No," Gaara's voice firmed. "I want someone who can photograph a gay club without judging it. I want someone who can show the complexity of it without simply objectifying it. Like you did with the wedding photos. Like you did with your boyfriend."
Naruto suddenly realized that this book wasn't going to be a book on a dirty gay sex club. This was going to be a book on a certain segment of gay sexuality. He suddenly felt vastly under-qualified, but incredibly excited to try. A kaleidoscope of possible pictures went through his mind. The way people would arrive, some nervous at being seen, others making sure they were noticed and unflinchingly bearing the stares. The attraction that would be obvious inside the club. Maybe even there would be a few couples that came together. The nervousness of hooking up with someone for the first time. All the human things that were true regardless of orientation, but others that were specific to the sub-culture that came here. Naruto wanted to show as much depth as he possibly could, though the whole 'sex club' thing seemed as though it would objectify the people a bit no matter what, which he wasn't sure was the best idea.
"You're thinking about something," Gaara watched Naruto's expression intently.
"Yeah, I was just…" Naruto trailed off. He didn't have an issue with sex clubs, and he didn't want to insult Gaara, but he also wasn't sure this was the best venue for what it seemed Jiraiya and Gaara wanted to do.
"Ask. You clearly have a question."
"I mean… aren't sex clubs usually for like… hooking up with strangers? Won't that just… objectify it no matter what?"
Gaara gave a small shrug. "It's no different from the heterosexual clubs. That's all I want to show. That it's the same, on a certain level. Some people come with their partner. Some come alone, but meet up with a regular partner inside the club. Some like variety."
Naruto considered this. His mind briefly flickered to what it would be like to take Sasuke to a place like this, but he shut those thoughts down as they were both painful and irrelevant. But he wasn't sure he would like other people seeing Sasuke naked, much less see him in the throes of sex. Naruto had always coveted the fact that Sasuke was cold in front of everyone but him. He would never want to share that with others.
"You don't like that idea," Gaara stated, though he didn't sound offended.
Naruto shifted in his chair. He'd never been inside a place like this much less had a private meeting with the owner of one, and damn Jiraiya was a fucking pervert and Naruto totally should have seen this one coming. "No I… I just had never really considered it, I guess. I think… I think I tend to be maybe too possessive for stuff in public."
Gaara gave a small smirk, as though Naruto's words had amused him. "You should come and observe. See what it's all about. I'll give you the rule book and you'll have to sign a standard membership agreement, and we'll set up a night for you to come."
Naruto knew it was the best way to get a feel for the job, but he still felt a little nervous about it. "Doesn't it matter more who writes the book? I mean… I'm just going to take the pictures."
Gaara's lips twitched. "It helps that the author is already a member of the club. He'll be here when you come to observe."
Naruto took the rules book and membership contract to take home and read, and they agreed he'd call Gaara to set up a time for his 'site visit'. Naruto tried not to flinch when Gaara told him to 'dress appropriately'.
Sasuke put the last pot in the sink while Itachi loaded the dishwasher. Since Naruto had left, Sasuke had started to go up to Itachi's place for their monthly dinners. Itachi hadn't commented about it, letting Sasuke get away with some vague statement about 'taking turns' since Itachi had been driving down for the past two years. Both of them knew the real reason was that Sasuke preferred to not spend time in his apartment on weekends when he didn't have to.
"How is the new team?" Itachi asked.
Sasuke shrugged as he squeezed some dish soap onto the sponge and began to scrub the large pot. "It's not all new. Three of them are the same. We only had to replace the members who worked for our partner company. The transition's still in process, so it's a little hard to tell at this point." Sasuke thought briefly how much his workload was going to ramp up after Neji left. He wasn't optimistic enough to think that Neji's replacement would be anywhere near as good. But Neji had been promoted and the joint part of the project was over, so he'd just have to suck it up.
"Hm. You had seemed pleased with your old team," Itachi mentioned casually.
Sasuke glanced over his shoulder at his brother. Itachi didn't generally ask idle questions, but he didn't see any issue with answering honestly. "The team led from their group was competent. Now that I'm in charge of the whole group, it's more work, but we knew the transition would happen. Neji is training his replacement."
Itachi didn't say anything for a moment, and Sasuke had assumed the topic was done. Except it evidently wasn't. "So you won't be working with Neji anymore."
Sasuke thought it was odd that Itachi had actually used the man's name. He was quite sure he had only mentioned Neji in passing possibly once to his brother. Surely not enough to warrant Itachi's attention. "Not unless our companies decide to collaborate on something again. But Neji has already been promoted, and I will be at the end of the month, so we wouldn't be working together the same way again."
"Hm. He was the one you went drinking with a few times," Itachi mentioned as he loaded the detergent in the dishwasher before setting it running.
Ah. That explained it. Sasuke almost rolled his eyes. Itachi had never grown out of the 'overprotective big brother' phase. "Once. We went drinking once to celebrate his promotion."
"Is he going to return the favor when you get promoted?"
Sasuke rinsed the pot before setting it to dry on a dishtowel on the counter next to the sink. "Maybe. He texted me yesterday about meeting up for dinner but I told him I wasn't going to be in town. It might have been to discuss the final details of transitioning the project over, but I think we've pretty much wrapped that up."
Sasuke could feel Itachi's eyes on him, but he ignored it. Itachi's pager went off on the kitchen counter and both Sasuke and Itachi looked over at it.
"I thought you weren't on call this weekend," Sasuke frowned slightly. As much as he hated to admit it, he worried about how tired Itachi was. He knew that Itachi's career was important to him, but he wished Itachi would slow down just a little. As much as Naruto had complained about Sasuke's hours, they were nothing compared to Itachi's.
"I'm not on call," Itachi said, ignoring the buzz of his pager as he dried his hands then walked over and began wiping down the kitchen table. "They probably looked at the wrong day. They'll figure it out soon enough and page whoever's on call."
Sasuke rolled his eyes at his brother. "According to Mother and Father, you're the only doctor in the hospital. If you need to go in, you can."
Itachi shot Sasuke a glare. "Yet another example of how our parents consistently get things wrong, Otouto. I never will understand why you continue to put stock in anything they have to say."
The words were sharper than usual, and Sasuke paused in the dish he was washing, arching a brow at his brother. Itachi usually had complete and utter control of his emotions. Even a small crack like this was a signal that something was seriously off.
Itachi sighed in an uncharacteristic show of frustration. "You are an adult now, Sasuke. How long are you going to let them shape you? How much more are you going to give up to prove your worth to people whose opinions don't matter?" Itachi made an impatient gesture with his hand as he finished cleaning the table and opened up his laptop to check his e-mail and make sure his work schedule hadn't been changed at the last minute.
Sasuke set the half-cleaned pan down in the sink, wiping off his hands as he turned to face his brother. "I'm not giving up anything, Itach'. Do you see me living at home? Spending any time with them?"
Itachi tensed subtly, and Sasuke knew his brother was about to tell him something that was going to really piss him off.
"Just go ahead and say it, Itachi. It's clearly on your mind."
"Fine. What about Naruto?"
Sasuke had to force down any visible reaction to the name. Itachi had tried to talk to Sasuke about it once after the break-up, and Sasuke had made it clear that it was a conversation he was not willing to have under any circumstances.
"I dated Naruto for six years despite our parents disapproving of it. I didn't give him up for them. And besides, he broke up with me. It had nothing to do with them."
Itachi observed him for a moment, and Sasuke knew that his brother was reading every nuance of his body's posture, every tightened line on Sasuke's face, to determine how much further he could push this topic. Evidently he misread it, because he continued to speak.
"Naruto had a job in town last weekend and I asked him to come over," Itachi said.
Sasuke's eyes flared and for a moment he felt a wave of betrayal stab through him. "So you decided now that we're over, you can finally make a move?"
Itachi didn't rise to the bait. Sasuke knew that Itachi would never betray him in such a way. "He didn't break up with you to hurt you, Sasuke."
Sasuke gave a derisive snort. "No, of course not. He broke up with me because he just cared so much."
"Actually, you're not wrong," Itachi said, ignoring the heavy sarcasm of Sasuke's voice.
"Fuck you, Itachi. Don't do this. It's done." The heavy, bitter anger was easily heard in the small apartment.
"I know. Naruto knows it's done, too. But don't you at least want to know why he ended it? If for no other reason than to avoid making the same mistakes again?"
Sasuke turned back to the sink and picked up the pan, resuming cleaning it. "No. I honestly don't give a fuck at this point. And I'm not planning on getting into any kind of relationship any time soon. Your approach to 'relationships' clearly works better than mine."
"Don't lie to me, Sasuke," Itachi's voice was sharp, but Sasuke ignored him. He considered just walking out of Itachi's apartment and driving home, even though it was late and the drive wasn't exactly short. But he had missed Itachi in the two months he'd avoided him after the break-up. Why couldn't Itachi just leave this alone?
Sasuke still felt the icy ball in his stomach when he thought about how Naruto had just left, wondering how long Naruto had just been waiting to do it while Sasuke stupidly thought things were fine. The anger and betrayal that twisted through him hadn't faded much. The thought of his own blindness only made him angrier, but mostly at himself. He hadn't seen any of it. How much of their relationship had just been in his head?
"He said that you'd pulled away a long time ago. Shut him out, ignored him. He figured it was only a matter of time until you ended it, and decided there was no point in dragging it out. He expected you to be relieved."
Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "That's bullshit. If he thought I wanted to leave, why didn't he say that? Or fucking ask me. He knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't stay if I didn't want to. He was probably just blowing smoke up your ass to keep you from killing him. He's been terrified of you since whatever it was you said to him the first time I told you we were dating. Naruto left because he wanted to. He didn't do it for me."
Sasuke didn't have to look behind him to know that Itachi was annoyed. "Yes, he admitted that, too. He said he grew up in a house where he felt unwanted, and didn't want to spend his adult life feeling the same way. He thought you would have understood that."
The quietly spoken, unexpected words somehow managed to pierce the thick, comfortable layer of anger that Sasuke had wrapped around himself for the past four months. Had he made Naruto feel... unwanted? That… couldn't be right. They had talked a bit about their childhoods. Not in extreme detail, since that was something that neither of them really wanted to dwell on. He knew that Naruto had been in the foster system and had been in a couple of different homes. At least one of them abusive, both physically and emotionally, constantly belittling Naruto. Sasuke remembered the anger he had felt when Naruto had casually (not casually at all) mentioned it. He'd wanted to go find that family and tear them limb from limb. Naruto had laughed, telling him it was no big deal, but Sasuke had seen the undertone of gratitude in Naruto's eyes that Sasuke had cared enough to get angry about it. And not pity Naruto for it.
Sasuke had never belittled Naruto, never called him stupid or told him he'd never amount to anything. In fact, it had been the exact opposite. Sasuke had always pushed Naruto to reach for more. But still, there was something in Itachi's words that cracked the righteous anger that had been protecting Sasuke from feeling anything over the past several months. He thought back to the message Naruto had sent him for his birthday. All Sasuke had felt when he'd read it was anger and bitterness. Now he felt… uncertain.
But there was something else that Itachi had said, something in the way he'd said it that pricked at Sasuke. He rinsed the pot and set it in the rack to dry, turning to face his brother. "What did you mean when you said that 'Naruto knows it's done'?"
Itachi glanced off to the side, and Sasuke had a tight feeling in his gut that told him exactly what that meant. He opened his mouth to ask his brother if Naruto was already seeing someone else, but the phone rang.
Itachi frowned when he saw the caller ID, but picked it up anyway. "I'm not on call this weekend. Check the fucking list."
Sasuke's eyebrows rose in surprise at the terseness. Itachi usually had the ability to maintain a polite facade no matter how angry he was.
Itachi listened for a moment, anger vanishing and a controlled sense of urgency replacing it. "I'll be there in fifteen. Have someone from triage call my cell in five minutes to brief me on the first three cases while I'm driving in."
Itachi hung up, looking over to Sasuke. Before he could draw a breath to offer an explanation, Sasuke spoke.
"Go. It's fine." Sometimes Sasuke forgot that his brother really did save lives for a living, as tired as he was of hearing their parents brag about it.
"There was a ten-car pile-up. The emergency room is flooded and they need me to come in. I live the closest to the hospital." Itachi was already walking to his bedroom to change.
"I'll be here. We can have coffee when you get home." Sasuke had noticed the bag of gourmet coffee beans and had been eyeing it since he arrived.
Itachi's back was to him, so he didn't see the strange expression that appeared on Itachi's face at the comment.
Itachi was out the door in less than five minutes. The door had barely closed behind him when Itachi's laptop chimed. Sasuke glanced over at it. If it was the hospital with more information, he could still catch Itachi before he left. Sasuke swiped the track pad, and Itachi's Facebook page popped up. Sasuke rolled his eyes when he saw that it was just a notification that someone had 'liked' Itachi's latest profile photo.
He was about to close the screen when a recent post caught his eye.
Uzumaki Naruto posted on Uchiha Itachi's page: Thanks for dinner. And not castrating me. And only tightening the screws just a little bit.
Uchiha Itachi replied: You're welcome. And don't get ahead of yourself. There's still time.
Uzumaki Naruto replied: Ok, you need to not joke about shit like that.
Sasuke's lips parted on a soft laugh. He could fully imagine Naruto's slightly worried, slightly joking face during the exchange. He noticed the date was just a few days ago. He knew he should just close the laptop like he had been going to do. Not so much because he was violating his brother's privacy (because Itachi had repeatedly shown in their past that he had no concerns about violating Sasuke's privacy on any and all things). But Sasuke wanted to be clear (to himself) that he didn't care what Naruto was up to. Naruto had walked out, and that was that. Sasuke was not interested. He wasn't.
Sasuke's hand drifted over to the track pad again and he clicked on Naruto's name, bringing him to Naruto's page. Since Itachi was 'friends' with him, Sasuke could see all of Naruto's posts and information. He noticed that Naruto now listed his current employer as Sanin Media. His location was listed as 'various couches and hotels - anyone know a good place to rent?'. There were several posts commenting on that. There were some not-so-subtle invitations from people Sasuke didn't even know.
My bed has space ;-)
The offer to take you home with me still stands, Blondie
You can pay your rent in trade instead of cash
Sasuke's jaw clenched. It didn't matter. And he refused to acknowledge that he was glad that Naruto hadn't replied to any of the tasteless offers. But a few of their old college friends had 'liked' a couple of the posts, and it pissed Sasuke off. Who the fuck were they to get involved, anyway? He had noticed right away that Naruto's profile no longer said 'In a Relationship with Uchiha Sasuke'. He remembered when Naruto had put that up back when they were still in college. It had annoyed Sasuke, who never liked to have anything about his personal life made public. But Naruto had some strange need to broadcast to everyone that they were dating. Naruto had been so happy about it and Sasuke decided it didn't bother him enough to actually object. Now Sasuke's name didn't appear anywhere on Naruto's profile.
But that was fine. He didn't give a fuck.
Sasuke had never wanted a Facebook page. He was fundamentally a private person. But even without that, he'd had enough trouble with people stalking him in real life and he had no interest in making it easier for people to do so by posting what he was doing, where he was working, or what he was thinking about.
Sasuke continued to scroll down, telling himself that he wasn't interested in what Naruto was doing but somehow his fingers just kept scrolling. Perversely. He didn't want to think about what he was looking for. Most of the posts were either congratulations on Naruto's new job, or comments on a few photos he'd posted. Some of the photos were really amazing, and Sasuke saw that they were from places all over the world. He remembered how nervous Naruto had been when they'd traveled to London together, and he wondered if Naruto had gone with someone or made these trips alone. He wondered if Naruto had been nervous or just excited. If Naruto had been ok.
Not that it mattered.
He saw a post under one of the photos from Bhutan and scrolled past, but then he noticed that Kiba had 'liked' the comment, so he went back and re-read it. His stomach tensed up. It was… subtle. But the pretty girl who had left the comment that mentioned Naruto's stamina was the only comment that Kiba had reacted to.
And Naruto had actually replied.
Uzumaki Naruto replied to Fuu's comment Back atcha. Let me know if you're ever in Japan.
Fuu had 'liked' that reply, and so had Kiba. Again.
This time Sasuke did close the laptop. He sat still, looking at the closed surface of his brother's computer.
Naruto was moving on... to some little handmaiden to cook his food and warm his bed. The thought left Sasuke feeling angry and off-balance. Empty. Suddenly, he didn't want coffee. He wanted a drink.
to be continued…
A/N: Sorry for the delay on getting this chapter out. For those of you who follow me on my website, you already know why so I won't whine about it here. If you want to keep track of where I am on writing the next chapter you can always see the latest status here: Kizukatana dot WordPress dot com.