Dialing Fate

Chapter 10: Walking Proud

It's painful.

It's painful to go to that funeral.

The funeral that was to be my last goodbye to the person that I was supposed to marry?

It's just so… hard.

Gosh, I wish I didn't have to do this. It would be so much easier if Koga hadn't died, if I hadn't met InuYasha… not that I mind that I met him, he's not that bad, sometimes a bit annoying and a total jerk, but anyways I'm rambling on and on about all these things.

The point is that if things didn't happen to me then I'd be happy. I wouldn't have to go to a funeral right now and I wouldn't feel so restless and depressed… I hate it!

All these 'ifs' keep popping up in my mind. I don't want them!

But I can't go back now. There's nothing I can do now, and all I can do is look forward, instead of back. Enjoy the good moments in my life and just forget about Koga and all that's happened right?

This funeral will be my final goodbye.

A goodbye that I so wish not to say for the last time, but I have to.

And if this is what will help me move on… then so be it.

………………………………………….

The car ride to the funeral was silent.

Sango was driving because she refused to let Kagome drive… you know why.

Miroku was sitting in the passenger seat beside Sango, while Kagome was in the back seat, looking out through the window.

Kagome had forced InuYasha to come this morning. She had called him at seven in the morning! On a Saturday!

Of course InuYasha was grumpy and wanted to stay in bed, but he couldn't say no to a grieving Kagome, so he agreed and was coming to the funeral in his separate car.

'I can't believe that Koga's really gone. I never really thought about it until now.'

Kagome sighed, 'I have to stop thinking all these thoughts. At least now Koga's in a better place… right?'

"Kagome… we're here." Sango's voice broke Kagome from her train of thought.

She hadn't noticed that they were already there. Miroku was already out of the car and talking to, who Kagome assumed, was the priest.

Sango got out of the car and Kagome followed suit.

"Kagome are you sure you want to do this? It's not too late to go back."

"No. I have to do this. I want to do this." Kagome said, trying to convincing herself instead of Sango.

Sango sent Kagome a sad look before she and her best friend made their way towards the already packed crowd of people inside the Ookami mausoleum, with a single coffin laying in the middle of the mausoleum.

'There's Kouga… Or what's left of him.'

"Kagome? Are you okay?"

She hadn't noticed that she had stopped walking.

'Come on Kagome. Get a hold of yourself.' She mentally chided.

"Kagome?" Sango's voice was laced with concern and uncertainty.

Kagome quickly nodded and assured Sango that she was fine, before they started walking towards the mausoleum.

………………………………………………….

The ceremony was very much like all the other funerals. InuYasha hadn't arrived and had called to say that he's stuck in traffic and will be a bit late.

The priest was talking about how Kouga was in a better place and that he wouldn't want us to mourn over him.

Kagome only half listened as she examined the people that had come today.

Kouga's entire office company came, some people that she had never met before, but Kouga had probably talked about to her, there were people that were there for Kagome's sake, Kouga's family had already passed away and were in the mausoleum waiting for him.

Everyone was crying.

Sango and Miroku were even crying for Kouga.

Everyone was crying except for Kagome.

The one person that meant the most to Kouga was not shedding a tear.

But you can't deny that she wasn't sad.

Just not crying…

Everyone seemed to be giving Kagome weird looks as if to ask "Do you not care for Kouga?"

………………………………….

Crying doesn't solve anything.

I learned that the hard way.

It won't bring Kouga back to me.

It won't make all my problems just evaporate with the tears.

There's nothing that tears can do to help us with this pain.

So why do people cry?

Everyone's looking at me like I'm crazy.

I'm not!

I just don't want to cry anymore.

It just hurts too much.

………………………………..

Kagome couldn't take the stares anymore and turned around to leave.

The priest seemed to stop talking as everyone's attention turned onto Kagome.

"Would you like a minute Ms. Higurashi?" Father asked.

"No. I'm fine, just continue please."

Father hesitated before he once again started talking.

"Kagome are you okay?" Sango whispered.

"Yeah, I just need some fresh air. I feel like I'm suffocating."

Sango nodded in understanding as she returned to listening to the father.

Kagome heard the readings for Kouga drown down as she started walking further and further away, before there was nothing left as far as Kagome could hear.

When she was sure that they couldn't see her anymore Kagome took off into a sprint and ran and ran.

'Where am I running to? I don't have anywhere to go anymore. Why do I feel so lonely? I have so many people that are there for me… but why is this feeling still here?'

After running until her lungs burned for fresh air Kagome couldn't run any further.

She had ran all the way to the opposite side of the cemetery of Tokyo… That's a far run.

Kagome sighed.

'What have I gotten myself into?'

She looked around to see if anyone was around, but there was no one as far as the eye could see.

Kagome finally noticed that she was surrounded by gravestones. Tons and tons of gravestones.

Kagome breath hitched as she stared at one certain gravestone that stood in front of her.

'No. That's not possible.'

A whimper escaped Kagome's lips as she knelt down onto her knees in front of the stone.

She slowly read the words on it.

R.I.P

Souta Higurashi

Beloved son and brother.

He will be forever remembered.

Kagome felt the will to cry hit her full force, but she willed it down. Refusing to give in to tears.

'So lonely. So dark. I can't feel anything anymore. There's no more love and warmth.'

She clenched her fists together as anger raked over Kagome's body. Her clenched fists pounded the ground as Kagome stared at the tombstone.

'How could I have been so stupid to run this far? How could I have ended up in front of my own brother's tombstone? Why did he have to die? Everyone I've ever loved has died and left me on this world alone. No more. I don't want anymore pain. Make it go away.'

"Kagome?"

Kagome whipped her head around to find InuYasha standing there with his hands in his pockets and a worried look on his face.

"I… InuYasha?" Kagome's voice came out more hoarse and cracked then she wanted it to.

"What are you doing all the way out here? You okay?" He started to ascend on Kagome's small form.

"I just… I… I really don't know what I'm doing anymore InuYasha." Kagome confessed as she lowered her head.

………………………………..

She looked so lost.

I didn't know what I could do for her.

I had just come from all the traffic when I saw her running the opposite direction of where I saw the people gathering.

Every instinct in my body told me to follow her, so I did.

I never thought a human could ever have that much stamina in them. She practically ran to the other side of the city!

Kagome didn't know I was there yet. She was just looking around when suddenly I saw her stiffen.

I smelt the tears that she held back grow stronger, but she no tears escaped her eyes.

She dropped to her knees then, and I was contemplating whether or not I should go comfort her.

She was looking at one of the tombstones.

Why?

Did someone she know die?

When I saw her fists smashing into the ground I couldn't hold back anymore. The pain in my heart for her grew bigger.

She needed help. I couldn't stand there when she was so… fragile.

I called her name, she immediately turned towards me.

Her eyes were shining from unshed tears. Her hair blowing in the wind. She looked almost like a ghost with her pale skin and rosy red lips.

Yet she looked so beautiful through my eyes.

Even in distress she's beautiful.

She called my name in return. Her voice sounded so tired.

"I just… I… I really don't know what I'm doing anymore InuYasha." Kagome confessed as she lowered her head.

I almost felt pity for her, but I hated it when people gave me pity. And Kagome was no different.

Her head bowed and she refused to look up.

I knelt in front of her.

Still she refused to look up.

I couldn't help myself.

I had to help her.

Seeing her in this pain made me feel pain.

No longer do I want her to suffer.

I want her to smile.

I want her to look up at me with that sparkle in her eyes and that laugh that makes my heart melt.

I want Kagome to be happy.

…………………………….

One second Kagome was refusing to look at InuYasha, the next moment she was enveloped into his arms.

She couldn't help herself.

Kagome grabbed a hold of InuYasha's haori and held it like her life depended on it.

"InuYasha. Thank you." Kagome whispered.

His only response was tightening his hold on her while drawing relaxing circles on her back and soothing her hair.

After a few minutes staying in this position Kagome reluctantly pulled away.

She smiled a sad smile up at him.

"He was my older brother."

InuYasha's confused face was met with her own.

She pointed to the gravestone that she had been reading.

Understanding flitted through his eyes as Kagome continued.

"I was in high school when it had happened. He had dropped out of school to support us both. Our parents had died in a fire when we were little and he was all I had left. We were happy for once in our life since our parent's death."

"He was supposed to come home after work at 6:30pm. I waited for him like I did everyday. Sango would sometimes come over to hang after school, but she was busy that day. I knew that something was different right when I woke up that morning, but I didn't tell anyone."

"So I sat at the kitchen in our apartment. I waited until 8:00pm. I thought he was out with his friends, but he normally called when he did."

Kagome took a breath before she continued.

InuYasha was listening intently while comforting her with his ministrations.

"The phone rang around 8:15. I thought it was him telling me that he was stuck in traffic or out with his friends and forgot to call. But I was wrong. The person that called me was from the police department. He said that Souta was in a car accident and died at the scene."

"Some drunk driver had crossed the red light and hit my brother."

Kagome felt her throat constrict as once again tears threatened to surface. But once again she pushed them down.

"Ka-" InuYasha started.

"After that day I stopped eating, talking, and just laid in bed crying. Sango and Miroku were there to help me through it. It took me at least three weeks for Miroku and Sango to just get me out of my room."

"I would have starved or dehydrated, but Sango and Miroku had called the doctors and they had to feed me food through this tube. It was horrible! I vowed myself not to go through that again… then Kouga died, also in a car accident. Ironic isn't it? How they both died in car accidents and how on Kouga's funeral I ended up at my brother's resting place?"

Kagome couldn't talk anymore. That was all that she could tell him.

"Thank you for telling me Kagome. I'm going to help you through this. I know how you feel. My parents died when I was only three. There's nothing I wouldn't do to have friends like yours when I needed some Kagome." InuYasha explained.

"Well now you have me InuYasha."

Kagome lifted her eyes to meet his golden ones for the first time since she had told him the story.

She smiled softly at him and he smiled in return.

InuYasha couldn't help stare down towards her lips.

He wondered how soft they were, how sweet she would taste.

Kagome seemed to notice where his gaze was and blushed.

When he saw the blush he immediately turned away.

"Uh… So what do you say we head back to the funeral. I bet Sango and Miroku are worried about you."

Kagome could only nod.

They untangled them selves from their position and stood up.

InuYasha turned away from Kagome and started walking towards the way they came.

"InuYasha?" Kagome called.

InuYasha turned around, coming face to face with Kagome.

She moved her head towards him slowly and InuYasha gulped.

Kagome was only a few centimeters from InuYasha's lips. He could practically feel her warm breath on his lips as he closed his eyes and waited for when their lips touched.

At the very last second Kagome turned her head to the left and kissed him on the cheek.

InuYasha's eyes snapped open, making Kagome giggle and blush.

"Thanks InuYasha." Was the only thing she said before she started walking back.

InuYasha was left there stunned.

'She almost kissed me… on the lips. How could I be so stupid as to think that?! She's trying to get over Kouga, and I go and try to kiss her? Ugh!'

"Come on InuYasha!"

InuYasha turned around and walked side by side with Kagome.

When they were half way there Kagome hesitantly took her hand into InuYasha's.

InuYasha squeezed hers in response and laced their fingers together.

Neither dared to look at each other as they walked hand in hand back to the funeral.

……………………………….

"Kagome?! Where have you been? I've been worried sick and you're out in gosh knows where! Oh… hi InuYasha."

Sango's tirade stopped as she spotted InuYasha for the first time since she saw Kagome.

Their hands were still attatched as Sango's scowl turned into a devious one and she winked at Kagome.

'Huh?' Kagome thought, but then she looked down and saw that their hands were still together.

She blushed and looked at Sango, who was looking at Miroku, who was giving InuYasha a pat on the back.

"Dirty hentai's!" InuYasha shouted as he smacked Miroku on the back of his head.

"Well I never!" Miroku joked, acting hurt.

InuYasha let go of Kagome's hand as he ran after Miroku.

"Wow. That's the first time I've seen them actually talk to each other." Sango examined.

Kagome laughed, "I know!"

"So Kagome you and InuYasha huh?" Sango's eyebrows wiggled.

"No!"

"I'm sure you're not."

"We're not. But I… I told him."

Sango's eyes suddenly widened.

"You told him?!"

Kagome could only nod.

"Now I'm totally sure that you're together." Sango laughed as Kagome's face turned bright red.

"We're not together Sango!"

"I'm sure." Sango repeated as she waved her hands at Kagome in defense.

"Okay. So maybe not yet, but you will." She continued.

Kagome's face suddenly turned serious, as did Sango's when she saw Kagome's face.

"Is… Is that funeral over?"

Sango slowly nodded.

"There's just one thing Kagome. Since you ran off during the time that you're supposed to say something to him they're letting you say your goodbye before they bury him."

Kagome once again nodded.

She slowly made her way towards the mausoleum. Sango wanted to follow, but she knew that this was something that her best friend had to do alone.

………………………………

Kagome passed the old-rusted up gates of Kouga's family's mausoleum and opened the door that would lead her to Kouga's casket.

……………………………..

InuYasha saw Kagome opening the door to the mausoleum and wanted to follow her.

The only thing stopping him was the deadly set face of Sango and her arm that was blocking his way.

She said that Kagome had to do this on her own.

He agreed, but he didn't want her to be alone. He wanted her to know that she had someone there.

Sango somehow seemed to be able to read his mind because the next thing she said surprised InuYasha.

"She knows that you're there for her, but if you want her to move on she has to do this without our help InuYasha."

"I understand."

"Me too." Came Miroku's voice beside Sango.

…………………………..

Kagome ran her fingers stiffly across the coffin's surface, as she breathed in the warm scent that the flowers --people had left for him --sent.

'It hurts.'

Kagome finally gave in, letting her tears come at last. All the tears and sorrow that she had been holding in for a week now came pouring out.

She crumpled to the cold hard floor as her body shook with soul-wrenching cries of despair.

Kagome found the strength to kneel beside the coffin as she continued to cry.

"I'm sorry, Kouga," She wept. "I'm so, so sorry…"

Kagome thought that she was done with the tears. She thought that she couldn't cry anymore. But finally, when she was empty and exhausted Kagome stood up and stared at the resting place of her fiancé.

'I have to see him. If only for the last time.'

Her mind was set as she moved her hands to the rim of the casket.

As the caskets lid was thrown open Kagome's faced contorted into horror.

A scream was ripped from Kagome's throat at what she saw…

Or it was more like what she didn't see.

There was no Kouga.

The body wasn't there.

The body wasn't there…

Well. Once again that took long. But here's the chapter… and another cliff hanger P

Hope you guys enjoyed it. I'm sorry I didn't reply to reviews last time. So here they are.

REVIEW RESPONSES!!

whitehitsugaya – Yes I do know, thank you. I accidently put the chapter without the editing so I had to put the one with the editing on it. Sorry for the inconvenience and DOMO ARIGATO!!

lovelyflip08 – There's your answer for what happened last time. Hope you liked the chapter and the plot. Lol. Sorry it took so long last time… ant this time. DOMO ARIGATO!!

sxyinubab – Thanks a lot. I'm glad you like my story. I hope you keep reading and if you have any ideas talk to me anytime. DOMO ARIGATO!!

LoVe23 – Thanks for liking the last chapter. Hope you liked this one! I don't know if I made it sad enough so I'd really like it if you'd tell me what you think. And I'm glad you like my story. DOMO ARIGATO!!

Shounen-Ai – I did read your story. I was wondering if you got my review for the vampire story. That is such an amazing story. You really do have to continue writing it. I want to know what happens. Update soon! DOMO ARIGATO!!

young kagome – I'm really sorry about your dad. I'm sure that he's watching over you now and that he's proud you're not mourning over him anymore. Unfortunately I haven't had any experience with the passing away of any relatives that I knew personally, but I lost about six or seven of my aunt's and uncle's in this war in my home nation. I didn't know them, but I wish I had a chance to. Thanks for liking my last chapter. Hope you liked this one! Anyways DOMO ARIGATO!!

Inuyasha grl51893 – Thanks so much M.J.M!! That really makes me happy to hear that my fanfiction has such a big affect on you! I'm so glad! DOMO ARIGATO!!

TrueBelle – Lol. I'm son evil… MUHAHAHA! DOMO ARIGATO!!

shippykun – I'm sorry to say that there might be a Kikyo in this story of mine, but she's going to definitely be OOC. I don't like her either, but she's gotta be in here to make a good story haha. And thank you for your other review with the idea. I already had that in my mind, but as the saying goes "Great minds think alike" ;P DOMO ARIGATO!!

lyttleshortie – You shouldn't bottle up your emotions because one day it's going to just explode and you're going to never stop crying… that is if you've been holding back your tears. It happened to me once. I didn't allow myself to cry so I couldn't stop crying at night and I had puffy red eyes the next day and I felt tired because I didn't sleep either. So don't bottle up your emotions!! DOMO ARIGATO!!

anime couples together – Lol. Right you are that Inu's there P Enjoy! DOMO ARIGATO!!

Megan – Hi Megan. I'm so glad that you like my fanfiction… But I'm so sorry when I say this, but I've had some bad incidents when I get too close to a stranger. So I truly really am sorry that I can't talk to you on msn or anything like that… But I've learned my lesson last time. We can always talk on here. You can send me private messages and stuff like that. It'll be like e-mail on here… only different. I really am sorry and hope that you can understand. Talk to me anytime on private messages or reviews. I'll promise that I'll reply to them. And P.S I'm the same age as you. P DOMO ARIGATO!!

Fairyvixenmaiden – Hmm… maybe… but you'll just have to wait and see HAHA!! DOMO ARIGATO!!

AceWolf45 – Souta's what happened the last time. Hope you liked the story and thanks for reviewing. DOMO ARIGATO!!

DOMO ARIGATO TO ALL READER'S AND REVIEWERS. IF I MISSED ANY OF YOU PLEASE TELL ME AND I'M SORRY! IF YOU WANT TO BE ON MY REVIEW RESPONSES PLEASE REVIEW!!

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'll be starting the next chapter soon.

DOMO ARIGATO GOZAIMASU!!

Ja ne for now!!

Krea.T

NEW WAY!!!

I've decided to start naming these next few chapters after the songs by Ayumi Hamasaki. The lyrics will be provided after each chapter. The title of the chapters is the title of the song and the song that the lyrics are about. I'm going to try to find titles that match the chapter. Like this one was about moving on and keeping your head high when you look ahead.

Enjoy the lyrics and think deeply into them. These are the translations from Japanese to English.

My lips told a lie
For a trivial reason
I suppose it was for no one else
But only to protect me
When I was thoughtless

When I noticed, I was trapped and at a loss
Surrounded by countless lies

() The sky I looked up at was beautiful
I thought of you
I wished I could walk with firm steps
Facing forward like you

But I escaped from the reality
Escaped from all the pain
I said to myself
"I'll be my ideal self some day
Though I'm far from that now"

After such excuses, my eyes were opened
What I could do was only to live in the present time

() Does this voice reach you?
Does it ring in your heart?
I'm walking on today
Looking at your back as a guidepost to live

() repeat
() repeat

…………………………………

Romaji version

watashi no kuchibiru ga hitotsu uso wo tsuita
sore wa sasai na riyuu kara de
dare no tame demo naku
tada oroka na jibun wo
mamoru tame datta n' darou

ki ga tsuita koro ni wa kazoekirenu uso ni
kakomarete ugokenaku natteta nasu sube mo naku

() miageta sora kirei deshita
kimi no koto wo omoimashita
kimi no you ni tsuyoku mae wo muite
aruite iketara to

sonna michi no tochuu genjitsu kara nigeta
arayuru itami kara mo nigeta
ima wa konna dakedo
itsuka risou doori no
jibun ni naru no dakara to

iiwake shita ato de iikagen mezameta
dekiru koto wa ima wo ikinuku koto dake datta

() konna koe wa todokimasu ka
kimi no mune e hibikimasu ka
kimi no se wo ikiru michishirube ni
kyou mo aruite'masu

() repeat
() repeat