Act 1 Scene 11

Later that day, in Kevin and Patrick's apartment, Kevin, Patrick, Dom, Agustin and Eddie are sitting in the living room, having eaten a delicious brunch, drunk a lot of cocktails and eaten a lot of pastries. Patrick is in the middle of telling a story.

Patrick: As soon as I opened it and saw the gift, I knew in that moment that my dad was never, ever, going to get me.

Dom: Golf lessons? Really?

Patrick: I know. I was seventeen, had NEVER shown any interest, or talent, and the poor guy kept planning these special days for the two of us. And I would find all these reasons why I couldn't go. I would tell him I'd been invited to pool parties, which I never was, or I would tell him I had SAT prep, and then I would have to spend hours on a Saturday just walking around the mall alone, or going to movies and just finding ways to be busy for the whole day so I wouldn't have to go and play fucking golf with the poor guy.

(Kevin laughs)

Kevin: I can just imagine you in some pretty plaid shorts and your little preppy polo short. Cute.

Patrick: Oh god...it was so miserable. I had to take those golf lessons though, and I think after he saw me at the range on the last day, that's when he finally gave up his dream. I think he was more disappointed by that than by the fact that I was gay.

Eddie: I came out to my parents on Christmas day, so if we're comparing worst gifts, that was probably the worst Christmas gift I ever gave.

Agustin: You did it on Christmas day? You are such a drama queen.

Eddie: I say go big, or go home.

Dom: What did they do?

Eddie: Oh it was pretty anti-climactic. There was some 'Shock', gasps of surprise, but it was all for show. I was fifteen, but my mom had known for years. I would have these magazines in my room, under my bed, and then suddenly, they'd just disappear. And no one ever said anything. I would buy more, and then a few months later, they'd be gone too.

Patrick: Oh god. Remember when magazines were the only lifeline we had? Imagine what life would have been like if we had today's internet when we were teens.

Eddie: I would never have left my fricking room!

Agustin: What about you, Kevin? What was the worst gift YOU ever got?

Kevin: Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but Christmas isn't as big a deal in England as it is for you. At least not when I was a kid. We didn't really expect much. You know, you'd get a soccer ball, or maybe a cd, or if you were lucky you'd get a video game.

(Eddie takes the pipe from Agustin and takes a deep drag)

Eddie: OK, then what was the most memorable Christmas you ever had, and you can't count this one, however much Patrick begs you to with his big baby blue eyes?

Kevin: Well, actually there is one that stands out. Most were pretty crappy. You know, Christmas lunch at my grans, watching the Queen's speech, waiting for Top of the Pops to declare what the number one hit was. Dad always got drunk and fell asleep all afternoon, and I would just...I don't even remember what I would do. But when I went to Uni, what you call college, then I started going to my mates for the holidays. They lived all over the country so I spent one Christmas in Scotland that was pretty cool, and then I got to spend one in London which was excellent, because I got to visit the most amazing clubs for the first time, but my last year, I went home again because my dad was ill, and I thought I should spend it with him. And...err...on Christmas day he gave me this package, and he said my mum had sent it for me. And I hadn't seen her or even talked to her in about six years, so I opened it, and it was this really cool t-shirt. All distressed, and torn up, and it was the Sex Pistols? You know...that 'Never Mind the Bollocks' album cover? And it was so...weird...because.. that album was like 25 years old by then, but I had JUST really got into it, and was going through this whole retro-punk thing, and...she got me this t-shirt.

Patrick: Wow. That's...so nice. Is that when you started talking to her again?

(Kevin nods his head slowly)

Dom: My mom left too. I haven't seen her since my dad died. She came to his funeral but I never talked to her after that. She sends a postcard once a year on my birthday, to the house I used to live in Modesto, and they forward it to me like clockwork.

Eddie: Jesus. I know Christmas sucks, but surely someone has a good memory.

Agustin: I liked Christmas. You guys need to experience a Latino Christmas. Everyone is laughing, there's enough food to feed a small city, people are drunk and loud, there's music. It's like a carnival.

Patrick: But your family is always like that. They love having parties. When we graduated, they threw this RIDICULOUS party, which really was fantastic, as if he had been crowned the emperor of Berkley, or something, and he'd barely passed his classes because he spent all of his time smoking pot, going to these wild, naked, 'sexually ambivalent' parties...I actually can't believe you survived those four years with ANY brain cells in tact.

Agustin: At least I had some fun at college! You were probably the most boring, the most predictable, the least fun roommate any one could ever have had.

Patrick: Yeah well one of us had to be the designated driver!

Agustin: Kevin, what you see before you? This same good little boy with the baby blue eyes, the blushing cheeks, the hard little worker with the puritan work ethic, the one who puts up his hand to volunteer for extra credit? This is EXACTLY what he was like when he was 18. He has not changed ONE bit. With Paddy, what you see is what you get.

(Patrick pretend frowns at Agustin)

Kevin: I don't know. He still manages to surprise me. I think there's some hidden depths there.

Eddie: You mean you haven't explored all of his depths?

(Everyone laughs at Patrick)

Patrick: Gross! I'm going to choose to interpret that the way Kevin REALLY meant it. (he turns to Kevin)Thank you, Kevin. (Patrick turns to the others) For your information, Kevin thinks I'm mysterious.

Agustin: Yeah well, love is blind. Wait till he's lived with you for 12 years. Your charms will definitely have worn thin.

(Kevin smiles at Patrick and takes his hand)

Kevin: I look forward to it.

Agustin: You guys are unbearable.

Dom: I think I'm the only one here who has any right to complain about nauseating displays of public affection. Between the four of you you make me feel distinctly...unloved.

Patrick: No! Don't say that. We love you, right Agustin? We're the Three Amigos!

(Dom laughs)

Dom: That name is never going to stick, Paddy. It's time to let go.

Eddie: Talking of 'time'...Agustin and I have to get going because we are on the afternoon shift at the shelter, and we can't be late. We're serving Christmas dinner to the kids if anyone is interested in helping?

Dom: What the hell. I was going to work on the restaurant, but...I'm probably too drunk to handle tools. I'll come and help out.

(Patrick looks at Kevin, but Kevin subtly shakes his head)

Patrick: Sorry guys. We'll help out at New Year if you need us, but, we've got...plans for the afternoon. I'll take you to the elevator. (Patrick turns to Kevin). I'll be right back, OK?

(Kevin nods his head, then Dom, Eddie and Agustin hug Kevin goodbye, a little less awkwardly then when they had arrived. As they walk out, Kevin stands staring at the closed door. He starts chewing his lip and keeps staring. Eventually he turns to the living room and starts cleaning up dirty glasses and dishes. The front door opens and Patrick walks in. He smiles at Kevin, a little weakly and shrugs his shoulders)

Patrick: Alone at last?

(Kevin takes a deep breath)

Kevin: We don't have to do this right now. Let's clean up first, maybe watch some TV. We've got...

Patrick: You know what I'd like to do, Kevin?

Kevin: What?

Patrick: I'd like to make love. I'd like to take you to bed and love you and just have the best fucking Christmas afternoon ever.

Kevin: It's NOT the last, time, Patrick.

(Patrick smiles and walks up to Kevin. He cups his face in his hands)

Patrick: I know. I'm not asking for a 'farewell' fuck. I'm asking for the chance to take my handsome, smart, thoughtful, sexy boyfriend to bed and show him how much I loved his Christmas present. That's really what I want to do now. Then, when we've done that, then...we can talk. OK? Can we do that please?

(Kevin sighs deeply and closes his eyes)

Kevin: I don't think I will ever be able to say no to you, Patrick Murray.

Patrick: I like that. (Patrick touches his forehead to Kevin's). You make me weak at the knees, Kevin Matheson (he whispers before he kisses Kevin gently on the mouth).

End of Act 1 scene 11.