Chapter 11

Kylo and Rose ran into Poe, Finn, and Rey outside Rey's room on the way to the cafeteria. Rose smiled brightly at them, though Kylo could sense her unease at having been excluded from the others again.

"Hi, guys! We were just coming to look for you," Rose said. "Since Matt's new and all, I thought we'd have a little welcome party so everyone can get to know each other better."

"But he's not one of us," Finn said.

Poe and Rey both frowned at Finn, and Poe said, "He could be. Won't know until we try. If Rose wants us to get to know him, I'm all for it. Rey?"

Rey froze a moment before finding her voice. "I would like to know Matt better too," she said while looking Kylo in the eye. Kylo's heart leapt in his chest as she maintained the gaze.

"You're outnumbered Finn," Poe said. "Rose, when is the welcome party?"

"Does tonight work for you all? I'm interviewing a new radar technician tomorrow, and I would like to have the welcome party before I'm responsible for someone else too."

"Sounds good to me," Poe said. "Things have been quiet lately."

"Me too," Rey said.

"I don't know. I have a lot going on," Finn said. Poe elbowed Finn gently. "But I guess I can come too."

"Great!" Rose said. "I'll go see what private lounges are available for the evening."

Rose went on ahead, leaving Kylo with Rey, Finn, and Poe. "Dude, you know how I feel about this," Finn said to Poe as soon as Rose had left.

"And you know what Rey said about a dark force interfering with Rose's mind at lunch," Poe said.

Kylo gave Rey a sharp look, and she shrugged. I had to explain it somehow. She thought to him.

Finn shook his head. "I know. I know! Rey, are you sure Rose is safe now? And you never said how that worked. I mean, a dark force… it's got to be Kylo Ren, right? What if Rose is now an unwitting spy for us?"

Kylo very carefully kept his mouth shut. However, the idea that Finn was worried about Rose becoming a spy when Kylo was right there was hard not to react to.

Rey stepped between Kylo and Finn, as if sensing his internal struggle to remain inconspicuous. "I checked her myself, Finn. She's safe. She's not spying on us."

"Okay, but-"

"There's nothing to worry about," Rey said to Finn. "And Rose remembers her feelings now, if you ever feel like letting her know how you feel."

Finn cast a wary glance at Kylo. "Not here, Rey."

Poe shook his head. "What do you have to be afraid of, Finn? It's not like she'll reject you."

Kylo studied Finn, wondering the same thing. Finn didn't seem to know either. The former stormtrooper scratched his head, frowned, and shook it.

"You weren't this shy when you met me," Rey said.

Finn threw his hands up. "I had just escaped the First Order, survived a space crash, and didn't have any hope for surviving to the next day when I met you. I was full-adrenaline, and I was acting on instinct… now that things are calmer… I don't know. I've had time to think, and I feel like she can do better than someone who runs away from everything. I mean, I ran from the First Order, I tried to run from the Resistance-"

"Really?" Poe asked, incredulous. Rey seemed less surprised.

Finn glared at Poe. "Yea, when the First Order was tracking us through hyperspace and we had no fuel, I tried to run. I had hoped to prevent Rey from returning to a slaughter, at least."

Poe frowned, but he didn't seem angry. "I get it. It looked pretty hopeless for all of us, but don't do that again, okay?"

Finn sighed. "It's not like I woke up thinking i would betray the Resistance… or the First Order. I just… I don't know. I'm not the hero everyone thinks I am."

Kylo rolled his eyes. Of course not, the traitor was a traitor, apparently to both sides, but Kylo supposed awareness was something.

"No, Finn. You are a hero. You helped storm Starkiller Base to take down its defenses," Rey said.

"Only to save you. I had felt so bad about how we parted on Takodana, and seeing that monster carry you off…"

"Monster?" Poe asked.

"He means Kylo Ren," Rey said. "Kylo kidnapped me on Takodana since I had seen the map to Luke Skywalker."

"That's right. Oh man, that guy is seriously creepy. He interrogated me too, you know. He let his buddies try the old-fashioned way, but I wouldn't talk, so he forced his way inside my mind. Felt like he was cleaving my head in two."

Rey stared at Poe a moment, mystified. "Yea, it's not fun," she said.

"Wait, so Kylo Ren went in your head too?" Poe asked. "But they didn't find Luke Skywalker…"

"Something he did woke up my own powers. I surprised him and escaped before he found the map," Rey said. "But that's not the point. Finn is a hero. He risked his life to save me on Starkiller Base… both in coming there and fighting Kylo Ren for me while I was unconscious. Then he and Rose both risked their lives with the mission to Canto Bight, and again on Crait. Finn, you are a hero, and you won't abandon us again."

Finn stared at Rey and nodded slightly after a moment. "Alright. Alright. I'll trust you, Rey."

"Trust yourself, Finn! You don't need me for that," Rey protested.

Poe clapped Rey's shoulder. "Baby steps, Rey. He'll get there. Now let's go get some food! I'm starving," Poe said.

Kylo took a step into the mix, drawing attention to himself. "You forgive Finn for both being in the First Order and for trying to desert the Resistance since then. Is there anything you would not forgive?" he asked.

Rey looked to Poe, and Poe shrugged. "Not sure. I mean, I don't see any good in holding someone's past against him. I've heard all my life about how Darth Vader, one of the most wicked people in history, was redeemed in the end. Still, I think there might be people I would never trust. I mean, if Kylo Ren and Armitage Hux walked in here tomorrow declaring they had given up evil and wanted to join the Resistance… I wouldn't necessarily turn them away, but I wouldn't trust them either. Would you?"

Kylo considered this. It was a ridiculous question, given that he was Kylo Ren, but he tried to process it as an academic might, pretending he were someone else, or perhaps someone he identified as an enemy had shown up, like Luke Skywalker. He shook his head with disgust. "I would destroy them."

"Damn, that's creepy," Finn said. "Like, I believe that you would actually kill them. I'm glad you're on our side and not theirs," Finn said.

Rey gave Kylo an odd, brief smile, but Kylo was in no mood to return it. Somehow, recognizing that Rey's friends would never trust him and even he wouldn't trust himself put a damper on the otherwise amusing irony of having Poe and Finn assume he was anyone other than their arch enemy. He knew he was a monster, but his time with Rey had made him feel like a redeemable one. Even his budding friendship with Rose encouraged him, but the truth was Rose would turn on him if she knew. Everyone would, except perhaps his mother and Rey.

"Let's go eat," Kylo said with a heavy heart.

"Don't have to tell me twice!" Poe said.

Rey touched Kylo's hand, freezing him in place as Poe and Finn went ahead. "What's wrong?" she asked him.

Kylo looked down to where their skin touched slightly, wishing he had the courage to claim her hand entirely and wishing more that he deserved it. He said nothing, choosing instead to embrace the concern she felt for him and memorize her face.

"Please. Trust me. I trusted you when I was at my lowest. Tell me what's bothering you," Rey said. She took his hand in both of her hands, squeezing it gently.

The intimacy threatened to crack Kylo entirely. He shook his head, pulling his hand from her and hurrying toward the cafeteria before he could do something he might regret, like tell her how ugly he felt or give into his desire to kiss her.

Rey's light was as brilliant as it was beautiful, and Kylo feared more and more that he would tarnish her through exposure to his darkness. His academic and personal interest in determining if he could attract her were falling second to his love for her, and his whole body trembled with an unfamiliar emotion. He collected his dinner and sat down with the others before he identified it: protectiveness. He wanted to protect Rey from any and all harm, including himself.

Sorry for the wait. Too much going on IRL. I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you think!

Thank you Twi-Smile for pointing out Rose called Matt "Kylo" in the beginning. Whoops! Corrected now.