Chapter Eleven
"Shinon? When is Father going to come back?" Mist asks, crawling into Shinon's lap.
"I don't know, Mist," Shinon says wearily. "The answer has been the same for the last three weeks and it'll be the same until Father walks through the door."
"Do you think he'll be back soon?" Mist asks, frowning.
"I hope so," Shinon sighs. "I really hope so."
For three weeks Shinon has watched over the household. He has swept the floors and cleaned the cobwebs. He has pulled the weeds and trimmed the grass. He has made the beds and ran necessary errands. He has cooked three meals nearly every single day - occasionally Greil's friend Titania will help, but he finds she cooks just about as well as he does (which isn't saying a lot). And the children…Shinon never comprehended just how much responsibility there is in caring for a child. They have so many needs. Shinon doesn't even know how well he's kept up with them, if he's given them the love and care they require, or if he's just a horrible parent who can't do anything right. Ike and Mist haven't complained about it. In fact, they seem to love Shinon's way of doing things.
Still, Shinon never imagined Greil would be gone for three weeks. What if he doesn't return for another three? What if he's gone for months? A year? Two years? Exhausted, Shinon doesn't know how much longer he can parent Ike and Mist. He doesn't know if he's strong enough. He's only nineteen, for heaven's sake.
"Can we go to the bakery today, Shinon?" Mist asks, her baby blues gazing straight up at Shinon.
"I'll have to think about it, Mist," Shinon says, wanting more than anything to just lay in bed and sleep for a few hours…or days.
"Please?" Mist begs.
"I said I'll have to think about it," Shinon says, feeling his hands clench slightly. He hates repeating himself. He wishes people would listen the first time.
"How long do you have to think about it?" Mist asks.
"I'll think about it for an hour," Shinon sighs.
"Okay. I'll go play with my dolls and then in an hour I'll ask you again," Mist's smile beams as she hops off his lap and dashes clumsily to her room. When she's out of sight, Shinon lets his head fall on the back of the couch. He knows she'll be back in ten minutes asking if an hour's been up yet.
"Shinon?" another young voice speaks. Shinon doesn't answer. He wishes he could just be left alone.
"Shinon, can you teach me how to fight?" Ike asks, plopping next to Shinon on the couch. This causes Shinon to lift his head and glance at the young boy. Ike has never asked him to fight with him. Ike's wrestled with his father sometimes, but never with Shinon. Shinon remembers Greil also teaching Ike some basic things about swords, like how to hold them and such.
"I can't teach you very much about a sword, Ike," Shinon says. "I'm an archer."
"Well, can you teach me how to spar?" Ike asks eagerly. "I wanna know how to defend myself against the bullies in town! They get really mean to me sometimes. You're really tough, Shinon. I like watching you fight with Father. Can you teach me something? Please?"
A streak of pride runs through Shinon's body. Greil used to spar with Shinon all the time to increase his defensive skills. It's gotten to the point now where Shinon can dodge just about anything Greil throws at him. And now Ike wants him to teach him what he knows?
"Hitting people is never an appropriate response," Shinon says, seeing Ike's face fall for a moment. "But…I suppose I can teach you a little of what I know."
"Yay! I love you, Shinon!" Ike shrieks, bouncing on the couch. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Alright, enough hopping," Shinon barks, getting off the couch. "You do that and you become very vulnerable. C'mere, you need to know what to do if someone throws a punch at you."
Tutoring Ike reenergizes Shinon, and he finds himself teaching for two whole hours. Mist ran up after the first hour and, seeing the fun Ike was having, requested that Shinon teach her too. By the end of their training, Ike and Mist have learned all the basic essentials for defending themselves.
"Now remember, leave the neck and throat alone unless you're looking to seriously damage or kill someone," Shinon wraps it up. "But, in case you ever need to defend your life by taking a life, knock them over, put your knees on either side of their chest, grab their throat, and squeeze against their Adam's apple. If they have enough hair to grab, you can do that close to their scalp to drain them faster."
"Cool!" Ike pants, sweat sliding down his excited face.
"But don't go practicing that on people, k?" Shinon says. "You shouldn't have to use any of what I taught you at your age. It's just good to know in case you ever need it."
"There's somebody at the door! Somebody at the door!" Mist shrieks, all wound up from Shinon's sparring lesson. "See? You can see her out the window!"
Shinon glances out the window Mist is pointing to and sees Titania standing outside, her bright red hair in a long braid. Shinon wipes the sweat off his face and tries to readjust his ponytail, but finds it in a mess. Not wanting to keep Titania waiting, Shinon tries to jerk the hair-tie out, which only causes him pain as it's hopelessly stuck. Ignoring it, Shinon answers the door. Titania takes a step back and examines him. She and Shinon haven't seen each other in about a week.
"Well, physically, you look…awful," Titania says with a small laugh.
"Thanks, you look awful too," Shinon retorts.
"I didn't mean it like that, Shinon, it's just…" Titania pauses for a moment. "You look exhausted. Those are some pretty dark circles under your eyes, and your hair's-"
"It's a mess, I know," Shinon says. "I just got done teaching Ike and Mist how to fight." He steps back to let Titania in the door.
"You were teaching the children how to fight?" Titania shoots a glance at Shinon. "Shinon! Greil can teach them when he feels they're ready. In fact, I don't think Mist needs to be learning how to fight, frankly."
"I told them only to use my techniques when necessary," Shinon says. Titania points at Ike and Mist in the living area, both wrestling each other to the ground. Shinon shrugs and says, "I told them not to."
"Shinon, how are you doing?" Titania suddenly asks, looking Shinon full in the face. "You look tired."
Shinon sighs and looks back at Ike and Mist. He hates it when Titania asks him stuff like that - and she does it every time she comes. "How are you doing?" "Are you holding up okay?" "You really miss Elena, don't you?" Does she honestly think he's going to answer? Like he's going to spill his heart and blubber, "Oh, Titania, it's been so hard!"
"I know we don't know each other as well as we could, but…you know I'd do anything for Greil's son," Titania says with a small smile.
Shinon tries not to roll his eyes.
"If you ever need my help in anything, all you have to do is ask, Shinon," Titania says. "You don't have to do this on your own. You're still young too, you know."
"I'm an adult, Titania," Shinon says. "Stop baby-talking me."
"You're nineteen," Titania says firmly. "In all respects, you are still a kid."
"If Greil didn't trust me, he wouldn't give me this responsibility," Shinon says with equal firmness. "If he didn't think I could do it, don't you think he would've asked someone to help me?"
Titania pauses, as if trying to think of something to say. Shinon stares at her, waiting patiently for an answer. Women listen to their emotions too much, Shinon thinks. He hates how Titania treats him like a little boy, like he's incapable of doing anything without a "grown-up's" help. Shinon knows he's capable of doing anything. His father beat capability into him. He was taught never to fail.
"Alright, I see your point," Titania sighs. "I just…I worry so much about you."
"Well, don't," Shinon frowns. He also hates it when people worry about him. Worry doesn't improve anything. Worry only distracts.
"Okay, Shinon…" Titania says, apparently realizing Shinon's desire to end the conversation. "But just remember, even if Greil thinks you're fully capable of doing something, it's not a sign of weakness if you just want a little help."
Yes, it is, Shinon thinks, but decides to remain silent.
"Well…just let me know if you need me," Titania gives an awkward smile and heads back towards the door. "Stay strong, Shinon. You're doing very well."
"I'm glad I have your approval," Shinon says.
Titania nods, smiles again, then turns and leaves, glancing back at Shinon occasionally. Shinon watches after her for a little while, then turns away. He probably shouldn't have been so annoyed with her. She's a woman. She does woman things. She has woman emotions. She probably has some weird instinct to protect and care for him or something.
"Was that Titania?" Ike asks, running up to Shinon, a small fresh bruise on his forehead.
"Yeah, that was Titania," Shinon says.
"When Father starts the mercenary group, is she going to be in it?" Ike asks.
"I don't see why not," Shinon shrugs, glancing at the kitchen. He's starting to get hungry. Perhaps it's time to start making dinner.
"Is Father going to marry her and make her our new Mother?" Mist squeaks, stumbling over to Shinon as well.
Shinon freezes, his throat closing up for a moment. In a flash, the scene plays out in his mind: Greil finding love in Titania, kissing her, having a beautiful flowery wedding out in the forest. Ike and Mist would address her as "Mother," and she would become all the things that Elena was.
Shinon's stomach lurches and he tastes a bit of his lunch in the back of his throat. Titania is not his mother. Titania will never be his mother. And she will never, ever be all the things that Elena was. She will never replace Elena and Shinon will have a serious discussion with Father if he even considers it.
He called him Father. Not Greil. Father.
"No," Shinon finally answers Mist's question. "Titania's just a family friend. She's not becoming anyone's new Mother."
"Aw, well, I like her," Mist pouts.
"Yeah, sure," Shinon mumbles, then turns to the kitchen. "Well, I'm hungry, so I'm going to go ahead and make dinner. How does beef on bread sound?"
"We had those yesterday!" Ike frowns.
"Fine, if you don't want them, you don't have to eat them," Shinon shrugs, heading into the kitchen. "I'm not making anything else, so if you want to go hungry tonight…"
"Oh! Um…yummy! Beef on bread sounds wonderful!" Ike immediately chimes.
"That's a boy," Shinon smirks. Ike's not a bad kid. Not a bad kid at all.