AN: I freely admit most of this chapter is just me trying to piece together St. John's proposal in the book from memory. I have probably mangled it badly and it's not the most original part of the story.

Chapter 11

The sun shone brightly upon the moors as Jane and St. John silently made their way through the countryside. Jane enjoyed being outdoors on such a pleasant day, but the cold, silent presence of St. John did little to enhance it. They made their way to the beck and St. John seated himself on a rock beside it, and stared at the water for a few minutes. His features finally softened.

"I will see this in my dreams as I sleep by the Ganges," he said.

Although he was austere, Jane was touched by his expression for the love of his homeland, though she realized that this statement was a brutal reminder of his leaving.

"When will you be leaving us?"

"I have booked passage in six weeks," St. John replied.

"God will bless you as you have endeavored to do His work," Jane said.

He said nothing for a while and then spoke again, this time with more earnestness. "I have felt called for this for so long. God has spoken to my heart. What does your heart say?"

"My heart is mute," she said.

"Then let me speak for it. Jane, come with me to India. Be my helpmeet and fellow laborer."

Jane could not believe what she was hearing. Go to India with St. John? "Oh St. John, have some mercy," she cried.

"Jane," he continued. "Over the past few months I have watched you assist me in my labors. I have observed you as you willingly took on the task of learning Hindustani without question. You have proven yourself to be strong, loyal, and obedient. These are the perfect qualities of a missionary's wife."

"I am not fit for it. I have no vocation. Nothing speaks to me. Oh St. John, if you only knew how silent my heart is on these matters."

St. John ignored her plea. "Who is truly fit for it? We must make sacrifices and be willing to do God's work. As a helper amongst Indian women and a teacher in Indian schools, you will be very useful.

Jane considered this. What if she were to go to India? She could never marry Mr. Rochester. What was she doing here in Morton that was useful?

But there was the other part of it. She would have to marry St. John. How could she marry a man she did not love that way? How could she endure all forms of love (which she had no doubt he would scrupulously observe)?

She gave him her answer, "St. John, I am willing to go to India if I may go free."

"That needs further explanation, Jane."

"I have always considered you my adopted brother and I your adopted sister. Let us go to India as such."

"Adopted fraternity will not work in this situation. It is widely known you are not my real sister. If you accompany me to India, we must be husband and wife. Do you think that God will accept half a sacrifice?"

"Oh I will give my heart to God. You do not want it."

St. John was visibly shaken by Jane's sarcasm. She tried to soften the blow. "St. John, I respect and admire you. As a sister, I love you. But I cannot marry you if you don't love me as your wife."

"We cannot be alone, sometimes amongst savage tribes, if we are not married."

"Treat me as a fellow missionary, as if I were a curate and a man."

"A female curate who is not my wife would never suit me. I need someone I can guide and correct. You have a man's brain, but a woman's heart."

"But to you I don't have a woman's heart. I simply have a man's brain and constancy. That is all you require from me."

"If you are serious about this and do not wish to marry me, I can put you in touch with a fellow missionary whose wife needs a helper. You can go with them."

"I will do no such thing, St. John. I would go to India with you because I love and admire you. I would not do this for anyone else. I have no desire to go to India alone. I fear I would not live long in that climate."

"Ah, so you worry for yourself," St. John sneered.

"Yes I do. God did not give me my life to throw away. He did not give me my heart to marry someone who would not appreciate it."

"Jane you are formed for labor, not for love. Enough of love would come once we were married to render the union legitimate even in your eyes."

Jane found her anger rising. "I scorn your idea of love. I scorn the counterfeit sentiment you offer, and yes, St. John, I scorn you when you offer it to me."

She saw St. John step back almost as if dodging a blow. She realized just how harshly she had spoken.

"Forgive me St. John. I did not mean to pain you. Love is not a subject that should ever come up between us. If I am formed for labor and not for love, then it follows that I am not formed for marriage. I will not marry someone who only regards me as a useful tool. Yet you are still my brother and I still wish that we will always be friends. You will always be dear to me St. John."

St. John struggled to speak. "Of course I forgive you Jane. I do hope you will reconsider my offer though."

"If we are still friends, then let's at least shake hands." She offered her hand. His fingers barely touched hers before they withdrew.

"I think our walk is over," he said. Silently they made their way back to Moor House.

When the house came in sight, Jane noticed a figure coming up the walk. It was a dark-haired man of middle height and athletic build. She stopped and gasped. "What is it?" St. John asked.

Jane stood silent and immobile as the unmistakable figure of Mr. Rochester approached her home. He had found her. What was she to do now?