Author's Note: Shortish chapter after a long wait, I apologize. I've just been super busy lately, and I've had to write all these papers for school, so when I get home the last thing I want to do is write some more...you understand, don't you? Excuses, excuses. Blah, blah. Sidenote: not sure if my use of the word "xeric" is correct, but it was the only word that started with "x" that I could think of a theme for, besides "xylophone," which is so cliché that even I refuse to use it.

X is for Xeric: "So, you're telling me that this isn't Phoenix, Arizona?"

Alec knew it was going to be an interesting day when out of the blue Magnus asked, "Darling, have you ever been to Phoenix, Arizona?"

They were sitting in Alec's favorite locally owned bookstore somewhere on the outskirts of Queens. Like most of what Alec favored, it was stuffy, dusty, and moth-eaten, but it retained a quaint, antique charm that was common in most small bookstores owned by equally stuffy, dusty, moth-eaten old men. Magnus was flipping through a positively ancient magazine, trying to decipher the faded lettering on the page while Alec perused the aisles looking for something to read. He'd warned Magnus beforehand that this was going to a time-consuming feat, considering he'd already read about three-fourths of the books in the store. Magnus decided to join him anyway.

Alec was a little afraid to answer Magnus's question. "As a matter of fact, I haven't. Have you?"

"No," Magnus replied. Alec raised his eyebrows at the response, and even Magnus seemed a tad surprised. In his eight-hundred years, Magnus had traveled, it seemed sometimes, nearly everywhere in the world. Apparently, though, not Phoenix, Arizona.

"Huh," Alec remarked, going back to his languid search. "Why do you ask?"

"Because according to this, it is the most populated state capital in the United States."

"Interesting."

"Not at all," Magnus disagreed, tossing the magazine over his shoulder. Alec scowled at the warlock's disrespectful treatment of the article. Not to mention the unwarranted slander of Arizona's state capital.

"You're in a fine mood," Alec bit sarcastically. "What do you have against Phoenix, Arizona?"

"I don't have anything against Phoenix, Arizona. I just don't find it particularly interesting that it has the largest population of all the state capitals."

"Really? I do. I'd figured it'd be Boston or something. You don't hear too much about Phoenix, Arizona."

Magnus gave him a look. "I think you are the only person on the planet who finds it interesting that Phoenix, Arizona, has the largest population out of all the state capitals."

"Evidently not. Someone wrote an article on it in a magazine."

"That person is most likely dead," Magnus retorted. "He probably died from sheer lack of character."

"I feel like you're insulting me, but I'm not entirely sure," Alec speculated.

"What I'm saying is, you have character. An extraordinary amount of character. You're absolutely bursting with character. I mean, you do the extremely dangerous job of hunting demons, you have a plethora of constant weaponry at your disposal, you wear sexy black fighting gear when you're not wearing those hideous sweaters, you're funny, you're smart, you're charming; and yet, you spend your valuable time here, in this stuffy old bookstore that you've probably remained loyal to for the past several years, debating with me about the level of interest of the population of Phoenix, Arizona."

"Wait," Alec said, "you think Shadowhunter gear is sexy?"

"Beyond the point," Magnus sighed. "Honestly, Alexander, haven't you at least noticed that we're the only two people in here?"

"I'm always the only person in here," Alec said.

"Exactly," said Magnus. "Instead of sitting in here reading about Phoenix, Arizona, wouldn't you rather be in Phoenix, Arizona?"

"Technically, you were reading about Phoenix, Arizona. I was talking about it," Alec pointed out. "And I still don't understand. It makes no difference whether I want to go to Phoenix, Arizona. The simple fact is that even though it has the largest population out of all the state capitals, I've never been there, and I'm not there now because I'm at this sparsely inhabited bookstore picking out something to read. Nothing I do is going to change that."

Magnus smiled devilishly. "Au contraire, mi corazon."

"Are you trying to distract me with your use of both French and Spanish?" Alec accused suspiciously. His eyes widened when he spotted a blue spark jump from the warlock's fingertips. "Magnus, what are you doing?"

"I am escorting you to Phoenix, Arizona," Magnus replied, snapping his fingers just as Alec once again opened his mouth to protest.

And suddenly, they were no longer in the stuffy, dusty, moth-eaten bookstore on the outskirts of Queens. Alec screamed as he flailed in a torrent of colors, sounds, and sensations, grasping like a child for something to hold on to, finding nothing, not even air. Finally, after several terrifying seconds of this, he was falling through the air. He landed on something hard and gritty, but it sufficed in cushioning his fall. After taking a moment to recover, he sat up on his elbows and looked around.

Dunes. There was a steady rise and flow of pale golden sand dunes for miles around, dotted with the occasional clump of prickly green cacti or skeletal brush. There was uninterrupted brilliant blue sky from horizon to horizon, marred only by the blaring white orb of the sun in the center.

The desert. Alec was in the desert.

From beside him, there was a muffled exclamation and another person popped out of the sand. It was Magnus, shaking sediment out of his hair and surveying their surroundings. His face lit up when he noticed Alec. "There you are! I was worried for a moment that we would get separated. I should have grabbed your hand before I teleported."

"Magnus," Alec hissed, slowly. "What did you do?"

"Oh, nothing really. I just teleported us to Phoenix, Arizona." Magnus glanced around. "You know, for it having the highest population of any capital in the United States, it sure is dismal around here. Are you sure that magazine was accurate?"

"Don't you have to make a Portal to get anywhere?" Alec asked, bewildered. "Please don't tell me you opened a Portal in that bookshop."

"Of course not, darling! Don't be ridiculous. I didn't use a Portal," Magnus dismissed.

"Then what the hell was that?!" Alec gestured wildly to the sky from which they had arrived.

"I told you: teleportation. It's not exactly approved by the Clave, but it isn't illegal either," Magnus explained before Alec could protest.

"Why isn't it approved by the Clave? There must be a reason."

"Well...let's just say that if used by an unpracticed warlock, it's not exactly safe," Magnus said. "We use teleportation for inanimate objects and occasionally animals, but human beings are another thing entirely. It takes immense concentration, control, and enormous power."

"That does not make me feel any better about our situation," Alec said dryly. Again, he looked around. "Are you sure we're in Arizona?"

At least Magnus was honest. "No, not sure at all." He stood and dusted himself off, then offered a hand to Alec. "Let's find out, shall we?"

"If this turns into a catastrophe, you are never living it down," Alec warned, accepting the assistance. Already he was starting to sweat; the black jeans, thick boots, and navy blue sweater he was wearing weren't exactly desert-trekking attire.

Magnus only beamed at him. "Oh, Alec, honey. I'm flattered you have so much faith in me that you've yet to realize any sane person would already consider this a catastrophe." He guided Alec down the sand dune before he had a chance to respond.

It was several hot, dry, water-less hours before they finally found someone. He was certainly no one from Phoenix, Arizona. He was a man in a white robe and turban, with dark skin and thick black hair. He was riding a camel. And he didn't speak English.

Luckily, Magnus was relatively fluent in whatever language the man did speak. After several lines of dialogue that Alec didn't comprehend, Magnus nodded, sent the man on his way, and turned to Alec.

"So," he said. "News. We're not in Phoenix, Arizona."

"Really? I never would have guessed," Alec remarked. "Where, exactly, are we?"

"Somewhere in the Sahara Desert."

Alec gaped. "The Sahara Desert? As in Africa? How the hell did we end up in Africa?"

"I told you, teleportation is very tricky business," Magnus shrugged. "You should be happy we found this kind gentleman. There isn't civilization for fifty kilometers."

"Well, what exactly are we supposed to do now, Magnus? You're not going to teleport us back to New York City. We might end up in the clutches of a polar bear in Alaska!"

Magnus smirked. "You know, people really don't appreciate the full extent of your imagination."

"Magnus. This stopped being funny two hours ago. Just tell me how we're going to get home," Alec hissed. He was sweaty, dehydrated, sunburned, and had sand in all the wrong places. He just wanted to get back to sweet urbanity and forever surround himself with the comfort of concrete.

"Very well, very well. I can do one of two things: manufacture us some fake passports, find an airport, and fly back to New York, or I can make a temporary Portal."

"Flying will take to long," Alec sighed. "So make a damn Portal."

"Alrighty then, grumpy," Magnus huffed as be began to prepare.

Alec rolled his eyes. Suddenly, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out, looked at the caller-ID, and inwardly groaned. "It's Jace."

"I thought electronics didn't work in foreign counties."

"Yeah, me too." Alec begrudgingly answered it. "Hello?"

"Where the hell are you? We've got a nest of demons in the city, and we've been trying to get a hold of you for at least half an hour - " There was sounds of a struggle, and suddenly Isabelle's shrill voice was on the other end.

"Alec! Where are you? You're not at Magnus's, not at that gross little coffee place you like so much, and that old guy at the bookstore said he saw you and Magnus earlier but you just disappeared! What's going on?"

"Look, sorry for making you worry. There were some...complications, but I'm on my way back. It might take a while, so just go ahead and handle this horde without me."

"Back from where?"

Alec sighed. "We're not entirely sure. Somewhere in the Sahara."

"...Desert?"

"Yeah."

Silence. The static of an exchange, and then Jace's amused tones. "I think you just broke Isabelle. Did I hear that right? You're in the Sahara Desert? As in - ?"

"Africa. Yes. Look, it's a long story - "

"Not really," Magnus provided impishly.

" - and I've got to go. Handle those demons without me."

"Sounds kinky, but okay."

"Unfortunately it's not," Magnus muttered.

Alec glared at him darkly and hung up the phone. "Are you satisfied? You've broken my sister. She was stunned into silence. I don't think that's ever happened before. Ever."

"Then I feel very accomplished," Magnus supplied. "It's always that way when I break a new record. You know, I should be in the World Record Book for the largest rubber-band ball ever constructed, but legalities forced me to surrender my title."

"What legalities?"

"Apparently if it's hollow and you can roll around in it like a hamster it doesn't count. I'll show you pictures when we return." Magnus stopped and sighed. "Well, the Portal is complete. It's not my best work, but it will suffice. Let's go home."

When they arrived in Magnus's apartment a few minutes later and drank about three gallons of water, Alec decided he was too sunburned to help Jace and Isabelle (who stopped by to hear the whole story after receiving his text while battling the small horde of Raveners) and instead opted to look at pictures of the world's largest hollow rubber-band ball.