AN~ I can FINALLY update this like you've been asking me to! First there was the obvious fact that the book wasn't out (seriously guys what do you expect me to write book seven FOR the guy?). Then I was SUPER busy, then I had other stuff to write and I promised I'd update Never Gonna Happen on Friday. EDITED.

5/8

Today was really weird. First, I got woken up majorly early by a party or something in Mirror's room because of Goldilocks. (Turns out she came back after all.) She tried to wake them up, but it didn't quite work the way it was supposed to.

After that, Smirt came back AGAIN and took them away. Daphne sort of thought that would happen eventually after the whole deal in New York, so she talked to me a couple months ago. And when Smirt got here, she somehow found time to talk to me about it some more, which is good because I completely forgot about it 5 seconds or so after she told me (What? I thought of the best prank ever!) and she still got downstairs about five seconds after Sabrina. I don't know how she does these things. Those girls are amazing. Forget I said that.

When I was flying off to rescue them AGAIN, their parents woke up. I told the Old Lady what I was doing and she said she'd follow me, because, honestly, I didn't want to get caught up in some mushy family reunion for some people I've never even met. Well, I met Veronica a few times... But not Henry. Goldilocks didn't look like she wanted to be there very much either, now that I think about it.

Rescuing them was hilarious! I never realized Smirt could be so much fun from what Daphne told me! And Sabrina completely spazzed out when she saw me at the window. Except for the whole barrier thing, it was AWESOME! Yeah, the barrier kind of stunk. I got stuck in it and almost got crushed. Not fun. Sabrina tried to stop the train, but that sort of failed. We had to forgetful dust the whole train after that 'cause I turned into a rhino to get out, but we didn't dust Smirt. Now there's a 'crazy' caseworker trying to convince an orphanage in New York that Everafters are real.

Then there was ANOTHER reunion scene. Reminded me of MY last family reunion. Everyone was happy for about five seconds. Then Henry was all like 'magic is evil! Daphne is five! We're moving back to New York!' That part was not happy. I don't really need to tell you it was a really awkward ride home. Especially because about halfway through it Henry called me Peter Pan and I sort of lost it and ripped the roof off the car so it shrunk 'cause Jake used this stretchy powder on it or something and it doesn't work unless you use it on an enclosed space. I was next to Sabrina. Need I say more? Yeah. I left.

The Grimms REALLY need a new car.

When they got home they started packing and arguing and stuff. I was kind of not okay with that. I mean, I figured Henry would want to leave, but this quick? Not really okay. That went on for a while. Henry and Jake fight more than Sabrina and Daphne! Right when they were about to leave we got attacked by an army of Scarlet Handers. They cut the power lines and the water and shot Jake, so we locked the house and left.

Did you know that Mirror has back doors into the other mirrors? I didn't. Cool, no? He also has this AWESOME trolley (a trolley is a bus, apparently). I didn't know that either. Anyway, the trolley goes, like, a million miles an hour and it made everyone but me feel sick. Success, if you ask me.

So yeah, we ended up in this place Charming built overnight called- take a guess- Camp Charming. That guy is so full of himself. I got a full tour. Grimm and the Marshmallow didn't. See, they left again. I'm really starting to not like this Henry dude. He's taking away my main attack focus! Because I don't care about her in ANY other way. At all. But she came back anyway, so even if I did care, which I don't, it's all good still.

Oh, we met Pinocchio. He talks weird. Uses big words like 'all in good time' and 'embrace' and 'vessel'. I don't like him. Sabrina stared at him all through dinner. Why would she do that? I mean, really! He looks stupid, he talks funny, he's- smart. Like she is. Wait. I didn't say that, because I don't like her. At all. Good riddance. But I still don't like him.

Did you know the Marshmallow's birthday is in two weeks? I think I'll get her a present. That'll make Grimm mad. AND it'll make the Marshmallow happy. DOUBLE WIN!

Why would a hobgoblin have a mirror? I've met some. They're NOT big mirror people. Fishy, if you ask me. (Don't ask. Long story.)

Grimm wants to leave. Also not a happy thing. What would I do without her? Life would be so boring without someone to prank like her. No one else reacts right. Oh, that reminds me, she's infected me with a weird virus called puberty, so I declared war on her. It apparently means you grow up. WE GOT MARRIED IN THE FUTURE. This is a national emergency. Call in everyone, I need professional help.

So I stormed off to make war plans. Except that I forgot all my stuff's back in my room, which is shut because Mirror won't let me on the trolley 'cause he's a freaking jerkface. I mean, I could just fly back, but I'm NOT flying a bunch of chimpanzees and all my stuff back here. I'd need about ten more arms.

This needs thinking about.

Night,

Puck

5/9

Briar's dead.

Jake took Grimm and the Marshmallow out to find her last night and when they found her, the Hand was attacking her. They tried to save her, but she got toasted by a dragon when they were running off.

Dragons are cool. Briar dying is not.

Jake's heartbroken. This is the worst thing that could happen to him. Sort of makes me wonder what I'd be like if... never mind. We won't continue that train of thought.

On the plus side, Charming finally got what he wanted. People signed up for his army, which is what he's been trying for for... two days now. Then Canis came and asked us for a whole bunch of things for that army. I don't care, honestly, but the Old Lady had a family meeting and we all voted. Grimm said yes. I really don't know why. Maybe it's 'cause the Marshmallow's still mad at her.

They spent the rest of the afternoon training people to use the magic stuff. Boring.

I got the best idea ever, though. They have a bunch of pegasuses (Pegasuss? I don't think that's right.) and one of them farted while I was in there and I got to thinking about how horses have VERY sensitive digestive systems and if they were fed the right stuff, it would cause problems. Very messy problems. Those problems, because they're attached to flying horses, could be directed at a certain Grimm I'm at war with. Get my drift?

Gotta go feed them their next serving, then it's off to bed.

Puck

5/10

The plan went amazingly! It's going to take Mirror DAYS to clan up that mess!

Plus I got one right on top of Grimm! She fainted. Sissy! I mean, seriously! It's just a bit of diarrhea!

Other than that, not much happened. I tested a few pranks of Pinocchio. I still don't like him. I also thought of something else.

Water toadies! Mirror left a bunch of eggs lying around. This is gonna be rich! ...Once she wakes up.

Boredly yours,

Puck.

5/11

Grimm's awake again. I played a million pranks on her. She's not doing much back except threatening me and glaring. I mean, yeah, her glares are enough to terrify even the bravest of soldiers, but I was hoping for a bit more action. She's not the most fun person to be at war with. You should have seen her face when she turned green, though! It was the BEST! Too bad Jake had the remedy. She'll grow a tail, but that won't last NEARLY as long.

They went to war today. That failed. Canis thinks we've got a spy. I kind of agree with him. It goes with the whole sabotage thing that's been going on.

The dentist lady died. That stinks. Except that it leaves the job open for me since I'm apparently being forced to grow up.

Grimm spent almost the whole time they were gone with Pinocchio! Just 'cause he gave her some stupid puppet that looks like her, she spent the whole day teaching him to fly the carpet! Who needs that long? And why didn't the Marshmallow teach him? She's way better at that stuff! RRGH. This calls for more pranks. I'll show her to pay attention to somebody else after infecting me.

Charming has another plan for tomorrow. He doesn't really get that the whole spy issue makes plans a bad idea, does he?

Grimm and her dad had a talk after Charming's speech, and they both looked a lot happier after that. Maybe she changed her mind...

Buenos Noches,

Puck

5/12

Another busy day.

Charming took them out for the battle- which they won, for once. He gave them a fake plan, and it proved we've got a spy.

We also found who the spy is. Pinocchio. I knew it! Didn't I say that I didn't like him? Didn't I?

Then we got attacked. That was actually pretty cool. I got to use a catapult AND the world's biggest squirt gun!

'Course, I knocked Grimm off the tower 'cause it ran out of water and I thought she broke it. That was extremely not fun. She almost died! Actually, techincally I saved her life again. If I hadn't given her the water toadie egg, she wouldn't've taken the cure that made her grow a tail, and the tail is what saved her! The only problem with my logic is that I'm the one who knocked her off the tower in the first place. ...Which kind of... was... not okay. A lot. HolycrapIalmostkilledher... It's okay. She's alive. She's not dead. It all worked out. I'm not freaked or anything.

I KILLED A DRAGON! That has got to be the coolest thing I've ever done.

We're back at home now, the fort's kind of destroyed and stuff. My hair's sticking straight up, which is neat, except that it itches, 'cause I was putting the power lines back together. We have water again, too.

Jake and Charming's army are off to do battle. They had to abandon camp. They better get back safe. I hope they bring me another dragon.

Puck

5/13

It's like one in the morning. Grimm just woke me up about a puppet. I never touched the puppets! I mean, really, why would I want to? Stupid girls. I'll never understand them.

One thing I do know is, if she wakes me up again, I'll hurt her. Very badly.

Puck