Guys… Why are you so focused on the reason Kakuzu broke up with Hidan? I can already tell you that it's not a noble or dramatic reason. It's simple and selfish. You'll probably be disappointed.

Guess who's back, back again?

--

He already hated Konoha. It wasn't like he had liked Yu – a city full of tourism, crowded with obnoxious foreigners who knew nothing about the local culture – but Konoha was worse just for being fucking Konoha. He didn't need a reason to hate it; he simply did.

Well. And maybe because the first thing that happened was someone trying to mug him at school.

"Come on, give it. I'm hungry and I don't feel like waiting in line forever."

Hidan glared at the taller boy in front of him. Tan skin, messy brown hair, green eyes… nothing special, he concluded. Not like him – he considered himself exceptional for his purple eyes and silver hair. "You're not seriously trying to steal my lunch money, right? Cause that's so fucking 1985."

"You're going to wish it was 1985 when I'm done with you, so give me that money, albino boy."

And that was it. That was so it. "I'm not a fucking albino, you jerkass!"

Whenever, in later times, someone asked Kakuzu and Hidan how they met, they made up a story on the spot. Neither of them liked to admit that they met by Kakuzu trying to steal Hidan's lunch money when they were fifteen.

--

Asuka was rereading her favourite scene in The second book of Jashin, where the Jashinist met the miser for the first time, when she heard a knock on her door. Thinking it might be Hidan, she quickly smoothed her hair with her hand and adjusted her t-shirt before chirping a "come in!".

It was, however, not Hidan. It was her father.

Her posture immediately relaxed and her smile faded into a look of confusion. "What's up?"

Kakuzu's lids were a little lowered and there were slightly dark circle under his eyes – she immediately knew that he was overworked and tired, as always. Not good. A tired Dad usually meant a pissy Dad. "Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you." He sat down on the bed next to hear and picked up her book, raising an eyebrow. "You're reading it again?"

"It's good," she defended herself, pouting a little.

Kakuzu cracked a small smile and Asuka almost thought she was hallucinating. He smiled so rarely nowadays. "I didn't mean it like that. I always used to reread books, too."

"You… you did? I've never seen you read anything but medical books…"

"It's because I don't have time to." He set the book back down and looked up at the ceiling, smile fading. "When I was a teenager, I loved to read. Classical literature, mostly."

She was still confused. What did he want? He never came to her room just to talk; usually it was to inform her he'd be working late, to bitch about a chore she hadn't done, or to tell her to watch Ryou.

After a few moments of awkward silence, he reached into his pants pocket, pulling out an envelope. "I have something for you."

"But my birthday was in September…"

He cleared his throat, seeming a little embarrassed. "I know, this is… Look, you're 13 now, a young woman. There may be things you don't feel comfortable talking to me about – woman things. I arranged for Tsunade to go shopping with you today. This is some money for you. Don't blow it all on itunes cards."

Asuka's eyes widened as she accepted the envelope. Had Hidan told him about the menstruation incident? And was her father trying to be considerate? "Um… thanks…?"

"She'll be here in about half an hour. Tonight we will have guests for dinner, so don't eat out. It's all unhealthy anyway."

"Who's coming?" She tilted her head. "Someone I know?"

"Tsunade, a friend of Hidan's and a journalist who wants to interview Hidan. Don't embarrass me, okay?"

She rolled her eyes. "So this is bribery? Fine, I'll be good."

Kakuzu's eyebrows sank into a mix between a frown and a glare. "They don't have anything to do with each other. I just thought that since your mother is not here anymore, you might want another woman to talk to who can answer your questions."

And there came that dreaded awkward silence again. Asuka didn't really know what to say; her father never talked much to her because he was so busy working. What should she talk about with him? They didn't have the same taste in music, like the same movies, read the same books…

"We might move soon."

Her head snapped up at that and she blinked. "What? Why? Where to? I don't want to move!"

He closed his eyes for a moment, and at that moment she could not read his emotions; his face was perfectly blank. "I'm going to apply in private clinics. If I work in a private clinic, I'm going to have less working hours and a more regular schedule. I'll be able to spend more time at home."

What was Asuka supposed to say to that? Of course she wanted her father to be home more, and she wanted him to be more relaxed and less stressed, but she didn't want to move. She had grown up in this house, and she didn't want to lose her friends!

"I also think that it's a good chance for Ryou to start over without always being the bully target. Before you throw a tantrum, think about it closely, Asuka. Maybe you'd like a new beginning, too."

The doorbell rang.

--

"Bastard!"

"Bitch!"

Hidan hugged his best friend tightly, glad to finally be seeing her again. He was such a genius for inviting Tayuya to that dinner with Shoji. "Damn bitch, you look fucking good."

"So do you. You've finally gained some weight…" She smirked, pinching his ass.

They separated again, and Hidan looked his friend up and down. "Your skin looks good. Tayuya, you dirty whore…"

Her smirk grew. "Yeah, I got myself a girlfriend. Her name's Kin and you're going to meet her the next time you come to Konoha, understand? And no, we will not have a threesome!"

"You don't even know what you're missing." Hidan smirked. "Seriously."

"She can be glad about that, too."

The two friends looked up, Tayuya curious and Hidan irritated, to see Kakuzu, who was smirking slightly.

She raised her eyebrows. "You must be the bastard Hidan always talks about."

"Does he?"

"Yeah, but he uses ruder names." She smirked. "Thanks for the invitation. Here." She held out a bottle of champagne. "A little thank you gift."

"I am pleasantly surprised that you have some manners." Kakuzu accepted the bottle, regarding the label on it for a moment. "And good taste."

"I get it, I get it – I suck." Hidan rolled his eyes. "Can we get inside now?"

--

Tsunade and Asuka were back only shortly before Shoji and his boyfriend were due to arrive. Once everyone was there, they started with the dinner. Being a cleanly person, Kakuzu got up as soon as everyone had finished eating, gathering the plates. Tayuya helped – something Hidan found entirely strange.

But you see, Tayuya had plans of her own. The only reason she had passed up the chance of spending the night with her girlfriend was because she wanted to finally meet Kakuzu and talk to him. It was even worth having to carry dirty plates.

"So," she began, placing plates in the sink, "I take it Hidan has been behaving well?"

Kakuzu snorted amusedly, sending her a look through narrowed eyes. "I figured you'd want to talk about him."

"Good, then we can cut this short." She washed her hands. "I know you're just friends now, but if you hurt him again, I'm afraid I'll have to castrate you. With a spoon."

"Does he really need you to watch out for him? That's kind of pathetic."

She glared. "The Hidan you knew and the Hidan I know are different, you ignorant jackass."

"There's no-one who knows Hidan better than me."

"Really." Her glare darkened even more and she stepped up to him – he was probably a full head taller than her, if not more, and was also a hell of a lot more intimidating than she had imagined, but fuck that. This was her best friend they were talking about! "Then you must be either a masochist or too confident for your own good."

"Maybe I'm both." His gaze was intense – it was the bright green, she was sure. A colour that you couldn't look away from.

"Mark my words, Kakuzu Hoku. Whatever you are scheming, if you end up hurting Hidan, I'm going to fucking kill you – and don't you dare think I'm kidding."

--

Meanwhile, Shoji was interviewing Hidan and Asuka was watching, loving every minute of it. Hidan, though, was getting irritated. What was taking Kakuzu and Tayuya so long in the kitchen? The whole point of the dinner was so Kakuzu could notice the similarities between them and Shoji and his boyfriend (Kenta, he had learnt)!

They came back a little later, and Tayuya did not look happy. Kakuzu's face was as impassive as always. What the fuck? Ah, whatever. Hidan didn't have time to care about that.

"Asuka…" Ryou tugged on his sister's sleeve. "Are they playing an asking game?"

"Duh, it's an interview." She rolled her eyes.

Shoji smiled slightly nervously at Ryou. "Here, I'll interview you, too. What's your name?"

Ryou frowned in confusion, looking at his father, who nodded. "My name's Ryou…"

"And how old are you?"

"I'm eight… and a half."

"That's a big deal right there." Shoji appeared to be relaxing. "So when you grow up, do you want to be a doctor like your daddy?"

"No…" Ryou's round, young face scrunched up in thought. "Daddy always looks unhappy, so I don't want to be a doctor. I wanna be happy."

Tsunade smirked, placing her hand on Ryou's shoulder. "I promise not all doctors are as boring and broody as your father, Ryou. Me, I'm a fairly happy woman."

"I still don't want to be a doctor." Ryou blushed, his voice becoming quieter. "I wanna be a teacher."

"The teacher's going to bed soon." Kakuzu laid his hand on top of Ryou's head – it was as affectionate as he'd get, the boy knew. "Come on, go change and brush your teeth."

--

Once Ryou was in bed and Asuka was told to do the same, the adults were able to relax a lot more and conversation went smoother. Tsunade got drunk rather fast, so they put her in a taxi and sent her home. Tayuya, in turn, didn't drink anything because she still wanted to drive home that night.

It wasn't until Kakuzu and Hidan were alone with Shoji and Kenta that Hidan finally got his way.

"- And I couldn't do it, you know?" Shoji looked at his slightly taller boyfriend, eyes soft. "I couldn't imagine life without him, so when my family moved, I moved in with my grandmother so I could stay here."

An affectionate look was exchanged, a kiss, and Hidan thought he was going to puke.

"Anyway," Kenta smiled, embarrassed. "How did you two get together?"

Finally. Hidan faked a grin. "Oh, we're not. We're just friends; I watch the kids for him."

"Oh! Oh, I'm sorry…" Kenta grinned, scratching his chin in embarrassment. "It would have been too funny, wouldn't it? If you two – a surgeon and a writer – were a couple, just like Shoji and me – an aspiring writer and a med student. It would have been like looking into the future, kind of."

"Kenta!" Shoji elbowed his boyfriend. "You never know when to stop talking! I'm really sorry about his behaviour…"

On the inside, Hidan was laughing loudly and shrilly. This was perfect! This went exactly like it should! On the outside, however, he remained calm and shot a quick glance at Kakuzu.

Apparently, Kakuzu had been doing the same, because their gazes met for a second, and then Kakuzu immediately looked away.

While his face was perfectly impassive, on the inside, Hidan was smirking and singing "We are the champions". People had always called him stupid, but if this didn't prove how much of a genius he was, then nothing would.

He was in a great mood for the rest of the visit, and when they went to walk them to their car, Hidan was completely satisfied with himself. He waved after them when they drove off before stretching, grinning. "That was a nice night, wasn't it?"

"It could have been worse."

The silver-haired man rolled his eyes, starting to walk back to the house. Kakuzu was already ahead of him. "You're so fucking grumpy. You should seriously try smiling every once in a while. Even your eight-year old son notices you're always unhappy… how fucking depressing."

Kakuzu shot him a glare over his shoulder. "Maybe I'd be happier if you weren't here."

"Bitch, please." Hidan snorted, shrugging. "All you do is plan ahead. I bet you even planned your kids ahead. Hey, did you already prepare for Asuka's prom? Got all plans ready to chase off any boys who might ask her out? Oh, and Ryou, have you already picked his fucking university for him?"

They had just made it inside when Hidan had uttered these words, and Kakuzu whirled around, his fist stopping only an inch before Hidan's nose. "Learn to shut your mouth, Hidan. Preparation is an important part of life, and I do not dictate my children's life."

"Fuck, Kakuzu, I'm trying to help you here! You're fucking unhappy cause it's always the same old shit for you! You need to break the fuck out of it, seriously, when was the last time you did something spontaneous?!"

Hidan didn't know what had made him say that; originally he really just wanted to tease Kakuzu, but when he said that, he meant it, which in itself was wrong because he didn't care for Kakuzu's happiness.

He also didn't know what moved Kakuzu to do it, but Kakuzu really did something spontaneous. He kissed Hidan.

His body reacted almost naturally to Kakuzu's kiss, his mouth opening to deepen it and his hands moving to Kakuzu's arms. There was a voice in his mind, screaming at him to stop kissing Kakuzu and push him away, laugh at him and reject him, trample all over his heart –

Kakuzu's hands wandered under Hidan's shirt, caressing the skin as their tongues struggled over dominance –

- But then there was another voice, and Hidan figured that it must have been his voice of reason, because it told him to pretend to enjoy it and play Kakuzu's lover for a while because that would just make the heartbreak worse.

So he let Kakuzu have his dominance. He let Kakuzu push him against the wall, kiss and bite on his neck, eliciting a moan from the silver-haired man. "Kakuzu… stop, we need to –"

"What?" Kakuzu nipped on the other's neck again, enjoying to watch tiny bruises building where he had been biting, sucking, licking and kissing. "Not into pain anymore?"

"That's not… aaahh… that's not it!" Hidan bit his lip, closing his eyes. "It's just… Asuka's in the fucking doorway."

Kakuzu's hand stopped its venture towards Hidan's crotch. "I see. For how long?"

"A minute."

"Is she freaked out?"

"Looks kinda paralyzed."

Kakuzu turned around slowly, very slowly. The poor girl was indeed standing in the doorway, frozen to the spot with her mouth gaping open and her eyes wide. "This… is not what it looks like."

--

Tayuya's back, tell a friend~

This is the kind of crap I write under stress. Also, my internship starts on Monday, so don't expect updates anytime soon.