Author's Note: As always, please review. Reviews make me happier. :D

Chapter 11: Love Lost

4 years ago 6 months ago

Mike and Micky had pulled into California only two days after leaving Texas. They had stopped at his Aunt's ranch before leaving the state where Micky had stayed hidden in the back of the van in case he was seen by anyone. Mike trusted Aunt Kate entirely, but they didn't know who else might be around. Micky didn't dare show his face until they left Texas. After leaving with money and food given to him by Aunt Kate, they made a stop in Arizona to sleep in a motel and finally arrived in Malibu. Mike had lined up an apartment for them and though it was in a rundown area, since neither of them had jobs, it would have to do. Now they were all settled in and had moved on with their lives. Thanks mostly in part to a woman they'd run into shortly after arriving.

As soon as Mike had laid eyes on her, he found her to be the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Her hair was a chocolate brown and fell in very curly waves. Her eyes sparkled in the sunlight when she smiled and she was curvy in all the right places. They had run into each other in the hallway and Mike had been struck speechless. Micky on the other hand, already knew her and seemed worried. She was his sister and had run from the family only a few years prior when she had turned 18. She told them she was meeting with a friend who lived in the apartment and had promised she didn't speak to anyone else from the family anymore so their secret was safe with her.

Even though she was Micky's sister, he couldn't help but feel butterflies in his stomach every time she came to see them. She had offered to help Micky in his recovery and even bought them groceries from time to time. She worked nights as a waitress in a cocktail lounge, so she usually stopped by in the mornings after her shift or at night before. It wasn't until three months later that she caught Mike eyeing her one day while helping put a batch of groceries away. She had giggled which had sent the butterflies in his stomach into a tizzy. Mike had blushed and looked away, but she had pestered him asking him if he liked her. He had finally admitted he thought she was beautiful and to his surprise she had backed him into the counter and kissed him.

He had thought at first about fighting back against the kiss, after all, this was Micky's sister, but he hadn't been able to. He had felt the butterflies fly up his chest and his heart had nearly stopped. He had tried to hide how tight his pants had suddenly become when she had finally pulled away and smiled at him. She had made the first move and she had invited him over for dinner at her place. He enjoyed dating her and he was falling hard and fast. Every single time he saw her, his heart skipped a beat. He had told Micky almost right away, knowing hiding it would be wrong and Micky had reacted as he expected. Mike and Micky were close, but they weren't best friends, but Micky still got upset. He tried not to show it, but he had grown very quiet and told Mike dating her was a bad idea. But Mike continued anyway. 3 months after the fateful kiss in the kitchen, Mike once again found himself at her house at the end of another wonderful date.

"Mike, stop," Heather said as Mike got up from the dining table and started grabbing the dishes.

"What?" Mike asked.

"You're doing my dishes," Heather said getting up and taking the plates from him. "This is my house. You are my guest. You don't do dishes."

"I want to help," Mike said. "It's no big deal."

"How about we do this later," Heather smiled and set the plates in the sink before taking his hand and leading him to the couch. She pushed him down on the couch and straddled him to kiss kim. He melted into her kiss, once again feeling his chest flutter and his pants tighten. He would sit here and do this forever if he could. Regretablly, she broke the kiss and looked at him rather pointedly. "How long are we going to do this, Mike?"

"Do what?" Mike asked confused.

"Dance around?" she said. "We've known each other six months and have been dating 3 of them. Do I have to make all the first moves here?"

"What?" Mike asked though from the tiny movement her hips suddenly made against his, he guessed what she meant.

"I know you want to move forward as much as I do," she answered pushing even further against the tightness in his pants. The sudden contact made his heart flutter again and he tried to stifle a little groan.

"Heather, you know I really like you," Mike started, "but isn't this moving a little fast?"

"Mike, are you a virgin?" she asked with a slight laugh.

"Actually, yes," Mike answered nervously. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"No," Heather answered and pulled him deep into another kiss. She pushed down on him a little more making more contact with him eliciting another groan from him. She pulled away from him slightly and whispered into his ear. "Mike, you know you want to do this. Why are you fighting this? We both want it."

"I can't hurt you," Mike answered honestly. The only times he'd ever seen activity like this, it was always painful.

"You could never hurt me, Mike," she whispered placing her hands softly around his waist.

"Heather, I..." he started, but she stopped his protests with another kiss. He felt it all the way down his spine and deep in his core. He really did want this. From the first time she'd kissed him, he felt his body's response screaming out to be with her entirely. But he'd always been so terrified of hurting her. Of rushing things and pushing them too far. He never knew what really to do other than what he'd seen, and he knew he couldn't do half of what he'd seen.

"Ssh," she hushed when she finally pulled away from him. "Stop fighting what you really want. You won't hurt me. I can guide you." He opened his mouth to argue again, desperately not wanting to hurt her, but stopped when she leaned back and started unbuttoning her blouse. Suddenly his mouth got very dry and his argument was lost in his head as she slipped her shirt off her shoulders and onto the floor.

"Oh god," he breathed just before she leaned back down and kissed him again. This time he fully wrapped his arms around her and kept her close to him. If she pulled back and took off any more clothes, he'd surely lose it. It was as if she were prepared for this; she was wearing a tight black lace bra that held her perfectly round breasts up.

"Mike," she said breathlessly as she pulled away a little. She slid her hips against him in further emphasis. "Go ahead. Don't fight it. You know you want it." He groaned again and couldn't fight it anymore. He let his hands fall down to her waist as she continued sliding back and forth against his pants. She took one of his hands in hers and guided it up to the the clasp on her bra as she leaned in for another passion filled kiss. He felt the desire build up in him as his body screamed at him to go faster. He fumbled a little on the clasp of the bra, but it finally came undone and he felt a groan escape her lips as he did. She pulled away from him and let him pull her bra off and toss it to the floor.

He took a moment to take her beauty in. He wanted to touch her, but felt afraid. She took his hands again and guided them up so he could hold her. She moaned a little and arched her back, pushing her hips firmly into his. He leaned his head forward so he could kiss her; starting at her collarbone and then working further down until he took her nipple into his mouth. She cried out and grasped his hair, pulling him closer to her. She started moving her hips again, gently rocking against him concealed tightly in his pants. She threw her head back as he swirled his tongue around her stiff nipple and sucked ever so gently.

"Mike," she moaned as he moved to the other breast paying it the same attention. "I thought you said you didn't know what to do?"

"I don't," he said swallowing against the nerves rising in his throat. "I'm just going by instinct here." She leaned down and kissed him again while simultaneously undoing his own shirt. She ripped it off with a certain fever before moving down to his pants. He responded by unbuttoning her pants and pulling them down. Since they were both seated, however, they couldn't fully disentangle themselves from their clothes. He pushed her up a little, desperately needing to disrobe with her. He couldn't take how tightly he was packed into his pants anymore. They stood up together, still locked in a passionate kiss and he slipped her pants and undies off as she kicked her shoes off. He couldn't as easily, so he had to break away to pull his boots off and then took a moment to take her in.

His pants and underwear clung around his ankles and he quickly stepped out of them to kiss her again. His hands slid down her back and around her waist as she pushed her body as close to his as she could. He ran his hands all over her body, desperate to feel every inch of her soft, smooth skin. She pulled him into another kiss and her hands travelled down to grip him softly. He cried out as he felt her start to play with him. He looked into her eyes and saw her smiling at him as her other hand took his and guided him once again to her backside.

"Wait," Mike said breathlessly as he felt himself ready to explode any minute. "Do you, uh, do you have anything?"

"Protection?" she answered with a smile. "Of course I do. In my room." She let go of him and took him by the hand to lead him into her room. When they arrived in her room, she sat on the edge of the bed and pulled something out of her nightstand. Mike walked over as she took the wrapper off and let her put it on him, relishing in her touch. And not really knowing how to do it himself. He then leaned over her as they sank onto the bed and kissed her again. She arched her hips into him and he brushed against him. Once again, he felt the need to bury himself deep inside her.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. She nodded and he dug his knees into the bed as she wrapped her legs around him. He waited nervously just staring at her. Was this really a good idea? They'd never be able to come back from this. Did he want to come back from this? She whispered his name and guided him into her. He felt a warmth spread all through his body as she arched into him further, burying him deep inside her. She cried out at the sensation and closed her eyes.

"Mike," she whispered as he leaned down to kiss her. He knew she was urging him on, but he wanted to savor the moment a little longer.

"Tell me if I hurt you," Mike said as he finally pulled out slightly.

"You won't," she answered. She arched her hips into him and gasped in ecstasy. Seeing the desire in her eyes pushed him forward. He kissed her passionately as he thrust himself into her over and over. He felt her hands on his back, holding him close to her and barely felt her nails dig into his back as she came closer and closer to the brink. He felt a pull himself pushing him further and faster. As they exploded together, she screamed while dragging her nails down his back down his back and he moaned her name. He collapsed next to her, completely spent. She rolled over into him and rested her head on his chest.

"That was amazing," Mike whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"And you didn't want to do it," she laughed.

"I didn't say that," he smiled. "I just didn't want to rush you or hurt you."

"Well, you didn't," Heather smiled kissing his chest.

"Marry me, Heather," Mike blurted before he could even think. She pushed herself up to look at him.

"What?" she asked.

"I...I love you," Mike answered. He waited for what seemed like forever for her response. Finally she smiled and leaned in to kiss him again.

"I love you, too," she said gently against his lips. "But that's not what you said."

"I think I asked you to marry me," Mike said with a laugh. He wasn't sure why he'd said it, but he was sure that he did truly love this woman.

"Yes, you did," she laughed. "Do you take it back?"

"No," Mike said after he thought for a moment. "I know this is fast and this isn't exactly the most romantic way to do it, but I love you. You make me feel like I never have. I never want this feeling to end. I never want to leave you."

"Ask me again," she smiled.

"Marry me, Heather," Mike said a large grin spreading across his face.

"Yes," she smiled and kissed him again.

The next morning Mike waited nervously in the kitchen of the apartment he shared with Micky. He had to tell Micky that he had proposed to Heather the night before and she had accepted, but he wasn't exactly sure how he was going to say it. Micky was still pretty incapacitated and still needed Mike to help take care of him, which Mike was more than happy to do since they had become friends with each other, but they weren't best friends. It was still wrong for Mike to have even begun dating Micky's sister, but it was too late to go back now. He would just have to hope that Micky would be ok with it. Knowing when Micky usually woke up, he waited until then before gently knocking on the door carrying in a tray of food for him.

"What's this?" Micky asked as Mike set the tray down over Micky's lap.

"Breakfast," Mike answered.

"Yes, I can see that," Micky said. "But since when do you bring me breakfast in bed? I'm not that crippled. You can just help me out into the dining room."

"Well, I wanted to talk to you," Mike said.

"About what?" Micky asked.

"Me and Heather," Mike started figuring diving in would just be the best way to do it. "We're engaged." Micky froze with the fork full of eggs halfway to his mouth. He didn't say anything, but set the fork back down on the plate. "Micky?"

"Why?" Micky asked.

"Because I love her," Mike answered.

"Are you sure?" Micky asked. "Are you sure it isn't just falling in lust with the first girl you see the moment you leave captivity?"

"It's not like I was a caged animal, Micky," Mike answered. "I have had contact with other girls."

"Have you ever dated another girl?" Micky asked pointedly. "Have you ever kissed one? Other than my sister?"

"No," Mike answered. "But that's not what this is. I really love her, Micky, and I want you to be ok with this."

"I can't," Micky answered simply.

"What do you mean?" Mike asked.

"I can't be ok with you marrying my sister," Micky answered. "I told you that you were making a mistake when you went out with her. Three months later you're suddenly engaged. A bigger mistake."

"Micky, I know this is fast, but..." Mike started.

"Did you fuck her?" Micky asked cutting him off.

"Excuse me?" Mike asked angrily.

"Did you fuck her?" Micky asked again.

"That's not really any of your business," Mike spat. "But no. I didn't "fuck her". We made love."

"Same thing," Micky snorted.

"No it's not," Mike spat. "Just because you threw away your chance at love, doesn't mean I have to, Micky." Mike immediately regretted the words the minute they left his mouth, but the look on Micky's face told him it was a bad idea to try and take it back. Mike stormed out of the room and heard the crash of the tray full of breakfast hitting the wall.

3 months later

Mike and Micky hadn't really spoken to each other at all over the next several months. Mike wanted to apologize for what he said, but never really knew what to say. Sometimes he felt like he didn't deserve to apologize to Micky. And Micky never really said much of anything to Mike either. He mostly just stayed to himself. Mike did notice that when he handed Micky the paper when he was done, Micky would go through the rental listings; he was wanting to move out, but he was in no condition to work to earn an income to pay for an apartment. As much as Mike knew Micky must have hated him, Micky still relied on him.

He still had a few cognitive problems where he sometimes forgot how to form words momentarily and couldn't write at times, but he was getting a lot better at it as his head continued to heal on its own. His leg had been busted up pretty bad 9 months ago, but was at the point now where he could walk on it for a little bit around the house, but mostly had to use crutches. But whenever Mike was home, Micky stayed in his own room. He had, much to Mike's dismay, taken up drinking most of the time. Mike wasn't really sure how he was getting the booze, but often times tried to throw it away whenever he'd find it. It was usually stashed in Micky's room, though, so he often couldn't.

Heather had tried to talk to Micky, but he refused to speak with her. He had taken to locking his bedroom door in protest saying he wanted nothing to do with either of them. Mike wanted desperately to tell Micky to get over it. Heather was a grown woman and could do whatever she wanted. But Heather had told Mike it was pointless to try and argue anymore. Micky had made up his mind and if he was ever going to come around to being ok with their engagement, he'd have to do it on his own. Nothing Heather or Mike could say would do anything to sway him.

The two had continued with their plans of marriage and since they weren't exactly going to invite family and neither had many friends, they could get married rather quickly. Three months after he proposed to her, in fact. Heather and Mike were both extremely nervous and the night before, Heather decided to stay over with Mike having taken the whole week off from work. She often slept over after work and had even taken to leaving spare necessities in his apartment. They had found a nice chapel nearby and Heather insisted she didn't want anything big or formal. She wouldn't even be wearing a wedding dress. It would essentially just be them, one or two friends Mike had made, a few of her friends, and Micky; if he'd wanted to come. Mike fell asleep clutching her close to him. Nervous but content.

When he woke up that morning, he was elated. He was about to seal his fate with the woman he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But she wasn't next to him as she was when they'd fallen asleep. Mike looked around confused for a moment, but then thought that maybe she was in the kitchen. But when he got up, he realized that the stack of clothes she'd left at his apartment were gone. He'd given her a cheap fake ring for now promising a better one when he made more money and his stomach lurched when he realized it was sitting on his nightstand. He got up and ran to the bathroom and saw the toothbrush, makeup and hair brush she'd also left at his apartment were gone. She was gone.

He raced to the phone and dialed the number to her house to find it disconnected. He pulled on clothes as quickly as he could and dashed out the front door to try and find her. But he never did. She had left; no note, no explanation, no good-bye. She was just gone. The realization sunk in only a week later and he crumbled. He was in the bathroom he shared with Micky and stared at the empty spot where Heather's toothbrush used to be. He collapsed to the floor and sobbed. His foot kicked open the cabinet door and Mike spied a large, full bottle of whisky hidden in the back. He'd drank the entire bottle within a few hours and was soon passed out on the floor of the bathroom.

When he woke up, he realized he was somehow covered with a blanket and there was a glass of water on the counter next to him. The bottle of whiskey was gone, too. He half hoped that somehow Heather had come back and helped tend to him, but realized that it was more than likely Micky. He hadn't said anything to Micky about what happened, not wanting to hear anything from him about how Micky had been right all along, but Micky knew of course something had happened since they hadn't gotten married and he hadn't seen Heather either.

Mike felt sick to his stomach and clumsily pulled himself to the toilet to vomit. He heard a loud crash as he knocked over a shelf into the tub. He looked and saw an old razor had fallen and broken apart so the blade was lying next to the can of shaving cream. Before he knew what he was really doing, he picked the razor out of the bottom of the tub. Thoughts raced through his mind as he tried to figure out what he was doing.

His world was crashing down around him. Who was kidding? He had no one. There were only a few people in this whole world he'd ever cared about. His mother was gone and Aunt Kate had never really been that close to him. He had Micky for a while, but it seemed with some poorly chosen words in the heat of anger, he'd managed to throw that relationship away. And then there was Heather. He really wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He loved her. And somehow, she had gone. In the middle of the night without a word the night before their wedding. He had no one. He was contributing nothing to the world. He was useless. The only thing he knew was the pain and misery of the world he'd come from. He'd been born out of hate and violence, after all. The whiskey was still pounding through his brain adding to his despair.

He brought the blade to his wrist and dragged it towards his heart. Even though he saw blood spill out the wound, he felt no pain from it. He felt the sharp blade cut into his skin, but that was all. He leaned against the wall and started crying once again. He had hit rock bottom and he was alone. What he hadn't noticed this past week was how carefully Micky was watching his every move. He didn't know that while he was passed out drunk on the floor, Micky had sat with him for hours waiting for him to wake up and cleaning the sweat off his forehead before going to the store to get the perfect hangover cure. He didn't know that Micky had hobbled home on his crutches and had heard the crash of everything falling into the tub. And he didn't know that Micky was knocking softly on the bathroom door. All he could hear was the pounding in his head. So when Micky thrust open the door, Mike was startled.

"Mike!" Micky exclaimed and ripped a hand towel off the rack before sitting next to Mike. Mike was too weak to fight back as Micky yanked the blade out of his hand and threw it back into the tub. Then Micky grabbed Mike's wrist and wrapped the towel around it tightly to stem the blood flow. "Mike, are you fucking insane!?"

"She left, Micky," Mike said weakly through tears as Micky pulled him into a comforting embrace.

"I know," Micky said.

"Why did she leave?" Mike said as a new stream of tears flowed from his eyes. He didn't expect Micky to have an answer, though. "I don't understand. It was the middle of the night. She left. Why?"

"Mike, I'm so sorry," Micky said.

"I'm so alone," Mike said. "People like us will always be alone, won't we?"

"No," Micky said. "Because we have each other. You saved my life, Mike. I'm not going to sit here and let you throw yours away."

"Why would you do this?" Mike asked. "Why do you care about me? I hurt you. I said some pretty stupid things."

"Sure, what you said hurt me pretty bad, but I know you didn't mean it," Micky said. "You were mad. I was being pretty mean, too. I should have just left you alone." Mike didn't know what to say. One of the people he thought he'd thrown away was so willing to forgive him after he'd said something horrible. It was in that moment that the two of them finally became best friends.